quick update

I know a lot of people have been waiting to hear the news for sure, the hag found me this morning.. so we're officially on to month 9. Thanks for all of your prayers and kind words. I feel okay about it. God showed me the verses last night for a reason, I suppose he knew I'd need them!

Smacked upside the head by The Word

So, have you ever sat down and decided to read your Bible, nothing out of the ordinary, but then you find verse after verse that make you look around and ask, "Are you watching me?" I had that experience tonight. God knew I needed it. I started out just searching around, not sure what I wanted to read. I looked up all kinds of words in the back to see if something would grab my attention.. and then I found it. "God's timing" Ugh.. I did not want to read that. To be honest I'm SICK TO DEATH of hearing about God's timing as if knowing that his timing is perfect should really make me feel better in a moment of intense greif. I guess it was in God's timing that these verses were brought before me, when I was ready and WILLING to read them and listen to the word of the Lord. So, I found several verses that I wrote down. (yes, I wrote them down! all of them that 'spoke' to me got written on index cards and I plan to read them daily! I'm memorizing my favorite one as "homework" for small group like I promised I would!) Here are a few that REALLY gave me chills. Sorry, i am aware that to most of you they will be like reading the back of a cereal box... which is exactly how I'd have felt a month ago reading the same ones. But, for God's glory I'll post them anyway!

Psalm 75:2 You say, "I choose the appointed time; it is I who judge uprightly."

John 11:6 Yet when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed where he was two more days. I read that and thought, hu? What's with that? Go rescue him Jesus!! Then the rest of the story unfolded...

John 11:14-15 So then he told them plainly, "Lazarus is dead, and for your sake I am glad I was not there, so that you may believe. But let us go to him."
So there was my "ah-ha" moment. If he'd have just made a sick man well, that would've been nice, but to bring a dead man back to life.. that is a miracle! The last verse that I wrote on this story is the one that gave me chills... truly.. chills. It was as if God held me as I read it.

John 11:40 Then Jesus said, "Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?"

This is the verse I'm going to memorize for small group. It just hit me really really hard. I know my faith is rocky right now, that I have a hard time believing God is really with me when things don't go the way I think they should. I just need to believe... it's hard.. but I'm on my way!

The good and the bad

The Good: I got to meet Brittany and Shaun today! What a great time! Her pg belly is so cute and I am anxiously awaiting the next baby update since I know they were getting an ultrasound today. :)

The Bad: I broke down and took a pg test today. I had a temp rise and other things that I let get the better of me. It was of course negative. Ugh.... so I guess in the next few days we'll be moving onto month #9.

Was group for me?

Wow, our small group was great for me last night. Our focus was joy and what things in life keep us away from joy, and what things bring us joy. I was lacking joy for the most part yesterday. It isn't a constant feeling of crappiness, but it's off and on when I think of how low my temps are and just waiting for the hag to appear. Suzanne asked what our "chronic" joy stealer is lately... mine started as 'greif'.. each month I'd be so depressed that I wasn't pg that I'd be overwhelmed with sadness. I still have some of that, but I realized last night that now it's more the 'wearniess' that's getting to me. I know I've said to at least Leslie and Suzanne that I am just so tired. Emotionally I am exhausted. I feel a thousand times better than I felt a month ago, due to me reading my Bible and praying regularly again, but still, I feel just tired of wanting this. I just want it to happen so I don't have to think about it anymore. I told Clayton that he'll probably get his wish and this will be our last child because I just cannot imagine ever putting myself through this again. I know the end result will be worth it, but in THIS moment, TODAY, I am just drained. I always feel a lot better once we start a new month. I start each month with a lot of optomism and just KNOW that THIS month will be it. It's the end of the month that is hard... waiting and waiting to find out, then being so disappointed over and over again. But I did realize that last night, I am so blessed that that is the only joy stealer I could really come up with. My life is so wonderful. That feeling was validated when we got the most horrible phone call I can remember ever getting. Our friends (that used to be our neighbors here) have a son that has Spina Bifida. (sp?) He is prone to seizures and they are frequently rushing to the ER due to that. The doctors told them when Remington was born that if he made it to age 5 it would be a miracle. He had his 7th bday this year. Two days ago the father called to tell Clayton that Remington had had a seizure and had stopped breathing for 18 minutes. 18 minutes... 18 minutes that two parents watched their lifeless child turn blue, 18 minutes that they saw their whole world fall apart, 18 minutes that they knew nothing would ever be the same. He was rushed to Children's Hospital by medflight.. they stabalized him... and last night when we were all hanging out after small group the father called Clayton, barely able to speak to say, "Remington didn't make it, we're on our way home, and would you please be a paul bearer at the funeral." I was wondering why clayton was in such a hurry to go home last night, and when we got into the van he told me that and we just prayed for them and cried the entire way home. My sadness is not over Remington's death for I feel he was released from a life of pain. My sadness is for his parents, for as a parent I know that my worst fear is losing one of my children. How would you ever go on? How would you ever sleep again? And what I hurt the most for them over was, How will they walk into their home and see his things there, and know he'll never be there again. Oh Lord please be with them. Please be with all of us. I've never been to a child's funeral before... neither has Clayton. A child's death is tragic and I'm sure all that are there will be in disbelief that this has even happened. I also realized last night that my longing for a child is nothing compared to theirs.

So discouraged

I mentioned yesterday that my temp had gone down a lot... well it went down even more this morning. That probably means I am not pregnant. I have basically lost hope for this cycle and won't be testing. Please pray for me. I feel very lonely and depressed this morning.

Playgroup Explosion

So this morning the kids and I head to the park for our usual Tuesday playgroup. I expect to drive up and find Suzanne, Leslie, maybe Kristy, and maybe Lou. Well, I pull into the parking lot and look around at ALL of the vehicles and think, "surely all of these ppl are not here for OUR playgroup.." THEY WERE! Wow we had a ton of kids and moms, and a dad. :) It was great fun to get a new 'group' to talk with! Once the wasps attacked poor Noah (get well soon Noah!) we all packed up and left. Suzanne let us come hang at her house and that was a nice resting place. We had a great time and Madison did NOT want to leave when I told her it was time to go. She's always ready to go home! She's a home-body like her daddy. I hope we have that kind of turnout next week!

Tonight is my beloved Parents' Group at church. I've been going for over a year now and love it. We haven't been able to meet in about a month so this will be a great time! The kids go to the nursery and I get to eat a meal and sit and talk with other moms and dads about WHATEVER issue comes up. It seems we've started goofing off more than anything. :)

Well I was disappointed when I woke up this morning. I explained a bit about charting in a past post, and today my temp went down quite a bit. :P (high temps tend to mean you're pg, when they drop, it usually signals the hag is on the way) I am praying it was just a fluke and tomorrow it will rise again. I'm not sure if God is aware of how much I need this to happen this month... even though I keep telling him...EVERYDAY! lol I've had a few people ask me lately when I'll go to the doctor... I have no idea. If I go I'm basically telling him to do something medical to help me get pg and I'm just not ready for that at this point. I'm still trying to put all of my faith in God and trust his timing. It is getting harder and harder to hang in there though! (especially if I keep hurting like I did this cycle!!) I need wisdom!!

My son has started really fighting me on naptime. I started trying to put him down at 1pm.. he didn't stay in bed and go to sleep until after 2pm!!! This makes me so frustrated!! He is so tired by 1:00... he won't go to sleep at all before that, and he fights me a lot even then. Clayton said we should just put a baby gate up in his doorway so he'll be forced to stay in his room.. I just don't know how I feel about it. I know Madison started sporadically skipping naps around this age, but if he skips a nap he's passed out in some random place in the house by 5pm.. so he obviously still needs it. I guess I'll just keep fighting with him for a few more months!! Then maybe he can skip a day or two of naps at a time... fine by me!

Oh LeeeeAnnnnn!!!!

So.. LeeAnn hasn't blogged in a few days, so I'm asking, after you read this blog, go do some blogging of your own! :)

Many thanks to Suzanne for letting me and my children come sit around this afternoon. My bad mood from last night carried over. I have been SO on edge.. I pray it's pg hormones making me go insane. :) The kids played and we just sat!! I feel refreshed and ready to take on the battles of home again after a few moments of girl talk!

So, I've finally gotten into exercising again. I remember before I had Carter I LOVED to exercise. Now that I've gotten out of it it's so hard to make myself do it. I always feel great once I do... so I decided to just do it! Feel like it or not. So far so good! At this point I don't expect to lose any weight, nor do I even care, but I just do not like feeling out of shape. I'm TRYING to take care of my temple... we'll see how I do.

Does anyone else have a husband that moves your stuff around?! If there is anything I can gripe about.. that is it! I have a calendar that I keep next to the puter and at least a few times a week I have to go searching piles of papers that Clayton has made (his way of organizing... ) to try to find it. It makes me crazy! How many times can I say, "PLEASE do not move my calendar!!!"? I just realized how lucky I am that that is my BIGGEST gripe about my man! :)

I'm really excited that it'll be Wednesday night again soon! I can't wait for small group! I even get to go to Parent Group at my church tomorrow night which I also love! Hooray for a great start to the week!

One of those nights

Whew! I am so happy my kids are in bed! I don't know what my deal was.. but AS SOON as we started brushing teeth, reading books, etc I got so stressed. In my defense the kids were being unusually insane. Madison would NOT stop talking... anyone with a 4/5 year old (possibly older?) can probably understand what nonstop talking... over many many hours, can do to your nerves! They got into bed and quiet right before I wanted to start screaming at them... I hate that feeling! I always feel so out of control at the end of the month... I have to remind myself that it is not the kids fault that I'm going through this and I have to be careful not to take my stress out on them. Clayton working nonstop hasn't helped.. I told him that he CANNOT work any overtime tonight.. NONE. :) He agreed... so I'm sure some R&R with my hubby will help calm me down. It usually does!

Had another fantastic Sunday! Still loving the preacher and our church has grown EACH Sunday over the past 3 he's been with us. I've been meeting new ppl each week.. it is amazing to see God working in our church now. Our babies - young kids population has doubled or tripled as well! I'm so excited! I'm trying to get close with some of the young couples in our church now. I exchanged numbers with the couple I spoke of in a past blog that have the sweet newborn little boy.. I hope we'll really get together soon.

Okay, I 'think' I'll test on Thursday. I'll be pretty far at that point.. if I were pg it 'should' turn up... but who knows. I might get to Thursday and just not want to face a negative test. I'm torn on it right now. I used to not be able to wait to test.. at this point it's just depressing! Who needs to see a negative pg test AND see the hag show? Pahleeze!! That's unnecessary torture if you ask me! ;) I swear, I wish I could find a book that a real life woman wrote about her trying to conceive journey... I'd thrive on something like that right now. I know, I'm so sorry my blogs lately are so pg obsessed.. but let's face it, when I'm down to the one week to wait time, I AM obsessed and it's all I can think about! (which is probably why I wanted to bite the kids' heads off tonight) So, if this month isn't it... please pray I won't turn into some raging psycho woman. I'm crazy enough as it is ;)

Great birthday!

First off, I didn't get to say an in person THANK YOU to LeeAnn for the way cute bag and beach towel for my bday... THANK YOU!! Wow it is so gorgeous and I am so thrilled that the phrase "hot mamma" on the front of them made you think of me! *grin* Suzanne also brought over a left over pg test... I can't help but wonder; If a pg woman gives you a left over pg test, does that increase the chances of it being positive when you take it? Leslie came over too and got me a REALLY cute purse, which I am thrilled about b/c the one I just bought I HATE. It is really not functional! I'll be sporting it around.. you'll all get to see it! (and my new bag.. it's my new diaper bag!)

I'm excited that tomorrow is Sunday... I love looking forward to church! :) I wish Clayton were able to come with me... with him not getting home until 4am and then having to start work at 2pm tomorrow.. there's just probably NO WAY he's going with me. I totally understand.. but man.. it sucks always having to go without him. I do enjoy the kids both going to the nursery though, it's like my peace of quiet time.

Okay, not the best thing I've ever written, but I vowed to get into bed before 11pm tonight. I am horrible about staying awake until 1am or so when Clayton is out working. I'm exhausted all of the time... so tonight I'm making an effort to at least LAY DOWN before 11pm. Wish me luck! I'm about as good of a sleeper as Carter is.. ;)

If good things come in 3's...

... then I pray I'm good thing #2! Suzanne found out that Parker #4 is on the way (she already blogged about it so I'm not spilling the beans! lol) and I hope that I'll find out that I'm right behind her in about a week. Everyone be praying for a healthy baby and mamma!! Suzanne, please don't get bad morning sickness b/c that would really suck for my summer fun. ;)

I feel like the next several days are going to pass incredibly slowly. I've felt about as horrible as i possibly could this month and I'm praying all of the pain wasn't for nothing! If it was, eventually I'll have to call my doctor back and go in for another ultrasound to see what the heck is going on in my body. My body seems to be screaming "I HATE YOU" for the last two weeks of every month! Little does my body know that I am none to happy with it either for it's misbehavior!

Today is my birthday! I almost forgot, again! I'm a whopping 23 years old. ;) I wonder if my Mom and Dad are sad today that I'm this old... I cannot imagine my children being my age. I guess once they officially get out of the house each birthday is just another birthday? I'm already grown up... so I wonder if it hits my parents as hard as my kids' birthdays hit me?

So, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME and if I can get a beautiful + pg test in a week, I'll consider it the best belated birthday present EVER!

All about me

Lou tagged me! LeeAnn and Rosy, you're tagged next! BWAHAHAHAHAHA! (evil laugh lol)
You have to write 100 things about yourselves!

1. Born in Little Rock, AR
2. Spent first 5 years of life in Pine Bluff
3. Parents divorced when I was 5
4. Sister and I moved with Dad to DeWitt
5. Have a fairly large family. My Dad has 3 siblings, and my mom has 6 siblings!
6. Twins run in our family. My Dad is a twin, my Gma's brother was a twin, and it skips a generation as far back as they can count. Yep.. it's MY generation.. yikes!
7. One of my biggest fears is ever having twins!
8. I'm afraid of heights and spiders more than anything
9. I'm also afraid of 'paranormal' stuff.. have had several experiences I could've gone my entire life not experiencing
10. Met Clayton when i was 14, he was 16, we've been together since
11. Found out I was pg with Madison October 10, 2000 when I was 17
12. We were married November 25, 2000 and I was suffering with such horrid morning sickness that i was afraid I'd throw up walking down the aisle
13. We went to Hot Springs for our honeymoon
14. I practice "attatchment parenting" which involves no spanking, no cying it out, lots of baby wearing and holding, nursing on demand and in general self weaning, and cosleeping. (though carter now only sleeps with us in the mornings... which is nice)
15. I am prolife, but not an extremist. I'd never want to tell a woman she could not have an abortion if her LIFE were at risk or other extreme circumstances. In general though, I'm very anti abortion
16. I'm in Independant. I don't like the moral views of many Demoncrats, Don't like the slack environmental issues of the Republicans. If I were forced to pick one side, I'd be Republican
17. I try really hard to be a 'submissive' wife and don't feel like a doormat because of it
18. My husband is the best you could ever have
19. I worry a lot about our health (my family's) and try really hard to make healthy meals and have lots of physical actiivity each day.
20. I would love to have 4 children, but 3 will probably be it
21. I cannot imagine ever going to work... I have no desire to do anything but what i'm doing right now.
22. In accordance with my attatchment parenting policy, I think spanking should be illegal and seen just as a husband hitting his wife is. It wasn't long ago that a woman was her husband's property and subject to his hand when he was displeased
23. I always wanted curly hair, until this year
24. I'm 'type A' personality and drive myself insane reaching for a perfection that could never be acheived
25. I try not to expect my children to be perfect, but in reality I still do probably expect far too much from both of them
26. I don't like being wrong and often don't think I am wrong, big fault!!
27. I have one biological sister that is 6yrs older than I am, and 2 stepbrothers. One is my age and one is 2yrs older
28. I hated being home my entire life. I was never comfortable at home until I had my own
29. My first car was a 92 Sunbird... not the greatest but I really loved it!
30. It drives me crazy when hangers get stuck together in the closet
31. My biggest attraction to friends are if they can make me laugh and understand my dry wit
32. I like to talk.. a lot
33. I try to be a good listener when I can make myself shut up long enough
34. Due to health reasons when pg with madison I never graduated high school.
35. I was a straight A'd student my entire time I was in school
36. I have a horrible body image.. I finally have realized I'll never like my body so I might as well enjoy a cookie and shut up about it
37. I love being pregnant
38. I'm the sickest person I know when I am pregnant, and I still love it anyway
39. I get attatched to people really quickly
40. My logical side sometimes gets in the way of my spiritual side
41. I want an explantation for EVERYTHING
42. One of my biggest fears is that clayton will die
43. I worry about how i will die. I don't want to suffer, duh
44. If I weren't a mom, I'd probably be a child psychologist
45. I love my inlaws
46. I have 3 nephews and 1 neice
47. I really hope our next child is a girl... shhhh...
48. I like name brands
49. I want Madison to be the best dressed kid in Kindergarten, and yes, I realize how vain that is
50. I love to sing and dance.. when the kids aren't with me I'm JAMMING!
51. I, in secret, still listen to a Britney Spears CD that I loved in high school.. you know... Oops I did it again..
52. I only have one friend that I talk to from school
53. I still think my husband is hot after being with him for 9 years
54. I feel better about myself in this point of life than I ever have
55. I have dreams of fostering animals one day until they get adopted
56. I dream of adopting a child in the future
57. I've never flown in an airplane
58. I love chocolate!!
59. My dream vacation spot would be any gorgeous beach that isn't crowded
60. I have green eyes
61. I am the only green eyed person in my family, Clayton and the kids have blue eyes
62. I have a soft heart for teen girls... I know their struggles all too well
63. I don't like 'absolutes' in life. I always like to think things can change for the better
64. I dream of selling our house and moving closer to town into a bigger house... shame on me!
65. I'm addicted to Coca-Cola.. I no longer keep it in the house at all.. but the parkers are sweet enough to typically have one or two for me!
66. I actually do think I'm a good mom and wife, most of the time
67. I could be a better mom, wife, and friend if I had more grace for people
68. I hate how even country music videos now all have naked women dancing around
69. I hate all rap videos... could they be more generic?!
70. I have many thoughts of what I'd do to someone if they ever hurt my children or my husband.. Mamma Bear Syndrom I guess
71. Say something negative about my man and Them's fighten words!
72. I think people who don't like cops are typically the ones spending their time in jail
73. I think smoking around children should be considered child abuse
74. I wonder how anyone can like the taste of beer
75. or whiskey
76. or vodka
77. I'm a night owl... i'd rather stay up late and sleep in.. not that I ever get to sleep in but I do stay up late
78. I do not think Superman is attractive.. any of them
79. I like my hair to be long but always cut it because I think I'll like it shorter
80. I'm controlling
81. I think I'm fairly fun to be around.. I'm pretty laid back about most things
82. My biggest anxiety comes from my house being messy.
83. I wish we had a girls night out once a week!
84. I like the 'classic' look.. nothing to 'out there'.. and modern yet comfy
85. I find it easier to talk to men than women a lot of the time
86. I've been accused of having a male brain, except I can be a cryer at times
87. I truly do not care what most people think of me
88. I wish my husband had a different job, mainly due to the hours he works
89. I stay hot most of the time... give me air please!
90. I always wish that women today had the option to dress in big fancy dresses just to run to town like they used to and not be looked at weird
91. I love to dress up!!
92. I have to force myself to brush my teeth twice a day.. it's such a draining task for me for some reason lol
93. I can handle most gross things, but if I hear someone throwing up, I'm likely to puke too
94. I don't like any kinds of seafood
95. I love eating at The Outback!
96. I know just enough about computers to not be an idiot but not enough to do anything of importance on one
97. I can be jealous... if a girl is looking at Clayton it makes my blood boil!!
98. I actually like it that clayton is semi jealous!
99. I hate PDA!!!
100. I'd love to live around Hot Springs

WHEW!! If you read even half of those.. you deserve a certificate of loyalty to my blogg or something! Have fun LeeAnn and Rosy!

"If I have a girl, know what I'll name her?"

This question came from Madison after watching one of those baby shows on tv that I love so much right now. I ask her what she would name her baby girl and she says, "Allie." ISN'T THAT CUTE?! You have to keep in mind that typically when she names her stuffed animals it's not very original... her pony will be named "pony" and her idea of a really pretty name would be something like "Sparkle Pony" or something.. so for her to come up with a REAL name was so neat to me! I asked her what she'd name a boy.. and she couldn't come up with a name.. she is anti baby boy! She also remembered something i had told her when Carter was just SIX months old!! She had asked me (when carter was a baby) when we could have another baby, because she wanted a baby sister. She'd ask me this almost daily! I told her, "Well, we already have a baby right now, so maybe when Carter is big, we can have another baby if God gives us one." So yesterday she says to me, "Mommy, Carter is a big boy now isn't he?" "Yes, he is a big boy!" "Well then when are we having another baby?!" How on earth did she remember that?! Has she just been sitting on that all of this time waiting for me to say that, yes, Carter is a big boy? lol Kids' minds are amazing.. when Clayton calls me last minute to ask me to pick up something from the store that isn't on my list, I have to tell Madison to remember that item for me, and she does! 5 year olds sure do come in handy!

Madison also had her dentist appointment yesterday. The only traumatic part was taking her first set of dental xrays. Poor thing... you know the plastic things you have to bite on? They were gagging her and she was just a crying..but she still did it! Her teeth looked great.. no problems at all! The tooth they had put a watch on was fine so that is great. No loose teeth yet.. but she said to be on the lookot because kids typically lose their first tooth at age 5. WHAT?! I am really not ready for this next step towards her being a big girl. Her baby teeth will be gone?! WHY?! Ugh... time flies! Madison can't wait to lose a tooth... she's seen some friends with gaps in their smiles and she wants to be just like them!

Clayton and I had our first 'tiff' last night in a very long time. I KNOW it's because of two reasons. Reason 1: My progress in faith and with Christ. Satan is NOT happy that I've stopped listening to his lies that God isn't with me and that God doesn't care what happens to me. Reason 2: In small group we've been talking a lot about being a good wife and things related to that... holding your tongue, not beign easily offended, etc. All things IN GENERAL I don't struggle with. Satan is waging war with me though. I was upset with Clayton ALL DAY yesterday. I did have reason.. but not much of one. And even with all of his really great efforts to smooth things over I still sat on my anger and hurt and refused to let him off the hook. So we spent his ONE night off in a heated discussion with me crying and him looking at me asking "What do you want me to do? I don't know what else I can do!" I had no idea... I even had talked to Suzanne TWICE that day about how I knew that my feelings were related to my growing faith, but still, I didn't resist enough. I let myself dwell on those feelings and basically ruined what should have been a really great day/night. At least I'm blaming who's responcible.. Satan. There was a great spiritual battle being fought in my soul and I let myself lose with my emotions. He knows my weak point. So please be praying for my strength to not let him win this battle.. I know there will be many more tests of faith to come.. as there always are when you start to progress. I refuse to go back to where I was even two weeks ago... this battle I am on God's side!

God did hear me

Don't get too excited.. it's way too early to know if I'm pg this month or not. Let me give you a quick explanation of how to know if you're ovulating (well, if you're a woman lol) Basically you take your temp at the same time every morning and put the info on a chart. (I do mine online, it does the rest for me) Before you ovulate, your temp is low, once you ovulate you release the hormone Progesterone (which sustains a pregnancy if one occurs) and that hormone raises your body temp. so your post-ovulation temps automatically shoot up and stay up until the hag shows. So, when I had all physical signs of ovulation, I had no temp change.. a 'flat' chart as it is called. I was so discouraged. Every other month that I've had that happen I really had not ovulated.. so I felt very defeated. Then I remembered that post Lou made.. it had nothing to do with this, but that simple sentence of "nothing is impossible with God" came to mind, so I posted what I did yesterday. When I woke this morning my temperature went sky high!! God heard me.. he responded, and he did make what seemed impossible to me this month possible. For the FIST time in the 8 months we've been trying to conceive, I felt God was with me. I mean.. REALLY with me. I have tears running down my face as I type this. There's no scientific reason for this to happen.. it really is basically impossible.. I know it was God. Even if he still doesn't intend for me to be pregnant this month, at least I feel him with me now. The verse of the song "Praise you in this Storm" by Casting Crowns always made me cry because it was so true for me...

"My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find you?"

Now I feel I've "found" him. Now I can carry on. Thank you God!

Is God up to something?

Of course.. God is ALWAYS up to something... but I guess in the spirit of optimism I am hoping he's up to something big for us this month. So, without getting into a long and drawn out version of it, all of the 'ways' you can FOR SURE know you've ovulated have basically failed me this month, meaning it looks as though I did not ovulate at all. However, I'm feeling like I normally feel once I do ovulate... so this is beyond confusing. I had a thought though. I remember a great conversation Suzanne and I had a while back when they were still living with her parents. She was saying how Jeff had preached (or just had a talk with a group?) about praying SPECIFICALLY for things so that when those things came to pass you could give all of the glory to God. I'm sure Suzanne said it much better than I wrote it, but you get the idea. So my thought is, what if God is making it look like it is impossible for me to have gotten pregnant this month, so that WHEN I find out I am in a few weeks, all the glory is on him? Wishful thinking or maybe I'm onto something... I pray I'm onto something! So God.. if you make this happen this month.. you will have made the impossible possible!

Playgroup today ROCKED!! It was just Suzanne, Leslie, and me with our kids.. but the kids were great, the chit chat was fun, and we all went to Suzanne's after for pizza and more hanging out. Lou and Michael joined us there with Ashtan.. who I think will quickly become Carter's favorite boy if he can beat Noah out of the number 1 position. ;)

Does anyone else watch that show on FX "Rescue Me"? It is my favorite! I got into it in 2004 when Clayton was away at Troop School and I'd be up late begging God to let my wide awake baby boy fall asleep. It became my Tuesday night show and still is! If you ever catch it on watch it!

Our awesome preacher had a sermon that was based around our vision for our futures.. that no matter how young or old you are you should still have a vision of what you want in your life. So I was curious what everyone's short term "visions" are? Mine? Hmm.. of course to get another baby on the way! Also to make reading the Bible a regular part of my life, and a part of our family life. (Suzanne's recent blogg helped me realize I really need to get back into this!) What's yours?

He has to sleep soon, right?

My little man... his sleep saga continues. He's been doing SO WELL since Clayton was on the day shift last month and was home when he'd go to bed at night. For the past 3 nights in a row he's been up several times a night again, insisting on being in our bed, and refusing to stay in his bed no matter how many times I put him back. I cut his nap short this afternoon in hopes that he'll be extra tired and sleep more soundly tonight. Yeah right! I need sleep!!! If he was 2 months I'd be understanding of it.. but 2 YEARS? Not so much.

Whew! Did it get super hot outside today or what?! It's a perfect day for cold watermelon.. good thing we happened to have one. :) I love this time of year because of all of the fresh produce. There's not another time of the year that you can get such great fruit! I love it! (and most veggies too!)

I noticed at WalMart the other day that they've got the school supplies lined up! I'm guessing the school supply lists will be posted at the front door soon.. I can't wait to take Madison and pick out her stuff for Kindergarten! I have no idea what she'll need.. but I'm still excited about getting it! And of course there's school clothes shopping.. that's the best! This year I'll learn from my mistake last year and go ahead and buy some fall clothes too! I didn't think it through that it would be cool off and on fairly quickly after she started school... this time I'm aware!

Can I tell you how excited I am for our first Women's Small Group Wednesday night?!! I just know it's going to be awesome!! Suzanne... get me a list of stuff to bring why don't ya! I'm willing and ready to serve others. ;)

For Suzanne

I saw this on blogthings.com and laughed my head off when I got my results.. for some reason I just knew you'd find this funny too!

You Are Thong Panties

Woman, you are one hell of a ride! You're a total wild child - and you live for crazy times. Men are attracted to you like flies to honey, even though they know they should stay away. You need a expert cowboy who can keep in tune with your free spirit!

What Kind of Panties Are You?

Any why should boys stay away from me? I'm offended! ;)

yumm.. smores!

The Parkers hosted a camp fire last night and we all roasted hot dogs and marshmallows for smores. I am the only person on the planet that does not like hotdogs so i just settled for Smores for supper. (fine with me!) I won't disclose exactly how many I inhaled just while we were outside... but let's just say that in the dark of night, you feel you're hidden while stuffing yourself!

Another fantastic day at church! I am so happy with preacher now, FOR SURE. There were more people at church today than i've seen in a long time, so God is building us up again... thank goodness! A couple that sits across from me has a 5 week old little boy... as if having a new preacher isn't enough excitement for me! I could go just stare at the baby for an hour every Sunday!

Be praying for Madison. Her 6 month cleaning at the dentist is coming up this Thursday. Even though she's had this done routinely since she was 2.5, she still gets a bit scared. I can't blame her.. I do too. I hate having to go to the dentist! Even just a cleaning always hurts me. They put a "watch" on one of her top teeth at her last visit so I'm praying that it hasn't gotten any worse. If it did, they'll fill it... ugh.. poor baby. It's amazing how you can do all of the "right" things, and their teeth look totally fine, but you go to the dentist and they find a cavity! What's up with that?! What more could i possibly do to keep this girl's mouth cavity free than what I'm doing? Anyway... be thinking of us! Pray for strong teeth!

Nights again

Well, this is the first weekend that we start the night shift again. Hooray hooray... I've been busying myself trying to rearrange Maddy's room with the new GORGEOUS bookshelf we got for her. It's working. I cannot decide where I want that darn thing! For now I'm okay with the placement of everything, but tomorrow I think I might look at it and decide to crazy myself by moving everything around again. At least her bed has rollers on it! :) (that's more than I can say for the bookshelf...)

I'm so proud of my little man. He is getting so good at his colors! Some days he acts like he doesn't know any of them, and then today he went over them with me over and over again and got them everytime! What a smartie pants.

Okay, am I the only one that wants to call LeeAnn and tell her to get her booty home?! Poor Tay must be beside himself. I forget that not everyone is used to not seeing their spouce like I am.. but heck, even I still get really lonely when Clayton has to go off for weeks at a time. (or even days!) It's hard to cope without your other half. (I didn't say "better" half.. because that would be me)

Madison has now informed me that if I want to play 'centers' in her room, I must bring my name tag and put it on the wall next to the center I am in. (just like at school) So we had to make name tags for everyone in the family. She's putting the finishing touches on them now. When did she become so complicated?

So, what do you do when your 2 year old decided he 1)doesn't want to wear a diaper anymore and 2)doesn't want to potty train? So far my answers have been a) agree to the no diaper in hopes he'll go to the potty and clean up pee off of the carpet or b)force a diaper on him. Option B has been my option of choice lately. Toddlers are so similar to puppies aren't they? They put everything in their mouths, they bite, they run away when you call them, and they pee on everything. Good thing they're both SO cute!

Cars

Well, we took the kids to see Cars this afternoon and it was so cute! Carter sat through the entire movie! He fell asleep towards the end, and Madison laughed through a lot of it, so it was a big hit. Clayton and I enjoyed it too, I'm sure we'll be buying that when it comes out! After hearing everyone talk about what a great movie it was, we HAD to take the kids.

I was so excited yesterday. Rosie was at Suzanne's and I got to leave the kids at home with Clayton and go hang out! It was great to see her... I'm just sad I didn't get more hang out time! I hope they'll both come back and stay sooner than later. I'm looking forward to all of the Josh pics I know LeeAnn will have when they get back from keeping him!

Group was really great last night. I LOVE that we made the switch to split into mens' and womens' groups... I am really excited to see where God will take us in the weeks to come! Clayton said he really enjoyed the guy talk as well... so it seems everyone is happy with the arrangement! Perfect! I can't wait until next week to see what comes up for us to discuss! One of our main topics Wednesday was being a submissive wife.. and just being a BETTER wife. It was great to talk openly about what each of us struggles with in dealing with your husbands. I'm sure that now that we've shared those things, God will help us change OURSELVES. (not that I need to change... pahleeze.. I couldn't be more perfect!) HA HA HA!!!

Emotional

This will be an incredibly self absorbed, whiney, emotional post... so for those who seek something more upbeat... go elsewhere for today. I have no idea why I'm feeling like this. I'm not really sad, I'm definitely not mad, I'm just feeling weird. Okay, I know what it is.. it's what it always is when i feel like this. I'm thinking a lot about wanting another baby and every now and then it gets to me.. I mean it REALLY gets to me. I guess right now I'm just praying I'll ovulate soon, and that we'll be done trying to have a baby after this month, and it's a bit overwhelming to me at times. My life is so great.... almost perfect really... yet I feel this huge hole in my heart. Is there ANYTHING more overtaking than the wanting of a child?! It is so consuming!! I never would have imagined I'd feel this way even after having two children. I feel guilty sometimes, like why don't the two I have totally fullfill me? So many couples would give anything to just have ONE child and here I am upset that I can't have 3. For me, the two I have make me want another child even more. I just love loving them and I love how they love me, and I love that they are ours... we made them! That is truly amazing! (well, God made them.. you know what I mean!) I've found myself eyeing those tiny newborn clothes when I go shopping... I even broke down and checked out an old time favorite maternity store online the other night when Clayton was working and imagined being able to buy those clothes in the next few months. Why? Why must I torture myself?! I know this post totally sucks and is probably no fun for anyone to read.. I guess I just needed the therapy of writing tonight. I know that God is going to work this all out, but that just doesn't help me with how I'm feeling in this moment. I keep holding onto the thought that when I do get that + test.... all of the heartache of the months past will immediately melt away and none of these feelings will matter anymore! It will all be made right! Sorry again for the total bummer of a post!!

New Preacher Update

HE WAS FANTASTIC!!! PRAISE GOD! Oh my gosh... Sunday was the best time at church I've had in many months, possibly in the past two years since we've gone to our church. Our new preacher, I swear, was sent just for me. :) His preaching style is upbeat and you WANT to listen to what he'll say next, he's funny, he's serious, he makes sense, and he hits you with point after point after point. I am so pleased with the blessing God has sent First Presbyterian Church! Thanks be to God!

So what's everyone doing for the 4th? So far our plans are going to visit family and have a big cookout thing. I'm not looking forward to the long drive... Clayton has to work so it'll be just the kids and me, but all in all I'm sure it will be a great time. I'm not sure if we'll see fireworks this year. Clayton always does those and I'm pretty sure I won't be up to going to the lake once we get back to town.. we'll see though! If nothing else we can always buy fireworks the day after for really cheap and shoot them on the 5th. :)

So, our puppy Major is really growing up! He's just the best dog! (well, don't ask our cat for his opinion.. he hates the dog!) So far he's been a very well behaved puppy... minus a few times he's chased and attacked the kids. ;) (puppies play really rough!) He's learned "sit" and I'm not sure there's much else i think he needs to know! Might as well work on some other tricks just for fun.. stimulate his brain! (and mine...)

My baby boy is talking up a storm! He went from barely saying anything to now speaking in simple sentences. He asks me all of the time now, "Is that hot?" if I'm feeding him something... or if he sees something, for instance like this morning he say a turtle on tv.. he said, "Is that a turtle?" He just asks about everything! He's even learned to say "sorry Mommy (or daddy)" if he hurts us... typically when he's trying to cuddle with us but will not sit still and he elbows us in the ribs! (Suzanne.. does this remind you of a certain middle child of yours?) :)

Well, everyone have a great 4th of July! I'm guessing I'll see many of you Wednesday night at the Parkers! (at the parkers?)

Can't wait to go to church!

We get our brand new preacher tomorrow for the first Sunday... I am so excited! I am praying he'll bring new life into our church! (and help me get back into the 'groove' so to speak) I'll let you all know how it goes! Pray for our church!

We had such a great time Friday night! The Parkers and the James's all came over and we just ate and hung out all night. It was a really nice way to end our "good" month that Clayton had a day shift. Starting Monday he's back on nights... so it'll be another 4/5 months before we see a day shift again. :P Ah well, he does have Wednesday nights off this month, so we can at least still go to small group together! I'm sure I'll adjust to going to bed alone after a few nights of it... if not I"ll just be very tired!

My favorite show is having a marathon tonight! Law & Order SVU.. man I love this show! I really shouldn't be watching it since Clayton's working overtime tonight and won't be home until way late, but I just can't resist. Even the ones I've seen several times before, I still sit and watch!

I thought of something kind of neat the other day. If I get pg this month, within our family our birthdays will be:
baby - March
Clayton - April
Carter - May
Madison - June
Me- July

Isn't that so cool?! Maybe that's what the hold up has been.. God just had this cute scheme all planned out. I'LL TAKE IT! :) Be praying for us... within a week or so I will know if I'm going to ovulate on my own again or not... I'm a little nervous about it but, also feeling a little less stressed over it than usual. I think I'm fianlly learning, a little, to give it over to God and let HIM deal with it. That is SO hard to do... but I really am trying! I have to say that having great friends that help remind me to do this has helped a lot. I can't imagine going through this without you guys to keep me lifted and to pray with and for me!

Hangin` with Taylee

We had such a great time last night and Taylor and Leeann's. Carter ran around insane the entire time.. chasing Banjo. Poor cat! Thankfully he didn't break anything but he had fun rearranging the room that is soon to get a makeover anyway. Books on a bookshelf are just begging to be thrown about a room! (which is strange because he doesn't touch the bookshelves we have here...) Taylor made an awesome supper.. I ate so much that, honestly, I was not hungry at all when I woke up this morning! It took me almost an hour to want to eat at all! Thanks for the bread too! Madison gives it a thumbs up! And yes, we are SO going to do the Red Lobster thing when we can!

Tonight is the last night of VBS. We'll all get to go and eat and sing and dance and see everything Madison has learned over the past week. She is so excited to show off her new 'skills' as she says. (Napolean Dynamite... Clayton is always talking about "skills" and now my daughter has picked it up... fantastic!)

Can I tell you that my son is not sleeping well, again!!! He was doing so great over the past several weeks, and now he's back to his old ways. 2 out of 3 nights he's been up several times. He gets into bed with us, keeps us awake by rubbing on us and kicking us, we put him back to his bed, he comes back to our bed, we put him back, he comes back. This goes on for HOURS!!! I don't know what to do with this kid. I just pray whatever he's going through that's messing with his sleep ends soon. Maybe the weird VBS schedule has thrown him off.. he doesn't deal well with change in schedule very well. Send us sleep vibes! So, due to the lack of sleep, I am having a hard time being a good mommy today. I really just want to veg out in front of the TV and not talk to anyone and definitely not get the kids ready to go out and sweat like I'm about to have to do when I"m done blogging. (notice how long this entry is? Am I avoiding going outside?) I'm contemplating getting the pool out.. then I can lay out and they can play and we'll both be doing what we want. :) Sounds like a compromise to me!

VBS!

Madison has been having a blast at VBS this year. She loves the costumes and is really enjoying the singing and dancing. She's made some really cute jewlrey already and she showed me a gorgeous cross she made last night. I can't wait to get all of her stuff home.. we get to bring it all home with us tomorrow. (that's the last night of it) I think this has been a really good thing for getting back in 'school' gear and being away from home and me again. She's had no problems with it so I'm feeling pretty confident she'll transition into Kindergarten easily. I'm not sure how easily I'll transition into her going, but there isn't a whole lot to be done about that!

We get to hang out at TayLee's tonight so that should be a good time. We'll just have Carter with us so that will make it easier to actually TALK to people! I have no clue who all will show up, but I hope most of the group can make it tonight. I'm so used to our weekly meetings that I feel a little sad when something happens and it doesn't happen!

We're starting dog training now.. or I am I should say. So far Major is a pretty smart pup. He's doing great with "sit" and "down" so I'm excited to see how much we'll be able to teach him in the future! Carter loves the dog! He runs to pick up his toy to throw for him and Major just dashes after it, which Carter finds hilarious! Carter chases the dog, the dog chases Carter... it sure does make playing outside easier on me! I just get to sit and watch! :)

Okay, if I don't get kids dressed, we will be late for VBS.. can't have that!

Things you might not know...

After reading Lou's blogg about her plan for the next 3yrs and her background.. I wondered how much we all really know about each other's pasts? (what we want to share of it anyway!) I'm pretty much an open book.. there's not much that i'm not willing to talk about or share. I guess I figure that you can't learn from each other without opening up! So here are some things ppl MIGHT not know about me:

* Grew up in DeWitt.. parents divorced when I was 5, sis and I moved in with Dad. He remarried when I was 6 so I got a stepmom and 2 step brothers.. life was okay from then on out, but lots of fights and tears came along with a blended family. Mom lived in Pine Bluff still.. got to see her every other weekend until I was a teenager and begged for more mom time.

* I was a cheerleader all through school, and a cheer coach once I hit high school. I was the first FFA (Future Farmers of America) female president EVER in my school..it was a big deal and i was proud. :) I was in every club I could fit into my schedule and kept myself as busy as possible in school.

* I met Clayton when I was just 14. (almost 15) and we've been together since! We had a long distant relationship until we were married!

* I found out i was pg with Madison when I was just 17. (the day I found out happened to be my mom and stepdad's anniversary.. HAPPY ANNIVERARY GUYS!) :0 Clayton and I were married within a few weeks and I've never been happier in my life than since we started our own family. It was like now I could do things right, have a family like a family is supposed to be!! Madison has always been a blessing to us.. never a burden or a "woops"... people kept saying I should have an abortion, give her up for adoption, or even give her to my sister because I was too young... no way could a teen mom be a good mom! (HA TO THEM!! WHAT DID THEY KNOW?!!) 5.5 years of marriage and TWO great kids later, no one questions our relationship or our parenting anymore. No one is surprised that we're trying to have another child and most ppl say we should have another. :) What a change from 5 short years ago.

* I love music... I mean really.. I LOVE music. I'm not picky.. I listen to just about anything. (well, rap music usually makes me mad.. so maybe picky about rap but not much else!)

* My weakness is clothes. I have a hard time not buying the best of the best for all of us... I've gotten better at looking for deals and sales now though! And I've finally figured out that WalMart really does carry some darn cute stuff!

* I had some hard times in my youth that I didn't want to mention... but things that made me angry at God, made me almost feel I hated him... but I've gotten through those things with first, help from Clayton, and later, once I asked, help from God. I can't believe the stable adult i've turned into at just 22 years old. (I'll be 23 July 15!) If you add up all of the things in my life it would NOT equal where I am today... God says nothing is impossible through him and my life story is proof of it.

I'm done boring you with my life story! I cut out a lot... but I thought it'd be fun if anyone else was inspired to do the same on their blogg. I love peeking into people's minds and lives! (just as I'm the person that is NOT bored looking at your 20 albums of pics... bring 'em on!)

Oh, and thanks a million to Suzy P for the links i now have on my blogg! Patient I am not and I never could figure out how to get links on here myself.. she was so sweet to sit for a while and help me.. no.. do it for me! :)

She's here...

My evil friend found me this morning... so month 8 it is. I'm really okay about it, surprisingly. I guess I'm so thrilled that I actually ovulated on my own that it gives me a lot of encouragement to keep on keeping on! :) And more good news is.. if I get pg in the next 3 months, we'll have a spring baby... perfect, right?! No winter worries!

Just a random throw in for those at group last night: UNLG.. remember what this stands for? Thanks for the huge laugh Matt!!! We had a great group last night and awesome food! I'm still full from all of the tacos and cookies I inhaled! And sweet tea... the only place I ever get sweet tea is at Suzanne's house! She makes the best evah!

I think Carter has officially started saying "daddy" correctly.. much to my sadness! He's always said it without the middle d's... "da-ey" is the best I can spell the way it sounds... but as of yesterday he's really saying it right! WHY?! Why must he grow up on me? Okay, okay.. I know he should learn to speak correctly at some point in life.. but why did he have to pick that oh so cute word to change so soon? Next thing ya know he'll be calling me "Mom" instead of 'mama'.. that I am so not ready for!

Can I say what a hard time I'm having getting my house in order since we've gotten home? It's making me insane! If you know me well, you know I can be a bit of a neat freak.. okay.. I"m a big obsessive compulsive about cleaning.. and not being able to catch up on the housework yet is a hard lesson in letting things go for me. I was so proud of myself this morning when, instead of cleaning, I took the kids outside to play, and then we came in and painted and made drawings which made MORE of a mess. Hey.. it's summer break right? Gotta have fun! Now, I'm off to clean up the messes we've made before I lose my mind!

We're home!

We had a wonderful little vacation! Went to stay with my mom Sunday night, went to Hot Springs early Monday and went to Mid America Museum and spend a few hours looking and playing with everything! The kids liked some of it, didn't like some of it, but all in all a really fun time. Then we went downtown and hiked up to the Tower. Madison complained almost the entire way up there (we were all already tired.. so we ended up having to carry the kids most of the way up.. ugh...) Carter was terrified when we got into the clear elevator that you can watch yourself going up REALLY high and clung to me the entire time... I was clinging the side of the elevator because I too was terrified... I hate heights! We all were fine once we were up to the top. The kids thought it was really neat! Carter found a small puddle at the very top that he enjoyed more than anything else the entire day. :) We went back to my mom's that night, she watched the kids and Clayton and I went to The Outback to eat.. YUM! My favorite place! The next day we spent at Wild River Country.. it was SO much fun! Madison even liked a lot of the slides! She's just like her daddy... I hate most of those! We got home around 4:30pm and just collapsed... after unpacking that is. ;) Clayton has today off as well.. though he's been gone all morning helping his Gma clean a bedroom of hers because a friend from her high school is coming to stay with her! (talk about friends FOREVER! GMA IS 81!!)We've got group tonight so that should be fun! I've got to find out where we're having it.. someone give me a shout out and tell me! :)

Some sad news... I took a pg test this morning and it was negative so once my evil 'friend' shows up we'll be moving onto our 8th month. I'm okay with it... mainly I'm just sick of the rollar coaster ride of emotions, but what can ya do? God has the perfect time in his head...and I can't change it so it's not really worth being upset about I guess. I just pray my body will work correctly this go round like it did last month so I can at least have a shot at it.

Oh.. we should all be praising God for healing Jonah! My last report yesterday was that he's doing much better! Thank you Lord!

all kinds of info for everyone

First off, LeeAnn tagged me so:

Name your favorite...

1. Candy: Hershey Chocolate bar with Almonds

2. Cookie: chocolate chip, soft and gooey!

3. Donut: glazed

4. Cold Drink: Coca ~ Cola

5. Hot Drink: hot chocolate

TAG SUZANNE AND LOU!! :)

Now for updates and info!

IT'S MADISON'S BDAY! She turned 5 today. I am a ball of emotions! I was in tears when we sang Happy Birthday at her party today when I saw that big number 5 candle on her cake. It hit me like a ton of bricks! She was so excited this morning.. she said, "Mommy it's my birthday!! I'm 5 years old and I'm not going to be 4 anymore!" She skipped around the house so happy to finally be 5... and all I could think was how right she was.. she will NEVER be 4 again. Four was a fabulous age for us... I'm extremely sad to see it's already gone. On a great note I feel my prayers for NO RAIN on our party were answered! It rained all around us.. but only sprinkled on and off here at the house so the kids got to run in and out all day.. it really was the best party ever! Madison loved every minute of it! There were no fights between kids, no fussing, no whining, no nothing. It was incredible! (it only could've been improved if poor Jonah would've been well enough to be here and the Parker family!! We missed you guys and I'm worrying for and about you constantly right now with your sick boy!)

On a sad note, I took a pg test this morning.. negative. It's still pretty early... I'm still praying that result will change if I retest in a few days... but it was still pretty depressing. We'll see what happens in the near future! Clayton is super excited because he just figured out that I can buy tests at the Dollar Store... his face lit up when I got one the other day when we went! "You mean that's just ONE dollar?! Really?! Well stock up!" He's so funny! I probably will be stocking up and testing every day until the hag shows! I'm feeling insane about it this month for some reason. (probably because I know i actually ovulated.. that is always helpful when trying to get pg!)

Happy note again! We're going on a mini vacation starting TOMORROW! So if I'm not around.. that's why. We're heading to Little Rock tomorrow to visit with family, staying with my mom that night, going to Hot Springs the next morning and spending the day doing whatever floats our boat. :) That night we're thinking of going back to my mom's and then the next day going to Wild River Country. THe kids will love it and so will we! I'm so excited!

Another huge blessing... Clayton's overtime money is really adding up each pay period now. It has been such a breeze him working it! I really feel that God has smiled down on us so much lately.. except the not being pg yet.. but I know he's working on it!

Longest post ever?!! I had a lot to update on! See you guys after vaca!!

a new "blogthing"

You Have a Choleric Temperament

You are a person of great enthusiasm - easily excited by many things. Unsatisfied by the ordinary, you are reaching for an epic, extraordinary life. You want the best. The best life. The best love. The best reputation. You posses a sharp and keen intellect. Your mind is your primary weapon. Strong willed, nothing can keep you down. Your energy can break down any wall. You're an instantly passionate person - and this passion gives you an intoxicating power over others. At your worst, you are a narcissist. Full of yourself and even proud of your faults. Stubborn and opinionated, you know what you think is right. End of discussion. A bit of a misanthrope, you often see others as weak, ignorant, and inferior.

What Temperment Are You?

sadly I think the last part is for sure true of me at times! yikes!

worn out!

Ugh.. I'm in my 'fun' week where I'm just plain exhausted. I went walking with Leslie around her neighborhood this morning and barely made it! I'm so glad we went though.. it's always nice to chit chat while you burn some calories.

I ended up finding Major (the puppy) down the road at our neighbor's house.. he had followed someone down there and just got stuck. He hasn't left the house AT ALL since we brought him home! Maybe it was a scare that was good for him. The kids and I took him to the vet yesterday. He's about 9 weeks old, 14 pounds, and she said he's a German Shephard/Chow mix. Aren't we good at picking out dog breeds?! That's exactly what we were thinking. :) He got two shots, wormed, and we go back in 3 weeks. It's so much like having a baby! Only his Dr. visit cost more than the kids' ever have! YIKES!

Group is tonight at LeeAnn and Taylor's.. I can't wait! I love our small group! It's hard to find an entire group of people that you really do like, and this is one of them. I just hope our kids don't destroy their house! Apology in advance if they do guys! ;)

Well, the one week countdown is upon me. In about one week... we'll find out if this was 'the' month or not. Lord please let the time go by quickly with POSITIVE results! (tee hee)

Birthday Shopping

Don't you just love to have a good excuse to go shopping?! Madison's birthday party will be June 17 and I HAD to go shopping for her presents! I already know the two toy things she'll be getting from us... but she needs clothes too! So the whole family loaded up and went to the mall and I bought the CUTEST clothes for her. It was such a blast. It's amazing to me that I like shopping for the kids way more than I like shopping for me now. (don't get me wrong, I still really like shopping for me!) I can't wait for her to open all of her stuff... I hope she likes it all.

Our puppy, Major, (yes clayton won the name battle.. Major it is!) has disappeared! Well.. he's probably at our neighbors' house because he and their dog have been spotted playing together a lot lately. I just pray he comes home tonight or tomorrow morning for feeding time! We'll all be so sad if he doesn't come home. :(

Can I say how incredibly impatient I'm feeling? This month cannot end fast enough for me. I am so ready to know if we got our baby or not, it truly might make me crazier than I already am! At least Madison is home to help keep me more busy. Friends out there.. KEEP ME ENTERTAINED THE NEXT TWO WEEKS!

Am I all American?

All American Kid

Popular but not plastic. Athletic but not a jock. Smart but not a brain. You were well rounded and well liked in high school.

Who Were You In High School?

Maybe this is why I never could really pick a crowd to totally put myself into in school!

Stole this from LeeAnn

You Are Miss Piggy

A total princess and diva, you're totally in charge - even if people don't know it. You want to be loved, adored, and worshiped. And you won't settle for anything less. You're going to be a total star, and you won't let any of the "little people" get in your way. Just remember, piggy, never eat more than you can lift!

The Muppet Personality Test

Frisco! No, Major!

We got a puppy! After almost running it over on our way home the other night, Clayton went back out on the same road in his patrol car to work overtime and heard it whining outside of his car door! So he stuck it in the car and brought him home! :) So we rescued a puppy! He's sooo cute! He appears to be some kind of chow/sheppard mix. His purple spotchy tongue indicates the chow, his long legs and HUGE pointy ears indicates sheppard.. but who knows! He's obviously a mutt but we love him already. Now to decide a name for the new arrival! Madison is determined to name him Frisco. Clayton however says no to that.. he wants to name him Major and won't let madison have her way. I'm trying to convince madison that Major is a good name... she's slowly coming around. But I, somehow, think that "frisco" might be the dog's name in the long run! I personally couldn't care less! He's my new baby until God gives me another human baby. :)

Speaking of human babies... I actually ovulated all by myself this month!! For the first time in about 2/3 months and I just cannot believe it! I was starting to feel hopeless of my body correcting itself anytime soon.. but God heard my cries! Even if I don't get pg this month... it's good to know that my body is still capable of doing this! I can already feel the testing frenzy about to overtake my life. It's going to take everything I have to not take a test every single day for a week at the end of the month! I just have so much hope for this month! Everything was just so pefect... it's hard not to get excited!

We're off to a fun filled night at the Parker's tonight! Thankfully I get the easy job of supplying drinks... Suzanne knows what jobs to give to me in times like these! :) And just an FYI: I LOVE CASTING CROWNS!! I hate to say it but in general I've just never been able to get into Christian music that much. But every single song I've heard from them I love! They're so touching and they all make me cry! I find myself listening to the christian station all of the time in hopes one of their songs will play. My favorite right now is for sure "Praise you in this Storm" b/c I can so directly relate it to our trying to get a baby journey, but "Life Song" is also very close to my top favorites list!

GO ASTROS!

We have our second to last Tball game tonight. We're so excited! It's the 6:30 game and it's a lot cooler at that hour than at the 5:15 one so Madison enjoys it a lot more. Now that school's out I'm really kind of bummed that Tball is finished! I guess before long it'd be too hot day and night to be outside playing tball, so maybe it's good that we're ending on a nice note!

I had such a great morning! Suzanne and the kids and LeeAnn met my kids and I at the track and we went walking. The kids ran around and played and we got to girl talk. It was such a good time and it felt really good to start the day off with exercise. I hope we can continue that on for at least a few weeks before we start getting tired of the heat. :) It's so much easier to walk WITH friends compared to doing it alone.

Well my mom has saved the day! She went to Party City in Little Rock and they do have unicorn stuff! She bought some things and I told her the other stuff I needed and she offered to go back to get it! (awesome!!) Madison is going to probably cry she'll be so excited. That girl is absolutely obsessed with ponies, unicorns, horses, etc. I hope she doesn't start wanting a real pony or horse.. that is so not going to happen! I barely think we could handle getting a dog right now, much less livestock!

I got my baby fix over the weekend! It was Clayton's gpa's 87th bday so some of the family got together at their house and my neice and nephew were there. My neice (Sarah Grace) is just 3 months old and SOOO CUTE!! She let me hold her for quite a long time and she's in the talking and cooing phase big time. She smiles so big. :) It was great to get to hold a baby. Praise the Lord for the miracles he brings us!

Whew! The week is over!

Well it's finally Friday! My man is done with FTO school and my baby girl is officially out of preK. Can I say that I CRIED all day b/c it was her last day? I'm really going to miss it there. I cannot imagine now driving her there everyday and seeing all of the kids. I just LOVED it and am so sad it's no longer a part of our lives. (at least until Carter is 4 and then he'll go) It's so hard to let go. I'm sure her first day of Kindergarten I'll need Clayton to hold MY hand as we walk her into the school. I'll demand he takes the morning off if he doesn't have it off already. ;) At least today I got to swing by Suzanne's for a pick me up. I felt like a basket case crying to her about it, but that's what friends are for, right? Madison seems fairly unphased by it. She did say she'd miss her best friend, but other than that she doesn't seem to care. I think she's ready to be at home again. It will be a nice change of pace for a little while!

I really don't have a ton to say. I'm just so thankful that Clayton is back home to stay! I should walk myself into the kitchen and stare mindlessly at the fridge in hopes an idea of what to make for supper will pop out at me! Wish me luck!

Is it Friday yet?

Okay... I miss Clayton!!! We got teased with the idea that he was coming home Thursday night to pick up uniforms but then they decided that they don't need those uniforms so he has to stay up there. :( I'm so lonely! So, I'm talking you all. This is my adult conversation for the day!

We have Tball practice tomorrow evening. I was wondering if we would since we haven't had a game in a while and our next one isn't until Monday. I would've been totally fine with no tball for a week.. but I know it'll be best to get Madison back into it before her game. We only have two games left! I thought I'd be happy for it to end but since she FINALLY is enjoying playing, I am enjoying going! Carter is free to run around quite a bit out there too so it's been pretty nice. It's always so weird to me though to see how incredibly small she looks compared to most of the boys on her team. She runs differently than they do, she throws differently than they do, she hits the ball differently than they do. I guess she does those things "like a girl"!

I am so happy that Friday is the end of our school year. Well, sort of. I have to say that when I was walking to Madison's class with Carter this afternoon, it hit me kind of hard to see the hallway walls all empty, the classrooms undecorated, and they're sending several personalized things home with Madison that I've looked at hanging at her cubby hole or taped to her spot at her table for all of these months. I am starting to feel sad that soon our days going to see Mrs. Jane and Mrs. Pam will be gone. She'll never be in preschool again.. it's all 'real' school from here on out. I have a hard time thinking I'll ever be as close to or like another teacher like I've liked her teacher now. I just pray that God puts her in the class that's best for her, with a teacher that won't be annoyed by "that" mom!

Note to all of the women out there: Don't watch the new show that's on : Swimsuit Secretes Revealed. These women are complaining about how no bathing suits look good on them.. and the majority of them are so thin and toned! gag me! I keep thinking "Who gives a crap if a bathing suit doesn't look good on you if you're a size 2 and have a six pack?" It was nice to see the few women that have had kids and had the same problems I have. :) But beware that those women were far and few between!

Okay, how random was this post? Sorry... as I said, you are my adult conversation tonight so I'm just talking about what I'd normally force my poor husband to sit and listen to!

My man is gone!

Not for good.. but until Friday. ;) He's being trained to be a Field Training Officer in Little Rock at Troop A Headquarters. Meaning he'll be training one of the new guys we'll get down here when he's out of Troop School. So far I'm fine.. but I know once the kids are in bed tonight I'll be missing him. I guess the good news is, with him working shift work, I'm basically used to him being gone at all kinds of times of the day and night so I think it'll be okay. (as long as Carter hangs in there. Lately Daddy rules the world to him!)

Madison has let me breathe a sigh of relief over the unicorn cake. She told me she does NOT want a cake, she wants cupcakes! AWESOME! I can so buy or make cupcakes... now I'm excited about this party!

I get to go to parenting group at church tonight. I love it so much! To be honest, a lot of the time I sit and listen in horror at the things the parents of older kids have to tell and ask opinions on. I try to do what I used to do, (when I was the parent of ONE child that made me think I was a perfect parent), and think to myself, "my kids won't be that way." HA HA! Have all parents not eaten these words at one time or another? I swear, God gave me Carter for the purpose of showing me that I don't know nearly as much about how to MAKE a child behave as I once prided myself on. he's a great little boy... he really is starting to mind quite well actually, but other things that I always thought you could train out of a child if you did it "right" just don't work with him. Sleeping through the night? No... no way! SLeeping in his own bed all night? Big time NO. Eating with utensils perfectly by age 2? Don't make me laugh! The crazy thing is how little I care about any of these once so important things now. I've accepted my baby boy for the baby boy he is. Is it so bad that he wants to cuddle with Mommy and Dadd in the middle of the night? No.. it's actually pretty darn sweet. And the reality is, I now know he won't do these things forever. He will outgrow them, in his own time. Heck, I don't like sleeping alone yet... so I guess my parents never did properly train those feelings out of me! My only wish is I would have had this wisdom the FIRST time around. Ah well, Madison has turned out quite well so far so I guess it's just the way of life. The first gets treated a certain way, which makes them turn out, in general, responcible and thoughtful... the second turns out differently, and is treated differently. Should I feel sorry for the third baby we're trying to create now? ;) Poor thing... who knows what I'll be like as a mother by the time we get there!

Loving the heat!

I just LOVE summer time! The kids and I played out in the pool this afternoon and I just loved it! I look forward to playing in the water every single summer. And now that God has blessed us with a house that has great a/c... I can actually love summer again. The first 4 years we were married we lived in a little trailor that had a teeny tiny window unit that was supposed to cool the entire place... oh my, it was miserable. I am SO greatful for the fact that Madison will now come to me and ask me to turn the air off because she is too cold. :) I always wonder, "How can it be too cold?" Everyone that knows me knows that "I'm so hot!" is a constant phrase coming out of my mouth. But, this summer will be so much nicer! I'm really really looking forward to it!

Does anyone know how to make a unicorn cake? Yes, Madison's birthday is next month and she is requesting a unicorn party. I can get the plates and such with unicorns but how on earth am I supposed to turn up a cake? If nothing else I'll send the party napkin to a big grocery store and they can put that picture on the cake! My baby girl is really turning 5. Oh no, wait, I think my heart stopped beating for a few seconds after I typed that! I'm sure no matter how old your "babies" get, each year you look at them and wonder how in the world the time went by so quickly.

Can I say that I'm having one of those "I love being a mommy" days? I mean, not that I don't typically enjoy it, but you know when you just have an exceptionally nice day with the kids? Maybe that's because I got to go to Walmart with Suzanne with ZERO kids and have some girl time earlier in the day. It's always refreshing to get out for a while kid free. Maybe it's because I was trying, again, to play Simon Says with Madison and I could not stop laughing at how she just cannot get the rules of if you don't say "Simon says..." that you don't do what's told. She kept giggling after I'd say, "oh, I didn't say Simon says!" and smacking her forehead and saying, "I keep forgetting the rules! Those are tricky!" Oh to be 5 again!

That's good news... isn't it?

Do you ever get news and at first you feel like, "yeah, that's good to hear!" but as it sinks in you think, "maybe it isn't.."? I'm having a day like that today. I called my Dr. to talk about getting hormone levels checked and after an in depth conversation about all kinds of womanly stuff that I will not be sharing with the World Wide Web, my doctor and nurse are pretty sure I am not ovulating every month. (which I've been wondering myself) They want me to do ovulation tests ALL month and see if they ever show + (because they have only shown positive two of the months we've been trying.. none since then) If they do, GREAT! If they don't, then they've got a course of action to take. At first I was relieved. FINALLY SOMEONE IS LISTENING TO ME!! And it was nice to know that there is help if I need it.. but then I started researching stuff and now I am not so sure how I'm feeling. I will be doing a ton of praying over this issue and ask all of you to please pray constantly for Clayton, our doctor, and me to have wisdom and peace about the RIGHT decision should i not ovulate again this month.

WHew! Enough serious talk! Sheesh! We have another tball game tonight. Madison is already griping about having to go. She hates tball.. I don't blame her with the heat wave! June 8 is our last game, so not much more to go and she never has to play again if she doesn't want to! She keeps saying, "I want to do dance, not tball!" FINE WITH ME! :)

Thanks again Matt and Suzanne for breakfast for supper. ;) (okay, just Suzanne cooked so really thanks Suzy for the food, thanks Matt for the entertainment!) It was a nice way to end a kinda down day!

Month 7

Ugh... the hag showed so we're now on our 7th month trying to have another baby. I would have never imagined I would not be pg yet. I called the Dr. to schedule the HSG like they asked me to, but the day they want to do it is a seriously bad day. (clayton will be gone, Madison's last day of school, it's a no go!) She said that we'd have to wait until NEXT MONTH to do it if I cannot do it that day, so I'll just have to wait. I am going to see if they will do some blood work to check my hormones though. I just want to know what's going on, and if everything comes out clear I can stop worrying about it! *sigh* I don't know what to say... just frustrated and disappointed. I'm sure Kindergarten Round up and a Tball game tonight will take my mind off of this!

GO MADISON!

Okay... I know, every mom thinks their kid is the greatest... but in my case it just happens to be the truth. ;) (just do NOT ask Matt or Suzanne how my perfect child acted the other night when they were over...) Last night's tball game was awesome!! Madison didn't complain, fuss, cry, or anything the ENTIRE game! (once she said "I'm hot... is it over?" but the game was almost over so that's a pretty good hold out!) She hit well, ran well, and had an all around good time. I'm just so happy she enjoyed it for once! She's even excited about tonight's game as well! And so am I! Clayton got suddenly switched to the DAY SHIFT so he's going to get to go to the rest of her games!!! Yippie! Thank you Lord! Okay, I'll stop squeeling about my baby girl!

So, I did finally get brave and pee on a stick, negative. Ah well, who likes those pg tests anyway?! :P Phewy on them! I'll get that positive test.. just wait and see!

An exciting note on me... since we started trying for #3 I had gained about 10 pounds.. maybe more.. I stopped weighing at 10! Well, I've been eating well and exercising again and about 4 pounds are GONE! I am SO proud of me. :) It is also nice to focus my 'free' time on something other than thinking of how much I want a baby. I guess eventually I realized that thinking about it wasn't helping... so I figure that now, when I do get pg, I"ll be one fit pg lady!

Okay, if I don't start getting kids ready for Tball we'll be late! Thanks for reading if you made it this far!

GO MADISON!

Okay... I know, every mom thinks their kid is the greatest... but in my case it just happens to be the truth. ;) (just do NOT ask Matt or Suzanne how my perfect child acted the other night when they were over...) Last night's tball game was awesome!! Madison didn't complain, fuss, cry, or anything the ENTIRE game! (once she said "I'm hot... is it over?" but the game was almost over so that's a pretty good hold out!) She hit well, ran well, and had an all around good time. I'm just so happy she enjoyed it for once! She's even excited about tonight's game as well! And so am I! Clayton got suddenly switched to the DAY SHIFT so he's going to get to go to the rest of her games!!! Yippie! Thank you Lord! Okay, I'll stop squeeling about my baby girl!

So, I did finally get brave and pee on a stick, negative. Ah well, who likes those pg tests anyway?! :P Phewy on them! I'll get that positive test.. just wait and see!

An exciting note on me... since we started trying for #3 I had gained about 10 pounds.. maybe more.. I stopped weighing at 10! Well, I've been eating well and exercising again and about 4 pounds are GONE! I am SO proud of me. :) It is also nice to focus my 'free' time on something other than thinking of how much I want a baby. I guess eventually I realized that thinking about it wasn't helping... so I figure that now, when I do get pg, I"ll be one fit pg lady!

Okay, if I don't start getting kids ready for Tball we'll be late! Thanks for reading if you made it this far!

I'm such a chicken!

I had decided a few days ago that today, Sunday, I would break out a pregnancy test. So I wake up this morning.. take it out of the drawer.. stare at it.. get a feeling of dread.. and put it back. Nope.. just could NOT face it today. It's a gorgeous day... Clayton is home and doesn't go back to work until Tuesday, why ruin it? Maybe I'll break down and test in two or three days.. maybe not! I don't know! I just swear I cannot handle seeing another negative test. Let's see.. averaging two tests a month, over the past 6 months, I've seen 12+ negative tests. No more!

So, we finally got the bring out the kiddie pool this afternoon!! The kids had a blast! To be honest they enjoyed spraying each other with the water hose much more than sitting and playing in the pool.. but I did get to lay out for a bit and that was nice. (I know.. I'll get skin cancer...)

Tball next week anyone? We have games Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday nights! What's the deal?! Who the heck made this schedule and decided, "Hey guys, wouldn't it be HILARIOUS if we make the Astro's play more than any other team in the league?!" "Great idea, let's do it!" The good news is Madison is getting really good! not at being in the outfield..she's totally clueless there.. but she made two points at our last game.. I was soooo proud! I'm so "that" mom. You know, the one that gets OVERLY excited about every single thing her kids do? I scream and cheer the entire game. (which makes madison giggle) Carter cheers too, which is so cute! So, if anyone wants to see us this week.. Wednesday night it will be! :)

I don't know

Okay, the title "I don't know" was created b/c the blogg asked: Title... and I answered "I don't know." I'm tired.. I couldn't think of one! I haven't posted in a while and felt I should... so this might not be a great read, but you never know what my brilliant mind will spit out once it gets warmed up! ;)

For those wondering, no baby yet, we'll know if this month was the month in about a week. I suspect I will lose my brain by then. If this month wasn't it.. we'll be going forward with the HSG. I feel at peace with it. Why not? I highly doubt it will show anything to be wrong, but it will make me feel better to hear it, "nothing is wrong here." Pahleeeeeze let month 6 be the month. I cannot believe how much time has gone by since we started trying. I assumed I'd be several months along by this point of the year.. but God has other plans and I know they'll be great. (great if he'll give me a peanut THIS month that is... but that's an entirely different blogg entry)

So, my two year old boy has turned into quite the bully lately. He loves to hit anyone he can.. for any reason his little mind thinks up. Madison is his favorite target.. she screams and cries and yells at him.. but never fights back. Perfect! He gets the awesome reaction he wants, with no pain! So time outs have started at the house as a regular thing again. madison hasn't gotten a time out in months.. and before that one it was months before that. It's so weird to be starting over here again. I'm confident.. sort of.. that he'll just come out of this insane phase soon. I, of course, will be totally convinced that my amazing disciplinary actions were what caused the changed.. but in reality, I highly doubt you can change a two year old! They either are GOING to do something, or they're NOT. It's all up to them! I'm just glad he's still so darn cute.. otherwise he might really upset me. ;)

yippie... the night shift, again!

Yes, this is the fourth month that Clayton 'gets' to work the night shift. This is the REAL night shift though... the earliest he gets to come home is 11pm.. tonight he'll be out until at least 1am, but he said it's time to work overtime, so I won't expect him until daylight if traffic is out. If you read this tonight, pray I will sleep! What's my deal.. why can't I sleep without Clayton? After all this time, all of the nights he's spent away from us, and I STILL don't sleep well without him. To be honest it seems like I've spent more nights alone than with him.. so what gives there? One day I might turn into a real grown up and be able to brave the house alone comfortably.

So I took Carter for his 2 year checkup this morning. Ugh... he's 2.. really. No longer a baby boy.. he's a big two year old. :( Time flies doesn't it?! His checkup went really well. He's 28 pounds (70% for weight) and 36 inches (90% for height) I just cannot believe he's still as big as he is. I just assumed because of how incredibly tiny Madison is that all of my children would be small. I was so very wrong! He is in great health and that's always so nice to hear. They did prick his finger to do some routine blood tests... he barely fussed but I could tell he was scared and uncomfortable. Poor thing. He HATED having the bandaid on his finger afterwards. He wore it okay until I put him in his carseat in the van.. he stuck his hand up and started to cry, "my hand! my hand! off!" Once i took it off he flipped out when he saw his blood stained finger. He kept trying to wipe it off, which hurt, and made him cry more. Needless to say he finally just fell asleep after the trauma of it all. :)

Oh, for Suzy, we got a cute bookshelf for Carter's room today! FINALLY! Clayton brought it home and I am thrilled! You are requested to come back to my house to help me figure out where the heck to put the thing!

We're the sick house!

So, I haven't written in a while.. forgive me.. we've had two kids sick, not at the same time, and a birthday party going on. First Carter got sick. High fevers, no other symptoms that I knew of.. for 3/4 days. The day he finally is totally normal again, his birthday party day, Madison wakes up saying her throat hurts. On the way to pick up the birthday cake she throws up in the van... and cries because she got it on her new outfit. (what a girl!) We make it home, cake in tow, and ppl start showing up for the party... meanwhile my poor baby girl is laying in my bed, feverish, throwing up occasionally, but mostly sleeping. (this was Saturday) Today, Sunday she wakes up and runs into my room to say "Mommy, guess what! I feel better!" Great! Then I notice her entire tongue is WHITE. Do 4 year olds get thrush?! What on earth?! It has to be.... she says her throat stil hurts too. And, as the day progresses she gets this awful rash all over her body. She's gotten rashes before from having fevers, but never one like this.. from head to toe, and it itches. Ugh.. to the doctor we'll be going in the morning! Thankfully Clayton is off tomorrow so he can sit with Carter while I take her. Other than that.. things are going okay with us. The birthday party was a lot of fun and a lot of people came even though the weather was HORRIBLE! Doesn't it make you feel special when people show up at something you invite them to? It does me. :)

For anyone wondering about our journey to get baby #3... we've unfortunantely started month 6... Doctor wants to do the HSG (dye test) if it doesn't happen this month but I'm thinking no. Maybe instead I'll get hormones checked... things don't seem totally right for me so that might be the easiest thing to start with! Please, keep prayers coming our way. I need them for sure for comfort and strength through this. I feel better lately than I have since we started trying so I know that my (and everyone) prayers are being heard and answered... but some days it is so hard to remain positive and happy in spite of this.

just whining...

This might not be a very "feel good" post.. so if you're looking for an upper... I'm sorry but I don't think I have it tonight. I'm just bummed. I'm an emotional wreck tonight for some reason. In about 3/4 days I'll find out if this was "the" month or not.. so that's weighing heavy on my mind. (after doing SO WELL all month not worrying over it!) Clayton is actually getting paid to work overtime now.. so he's gung ho about working it.. so tonight he could've been home at 10pm, but he's going to stay out until 12am. (I"ll be SHOCKED if he's home that early... grrr...) I just feel so needy right now and no one here to help me... hence why I'm on here crying to whoever reads this! I'd love to think that all of my moodyness is due to pg hormones.. but then I don't want to start thinking that way and be super disappointed, ya know? oh I just want to cry, scream, go running... SOMETHING.

On a good note, Madison has a Tball scrimmage game tomorrow morning.. yep.. should be HILARIOUS. I have no idea who they'll be playing against.. but it's guaranteed to be a good time! Our first game is Monday night... we don't have our shirts or hats yet, so hoping to get those tomorrow! oh the drama of tball! ;)

Okay, I'm done whining... for tonight!

Is it April or July?

The bank sign in town yesterday claimed it was 101 degrees.... I saw this on our way to Tball prac. I believe it was right... it was the first time since last summer that I was sweating just from STANDING outside. Whew! The kids were all so sweaty.. madison was whining about it. She can't stand to be hot, or cold, or dirty... she's so much like her mamma.

Had an AWESOME playgroup today!! Good conversation, the kids got to run around and play, and I got treated to tea and pizza at Suanne's house afterwards. What could be better?! Carter was passed out in his carseat when we got home and slept for almost 2 hours! That's a record for him! We should have playgroup everyday! :)

Dr's appt update

Yes, I had my dreaded ob/gyn appt today.. it wasn't too bad. Had an ultrasound which showed that yes, my ovarian cysts are returning, but the good news is as of now they're small and nothing to worry about fertility wise.. though they hurt like crazy. (and they'll just get worse so I need go get pg.. come on body! help yourself here!) Doctor was surprised that we've been trying for almost 6 months now with no result and said that if we don't get pg on the 6th month, he wants me to call and schedule a HSG.. which is basically when they put dye into the uterus and fallopian tubes to check it all out and 'clean' it all out. Even if nothing 'wrong' is found it is a great boost to fertility so it would hopefully help me get pg more quickly. I've heard it is a very painful procedure though... and I'm not sure I'm ready to start medical stuff right now. We'll see what happens the next few weeks. Hoping the next thing I'm scheduling with him is a prenatal checkup and not an HSG! So that's it... basically try one more time, and then give the Dr. a call. Yikes.. that scares me! Clayton basically is just taking care of my emotional needs.. he hasn't really opened up to me today on what he thinks about all of this. (if he thinks much of it at all.. who knows!) He's so laid back that it can be frustrating I tell ya! Oh... AS SOON as I walk in from my dr's appt a friend calls to inform us that he and his wife are pg now. I overheard the conversation and had to go to the kitchen to cry where no one would hear me. Why is it so painful to hear of someone else being pg? How selfish, hu? I am feeling better now, but I guess it was just a really bad time for me to hear that. They tried one month. (which used to be US so it's not like I begrudge them for it!) It's weird how you can be happy for someone but so sad for you. ah well... my time is coming.. I've got to be closer to being pg now than I was 6 months ago right? :) Sorry for all the obsessive pregnancy talk... it's all that's been on my mind today though. Tomorrow is Noah and Gracie's big bday bash so that will be a wonderful uplifter!

Off to the doctor tomorrow!

Yikes!! I am so stressed and nervous about my OB/GYN appt. tomorrow! (Friday) I have no idea what he's got in mind to do to me.. that's always a fun feeling isn't it? To make things better I don't think I ovulated at all this cycle. Wonderful! We'll see though... hopefully I'm wrong.

So, T-Ball has taken over my life!! It's sucking up a ton of time and money! Madison is loving it though... but secretely I hope that next year she'll say she doesn't want to play again. She's sooooo ready to play soccer.. if she'd just do soccer and not Tball next year.. I'd be one happy mamma! I might be choosing for her next year.. if I never mention Tball.. maybe she'll never mention it too. I have to say though, the kids are SO cute playing out there. They're so small, have nearly no clue as to what they should do, but try so hard anyway. I'm so proud of Madison.. my typically shy girl.. everytime the coach asks "who wants to go first?" Madison raises her hands really high and waves it like "please, please pick me!" She's one of about two that will volunteer.. that's my girl!

So, my 'baby' will turn 2 years old in 2 weeks, 4 days. (May 1) I could cry thinking of it! How do they grow up so fast?! How do some days seem neverending.. but when you look back it's like it all happened in a flash? Clayton will turn 25 on the 22nd of this month. HOW?! We started dating when he was 16! (almost 17) Life really goes by too fast. Just typing that makes me realize that right now I need to go get in the floor and scribble with Carter, and giggle until I can't breathe, and rock him until he falls asleep in my arms. That's what life is all about isn't it? If that's the truth.. then why do we (in general) spend so much more time stressed about work, the house, how much we've eaten, how tired we are, how busy we are... why not just stop and enjoy life? That's the constant question isn't it? I know it is for me.

My "true" self

My Personal Dna Report


Sounds like me to me... wow, I'm not as nice as I thought hu?

Tball.. here we come!

Madison had her first Tball pract. yesterday! It was so cute!!! She is one of only 3 girls on her team.. the girls all huddled together like they were trying to protect each other from the boys all around. They just worked on catching with their gloves, and stepping and throwing the ball. I hope they'll get to do hitting and base running tonight because madison got a little bored and even said she didn't really want to go back again. Coach better get some fun going quick! We've spent the money so she's is so going to play! Just got to buy her belt, socks, and pants for her uniform.. oh, and cleates. I can't wait to see her in her uniform.. it'll be so darn cute! OKay, I have really turned into one of 'those' moms. Every new thing my kids do I consider just absolutely wonderful and want to tell everyone! When Madison would throw the ball correctly I kept turning to the mom next to me and saying "oh did you see that?!" Thankfully she had 4 kids with her (all under the age of 6) and she's 10 weeks pg.. so she was equally as giddy about all her kids were doing. Then today at "playgroup" (which consisted of Suzanne's crew and me and Carter) everytime Carter listened to what i was asking of him and minded I'd cheer and ask Suzanne, "Oh did you see that?! He really is minding me!!" I know that she understands why this is so amazing because she has three kids... so one of them is bound to be the one that's a little more difficult to get through to.
We have to do Tball stuff again tonight... and then I have parenting group at church (love it!!) so we're in for a long and exhausting night but I am so looking forward to it! Still dreading my ob/gyn appt I have on the 14th... so be praying for my peace on that please. I need it!