Going Rogue - Parenting Edition

Sarah Palin did it politically... I'm doing it as a necessity to survive my current 3 year old.

My little Samuel is a force to be reckoned with. I don't know if I've gotten more exhausted lax with him, if I made a wrong turn somewhere at 2, if this is just his personality, or if this is God's twisted way of preparing me for dealing with foster kids. Whatever it is, I am determined to win this battle! It seems my usual parenting techniques may not be enough to Shock and Awe these behaviors out of the little man.

The main issue lately is screaming... for extended periods of time. Lots and lots of screaming. The secondary issue is his draw to torturing the people that share this house with him. Mainly the other two little people. He may choose to simply annoy the crap out of them by "almost" hitting them over and over again, or sometimes he's been known to walk up and give one of them a good wack in the knee cap for no apparent reason. (Thanks for the lessons in humanity Tanya Harding.)

So, I decided to tackle these issues once and for all. Not accepting "he's three" as an appropriate cause of his meanie-head-ness, I dug into my parenting tool-box and pulld out some new ideas. I have no idea if they'll really work, but it beats turning his little booty black and blue.

For solution number one I'd like to thank Kevin Leman. I went through his video series "Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours" MANY years ago, and remembered a seemingly INSANE piece of advice he gave. It was specific to your kids interrupting or crying and whining while you're on the phone. Dear God.. yes.. please help me. Never had one that insisted on making my phone conversations so miserable. It goes like this at our house lately:
 *phone rings* "Hello?" "Oh hey! How are you? Sure.. let me see if I have any boarding slots available for those dates.."

"Mommmmeee... mommmeeee.... I want a candy. Mommeeee.. can I have candy?"

*me giving him "the look" and shooing him away.*

"MOMMMEEE!!! I want some candy!!!"

*Let fit throwing begin

This started about a year ago. I know it's all my fault. A client would call, and the worst part of working from home would begin. A whining child in the background. Utter humiliation begins.. now. I discovered that if I gave Sam SOMETHING he'd be quiet long enough for me to complete a 4 minute conversation without having to apologize over and over again for my child's misbehavior. So, enter the Dum Dum sucker. We happened to have a pack when this started... so I taught him if you cry when the phone rings, I give you candy. THAT. WAS. STUPID.

Now I'm trying hard to un-do what I did to myself. Enter Dr. Leman's insane advice.

"If your child insists on interrupting and whining every time you are on the phone, and you know you're not on the phone too much, put them out the front door." SAY WHAT?! I'd never do something like that.. that's nutty!

Yeah well, funny how time changes you. I sooo did that the other day. Thankfully I was on the phone with a friend when he started in on a MAJOR whiney/tantrum tangent. I told her to please not judge me.. seriously... as I dealt with him. I told him in my Mrs. Brady voice, "Samuel, I'm on the phone and you need to be quiet. If you cannot be quiet, I will put you outside and lock the door so that I can hear." He raised an eyebrow to his mother's new found looney-toon state of mind and of course, had to try this one out. He nearly instantly screamed, "BUT I-WANT-CANDY!!!"

I felt like a total idiot, but I grabbed him up and walked him to the door, opened it, walked him out, shut the door, and locked it. Yes, I locked my 3 year old out on the front porch. I had to shake my head at myself.. "This is freaking crazy! What am I doing?! Kevin Leman is a lunatic!"

I purposely finished my conversation quickly so I could bring him back in to finish this amazing lesson in life. I opened the door and there he stood, tears streaming down his face.. still all red from anger. I grabbed his hand and walked him back inside and explained the entire scenario to him again. Basically "You scream, I'm on the phone, you go outside. End of story." He said several times, "You put me outside!" Umm.. yes.. I sure did. Now stop being a whiney butt all the time. (and no, I didn't tell him he was a whiney butt to his face.. I am absolutely a two-faced kind of mom.)

The next time he started in while I was on the phone, I gave him the warning (Supernanny would be so proud!) that he was about to get booted out the door again, and he quickly sucked that bottom lip in and got quiet.

"Holy crap.. that crazy stunt worked?!" Yep.. it did work. I've only had to put him outside once more since then.. he decided to test me on it I suppose. I even used this method the other day with my 6 year old just b/c he was being generally psychotic in the house. "I'm putting you outside if you keep doing that.. we don't act like that in the house." He thought I was a lunatic as well once it was over with.. but it worked.

I really thought that being put outside would be a REWARD to my kids. They love going outside! But, I guess being shoved out there against your will is a different experience than they long for.

As far as how I'll get him to stop inflicting general torture on everyone in the house... well.. that's a tough one. He mainly does this when he's angry, sleepy, or bored. He can be mad at me and take it out on Carter... this happens often. Mommy won't let me climb up the curtains so I'm going to stab you in the foot with my play kitchen fork.

I'm trying to keep my cool and my Martha Stewart tone when dealing with him,
 "Samuel, I know you're angry. I can tell because you keep trying to tear my eyes out of their sockets and claw your way to my femur bone... but that is unacceptable behavior. You're going to have to go back to time out.. again."

This doesn't seem to phase him much. I even turned a blind eye to my attachment parenting beliefs and gave him a smack on the rear the other day... my point was "See! That HURTS! Stop hitting everyone!" Okay.. so I lost it a bit but really hoped he'd see what he was doing. Nope... I knew that wouldn't work. Back to time outs.

I do remember my other two going through some seriously long phases like these, and I don't know if anything I did actually extinguished the behaviors, or if they outgrew them, or a combination of the two. It does give me hope, however, to know that they're no longer walking around big fat whiney heads, crying over everything and smacking me in defiance. There is a light at the end of the tunnel..

On a side note, Samuel is also one of the sweetest darn kids ever. He is MOSTLY a very loving little guy.. which is why his Jeckle and Hyde mood swings take me so off guard. I assumed you'd find more use and humor in my battles with Mr. Strong-Willed than my talking about what a perfect child I have. So, there you go.. for your entertainment.

Attachment Parenting: Wanting to Throw in the Towel

Look at Samuel in this picture. Look at that face. That's pretty  much the face I've seen 24/7 for the past 3 weeks. Fun times...

Sam will turn 3 next month, and 3 is 'the age.' Whoever said that the two's were terrible spoke way too soon. Two is a piece of cake compared to three's. I'm can say this for certain being on round 3 of the three's.

With his new found abilities to express his anger (via hitting, kicking, throwing, yelling, spitting..) Sam and I have been going round and round over the past month. I knew it was coming, but I just don't think I was quite prepared enough to deal with it. It was like one night I carried my sweet, snuggly, loving two year old to bed, and the next morning my bear of an almost three year old emerged from the same covers.

Fit throwing time was anytime his eyes were open. Things to be angry over ranged from his socks not being on just right to being told 'no.' Don't even get me started on saying he can't eat candy at 8:00am. The neighbors probably thought we had some type of toddler torture device over here each time we had to hold him down to brush his teeth. He also decided to fight me on nap and bedtimes - which is not a battle I've ever really struggled much with him. Can I tell you how exhausting it is to fight with a determined toddler at 9:00pm when you've been fighting with him ALL DAY LONG? Well.. it is very exhausting.

This is the point in which someone practicing attachment parenting might be ready to throw in the towel. To say, "That's it! I quit! This gentle crap isn't working! Where's my belt?!"

I know this because it's my exact thought process when times get tough like this. As I've said in past posts, I've absolutely gotten to the point with my kids (almost ALWAYS at THIS age) that I feel like what I'm doing isn't working, and I hope that at least the shock of a smack on the rear will get them to listen... and it never has worked. How frustrating!

So, I've avoided posting about our discipline struggles with Sammy Sam because I had hope we'd come out of it soon. Finally, we're coasting back down to a more normal Samuel. We stuck it out, we did what we said we'd do, and we didn't let him run the show around here... victory is so sweet!

He has spent more time sitting in the hallway most days than doing anything else... but finally it worked. Now he can start to throw something because he's angry and I just say, "throw that, and you're in the hall," and he'll usually put it down and say, "I not throwing!" (and then he gets the reminder that yelling at mommy also gets him a time out.) Sometimes he definitely still pushes our buttons, almost as if asking, "oh yeah? Are you really going to make me sit in time out?" Umm.. yes child... you are really going - AGAIN.

I tend to try to avoid punishment if I can and use more natural consequences.. but with this type of behavior I, personally, feel that punishment fits the crime. If simply taking the toy away that he's hitting his brother with doesn't stop the hitting, then a time-out is happening immediately. There's been a few times that his brother has turned around and hit him back - and I just tell Samuel "if you hit kids, they'll probably hit you back. Leave him alone." No one is really in trouble, Sam got what was coming to him, and Carter was simply defending himself against his little brother. Natural consequences are often times much more harsh than any we as parents could come up with in situations like that.

Thankfully the past few days have been much more blissful. If I keep his little brain very engaged then he does great. Boredom is what is kicking off any of his remaining outbursts. It's great to be enjoying my little man again! I missed his happy faces!

Getting Your Toddler to Eat: Tips for Success

Have you ever gone to out to eat and just taken a second to sit back and look around? Often times I notice parents obviously feeling frazzled with their children, especially the ones in those toddler years. Now, most of us probably feel gray hairs coming on when our kids are acting crazy and all eyes are on us to "do something with that kid." But, have you ever felt that way simply because you cannot get your kid to eat? What about at your own kitchen table within the safety of your own home, where judging eyes cannot see? Umm.. yes.. I have!

I often think back and shake my head at myself and feel so sorry for my poor first child. First borns truly are mini experiments for their parents.

"Does she mind when I do this?"
"How do I make her stop screaming?"
"How do I make her sleep"
"Why is she so picky all of a sudden?!"

I recall feeling really upset when she'd stubbornly turn her nose up at new foods, as if her refusal to eat was purely out of rebellion. Who did she think she was trying to develop her own taste?

Today, I'm on my third two year old and am so thankful that he basically cannot pull anything new. Whether it's with tantrums, not minding, or picky eating... I've seen it before. I don't always know how to handle things, but one thing I do feel I've gotten a pretty good grip on is picky eaters, and how to work through those toddler-stubborn phases.

Here are just a few tips that I've learned along the way that I'd love to pass to anyone that hasn't had as many opportunities to learn from their own parenting trials and errors.

Tip #1 - Don't Expect Your 2-Year Old to Eat Like They Did at Age 1

At age 1, most toddlers are super excited about a new world of food. They want to taste and eat everything! If it's on your plate, it's soon to be in their mouth. Often times an eager to eat one-year-old morphs into a two-year-old that seems to require but a handful of food each day to survive. This happens to a ton of toddlers, so don't freak out too much. It's highly unlikely that any toddler will willingly starve themselves - so relax.

Tip #2 - You Can't Win This Battle

There are but two things in life a toddler has ultimate control over: What goes in, and what comes out. Learn this lesson as early as possible and I swear parenting a toddler will be soooo much easier.

Who else has tried to basically force feed a tyke with a spoon-full of "something" as they turn their head away and refuse to even take one taste? Who else has heard themselves say things like,

"Just one bite! It's so good!"
"You HAVE to eat this!"
"Fine, you can just sit here until you eat!"

Fun times at the dinner table, right?

The reason this is so frustrating for parents is often times because they've not yet realized that this battle is not worth fighting. You really cannot make them eat if they don't want to. Really.. you can't. Promise.

Tip #3 - It Isn't Worth Winning

If you do succeed in fighting your toddler to eat and use "scare tactics" like punishment for not eating, this may mean you are able to win this particular battle of the wills, but the war that might follow down the road is not worth it. Children do need to have some control over their own lives. There is no more basic control than deciding what you will or will not eat. Kids forced to eat often grow up to have serious food issues - either they decide to not eat and develop eating disorders (as a means of control) or they have no idea when to stop eating and they suffer with weight management issues. If toddlers learn early how to regulate their own appeties, it is a priceless skill they carry into adulthood.

Tip #3 - You Really ARE in Control

Don't let their scowling faces and fits at the table fool you. You really do have all of the control over what your toddler eats. Who buys the food? Who prepares the food? Who puts the food onto a plate to be eaten? The person in charge - that's who! Put that little tidbit into your parenting toolbox for safe keeping.

Tip #4 - Use Your Control Well

Often I hear parents complain that their kids only like 2 foods, or one food, and they just will NOT eat anything else. Really? Are you certain?

When you realize that this is a battle of the wills, and that you cannot force them to eat, but, that you do have all of the actual control over their food... you are on your way to victory!

Kids that truly will only eat one or two foods typically do so because somewhere down the line, that idea was encouraged. Once a toddler begins tantruming over new foods and wanting just the "Oldies and Goodies," a lot of parents become overwhelmed with the rejection of other eats and feed them their favorites out of fear. They simply don't want their child to go hungry!

My friends... rest easy. As harsh as it may sound, sometimes going hungry is just the answer. For a seriously picky eater - many parenting experts (as in those that have actual trails of letters behind their names proving their worth to us floundering souls) suggest simply putting a plate of food out, and then taking it away.

Can I say.. this actually does work! I heard this amazingly simple technique when my first was a toddler and have used it since. At first it seemed much too easy.

"No time-outs for not eating? No scolding? No forcing? What?!"

I would place food on her plate, we'd sit at the table, she'd say she didn't want it, I'd eat and encourage her to do so, she'd refuse. "Here we go..." I began warning her, "If you don't eat now, we won't eat again until snack time. If you don't want to eat, that's okay! But, Mommy isn't going to fix you anything else until snack time." She chose not to eat the first time. I followed through, picked up her plate after meal-time, and refused to fix her anything until snack-time. Oh the guilt!!

"Mommmmeee! I'm hun-geee!" Oh the fits... oh the tears. I felt like I was abusing her! I admit to scooting up snack-time almost an hour... thankfully she didn't know how to tell time to call my bluff. I prepared the snack I wanted her to eat and sat it in front of her. She ate it... all of it. That small tug of hunger pains was all it took! We kept this same plan for about two weeks, and before I knew it, she would try almost anything! I've done the same method for all of our kids. You eat, or you don't, that's up to you. However, if you don't, then you really don't eat.

I will say that I do try to make sure to make something I KNOW the kids enjoy at each meal, especially if I'm making something I think might make their noses go north. Because I don't have true "picky eaters," I've also been known to let them have a little something to snack on after supper if they happily tasted of all of the food and at least gave it a good effort. I mean, I don't like ALL foods... why should I expect them to?

Tip #5 - Remember Their Age

If you child is just two, then keep that in mind. Don't expect your two year old to be as willing to try new foods as a child three years older. On the flip-side, I personally DO expect more from my older kids. I do explain to them that their reactions to new foods shapes their baby brother's initial reaction as well. I love giving them opporunities to take on more responciblity with how their words and actions affect others!

Sometimes one of your children will just always be less excited about eating than the others. Hey, that's okay! Just keep putting those new foods out, without pressuring them, and watch what happens over time. Sometimes watching everyone else at the table enjoy a meal is just what the doctor ordered for a picky eater.

Meal-time really should be a laid-back, "Hey, how was your day" time. Help your kids relax and enjoy it, too. With a little encouragement, a little discipline and consistency, and a lot less pressure, you really can begin to enjoy life around the dinner-table with your kids.

Review: Ergo Baby Carrier for Toddlers

Before I begin this post, I want to make sure that I write that this is NOT a paid advertisement. I simply LOVE my Ergo and haven't written a post about its functionality with a heavier toddler. With that said:

This is my Ergo

Inside of my Ergo is my 2 years and 4 months old son. He weighs right about 28 pounds now.. possibly 30. (I know, I'm one of those moms that doesn't know her kids' exact weights.) This is how we take the dogs for a walk - toddler happily riding on mommy's back. (By the way, these are our two rescue dogs Ava (the German Shepherd) and Cooper (the one-eyed Toy Poodle.))

I've used strollers for walks, and that's okay sometimes. The main two reasons I love using the Ergo instead are:

1. Bonding

When Samuel is riding in the stroller, he's kind of in his own world and so am I. When he's sitting up high on my back, he sees exactly what I see and he can talk to me with ease the entire time. I love seeing his little hand from the corner of my eye pointing to cows and horses and hearing him moo and "neigh!" at them as we walk past. I can explain all sorts of things to him while we walk without having him constantly lean around the canopy of the stroller and ask, "What? What Mom? What? What did you say? Mom?" Anyone that's spent much time walking with a toddler in a stroller, especially on a windy day, knows what I mean.

2. Ability to do More

When we walk using the stroller, we are GREATLY limited where we can travel. Strollers are super hard to push in grass with heavy kids in them. If the big kids want to walk off into a pasture to pick flowers, there's no wrangling with getting stuff out of the stroller, putting the stroller somewhere safe while you walk, and if your toddler is younger and not so steady on his feet, having to STILL carry him. (we've done this dance a few times.)

With the Ergo if we want to go somewhere, we just go! If Samuel wants out to go play, I just unlatch the top front strap, slip it off of my shoulders, grab his hands, and let him slide down my back to the ground. It's so simple! Why oh why did I not discover this amazing contraption with the other two children?

Another reason I really need something like this is so I can control dogs on walks. I've tied dogs to the stroller before, but it severly limits my ability to correct any misbehavior on walks. Having both hands to hold leashes - priceless!

So, what's the point of this post? Basically, to let all of you mommies know that life really can be easier with certain types of baby gear. This, in my opinion, is a must-have. No matter how big your toddler gets or how heavy they are, you can still COMFORTABLY carry them in the Ergo.

Soft "peanut-style" slings are super easy and sweet when you have a light newborn. I wish I'd have had one for those trips into walmart... but for the most bang for your buck, you just can't beat this product. I've used it since the week after Samuel was born, and see no signs of not being able to use it anytime soon. It's still looks just like new! No tears, rips, nothing. It's been chewed on by him for months on end when he was teething, washed in the washing machine several times (really.. many many washings) and used for almost 2.5yrs now. I know people that have had the same Ergo for several years, through several kids and it just holds up so well.

So, new mommies and mommies with toddlers.. take my advice and the advice of many moms in the world and grab an Ergo! You will never regret it!

Sam in the Ergo at 1 month old

Sam in the Ergo at 4 months old

Sam in the Ergo at 6 months old

Attachment Parenting: CoSleeping

CoSleeping is a pretty hot topic amongst parents and doctors alike. Is it safe? Is it a bad habit to start? Who should and should not cosleep?

Let's start by stating what cosleeping is NOT. Co-sleeping is NOT falling asleep with your infant in your bed, in your arms on the couch, or with you in the recliner. Tossing a baby in your bed out of sleep deprivation desperation is simply that - putting your baby into your bed. It is not safely co-sleeping.

First question - Is co-sleeping safe? The answer is, YES. If done correctly, co-sleeping has actually been proven to reduce the chance of SIDS in infants. How can this be when the media is constantly reporting yet another infant death due to bed sharing? Let's look at this, shall we?

If parents are commited to safe co-sleeping, then they will take several precautions.

1. Remove heavy blankets from the bed. (may mean you have to dress more warmly for bed yourself.)
2. Push the bed flush with a wall in the bedroom - or attach a cosleeper to one side of the bed. (we chose to use a cosleeper.)
3. Do NOT put baby between mom and dad. Baby should be between the wall or cosleeper and MOM. (Mothers are naturally more in tuned with where the infant is in the bed, as opposed to dads who are just naturally not programmed the same way.)
4. Put baby to sleep in your bed on their back - the same safe way suggested to put babies down in cribs.
5. Do not over-bundle baby for bedtime. Your body heat will keep baby much warmer than a baby that is lying alone in a crib or bassinet, and overheating is very dangerous for infants.
6. NEVER consume alcohol or drugs before co-sleeping. Even one glass of wine can significantly decrease your awareness of your infant and it definitely induces deeper sleep. Even common drugs like allergy medications are not okay to take before co-sleeping.

If you follow these simple steps, you are probably going to have a very safe and happy co-sleeping experience.

The next question is one I've been asked a lot: Why start co-sleeping in the first place?

Great question! The answers are varied from one parent to the next. Many parents choose to co-sleep from the start because "it just feels right," or "I just couldn't sleep without my baby next to me." These reasons are very real and wonderful reasons to begin co-sleeping with your new baby.

Some start for health reasons. Studies have proven that when co-sleeping is done SAFELY, SIDs is reduced. How? The baby's breathing and body temperature are all regulated simply by being next to Mommy. If that isn't evidence alone that co-sleeping is nature's way, I don't know what is.

My reasons were different. I started co-sleeping out of pure necessity. Personally, I would have rathered my babies be in the cosleeper beside my bed than in bed with me. I slept better that way. Problem was, my babies never slept better that way.

What new parent hasn't had the experience of finally getting that sweet bundle off to dreamland, only to find that when you put them into bed, the eyes pop open like one of those baby dolls and the screaming begins. I definitely found that to be the case with all three of my babies. The solution, let them sleep with me.

Once I got over the American idea that babies are supposed to sleep alone, and did with  Mother Nature was telling me to do, I loved the more peaceful nights! I could nurse my baby lying in bed, and then simply roll them away from me a bit and both of us could snooze happily. Ahh... sweet sleep...

Many have asked logistical questions about co-sleeping. Mainly: Do you always have to go to bed at the same time as your baby if you co-sleep? I want ME time at the end of the day!

Another great question, and again, the answer will truly be - it depends.

Personally, I tried VERY hard to teach my babies to fall asleep on their own or to go to bed at first without me. Then, when they'd wake at night for the first feeding, the co-sleeping would begin. However, sometimes babies (like my second child) refuse to sleep anywhere but with mommy... ever. This can be incredibly exhausting, draining, and frustrating. I know - I've lived it.

With my baby that was this way, it started from birth. We co-slept in the hospital bed his first night out of the womb to stop his screaming from the bassinet. He knew where he needed to be, and he wouldn't settle for any place else. At first I thought it was sweet. In those first post-baby emotions, your newborn can do no wrong. After about two weeks of this, I was already exhausted with it. I just wanted a minute for myself! The truth is, I rarely got it. I know this isn't what you want to hear if you are struggling with a baby or toddler like this currently, but I want to let you know that it does happen to lots of moms and babies/toddlers.. and it also ENDS for us as well.

My little man spent some duration of each night in my bed for his first 3 years. Yes... three YEARS. Trust me, I did EVERYTHING to try to stop it. I did the Super Nanny technique of simply putting him back into bed each time he would get up. It would go on for hours before he would finally fall asleep in his bed. Then, he'd be back up a few hours later. I was determined, so I settled for exhaustion and continued the marathon "put him back in bed" routine for days and days on end. It just would not work for him. We were both exhausted, I was super angry with him, and in the morning I didn't even want to look at him because he had kept me up all night.. again.

Just like with realizing spanking wasn't for me.. I realized this was NOT for me. Not with this child, anyway. I turned to my attachment parenting friends for help. Their advice: put a pallet or mattress on the floor beside your bed and tell him he can sleep there, or in his bed. I agreed to try it, not thinking he would EVER settle for the floor of our room. But, he did! He slept on a crib mattress beside our bed from the ages of 2.5 to a little over 3. Once he hit age 3, he was finally able to transition to his room. He'd spend a few nights a week in his bed in his room, and a few nights still in our room. By age 4, he was mostly in his room and we removed the mattress from our floor. (we talked about how when he turned 4 the mattress would be gone to try to prepare him.)

He did okay with it. He sometimes would cry beside my bed wanting to sleep in the floor, but I'd take him back to his room, comfort him, and he would eventually settle back in for the night.

Now, age 5, he's 100% in his bed. All night - every night. No waking up, no waking us up. Ahh.. sweet sleep.

I will say that he is the only of the three that struggled like this. His baby brother slept through the night before he did. Seriously. When it comes to your children, they are all different and that's why no one technique will work on them all. Some of your infants and toddler - you may have to go to bed when they do for a while. The goal, in my opinion, is to SLOWLY wean them from it in a non-traumatic way.

For Carter - giving him a teeny tiny flashlight worked wonders! He only got to play with it at bedtime. I would tell him that if he'd lay quietly BY HIMSELF, that he could have the flashlight. He'd almost always fall asleep with it still shining - no mommy required. He still sleeps with that flashlight, actually!

Some moms I know swear by sticker charts. There's not even a reward for earning a certain number of stickers.. just the joy of getting a sticker! (it works!)

Somtimes you can just start with, "Lay here by yourself first, Mommy has to do something and then I'll be back." At first, only be gone for a minute or two at most... keep to your word. Then, slowly lengthen the time it takes you to come back until you can say, "Go on to sleep and I'll be in later." This can be a S-L-O-W process. Stay patient and remember that you are your child's only real security in this world. It makes sense that they need you in the scary night.

Co-sleeping can be a parent's best friend if done correctly. Not all kids may need it, but if yours does, I hope this gives you a few pointers on how to start it safely, and how to begin the ending process when you are ready. When it feels like your toddler will truly NEVER sleep alone, keep in mind that it is highly unlikely that your 16 year old will come home one night, toss the keys on the nightstand, and crawl into bed with Mom and Dad. All good things must come to an end... just hang in there!

Parenting Method: Attachment Parenting

Attachment Parenting is the method of raising, disciplining, and caring for children that I have become quite passionate about. Being a mommy that believes in these methods can sometimes feel lonely for mothers, but rest assured that there are many, many moms in the world that naturally follow this same method. Even if they are unaware it has a name.

What is Attachment Parenting?

Defining attachment parenting could be a quite lengthy post. I think it can suffice to say that often times attachment parenting is mothering and fathering children in the way that anyone would if there were no books, no peer pressure, and no elders telling you how to do "this and that."

Most parents would probably agree that a few key elements go into this method of parenting. Here is a list of some common no-no's in attachment parenting:

NO:
-crying-it-out for infants
-believing in spoiling a baby
-spanking, popping, hitting, etc
-belitting children
-yelling or screaming

Some common things you will see from people that practice some form of attachment parenting might include:

YES
-breastfeeding, and often child-led-weaning
-baby wearing (slings and baby carriers to sooth a baby that needs to be held when parents are busy)
-responding to each infant cry
-redirection in toddler discipline or other gentle methods like time-out or taking away an object
-modeling the desired behavior for the child
-co-sleeping (this isn't always necessary for each baby, but rather than letting a baby cry-it-out, most AP parents rely on the family bed as a means of getting a good night's sleep.)
-taking cues from the child on when he or she is ready for certain developmental milestones (such as weaning from breast or pacifier or bottle, being ready to transition to own bed, eating solids, potty training, etc)

This is a very short and loose guide for how many parents practice attachment parenting.

I, personally, fell into attachment parenting by complete accident. I was raised in a typical southern spanking family. This was the only way I knew to discipline when I had my first child. (and probably the only method my own parents were ever taught growing up.) I quickly realized that spanking just led to frustration, anger, resentment, and hurt feelings - for both my daughter and myself. I remember her going through a pretty serious hitting phase at age 2 and smacking her back each time she'd smack me. This was advice I had been given to stop the behavior. She'd hit me, I'd hit her back. After a couple of rounds of this I realized that her anger was just growing stronger, as was mine. I thought we looked like a pair of two year olds scuffling and not a mother and a daughter in a disciplinary situation. I knew there had to be a better way.

I researched online and found a few wonderful attachment parenting message boards. What a wealth of information! I shared my struggles, my anger issues, and poured my heart out to these strangers. In return I got a ton of been there - done that advice, shoulders to cry on, and information that totally changed my parenting direction!

By the time my second child was born I was armed and ready. I WOULD succeed in breastfeeding him, I WOULD be a good mom to my three year old and my newborn, I WOULD stop hitting. I chanted these things to myself constantly.

Now that I'm a mom of three, I'm working from home (and sometimes away from home), and life has gotten a bit busier, I find myself becoming frustrated more easily with the toddler antics and other struggles that can come from having kids. Just a few days ago I found myself popping my two year old's hand after he had hit me several times during a tantrum over the cake I wouldn't let him eat. (at 8am.. what a great start to the day!)

Instead of feeling super guilty like I would in the past, I simply took a breath, picked him up, and sat him in time-out for hitting. When his time-out was over we hugged, kissed, and we both said we were sorry for hitting. I always end it with, "WE don't hit."

So, even though I've been on this attachment parenting journey for several years, I definitely still can struggle. Some days I lose my temper and yell at the big kids, I get upset over things I shouldn't, and sometimes I have days that I wonder if I did a single thing right in the parenting department. The good news is, most parents DO. No matter what most blog posts say, no matter how commited to attachment parenting someone seems to be, EVERYONE has bad days. The good news is, the more you practise self-control, the more natural it becomes to not hit, to not yell, to not berate.

My number one piece of advice to anyone looking into attachment parenting for themselves is to follow your instincts. If it makes you sick to your stomach to hear your infant cry, then for goodness sakes pick that baby up! Imagine how he must feel. There's a reason nature designed mothers to immediately respond to their baby's helpless pleas.. don't fight it. It is natural.

If cosleeping just seems natural to you - don't fight it. Research it, do it safely, and sleep peacefully.

If gentle discipline sounds like something you would like to learn more about, then do! I will likely follow this post up with my own methods of discipline for those that are interested. I know how hard it is, like I said, I still struggle!

Number two piece of advice - don't mistake attachment parenting for permissive parenting. Know when to make your toddler wait verses jumping up for their every whim, know when to say no and mean it, know when to make something a battle and when to let it go. Know that you respecting your child teaches them a lot about respecting others. They learn best from example.

FYI: though I do enjoy a good debate, this post is strictly for those in search of information on attachment parenting. If this  method is not for you, please do not feel the need to tell me or others. Thank you.

Why Keep Breastfeeding?

Since the anniversary of my baby boy's birth, I've started getting the "are you still nursing" and "when are you going to wean him" questions. Often times it's from simply curious, nursing their babies still, mommies. Other times it's from people that are obviously thinking I'm some sort of pervert, sicko, weirdo, or over-protective-one-of-those-kinds, mom. Many do not understand why anyone would continue nursing past the nutritionally necessary one year mark. I'd be happy to shed some light on the topic.

First, to answer those controversial questions:

Are you still nursing? Yes

When are you going to wean him? I have no idea. I do believe in child led weaning, though I've never been in a position to nurse past 15 months since that is when Carter weaned himself. I can easily see us making it to two years. GASP I know... I told you I was a sicko. But, only time will tell.

Now, the more important question is, why continue nursing past a year?

When you breastfeed past your infant's first birthday, you are entering the time known as "extended breastfeeding." I'm guessing that's a term only used in America... I can't imagine how old a child would have to be in other countries for it to be considered so out of the ordinary that it needs a special title like extended.

One of the big reasons to continue nursing is purely emotional. Why take away what has been your baby's complete source of nutrition and comfort since the moment he or she was born? Just because a book says to? Because people look at you weird? (maybe they just look that way all of the time... they may not be directing that weird look at you at all...) One of my favorite quotes, from I can't remember where, is "the baby hasn't read the book.." This can be applied to labor and delivery, sleeping, eating, sitting up, crawling, walking.. anything! Breastfeeding is no different. Your one year old doesn't understand that there is some wacko societal reason that he can no longer breastfeed... and even if he could understand, I assure you he would not care. So, taking my cue from my new toddler, I am choosing to also not care.

The second reason to nurse past a year is medical. Breastmilk changes its makeup EVERYTIME you breastfeed your baby. It changes in water, calorie, and fat content depending upon what your baby needs each feeding of the day. As your baby grows and ages, your body sends different signals to the milk factory to change it more. No matter how old your baby or toddler is, your breastmilk is still being produced to be the most optimal source of nutrition.

It is probably not new news that breastmilk is packed full of antibodies. (especially colostrum - babies first milk that is produced in the days before actual milk production begins in new mothers. It typically takes 3-5 days for a new mother's milk to "come in.") These antibodies do not go away just because your baby turns into a toddler. Your 16 month old that contracts a stomach virus will benefit just as much from being a nursing tot as your 4 month old would. You can even prevent your toddler from catching those nasty virus's by continuing to offer mamma's milk to them.

A nursing mother will actually reap more health benefits the longer she breastfeeds. Uterine, ovarian, and breast cancer risks can all be reduced simply by breastfeeding. The longer you do it, the more you cut your chances down. Many women can keep the "old hag" away as long as they breastfeed. No PMS? Isn't that a reason to keep nursing? Moms that breastfeed, especially to and after one year, also reap vanity rewards. All of that maternal fat you store up during pregnancy is stored for one purpose: making milk. The more milk you make, and the longer you make it, the more of an opportunity your body has to burn the stored fat to take the rolls off of your tummy and put them onto your baby's thighs. Combine this with a healthier eating plan and a bit of exercise.. and you can be one hot mamma! (it's definitely one of my diet secrets. Guess the cat's out of the bag.)

So, call me what you will... but with all of the benefits to mother and baby that extended breastfeeding has to offer... I just can't think of a single reason to stop!

Little Stinker!!

This past week has been so full of ups and downs with this little cuttie! He went on a huge nursing strike. (I'm thinking because of his top teething trying to break through.) He would only nurse at night and first thing in the morning. From the hours of about 6am through 7pm he would totally refuse to nurse. He'd bite me, turn away, cry, push away from me, and just in general be seriously upset by me even offering him the goods. But then, the magic hour of 7:00pm would come and he'd get on and not want to get off. So weird. By Friday (day 5 of strike) he was showing great signs of improvement! He nursed all that day just like normal.. HOORAY! His 9 month checkup was also that day. He's great. :) 18 pounds (75%) 29inches (75%) and his head was also 75%... pretty perfect! The doctor commented to him that "You could've been an even bigger boy if you would have eaten last week!" lol So true! So, I'm thinking by last night, after many many easy and smooth nursing sessions, that he's back on and problems are gone. Well, this morning he's back at it. sigh I don't know what to do with this boy. I'll just keep offering and keep being on top of this. The only trick that works with him is to let him go to sleep, and once he's totally out, pick him up and lay in bed with him and nurse him that way. He likes to nurse when asleep.. but not any other time. At this point I feel like if I can convince him to breastfeed for one solid year we'll have made a huge accomplishment! (someone please quote this to me many months from now when he's still going strong!) I never thought my big eater would refuse to eat mommy milk! What's he thinkin`?!

The Kids

I haven't done an update on the kids in a while so I thought it was time. First is little Sam... he's quickly becoming not quite so little anymore. He's already 8.5 months old. Where has the time gone? He's crawling and pulling up and trying to let go once he's standing to stand alone. He can for a few seconds... but then he gets excited and drops right to the floor. (or sometimes he falls forward onto whatever he pulled up on and gets a nice little head bump) He's such a talker! He crawls around the house saying "dada" and "mama" and "bye bye" all of the time. I LOVE baby talk! He's already slowly losing some of that precious baby squish. Now.. don't worry.. he's still plenty squishy! But he's getting so long that he's just stretching it all out. His favorite past time is eating. He loves to eat! That includes nursing and solids... anything I'll allow him to have, he's excited about. He's borderline obsessed with food. Eating out with him is quite a chore. He already has figured out that what we're eating is not what i'm feeding him, and that makes him a little cranky! He's still an easy going, social, sweet, cute as can be baby! Oh, he finally got two bottom teeth just in the past two weeks. I'm sad that his gummy smile is fading away, but it's neat to see him have a 'bigger baby' look to him all at the same time. My days now are spent asking the two most asked questions for anyone with a mobile baby/toddler in the house. "Where's Samuel?" and "What's in his mouth?"

Carter and Madison.. those two are quite something lately! Carter has become even more silly... if you can imagine! He's still always out for a laugh, he takes NOTHING seriously, and he's still a big time lovey kid. He makes Madison insane a lot of the time because she's the exact opposite. She is more calm and sometimes moody, likes quiet, takes everything seriously, and isn't too touchy feely. The good news is, they're really becoming great friends. Now that Carter's getting older and he's "more fun" to play with, I can see a different relationsip forming. They choose to play together now because it's a good time, not because it's the only option when we're home. It's so neat to see siblings together! (unless they're fighting....) Madison is still doing great in school. She's a great reader, and she loves music and art. She says she can't wait until second grade because she thinks she'll have science then. (no science in first grade?) She's so much like me. She LOVES animals... to a fault almost. She says she wants to be a zookeeper or work at a pet store when she grows up. That's exactly what I wanted to be when I was young. (I guess being a stay at home mom is sort of like being a zoo keeper...) Carter's doing great at his school work here at home. He knows his entire alphabet by sight now and can write the letter 'A' on his own. Also the letter 'C'. We're working on 'B' but that's a tough one! He loves doing letters... I'm shocked at his thirst for knowledge! I'm taking advantage of it while it's here. So, the kids are all doing great. We have bumps in the road here and there but we work through each of them one day at a time! I'm still amazed at how relatively simple having three kids has been. I really thought it would be more of a big deal. I guess once that first child paves the way.. you're just doing more of the same!

Nothing Sweeter

There is NOTHING sweeter than watching a room full of preschoolers pray to our Lord. I am so privileged to get to teach the 2-4yr old class at Journey once a month. We so often can underestimate how much they really really do get God and Jesus at these tender ages. My favorite thing to do to start class is to simply say, "Raise your hand if Jesus loves you!" All of their tiny hands shoot up into the air... their faces light up! I pray for all of them that they will grow up to really, really believe that. Jesus REALLY does love them. To think of what a positive impact them knowing that, starting at such a young age, will have on their lives is just astounding. What a huge responsibility we all have to the young ones around us! Teaching God's love is something we must do daily. We must live it, show it, be it! From how we talk to others, to how we treat them, to how we even talk ABOUT others when they're not around... it all impacts our children. Unfortunately our children will "likely" become like us... not like we tell them to become. Anyone else feel pressure there? lol Well, I guess we should feel it. How often do you think back to your days as a child, growing up and trying to figure out how this big, mean world works, and the things adults did that negatively impacted you? I have really tried to go through my entire childhood and pinpoint the things that happened that made me who I am. Good and bad. What created the positives about me? What created the negatives? I think that's a good exercise for all parents to do. I've tried to be very purposeful in NOT doing the things that I know created negatives for me to my children. From simple things like not talking over them or trying to immediately calm the situation when one of them is obviously becoming frustrated to big things like not fighting with Clayton in front of them (or not fighting with him period lol) to not yelling, spanking, or saying phrases that I hated my entire life like: "You have to clean your plate", "Don't make me come over there!", or "Quite crying before I give you something to cry about!" Oh my.... we all too often do not think enough about the words we speak aloud. Thoughts alone can be quite detrimental to our own selves... but the power of our words is something not to be ignored. Especially to a child that is so mold-able. What do you want your children to think about themselves? Say THOSE things to them! What do you want them to become? Smart? Hard working? Successful in life? Speak those words over them. My stepmother was the QUEEN of positive speaking with us kids. I can still remember words she spoke to me and about me. Things like, "you have so much wisdom to be so young... never let anyone tell you otherwise!" and "You really have a gift with words, don't stop speaking truth to people." Now, maybe she said a little too much because sometimes my "gift" with words overrides my gift of censorship... but you get the idea. We all need to be totally purposeful with the parenting of our own children and the raising of the children around us! Children are such a total gift. God never has to hand down a child if he doesn't see it for his glory.... yet it really becomes so easy to take them for granted. My goal is to focus each day on how to NOT take for granted each of my children. To look each one of them over thoroughly and find their strengths and focus totally on those, making the weaknesses they have easier to deal with. Hopefully my actions as a mother will show God how thankful I am for the three miracles he handed down to me.

In the past week

I've learned to:

*push myself up to sitting all by myself

*say dada, mama, and bye-bye

*say 'mama' while crying to make mommy come even faster

*get cheerios, fruit puffs, and other small finger foods into my mouth, all by myself

*crawl on my hands and knees (but only when highly motivated aka. food, the cat's in the house, my brother or sister just out of reach...)

*pull up and nearly fall out of my crib causing my mattress to be put at the lowest level, which made mommy cry because it now looks like a big baby bed, not a newborn bed.

*pull up and nearly fall out of the cosleeper, which also made mommy cry because now that means I'm sleeping in the pack -n- play by mommy's bed, and not the cosleeper. (and mommy will likely never get to use the cosleeper again)

*babble very loudly and realize it gets me lots of fun attention

All of this in one week's time. Amazing what a talented 7 month old I am. More to come! Just wait and see.

What's the impact?

Have you ever had a conversation with a child and you knew you'd probably never see them again, but they just stuck in your head and heart? You just prayed that something you said would stick with them? I had this experience recently. I was waiting at the Dr's office to get one of Samuel's immunizations (do delayed vaxing, so we do one a month) and I had Carter in tow, Madison was at school. A little girl was sitting nearby and she came to me and said, "I'm not sick... can I please talk to your baby?" (such a sweetie!) I said, "Well sure! He loves peek-a-boo if you want to make him laugh." She was probably 10 years old... give or take. Carter was playing with the germy, sure to get you sick if you weren't already, toys offered in the office when he decided he didn't want to share with another child. I warned him of what i wanted him to do, he didn't, so I sat him beside me in "time out." The little girl asked, "So, you do timeouts?"
me:"Yes, sometimes."
Girl: "My mom doesn't do timeouts... she spanks me instead!"
Me: "My mom spanked me too, I don't think I ever got a timeout either."
Girl: "Do you spank your kids?"
Me: "No, I decided not to do that."
Girl: "Wow, really? I thought everyone spanked their kids!"
Me: *laughing* "Well, most people do... but I didn't like it when I was little so I decided to be different when I had my own children."
Girl: "Cool... "

A few moments later Samuel got fussy and she asked what was wrong with him. I told her he was hungry.
Girl: "Do you want me to get his bottle for you?"
Me: "Aw, thanks, but he doesn't have a bottle."
Girl: "Oh, so you breastfeed?" (she sounded like quite the grownup asking these questions)
Me: "Yep!"
Girl: "Really?! I hear about that on TV but I've never actually seen anyone do it before!"
Me: *nursing Sam* "If it makes you uncomfortable you don't have to sit here with me.. you won't hurt my feelings. Promise!"
Girl: "No, I think it's neat! Does it hurt?"
Me: "nope.. not at all"
Girl: "How do you know that he's eating enough like that?"
Me: "See these fat legs? That's pretty much how I can tell."
Girl: ***giggle*** "Did your mom breastfeed you?"
Me: "No, I don't think a lot of women breastfed their babies when I was a baby. It probably never even occurred to her to do it."
Girl: "You do a lot of things differently than your parents did, don't you!"
Me: "Yeah, I guess so! I guess when you know better, you do better, right?"
Girl: "Well, then I guess I can do things differently from my own mom once I have kids then!"

The girls mother (who had been back seeing the dr) then came out and told her to come on in a not so nice voice. The mom seemed angry at the little girl just for being around. My heart broke. We've all seen those kinds of parents... always snapping at their children. Always quick to smack them or scream at them. For NO reason what-so-ever. The girl told me goodbye, and I told her thank you for helping me with my baby. I also said, "I can already tell you're going to be a very loving mommy when you grow up."

For some reason this little girl popped into my head this morning. I kept wondering if our conversation would stick with her like it had with me. Would she be able to follow any of the quick examples I had set for her when she had her own child? Would the thoughts of breaking the cycle, being different from what she was raised to be help her be a better mother than her mother might have been to her? I pray to God that yes, it will. I pray that he put us together that morning, for those few short moments, to change both of our lives. Children like that put the thought of adoption closer and closer to my heart. The things I feel we could offer... the things I feel we're not doing God's ultimate will if we don't offer. I have prayed that she would seek out alternative parenting methods as she grows older and these things pertain to her. That maybe a Dr. Sears baby book would be handed to her to teach her all about attachment parenting... cosleeping, babywearing, nursing, and just basic loving and warm ways to care for your infant and your child. Gentle ways to discipline that really work. Oh the things I wish for this child that I do not know. May God bless her!

More free advertising

Here is Sam in the Ergo... now almost stable enough to ride on my back. He definitely likes being facing me tummy to tummy better (closer to the groceries) but I can see that this back hold is going to be great in the future! The one disadvantage to the back hold with an infant is they have total access to your hair... even if you pull it up those little hands grab it! This is something we'll work out when toddlerhood is here. All of you Ergo users, what age did you start using the back hold more than the front hold? And, does anyone like the hip hold? Samuel isn't quite big enough for that yet, but I tried it anyway and it wasn't all that comfortable.. maybe when he's bigger?

Yes, I am... still

Doesn't it always happen right around the 6 month mark? The oh so dreaded, "Are you still nursing him?" Okay people... this isn't directed to ANYONE that reads my blog, so don't feel attacked lol.. but I'm getting this more and more from some family and even STRANGERS! Sheesh! Mind ya biz-nez! I just don't get it... the AAP says babies should be breastfed for one year... The WHO (World Health Organization) says TWO years is the minimum to shoot for... so what's up America?! And what am I supposed to do... wean him from the breast to buy formula for the next 6 and 1/2 months? Seriously? Why? (yes, this is what people think you are SUPPOSED to do.. weird) I found a shirt online that says in big bold print "Yes, I'm still nursing" for babies.. I'm so gonna buy it in the next few months! lol Just a heads up you all... don't be shocked if I'm still nursing a while from now. I shoot for about two years... yeah, I'm in serious "pervert" "weirdo" "sicko" land there aren't I? I figure it goes well with my cosleeping, organic buying, no spanking, baby wearing, no crying it out self... might as well throw as much 'weird' stuff together in my parenting bag as i can, right? I think my new responce to anyone who thinks it's strange that I'm still breastfeeding now is going to be, "wow, if you think it's weird now, you're really going to be freaked out to see this when he's 5!"

Parenting tips from the Bible

It's amazing to me how I can hear/read a verse in the Bible that has nothing to do with parenting but at the same time I can so relate it to raising children.

The Journey Gals are doing a Beth Moore Bible study right now called Stepping Up. We're only on week two and all I can say is WOW! Sunday night we were watching the dvd of Beth M. and she was reading from Hosea and this verse struck me. In context it's about how Israel turned away from God and started worshipping pagan gods and believing that those gods had given them their vineyards and orchards and basically all that was good for them. So, of course God was displeased.... but this is what he says...

Hosea 2:14 - "Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her."

Now, God had already reprimanded them, but here he is, being merciful and even tender to the people that had basically forgotten him. After all of the sin and wrong they had done, he still was tender with them. What a lesson for me! I do try to be tender with my children... but how hard is that when they've REALLY got you peeved? When the back talking is getting to be more than you can handle, when you feel like you've said "no" a million times that day and are talking to yourself, when you're just having one of those days? If God can speak "tenderly" to Israel when they've basically completely turned away from him, then surely I can speak tenderly to my children in the midst of a bad day. I caught myself a few times yesterday wanting to raise my voice and be more of a dictator to my 3 year old (he is SO 3 right now!) and instead, I stopped, took a few deep breaths, and spoke to him in a soft and tender way. I still held the consequences that I put into place with him for rules broken... but it seemed so much more effective since I was still having mercy on his little heart. This goes hand in hand with what we've been talking about in Parenting Group. Using "I" statements instead of "You" statements. (I feel *** when you *** because ***) instead of (You don't ***!!) It's a hard thing to do in the heat of the moment.. but it's my goal! I think I need to write this verse down and hang it all over my house!

Race for the Cure

This isn't the best quality picture (it's a scan of one my mom printed out for me) but this is my sister, samuel, and me after we had finished Race for the Cure standing in front of the infamous big pink ribbon. It's such a bitter sweet experience each year. Seeing all of the "in celebration of" tags on every one's shirts is a great feeling... but it always makes me cry at least once to read the hundreds and probably thousands of "in memory of" tags others are wearing. Seeing young children walking with their fathers in memory of their mothers... that is just almost too heartbreaking to witness. But, besides that... it really is always a good time. Sam was nice and slept comfortably in the Ergo the entire time.. and I was so thankful for the hood it has on it since it was quite chilly while we were out there! He was nice and toasty up against me! My legs were really burning by the time we finished! That boy got quite heavy after the first mile.. and the second bridge. My sister kept asking if I wanted her to hold Samuel for a while but I was afraid if I woke him up taking him out I'd have to find a spot on the interstate somewhere amongst 45,000 women and try to feed him... so I opted to just endure it and consider it my exercise for the entire weekend. I love all of the free stuff we get each year too. We were a little late so we didn't get the great Ford scarfs that we always seek out... and they were so cute this year... but we did get free ice cream that was super yummy, free drinks, bracelets, necklaces, etc. And... the show the firemen always put on towards the middle of the race is always worth going to see. The entire crowd just came to a dead stop in front of the fire truck they were dancing on top of! I was pushing past trying to keep moving.. if I stopped in that crowd of screaming women I knew my lil` guy was going to stir! So... we did finish the race and enjoyed it! I look forward to it every year. I looked for the Journey girls but didn't see a one of 'em. I tried my best to get on tv.. did anyone see me? ;) My mom said I should have stopped in front of the cameras to breastfeed and then say something like, "I'm reducing my chance of breast cancer every time I feed my baby!" ... probably would've worked...

Sick house

Oh man... we've been so sick the past week! First we battled Strep... conquered it after many days on antibiotics. Now Samuel and I are sick with something totally different. I'm guessing just a cold or something but I feel horrible! Fever, body aches.. you know the drill. I don't know how little man feels but all of his screaming today tells me that he's not doing so hot either. So we've been eating Tylenol like crazy and getting some relief right before it wears off, yet we have another hour or so to go before we can have another dose. (don't you love how that always works out?) Ya know, we spend a lot of time on our blogs talking about how much we love our kids, how much fun they are, yada yada yada... well I'm going to be totally honest and say that I don't think my children have EVER been on my nerves as much as they've been today. Even hearing them giggle has me on edge. Clayton's working so I have zero help.. and I know that's why I'm so short tonight. If I could hire a nanny, just for one night, tonight would be it. Even nursing has me frustrated. Sam acts like he wants to nurse, but then screams at me for about 5 minutes before he'll actually eat. In that 5 minutes I'm frantically trying to make 'it' better. "Want to lay in Carter's bed and nurse?"
"WAHHHHH!!!"
"How about Mommy's bed?"
"WAHHHHHHH AHHH AHHHHH!"
"Sitting on the couch?"
"hmmm... hmm... WAHHHHH!" (man.. almost had it that time...) Nursing with full body aches is fun enough on its own.. much less getting fussed at the entire time. So, there ya go. My serious gripe fest for this Saturday night. And, to make matters even more crummy, if we're still sick tomorrow it'll be the third Sunday in a row we haven't made it to church b/c of sickness. We finally find a church we love and we can't make it 3 weeks straight! sheesh!

Just what I need... (edited)

... to knock me down a peg or two. The perfect follow up to the mushy "I love my kids" post I just made. I decided two days ago it was time to alternate toys so I brought in two old toy bins from the shed to switch out with two from Carter's room. I always make sure to keep any of his favorites in the house.. and I finally got everything all organized and arranged this morning. All of the little "sets" put together, everything bagged up in ziplocks that needed to be, you know the drill. Samuel decided it was feeding time before I could put the lids on the bins and carry them to the shed and I, of course, never got around to that part later in the day. So, I walk in to say something to the kids this evening about supper almost being ready to discover they had almost COMPLETELY covered Carter's room in toys. I swear smoke was possibly visibly coming out of my ears. All of my hard work... gone! They NEVER make messes like that. I told them they couldn't leave that room until it was TOTALLY cleaned up. (which means I will have to do all of my sorting and organizing AGAIN later.. but the lesson had to be learned for them) It took them about 45 minutes and, as shocking as it is, had to seriously talk myself out of spanking both of them because I was so fed up with the mouthing about it. (especially madison) The rest of the evening has been spent shooing them back to the bedrooms because they have seemingly lost the ability to speak in a normal voice and instead think yelling and screaming and running crazy are the appropriate things to do in the living room as Sam TRIES to finally take a nap in the swing.. in the living room. AAARRRGGGHH! It makes me feel like a really crummy mother to feel this way about my kids. I hate not liking them, but right now I'd rather be almost anywhere else than in this house alone with them! I know it being the weekend is making me stressed... I'm basically solo on the parenting all weekend long.. Friday-Monday night. Clayton is working or sleeping or getting ready for work the rest of the time... ugh... fun fun! Well, to make the night complete my sweet little man is about to start wailing from the swing, because my two (usually sweet) bigger kids have run in here AGAIN and woken him up. Oh man... let the battle rage on! (where's Supper Nanny when you need her?)

**Edited to add...
Little Samuel must have known that mommy needed some serious calm down time. I got Madison and Carter off to bed finally (feeling like my head might actually start spin around) and Samuel started fussing. I figured he was hungry so I picked him up and started walking to our favorite nursing chair. He usually lifts his head up now and roots around or at least pushes away to look around... but this time he just layed his sweet head down on my chest. I sat down and expected him to get upset that I wasn't offering up the goods... but he just kept laying there for the longest time! It was wonderful to just sit in silence and hold him like that... so my night did end on a good note... so you can all stop feeling sorry for me. ;) (thanks for the sympathy though... sometimes I need it lol)

For Allison

You said I should blog my baby recommendations.. so here ya go!

You mentioned getting a hotsling..I do have to say that I like those too! I don't have one but almost got one before my GREAT friends got me the Ergo for my baby shower. I do think you'll get more use out of an Ergo... years and years of it. Any sling (in my opinion) will get hard to baby wear in after they get to a certain weight.. since they only go over one shoulder. Other recommendations I have... and remember, I do attatchment parenting so some of these things are specific to that. :)

Cosleeper! It's a bed that is for the baby that has one side off of it, it fits right against your bed so the baby can sleep right beside you, without you worrying about rolling over on top of him and without you losing any bed space. I have one that's a bassinet and a cosleeper.. you can put the side on it if you want. Love it! (mine is by Graco... got it at Baby Depot) I highly recommend cosleeping though.. not everyone is a fan!

"Swaddle Me" blanket. This by far is my favorite new find. I got mine at Baby Depot for $10 and have used it EVERY NIGHT since Samuel was born. (took it to the hospital.. it was all the rave lol.. every nurse came by to see it.. word of mouth spread!) It has velcro that keeps them swaddled up! Samuel is over a month old and he still fits in the 'small' size.. though I'm soon to buy a 'medium' b/c he sleeps sooo well in it.

Huggies Gentle Care diapers. I was a huge Pampers Swaddlers fan until I used these... I can't beleive I'm recommending Huggies over Pampers! lol

Plug in Baby swing.. mine is a cool Fisher Price Aquarium swing that my sister let me have.. but it takes batteries... LOTS of batteries. Now they have new swings that plug into the wall!!! Man oh man what I'd give to have one! lol

I'm a big breastfeeding nazi... so here is what I recommend for that!
- Lansinoh cream. (lanolin for your breasts... works wonders!!)
- Gerber Premium Contoured nursing pads... by far the best I've ever used.. and I've used them all!
- Boppy Pillow. I love mine and use it all of the time! Especially now that Sam's heavier... and especially at night when I'm too tired to really hold him well anyway.
- bottled water... sounds silly right? lol Let me tell ya... you'll want a bottle of water to sit down with everytime you nurse (because you'll be thirsty and b/c the more water you drink, the better your milk supply.. so drink up!) and having a cold one ready in fridge is always something I enjoy!
- the best breastfeeding book ever is put out by the Le Leche League... it's called "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding" and will answer any question you could have and put to rest all of the awful myths out there that make many women quit. Please get this book!

How about a list of stuff i've found useless? lol (or a waste of cash)

#1 waste of money is any kind of diaper genie! If you have to buy bags to refill it.... forget it! Save your money and keep your walmart plastic bags and just twist diapers up in them and toss them that way... no stink! (and if you breastfeed the diapers won't stink anyway..another bonus!)

Snuggli baby carrier (or similar versions). DOn't get me wrong.. I loved them when mine were small infants.. but they outgrow them quickly! (and I spent a good chunk of money on mine with carter...) I'd definitely invest in a better baby carrier if you plan to use it long term.

Really expensive strollers! I just got the best stroller ever from walmart (a double stroller at that) for $89 and it rocks! (it's by Evenflo) Sometimes cheaper isn't bad!

I'm sure there's millions of other things that other mommies can comment on... I know I've left stuff out but there's what i thought of right off the top of my head. All you really need for the baby is a few outfits, you and your hubby, and some comfy blankies. :) (and a pacifier... in case your baby is like my second baby was and wants to eat CONSTANTLY)

by the way... would you please leave me your url to your blog again? I lost it :P

This is an Ergo

I've had tons of people ask me what an Ergo is since I've been raving about it... here are pics! I love love love this carrier.. it by far is better than others that might resemble it. For a newborn or young infant it has an "infant insert" that goes inside of it (the green 'blanket' looking thing surrounding Samuel) and it holds them in place so they don't slip out of the leg openings and snuggles them up! If you look you can see that he's being held in a cradle hold, not in a typical 'baby carrier' hold where the legs are splayed out in a seat. In this one his legs are both coming out of the same opening and he's seated in the carrier. There is also nothing between you and the baby with an Ergo... it is great for bonding and calming a fussy boy! (Ergo should really start paying me for these ads... ) I really wish I'd have had one of these with Carter... man oh man would it have been a life saver! Normally I have Sam snuggled down inside of it more but you wouldn't have been able to see him at all lol so I propped him up instead.