Crazy with a Capital C

Do you ever have a weekend that is absolutely insane? Not just typical ridiculousness, but lots of huge events all at once? This perfectly describes this past weekend for us.

It started Friday. Hubby leaves for work early in the morning, comes home mid-afternoon to grab the most random array of items (his bike, food, clothes, and all kinds of gear that I could not begin to tell you the correct names of.) and heads out for the weekend.

This weekend was the long-awaited Ozark Extreme Adventure Race. Doesn't this sound like something Clayton would partake in? It's a triathlon (biking, running, paddling) and this was Clayton's first year to try it. He and his great friend Stephen teamed up and, amazingly, they finished in FIRST PLACE in their division! (3rd place overall!) I thought Clayton was kidding when he said they came in first... I'm such a good supporter, right? Their times was something like 8 hours, 32 minutes... give or take a minute. 8 HOURS. There is little in the world I would be willing to participate in for 8 entire hours. Especially super intense physical activity. No thanks.

So, this awesome race meant Clayton was away all weekend.. which wouldn't be a huge deal except:

Dance recital weekend!

That's my Madison - the one in the middle

Thank God for mothers.. because mine saved me! She and my stepdad came into town in the morning to help me wrangle the boys, feed people, and get Madison beautiful and all of her massive amounts of costumes, shoes, snacks, ribbons, bows, and all things necessary together. With their help it all went off without a hitch. The boys were SO well behaved.. I was beaming with pride!

Madison did a super job. Dance is definitely her thing. We've tried sports.. and she is great at soccer, but nothing compares to dance for her. She is quite gifted, and I couldn't help but shed some tears as I watched her and her awesome class perform the most beautiful and FLAWLESS ballet dance I've ever seen. She is growing up on me. It's happening so fast. I watched the tiny little girls do their ballet, tap, and jazz moves and it took me back a few years. I remember Madison learning those cute little steps...

"shu-ffle, ball-change" (to a very slow count)

Now these girls are doing incredible moves! They REALLY tap now. They REALLY understand the importance of being high on their toes, being graceful and deliberate, and working together as a team. Beautiful! Yes, I am a proud mother.. I won't even try to hide it.

Let's rewind just a bit, though. Let me take you back to Saturday morning... BEFORE mom got here to save the day, before we began getting ready for recital.

Picture this: You've not slept at all that night because a big storm blew in. Your two boys came crying to your room and climbed into your bed. Being the only parent in the house, you are the only person that can try to ease their fears. They sleep peacefully with you.. but you can't sleep AT ALL because the two of them take turns kicking you, tossing, turning, sniffling... oh boy!

Finally, you all go to sleep. Then, your cell phone rings. You're so exhausted that it takes you several minutes to figure out it's literally right beside the bed.

"Hello?"

"Mandy? Where are you?"

"Umm.. I"m home.. who is this?"

"It's Tricia (friend that dispatches at the police department) and you need to get you and the kids into a safe place. The National Weather Service just put out a tornado warning HEADING RIGHT TO YOUR HOUSE!!"

"What?! Okay... thank you!"

I nearly threw up I got so afraid so fast. I found that Carter and Madison were already up, and I yelled at them to "get your shoes on and get into the hallway NOW!!"

They did, and I threw a mattress over the top of them as I slid my shoes on and grabbed Sam (who was soundly sleeping in my bed) and my cell phone to join the kids in the hall. I reassured Madison that we were probably okay because it was raining really hard,and that everyone says that it gets still and quiet before a tornado hits. Within two seconds of me saying those words, the rain stopped... completely. Silence. I hugged the kids tightly to me, and just prayed and prayed. In my head I kept thinking "why does this stuff always happen when I'm here ALONE?!"

Within 30 seconds of the calmness outside, I hear a sound of rumbling high in the sky. "Is that thunder?" It got louder and louder.. and was steady. The wind was raging outside... and then... nothing again. Silent. Then, heavy, harsh rain. I finally took a breath and called Tricia back. She kept asking if she needed to send someone to come out here to get us.. but thankfully we were safe and it was over. Thank God for AMAZING friends!

There was no damage, that I know of, in our area. I definitely felt like we were right in the midst of something that could have easily turned tragic. I am so thankful! If anything, a tornado stayed in the sky and moved over and never touched down.

What a way to start crazy dance recital day.. right?

Thankfully my husband got home Sunday afternoon and I felt like my life came back together again. I'm pretty used to being alone with the kids.. but this was just a bit extreme. I told him that this coming weekend I'm leaving for 2.5 days and I'd be back before Monday morning. Yeah.. right.. as if I could really stay away!

Baptist Home Gives our Foster Pup a Great Home

It's funny how things happen. Madison's grade had a cute little school music program that they put on Tuesday, and I walked in the auditorium super excited to find two seats next to Justin and Laurie - the girls' cottage house parents at the Baptist Home. Not only have they devoted themselves to ministering to these amazing girls, but they are really hilarious and awesome people to hang out with!

As we waited for the production to begin, a lady sitting in front of me leaned back and asked what dogs I had up for adoption now, and I mentioned this sweet girl - a German Shepherd puppy that I snagged from our city pound about a month ago. She was to be euthanized the next day.. and my love for the breed made me impulsively take her home.

Laurie turned to me later and asked about the puppy, and said that they'd talked a bit about getting a dog, specifically a German Shepherd. Inside I lit right up! I have had a few people ask about adopting this girl, but none could provide the home a German Shepherd typically needs. (SUPER active, very structured, very disciplined, and very committed.) When you take all of those things and wrap them up into a family - you get the girls' cottage. I knew they would be perfect!

They came to the house that afternoon to meet her. They quickly fell in love, and by the next morning they picked her up, took her to the vet, and that was that! Her new name is Bella, and I am thrilled to know the pure joy she will bring to so many children. "A" and "E" were already in love with her from being over here... I can't wait to hear how they all reacted when they saw her as they got off of the bus after school!

Sometimes people don't really get why we do dog rescue. Why spend the time, the money, the energy on dogs? They're just dogs. Yes, they are. But this is why we do this. Not for the dogs, for the people's lives that these dogs touch once adopted.

Some people seek out our foster dogs simply because they want a dog. Once I figure out what type of lifestyle they have, I have gotten pretty darn good at matching dogs with their perfect people. When a great match is made, it's joy. It's love that some people have never felt from another human that they feel from their pet. It's loneliness healed. It's recovery from illnesses made quicker... easier. Children that are feeling lost in this world find comfort and understanding in the big brown eyes of the dog that loyaly sits at their feet as they cry. That licks their tears away and cuddles on the couch. It's a reason to get outside and become active. It's a way to teach responcibility and understanding to children. I guess they're not really just dogs to me. They are a gift from God to us. They are our helpers here.

To see Bella (who was Stormy while she lived with us) go from the pound, to being rescued and fostered, to now going to a group home for children that are being fostered, and pay it all forward... it just makes it all worth it. It reminds me of why we do this when others question our motives. Her job in this world is likely to be a healer, to be possibly the only one to bring a hurt child out of her shell. God uses his creatures for amazing things, and he allows us to watch his glory shine even through the eyes of just a dog.

When my own dad died (5 months ago), I found the most theraputic thing to be running with my own rescue dog. My own German Shepherd (Ava) that I once saved -  has since then payed it back to me a million times over. She can't talk, she can't understand what I say, but somehow she understands when I need a quiet nuzzle, her head on my knee, or for her to simply keep up with me as I run off my grief, my stress, my day.

I've seen her respond to the children that we bring to our home in such a gentle and loving way. She is truly a mother dog at heart. "A" and "E" immediatley felt at home here because of Ava, and of course Cooper.. our rescue Toy Poodle. If God can use me... a human so full of sin, judgement, and all things of the flesh - of course he can use his animals. So innocent, so oblivious, nothing keeping them from just doing - just being.

 

Ava watching over Sam - as always!

Dogs will never be as important as people, but they certainly have a huge importance to people. I am so, so blessed to get to see that first hand every single day. With this week being an exceptional example of how Bella being just a dog - makes her the best thing ever to a group of girls that deserve every simple joy this world has to offer.

Random Jobs I Might Rock Out

Have you ever sat and thought about what other jobs are in the world.. and decided that there are definitely a few that you would be the most awesome person to do that job, ever? Yeah... me too!

For example:

 Walmart greeter. I think that I would be the coolest greeter the world has ever seen. I rarely get tired of talking, I love meeting new people, and I think that I would be just giddy getting to give little kids happy face stickers. You even get a little stool to sit on if you get tired of standing...  Cooler yet, sometimes you probably get to slip your foot out and trip bad guys trying to run out of the door stealing stuff.  Yep.. I'd rock at that.

Lunch Lady - Oh yes. I can actually see myself doing this. Think about it. I love to cook, and I'd absolutely bust into the school Jamie Oliver style tossing out white rice and bringing in brown... down with canned crap and in with more home-cookin'! So, the kids might miss their french fries, but they can learn to eat real potatoes instead.

You get to talk to the kids, but are in no way in charge of them. Yes.. this rocks.

Maid - I REALLY love to clean other people's homes. It is so much fun to get everything just 'perfect' and know that when they come home they'll be so happy to see their house all shiny and fresh. The downside to this is, I'm pretty sure if I cleaned houses for a living.. I'd likely never want to clean my own home. Also, it would be hard to do things the way the home owner wanted me to, and not how I thought was best.
"Who puts dish towels in THAT drawer?"
"Only clean the floors once a week? If you say so lady..."

Secretary - Depending upon who I worked for, I think I'd be an awesome secretary. I love to organize stuff, talk on the phone and get problems solved, and run here and there to do errands.

Circus Dancer - Yes... totally random, but how cool is this gig? You get to dress up in amazing costumes, dance to music, and the crowd you're dancing for is full of kids so it's all good fun!

Then, there are those jobs that I KNOW I'd really be awful at:

Carpenter/Contractor - Do you ever watch that show Holmes on Homes? Basically this guy comes in behind really bad contractors to fix everything they did wrong in homes and even outside for landscaping and such. All I can think when he starts tearing EVERYTHING out is how that would immediately drive me insane. Having to simply tear an entire room down to rebuild it? My patience is not cut out for that! Not to mention I have no skills - as in I don't even hang pictures.

Psychologist for Adults - Though psychology fascinates me to no end, there is no way I can see myself doing that for a living. I just don't have enough patience for adults..I admit it. Hearing the same people come in with the same problems that they create by repeating the same negative behaviors... I think I'd yell at someone.

Waitress - Remember back in the day when your waitress had a pen and a notepad and she'd write your order down? Not anymore! Apparently waiters and waitresses have super-human memory implants somewhere in their brains... they can memorize an entire table's drinks, meals, and special instructions. I can't remember to stop by the bank on my way home... I would be horrible at this job! (not to mention trying to carry those heavy drinks out on those huge trays? Disaster would definitely be occurring on a regular basis.)

Nurse - After the surgeries I've had and also having my babies... I realized I could never, ever be a nurse. My hats off to all of you! You deal with the grossest stuff in the world... really. What's incredible is they act as though it isn't a big deal to them to clean up your vomit, wipe your blood off of you, and change the dressings on your mega-wounds. (like those three csections I had... I cringed FOR the nurse as she dealt with my incision... I had the best nurses!!) I love how nurses can make you feel so good about yourself for the simplest of things.. like finally having enough urine output.... who else would cheer for you on that one?

There are so many jobs in the world. Some are so gross that I can't even watch people on TV do them (AKA: Dirty Jobs) and some are so stressful that I wonder WHY anyone does them. I think I made the right choice for me... raising my kids, and dealing with animals. Not sure I have patience for anything else!

DHS Step 2 - Complete

The first official meeting, the Inquiry meeting with DHS, was this past Saturday. Wow, my head was spinning when it was over! There were some really amazing foster families there to share their experiences with us newbies, and some really great people that were in the same place we are. Just starting.

I got really excited and scared when the foster care liaison said something along the lines of the end of the meeting completing another step in the right direction. Wow! Step 2, already! (step 1 - tons of paperwork. Step 2 - inquiry meeting.)

Next on the agenda is our first home visit, which apparently will be pretty soon. It is supposed to happen before our parenting classes begin (if I remember correctly) and those are scheduled to start around May 4. Wow!! Nine weeks of classes, plus another home visit... and is that it? Really? Working with DHS I keep reminding myself that it probably won't all go so smoothly as it sounds and it might take a LONG time to get this all done.. but I really have no idea.

This makes me super anxious to find a new house.. now. I thought I had found the PERFECT house. After all of my searching.... finally! I went to look at it with my realtor, fell in love, convinced Clayton to give it a shot, and not 3 days later the people that own it decided not to sell. I was/am so heartbroken. To the point that my realtor is working on figuring out what led them to suddenly take it off the market and if there's a way they'd reconsider. It seemed so perfect for where our life is going. Lots of bedrooms, a fantastic layout for a house full of kids... houses like that just don't exist from what I can figure from my hunting experience.

So, I sit in waiting. Maybe God slammed that door shut because our perfect house is somewhere else and he knew I was ready to move into that one. It's easy to say that, but in all honesty, I'm just feeling crummy about it. I've gone to look at a different house since then and thought I'd love it, and couldn't "feel" it. It can't compare to that one.. the lost one.

So much going on - and none of it is in my control. For a Type A personality like myself.. this equals a lot of anxiety. I know... I know.. "give it to God." I'm REALLY trying to... honest! I keep saying aloud, "Okay God.. we've put our 'yes' on the table...now send us somewhere so that we can do this a bit easier, PLEASE!" I'm sure he's laughing at me... and shaking his head in disbelief that I still don't always completely trust that he's got everything under control. I mean.. he spoke the world into existence, yet I don't think he will be able to get us into the right house.

For today, I will look outside of my window and be thrilled with this gorgeous weather. I will be thankful for a roof over my head and a floor at my feet... and I will beg God to hurry up already... ;)

The Post About Nothin`

I felt the urge to blog today with no real ideas of what to say. Sometimes randomness is a good thing... right?

I kept the kids home from school today. It was a spontaneous decision that I made last night... for no reason at all. Benchmarks are over, it's Friday, and it's a gorgeous day. Why not?

Within the first hour of being awake I was second guessing that decision with Samuel making it his life quest to annoy Carter and Madison to the point where they scream at him, but not quite to the point that they finally have enough and shove him or force him out of the room. He's learning...

A trip outside to walk the dogs, ride bikes, and do several wagon and tire swing rides fixed everything. Sunshine is God's magic solution to the world's problems... well.. except in the Middle East I suppose.

I got to see 'my' girls yesterday after school. It was an hour away from picking up kids from school time, and I thought, "I'd love to see A and E today... wonder if we can make that happen." Poor Eroshi... (she's my friend thankfully, and she's in charge of all of the girls at the Baptist Home.) I always call her so spur of the moment, "Can I get the girls today after school?" I'm supposed to give her a day's notice... but my brain rarely plans an hour ahead, much less a day. I do my best, but I had to at least ask. Thankfully they had nothing going on so they got to spend the afternoon/evening with us. A trip to the park and then to Mazzio's and the world was right. A tear-fest from the girls talking more in depth about court cases, their parents, and their feelings had me feeling like I would throw up. I just wanted to make them feel better.. and I can't. I can't do a thing. And I hate it.

"A" seemed to have a heavy heart. Her adoption will soon be finalized and she and her siblings will be moved many states away to be adopted by an Aunt that they've met all of one or two times in their lives. She's terrified. She's upset. She's realizing that she REALLY is not going home again - ever. She's angry... and I'm angry for her.

"E" is upset because the judge over her case won't talk to her.. says she's too young to have an opinion. Though I agree... I hate that she feels that way. She's angry because the judge is talking to her siblings and according to her, "None of them want to go back home.. but I DO. He won't listen to me, though.." To be so young and to have all of this weighing on you.. it's so unfair. I looked at my kids all snug in their beds last night and thanked God for our lives. We are so truly blessed.

On a kind of related, but different note, we have our first DHS meeting this weekend. I'm nervous and excited! It's a mandatory inquiry meeting that kicks this whole thing off. Stuff is happening!

I am still praying that our perfect house with lots and lots of rooms is right around the corner... I think I've found it but I feel hopeless that it will work out. Phewy on that.

I am hitting it pretty hard breaking Sam from his pacifier now. Oh how I hate this phase. He is an excellent whiner as it is and now he's got it DOWN whining for that thing. Good thing I've done this twice before - he doesn't know who he's up against here.

It's Friday! I don't know if that will mean anything for us this weekend or not... but hooray anyway! :)

I hope you all have a great weekend!

10 Things I Wish I'd Known Before I Became a Mom

I saw this on Amanda's blog: Confessions of a Wannabe Supermom and had to join in!

1. Pregnancy is hard. Seems like something you'd know, but I swear each time I was pregnant, from week 5 all the way to the end, I was shocked at how hard it was.

2. Sleep deprivation makes you insane. Hubby and I never have fought in our marriage like we did on those long, exhausting nights with a newborn. Nothing makes me happy when I'm running on 2 hours of sleep.. per day.

3. Older kids are fun! As silly as it sounds to me now, when I had young toddlers and babies, I could not imagine having a CHILD. Like 5yrs and up. I have loved having my older kids! They are so witty, silly, funny, and if you take the time to deal with them in those really hard years (ages 2-4ish) the discipline part is just EASY when they're older. (well, until the teen years hit I'm sure.)

4. I would drive a minivan. I never saw that one coming.

5. Buying clothes for kids is more fun than buying clothes for me. This could really be classified under a more general "I'd get less selfish" file... but seriously, I had no clue that I'd LOVE shopping for my kids the way I do.

6. You worry... a lot. From their friends, to their health, their grades, and their spiritual life - my gosh you are constantly battling being a worry wart.

7. You never 'really' get tired of your kids. We all need breaks from our children, but I really wondered how I'd handle being with my kids every single day before I had them. I could have never guessed that being away from them would simply make me scurry to return home! Nature takes over I suppose.

8. Your friends will change, based on how you parent. A lot of my friends don't parent exactly the way I do, but we do all have a similar view of raising our kids. It's very hard to be friends with someone - even if you really liked them in the past - if you can't appreciate each other's parenting styles.

9. It's expensive. It doesn't have to be super expensive to raise kids if you just take care of their basic needs. (oh wait.. yes it does..) but when you add in the extras it's kinda mind boggling what kinds of money you're willing to HAPPILY shell out on jazz and tap shoes, baseball caps and uniforms, and trips to water parks and the zoo. Add in all of the other stuff and you really spend most of your money on your kids. What's odd is you don't usually care...

10. It can be addicting. I really love my kids, and other people's kids. I always have been a 'kid' person. I did not realize that having a baby, for me, just made me want to have another. Having a table full of children makes me think of how we could fit just one more chair there. (I'm looking for a bench now..) I am glad that I've realized that God keeps this desire in me so that we'll help other children, and not just keep having our own. Exciting!

Has anything really shocked you about having children that you did not expect? Do your own "10 things" list and link me in the comments!

What Kind of Mom Did You Think You Would Be?

Do you remember the days before you had kids? For some of us.. our brain power has been nearly sucked dry and thinking back is nearly impossible... but try if you will.

I was thinking the other day about the type of mom I thought I would be. Even when I had my first baby, I had visions of the things we'd do together when she was older. When I had my second child, I had these novel ideas of how life would be through the years. By the third, I think I had pretty much figured out that those ideas were not gonna happen.

I used to be super creative. I loved art - painting, sketching, even coloring in a child's coloring book was a great way to pass the time. For a few years I kept this side of me up with the kids. And then, days started showing up that I'd sit with a blank sheet of paper, a great piece of black chalk, and... and... I'd sit there. The paper wasn't all that was blank - so was my mind!

"What are you going to draw mamma?"

I had no idea. Pictures that are pleasing to kids are easy.

"Will you draw me a flower?" "A dog?" "A worm?"

But, eventually, I stopped drawing things I loved and ONLY created art on a 2nd grade level. (well, that might be a bit generous...) I literally could not think of a single thing I wanted to draw...

As time passed, I totally lost my creative edge. I can barely draw a pretty heart anymore. One side is always too big, one hump on top is always more round than the corresponding side... when did that become difficult to create? Thankfully, my 5 year old son appreciates my efforts.

It just hit me that I am NOT the mom I thought I would be. I am NOT Suzy-Homemaker like I imagined. I'm not crafty. I have a difficult time thinking of fun things to make with toilet paper rolls and hot glue. I don't see a pile of trash and think of all the fun projects that we could do with them. My daughter definitely does... but I don't. Wow! I never saw this coming!

Another dirty secret? I don't like cooking with my kids. Yeah.. I said it. I hate it. They get in the way and they  make a huge mess and they make a 10 minute job turn into a 35 minute job. I keep trying to think of ways to teach them to crack eggs and measure flour without actually having to let them do it. So far, no good idea has come to me on that one.

I thought I'd be that mom that loves to bake with my kids, that loves letting them help me cook supper and such. I just don't... I really like being in the kitchen ALONE. Those family shows that picture a food fight in the kitchen full of smiles and laughter would just not happen in this house. If any one of my children purposefully threw a pile of food across the room... well.. let's just say there would be no laughter.

Of course, the kids love to help me cook so I put on a happy face and take an extra 35 minutes to do everything for the sake of making memories. No one read this post to them - don't call me out for the horribly impatient cooker I really am. So far my front is working.

I must have lucked out that I have kids that love to use their own imaginations and then draw me into their games, instead of looking to me for entertainment. I guess over the years they figured out that if they want to bake a cake they better ask their father. (they also learned to ask him for things like putting up a crazy zip-line, building an INSANELY BIG tree house, and putting up a tire swing.) What am I good for again? Hmm...

I'm so Glad my Daughter is Clueless

Each year I wonder if this is the year that Madison will get it. Get what? Pop culture. Boys. Hair. Clothes. TV shows. You name it... all things cool.

So far, she is still completely and utterly clueless. She doesn't really have a favorite singer - she wouldn't recognize Miley Cyrus if she walked into our front door, or even Justin Beiber..  however you spell his name. (and, quite frankly... Justin B. freaks me out. He's just a young boy and he's singing all kinds of songs he shouldn't be.. anyone with me here? Moving on..)

Madison has no idea what name brands are or where her clothing comes from. She doesn't care. In fact, when I left her here with her daddy to go shopping one Saturday she asked,

"What are you shopping for?

me: "Spring clothes for you kids."

"Why do you have to go to Little Rock?"

me: "Because that's where Justice and Children's Place are. And every other good store."

"Well... why don't you just go to Walmart? It's closer.."

That just made my day. I love shopping at certain stores, but I love that she has no idea that, to society, any one store is better than the other. Her self-worth is the same whether the shirt she has on cost $5 or $35.

I've noticed that a lot of her friends already know what labels mean what, and look for them. What's worse, I've noticed that they ask each other where their clothes come from in a "is what I have better than what you have?" kind of way. Sad... I hate that.

Recently a little girl asked her, "Do you have anything from The North Face?" Madison's response, "What's that?" She could have 10 things from that store and not have a clue.

Sometimes I feel bad that she doesn't know some things.. like who the popular teeny-boppers are so that she can relate a little better to her peers. It isn't that I'm refusing to let her know.. it's that she has no interest in it. She'd rather read a book or play her NDS. I even sat down with her once last year to see if she liked that Hannah Montana show... since ALL of her friends loved it.. and she barely made it through 2 minutes. Didn't float her boat.

Sometimes I think that she's a lot more immature than her friends because of this type of thing, and I go back and forth between being glad of that, and curious of that. Why is she? Is that just her personality? Is it because though her mommy is an admitted label lover, we don't talk about clothes? I can't help but wonder when this will come to a sudden end. I'm pretty positive that eventually she'll strive to do what kids do - fit in. She'll want what her friends have, want the clothes they wear, and want to be like them. (which makes me thankful for the friends that she's picked thus far...) She'll be 9 this June. At age 9 I have to say I was probably a lot like her. I don't remember caring about clothes or anything of the sort until Junior High, but it seems kids are getting materialistic much younger these days.

For now, I'll be thankful for my non-demanding tween.

Room Re-Do... again?

We recentely painted and organized Madison's bedroom into more of a "big girl" room and I posted about that here. She loves it and so do I! Now, we have to reorganize this room with avengence. Our Baptist Home stuff should be done very soon and we'll have "E" coming to stay with us for much longer periods of time. She'll need her own bed and at least some space for her things for a few days' time. On top of that, we'll also hopefully have our DHS stuff done in the next several months and we'll be in need for another bed, anyway.

Thus begins my wheels a' turnin'. What do we need?

Bunk beds like in the boys room? Two twin beds decorated all cutesy? How do I organize more clothes and shoes and STUFF?

Thankfully Madison's room is a mega room as far as kids rooms go. It was the original master bedroom in this house before they added on what is now the master. She has two large closests in her room... we only use one of them for her stuff and the other has been designated the "bed nook." So, we could at least have enough closet space, which is priceless!

I plan to begin my online hunt for beds today. I'm always looking for the best deals for the best stuff. If it is a bunk bed, I have to have white. Everything in Madison's room is white - so let the search begin!

I get so excited over stuff like this! I love to decorate, redecorate, and organize. It's such a challenge to look at a space and figure out a way to make it work for the job it needs to handle.

On top of being excited about this, I'm completely overwhelmed! I was on the phone with a friend that currently has three foster children and three bio children this morning, while I was aimlessly walking around Walmart with Samuel, and I said, "Umm.. when you figure out how to get all of your stuff to fit in your house, you MUST come to mine and show me how to make it happen!" At least I have good organizational mentors...

What's Your Cleaning Schedule?

There are a few things that I know for sure. Each day that I am blessed to wake up and get out of bed, I will breathe air, I will eat chocolate, and I will clean the house. Every. Single. Day.

My kids help out a lot. They pick up after themselves which takes care of lots of clutter lying around everywhere. They clean their messes after showers and they clear their places at the table after eating... my husband is a super handy house guy as well... so why am I cleaning so much? What's left? Oh yeah... laundry, floors, and laundry again.

One thing that I have managed to figure out about keep up with house work is that I have certain things that must happen every day. EVERY day. Laundry is one of them.. then dishes... and floors.

I try to do a load or two of laundry every day - and I do mean from washer to closet. That's tough for me for some reason. I really have to gear myself up to get anything from the dryer to its designated place in the house. If I don't follow this schedule, we will run out of something. It never fails. With as many clothes as we have, there are never enough clean blue jeans, socks, or underwear. How is this so? I cannot wait for them to wear flip flops EVERYWHERE soon so that I can lay off the whites for a while.

Dishes are a given. I don't know anyone with kids that doesn't run their dishwasher at least once a day. I have a once a day rule here. It gets filled, it runs, and that's it. I don't empty it until the same time the next day, and I don't worry about the dishes in the sink until then, either. If I load the dishwasher and only two bowls couldn't fit, those bowls will absolutely sit in the sink until the next day. I don't wash by hand. Ever. (My husband has so sweetly taken this on as his job. My cookwear that isn't dishwasher safe gets scrubbed by the man in the house - or it sits in the sink until I HAVE to clean it to cook again.) I figure that cleaning counter tops goes hand in hand with doing dishes...

Floors. Oh boy the floors.

I admit that I have a slightly unnatural obsession with clean floors. You'd think that the kids that we have in and out of this house would have broken me from it, but no luck. I vacuum once or twice every day. I cannot handle dirt showing on my floors. I sweep almost every day - which is a bigger job but I hate feeling crumbs and grit on my bare feet so I make it happen. (sometimes not until 10:00 at night... but at least it stays clean for a few hours that way.)

Do you have jobs around the house that you feel you HAVE to do each day to function? What is your general cleaning "schedule" to make things run smoothly around your house?

You Can Walk on the Water Too

I am a huge music lover. I can hear a song that came out 15 years ago and remember what was going on in my life when I first heard it. I have a vivid memory of hearing that crazy "Red, Red, Wine" song on my way to the first day of Kindergarten. It's no wonder that as we embark on this crazy journey of helping children that many songs have brought tears to my eyes and will forever hold special meaning to me as the ones that encouraged me through this.

One of my favorites right now is by Brit Nicole - Walk on the Water. (you can hear the song and hear the AMAZING story behind it here.) (They play it on The Biggest Loser Now!)

The basic message is that, with faith in Jesus, you can do anything. To push past your fear, the criticism, the doubts, and just GO. DO. BE what God is calling you to be no matter how insane it sounds.

Today I will take paperwork from DHS to be notarized, and I will give it to the our go-to Family Service Worker. She will get to work, hoping to push it through quickly so that we can get involved with the parenting classes scheduled to start THIS MONTH. If you've never dealt with foster care or similar things and aren't aware of how incredibly long it typically takes for them to get a class together - then you can't appreciate this. When I called last week, and she excitedly said to hurry and get the papers and send them back so she could get us in.. it was like God's plan unfolded right in front of me and he said, "see, I told you so."

I keep going through different emotions with this: I'm scared, I'm excited, I'm nervous, I'm anxious... I'm everything. When I feel doubtful I remind myself that just because we are licensed it doesn't mean we have to say 'yes' if we don't feel it is right for our family. (Then I remind myself of how hard it is for me to say 'no' to even rescuing an abused or neglected dog... like I'll easily say no to a child?)

I am SO blessed to have close friends to reach out to with my doubts and fears. They've walked this road before and they are totally candid about each step along the path. There's no sugar-coating, and also no lack of expressing the amazing joys and blessings that it brings.

The hardest part of this will likely be the judgment, the dirty looks, the doubt from others. I've already caught a glimpse into some of that just with the girls we've let into our family from the Baptist Home. Such sweet, amazing girls... but people constantly say we should be afraid of them. That our children aren't safe around them. And, when you add another older child to your family and go out into public... people look at you like you have 5 heads. (of course, these people have no experience with foster care... so they know everything.)

At first I could keep my cool easier about people's doubts about these specific girls. I understand that they're only going by what they've heard, what they assume, and they've likely never been blessed like I am to see these children IN REAL LIFE. Now, these girls are a big part of us. You talk about them... and Mamma Bear will come out. MY girls are not dangerous. MY girls are not going to harm my children - they love them. MY girls have NO FAULT in what's happened to them in the past and should not be outcasted by others because of it. Those are MY girls. If you choose to live in fear of children that have been harmed, neglected, and abandoned, then that's your decision. But, please, do not question our decision to do the opposite. We know the risks. We know how to be cautious, and we will continue to learn. This journey is so full of doubt already, the last thing people stepping out in faith need is reminders of why they shouldn't, or why you wouldn't. Just like when we wanted a third child... it was amazing how many people felt the need to let us know all the reasons we were wrong for that, and why they'd never have 3. Guess what... for our family, 3 was perfect.

Life is so short, but God gives us opportunities each and every day to be a blessing to someone. He puts people in our paths constantly and will give us wisdom to know which ones he wants us to reach out to and which ones are to be cared for by others. As people are already telling me, "You can't save them all."

My response is, as it will always be, "No, but I can try."

Moms: You Just THINK You're Busy

I take care of three kids, one of which is home with me 24/7. I own my business and am the 'only' employee. I am your oh-so-typical soccer mom. I don't feed my kids fast food on busy days. (or that would be several days each week.) I clean. I do laundry. I'm pretty sure I'm the only person in this house that knows where the bathroom cleaner is located. I'm almost never alone, and the company tends to come with a whiney "Mooommmyyyy" voice. No... I'm probably not as busy as I think I am.

According to a new study (which was written about here) moms have 30-40 hours A WEEK of leisure time. Wow... that's incredible! Let me see if I can find at least a minute of it here... umm.. ?? Oh, wait, does this time right now count? Does having to stop your typing every 2 minutes on the second to fill a sippy cup, clean a spill, listen to crying about "I want candy!", and wipe a behind count as leisure time? Apparently, yes!

This is what one woman said in response to the news that she has so much free time:

Post reporter Brigid Schulte didn't believe it, and so she kept a diary of her days. What qualified as leisure time? Waiting for a tow truck, visiting a sick friend and answering e-mails at midnight. Basically, anything that couldn't be categorized as paid work, child care or housework is categorized by Robinson as "leisure."

*Robinson is the doctor that did the study

Apparently even having a root canal is leisure time - good to know.

Now, moms, don't get too upset because he says the same thing about dads and ALL Americans.

So, what do you think? How much leisure time do you have?

When we just had Madison, I had tons of leisure time. She was the BEST sleeper in the world. She always napped well, and I can remember the days when she was an infant and would take TWO 2-3 hour naps each day. One nap was for house cleaning; the other? Exercising, showering, WHATEVER. Life was good but I didn't know it.

Once we had our second angel... oh lordy! He was the WORST sleeper. He never slept. Husband gone to Troop School for 6 months, starting when baby #2 was 5 weeks old. I have never worked so hard in my entire life. I haven't since. I don't think I had 30 minutes of leisure time a week!

Fast forward to today. Three kids, two of which go to school, youngest at home is soon to be 3 years old. I could easily find all kinds of leisure time if this was all that was going on. Work does have to fit in here somewhere. And, the work I do is at my home, or I have to typically take Samuel with me if I'm required to work away. (and THAT'S fun.... let me tell ya) On days like today - when I've SCHEDULED leisure time.. sure! It's awesome, and I do schedule leisure time for myself and I think EVERYONE should.

On most days - where's the free time? Even if Samuel takes a nap (which he doesn't often anymore) then I spend that time calling clients, responding to emails, and bleaching the potty.. again. That's also when I hit training really hard with any dogs that are here for that purpose. Add in dance and ball practice and life's pretty busy. Don't get me wrong, I'm loving it! I enjoy it! But, I don't think you can classify it as leisure time if you're always waiting for some type of ridiculousness to occur. To me, leisure time is when you can go do what you want, be as loud as you want, and do whatever you want. I know that stay at home parents rarely have this going on - and I'd assume that those of you that have to go off to work realize your bosses wouldn't take too kindly to you just not showing up for a few hours so you can go to the spa.

What do you all think of this study? How much leisure time do you have each week and what's your definition of leisure?

Obama Care

I keep reading and rereading different articles to try to understand what this new Obama Care means for my family, and I end up just as clueless after sorting through a vast sea of numbers and estimates as I was before I dove in. 

I found this article from the AP that spelled some things out in a pretty direct way if anyone would like to take a look.

From what I gathered here - the richest people in America, as always, will be paying for everyone else's care. Thankfully this doesn't include me... but if I was one of those "richest people" I think I'd be pretty ticked that even more of my paycheck was being taxed. Isn't nearly half of it enough already?

I also think I discovered that my family doesn't really qualify for any real assistance... surprise surprise.

Medicaid is being expanded to cover more people, senior citizens will have cuts in costs of their medications (which seems like a really good idea!!) and there apparently will be incentives for small business owners that have fewer than 25 employees that decide to offer health insurance.

My only concerns are:

- Do I get to keep my insurance plan? Will MY insurance rates increase to cover all of this other stuff? Since my family is middle class, will we still not qualify for any help with medical bills or medications yet eventually have to pay more to get care and meds? Someone HAS to pay for this stuff.... and it's hard for me to believe that only those making $200,000 a year or more will single-handedly cover the cost of this "free" health care.

- Will my taxes increase? I've heard some talk on the news that eventually they will have to install a new Federal tax on everyone to cover the cost... of course this is just speculation, but when you look at the high taxes Canada pays (from what I could dig up they pay about 10% or more in taxes than we do) then one has to wonder. Will my tax rate skyrocket and I still not qualify for this new awesome insurance plan because "we make too much."?

I've heard many of my friends joke that they'll soon be quitting their jobs because they'd make more a month if the government simply took care of them. Sad.. but it seems to be becoming a reality. What's the incentive to make it in the world if there are hand-outs to EVERYONE. I'm so torn on this issue.

On one hand, I really do want everyone to have quality health care. I want everyone to be able to afford to go to the doctor and buy their medications. I want that for MY family. Can I tell you the times we've stressed because everyone in the house was sick, and everyone needed medications, but first the doctor has to test you to make sure, which means a co-pay for each person seen? We've dropped well over a hundred dollars in one day's time just because we needed a simple antibiotic. The times that we needed more than your regular Amox... my goodness. That's with our GOOD insurance.. I don't know how others, that make the same as we do, are making it with their plans. I really don't. Will there be help for THEM?

This post is really more a list of questions I have - not my bashing of this plan. I can't truly bash it because I STILL don't understand it. If you do, give the rest of us an idea, please! Are you for this or against it and why?

Learning to Say Yes

Have you ever heard a piece of parenting advice that made you have that light bulb moment? Or the "duh" moment as I like to call it.

I had this happen to me several years ago. It was the most simple idea ever - but one I probably would have never thought of on my own, or realized that I even needed to think of. It came from a video series I watched by Kevin Leman called Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours. (FYI: great series!!)

Ready for the tidbit?

"Learn to say yes more often."

Simple, right? I know... that's what I thought, too.

He gave a great example of his teenaged daughter asking at the dinner table one night,

"Dad, could we maybe go look at cars tomorrow?"

He said that he had no intention of buying her car, but he said, "Sure! We can go look."

How many of you are like me and would've immediately said, "No... I'm NOT buying you a car right now," without giving it a second thought? The idea of agreeing to just go look, like she asked, was like a brand new language to me. It got me thinking about how often I probably tell my kids no, when a yes could have easily been used.

So, this little bit of information is something that I've strived to do in my parenting. I really try to listen to what the question is, what it means, and figure out if a 'no' is really necessary.

"Can we look at the toys when we go to Walmart?"
"Yes, but we won't buy any and we can only spend about 5 minutes looking because we have other errands to run today."

Amazingly - we've done this many, many times and it works wonders! They love to just look, and thankfully they accept that we are not taking anything home with us. We can come back and look at it again next time.

"Can we blow bubbles in the kitchen?"
"Umm.. yes.... but only if you clean up ALL of the mess when you're done."

This is something I'd likely usually say no to in the past. I HATE mess like this. If they couldn't go outside for some reason and could only use them in the house... I'm not too sure I'd have let them several years ago. But, now, they understand that if they choose to play with something messy - then they have lots of mess to clean up. So, it works out well and, hey, it is a great way to get your floors cleaned.

These are just two easy examples of our real-life "learning to say yes more" experience. Focusing on this over the years has opened my eyes to how often I say no to them for nonsense reasons. Saying 'no' to kids a lot can really build frustration in them and lead to sneaky behaviors.
 "I didn't ask because I knew you'd say no.."
(now, sometimes they might be doing stuff they shouldn't and OF COURSE you'd say no... not what I'm talking about here.)

My favorite new phrase with the kids getting older is,
"Yes, if you can do it yourself." (or get it yourself)

This would be for times I'm exhausted and trying to sit on the couch and be brainless for 20 minutes and they decide they want to make a PlayDoh picnic. Fine.. but only if you can do it without any assistance from your lazy mom. And, clean it all up..

Do you find yourself saying no a lot without thinking like I did?

My Life Listed

Contrary to what some might think, I haven't actually dropped off the face of the planet. I have just been like so many of you out there - CRAZY BUSY.

I've missed blogging so much, so I figured I'd pop in and do a quick list of things in my head or goings on right now to wrap this up fast for you all:

* Obama-Care... I STILL haven't got a freaking clue what this means for me but I'm pretty sure it will mean that eventually I'll have more taxes to pay and since I currently have awesome health insurance I'm quite certain it will be less awesome this time 12 months from now.

* The crazy rapist/murderer guy that had already been convicted of this TWICE and still managed to get out and do it AGAIN is now caught.. again.. and is supposedly 'really' going to be executed this time. Yeah.. sure he will.

*How the crap is it literally snowing here one day and 75 degrees the next?

* Getting connected with another girl from the Baptist Home and it rocks.. she's super sweet and I see great things for all of us together in the future. "A" is still as much a part of our lives as before... so now we're plus 2 from time to time.

* Sam's almost 100% potty trained as of this week. Praise the Lord! No more poop in diapers!

* I have more work this week than I've ever had.. ever. I've had to turn down a lot of people which is both awesome and totally sucky all at the same time. Clayton and I are looking forward to moving to a place that we can really build a big business on - and get this thing rolling even more!

* House re-finance will be done TOMORROW so goodbye credit card debt!! Oh great day!

* Kids are out for spring break and it rocks. We have had trips to the park, nature walks, and tons of playtime and card games. Madison is ready to go back to school already. She misses her teacher and her friends. That's good I guess...??

* Carter's playing ball this year and he loves it! His coach keeps laughing about how easy going he is.. and praising him for being so obedient. If only he knew the battles we fought to get to this point! :)

* Oprah's being sued for defamation... who goes after Oprah? Bad idea!

* Hubby is almost done on the highway - as in this Saturday is his last day as 'Trooper Moss' and April 1 he'll be "Special Agent Moss" with the cool new family friendly schedule. (eventually.. after training is done.) Oh and the angels sang...

* I am READY to move.. or build a house... or whatever. As in.. now.  Please. Hoping to get 'something' going in the next couple of months after we see how our finances change with the new mortgage and lack of credit card payments.

* I miss you all! This week and next are just nuts for me with dog boarding, daycare, AND dogs that people are bringing to me to keep for training. I am so blessed that my kids also love dogs and I'm paying them to help me out by taking the little ones out to potty and fill water bowls and such. We don't pay for regular chores but this is something I feel they can earn some cash by helping out with, and it helps me so much!

* What have I missed?! I'm barely able to watch the news because my mornings consist of heading to town to walk and feed outside dogs at their homes and the rest of my day is spent being mommy and crazy dog lady at home. I think I'm in a bubble here!

*OH.. I did get to go on a FAB shopping trip with my  mom and sister. Justice for Madison, Children's Place for the boys (and Madison..) and EXPRESS for me.. yeah baby! Oh how I've missed that store! FYI: Their Editor collection of pants and walking shorts are awesome.

That's a quick sum up of what's been going on in my head and life. Enjoy.

That Itch You Can't Scratch

I know you probably think this is a post about woman troubles due to the title... but no. I'm talking about a metaphoric itch... the Baby Itch.

I guess I've always known I was just one of those women that LOVES babies. I love babies, toddlers, kids, big kids... all of 'em! I also really enjoyed the fun parts of being pregnant and those first few weeks of baby-new-ness. Even today, after three of my own, when I see my friends pregnant I get all sappy and want to feel those cute kicks, gab about what diapers they want to use, and look through all of their new baby duds. I mean seriously.. what's sweeter than that?!

One thing that never ceases to amaze me is how that desire just never fully goes away. I can go for MONTHS knowing that having more kids from my body is a horrid thought and one that I'd never want to act on, only to have one minute of A Baby Story on TLC or a particularly sweet newborn outfit in a store wipe away all sense in my head and make me go, "Awwww! I miss that!"

Today I had a moment of insanity just like this. In the midst of building castles out of blocks with Samuel, taking daycare dogs out to potty and on our daily adventure walks, and trying to answer the phone, answer emails, and clean the house, I passed by the TV to see a commercial for pregnancy tests.

It shot me back a to few years ago when we were struggling with infertility and pregnancy tests had taken over my life. Of course, I wasn't thinking of all of those negatives.. I just remembered the one that finally had two lines. Oh.. great day!

I guess the truth is there isn't a lot that's as exciting as such a moment. It's so emotional! It's life changing in tons of ways.. but of course in those lunatic moments that you look back a little too fondly on the event, you only think of the great ways it was life changing. Thankfully life has a way of snapping you back into reality.

Now when I have those pangs of 'want' I let my logical side kick in. (My husband is very thankful this side of me now exists from time to time.) I had to go through the entire thing in a matter of two minutes in my head.

"If I were pregnant I'd probably spend 9 months throwing up... like I did the first three times. That would suck."

"I'd probably have horrible anxiety attacks like I did the last two times. That would suck."

"In the end I'd be no less than 35 pounds heavier... ugh.."

"I'd then have a fourth csection.. sealing my fate to never have an ab muscle to speak of again."

"Sleeping through the night would go bye-bye. Hmm.."

"I'd have to stop working. The business I've built would go down the tube for a long time... can't do this job with a baby on my boob."

"Trips far away from home would be further put off... "

Okay - I've talked myself out of it!

What's so funny to me is how there are times when you KNOW your family isn't complete and you're willing to do anything to make having that next baby work. Then, there are times like this when your emotions just get the best of you and you have to let that brain kick in and remind you of why you're done. (I mean.. the 35+ pounds to lose - again- really speak volumes to me!)

Then, I remind myself that to open our home to non-biological children, we really can't keep filling it up! That is a great deterrent as well.

Do you KNOW you're done having your own kids for whatever reason, but still sometimes have to fight with your emotions and remind yourself as to why?

And We Wonder What's Wrong With Kids Today

Last night we ended our bedtime routine like always; reading books. The big kids now read to me and then off to bed - then I sit with Samuel and read to him. Last night his choice was one of our most favorites: a Mother Goose book.

A few rhymes into this book I have to admit I started noticing that some of these sweet little stories are a little out there.

Take poor little Jack who fell down and broke his crown! Jill fell down, too.. but did you know that the entire rhyme involves Jill getting "whipped" for laughing at Jack?

How about Old Mother Hubbard? How many of you know that entire story? The second paragraph mentions "the poor dog was dead" and the third tries to rhyme "coffin" (as in to bury the dog) with "laughing." (Mother Goose might have had one too many when she wrote that one...)

Goosey, Goosey, Gander... whither shall I wander? And in the end... " I took him by the left leg and threw him down the stairs."

And what on earth must have been going on in Mother Goose's life for her to create the rhyme of Peter the Pumpkin Eater that couldn't "keep" his wife and felt a pumpkin shell was an appropriate alternative?

Have you heard this one:

"Tom, Tom, the piper's son,
Stole a pig and away he run,
The pig was eat,
And Tom was beat,
And Tom went howling down the street."

Nice. (do you suppose Tom thought the pig was a grand enough meal to endure the latter beating?)

The Old Woman in the Shoe... why do you think she kept on having so many kids? And talk about a dead beat dad! Where's he in this story? And, what did the kids do to deserve being "whipped soundly and put to bed" in the end? So much missing from this drama.

And we sing the song about babies falling out of treetops to our infants as lullabies and wonder why they can't sleep through the night...

And who is the Wee Willie Winkie running around in his nightgown peeking through locks? Mother Goose, perhaps you should contact the local authorities the next time you spot something like that, instead of writing it all down.

Let's not even start with the "Rub-a-dub-dub, Three men in a tub" rhyme.

And, before closing your eyes precious child, let's say a Mother Goose prayer about how if you happen to die before you wake, that we pray the Lord your soul to take.

After this careful review of Mother Goose's nursery rhymes, I'm starting to think these books should come with a minimum PG-13 rating. And we wonder why our kids are so demented...

When It Rains, It Pours

Have you ever heard sayings like "bad things happen in 3's" or "that's just Murphy's Law."? Yeah, probably so..

Doesn't it seem like when something bad happens, EVERYTHING bad happens? You can never just have a flat tire, but you then also have to need a new battery the next week and a new engine by the month's end.

I have to say that over the past several months I felt like this was pretty much how life was going. Don't get me wrong, we had tons of joy and amazing blessings in these months - but they were some fairly dark days for me.

It started in November with Dad dying (which is still a huge struggle of mine) and it seemed like things went downhill from there. Clayton's transfer from being on the Highway to getting to be a Detective kept getting pushed back.. and pushed back. It seemed like it would never happen and we'd have to be stuck in this awful schedule and stress forever. Our fight against debt was moving more slowly than I was happy with even though my business is booming and we'd been making wise financial decisions. There were days that I'd think,

"How can things be so good.. and so bad.. all at the same time?"

Over the past two weeks, I've realized something else. When it rains.. it pours.. BLESSINGS.

Just as we trudged through so much yuck and muck over the past several months, now it seems like God has completely blown away those dark clouds to reveal huge and amazing things.

The first 'bad' thing.. Dad dying.. well, nothing has changed there of course. Dad's still dead.. I'm still sad.. family's still hurting. I am thankful that I no longer cry everyday - and that I can almost complete a thought or a memory about Dad without bursting into hysterical sobbing. I mean.. seriously.. when it's that bad you've got to give thanks to God for any amount of relief you feel!

The second hurdle - the transfer. It finally happened! The letter came - and I nearly cried when Clayton waved it in front of me and said, "It came!" (I'd have probably jumped up and down if he and I weren't both totally down with a stomach flu.. another post another day.) That was this Saturday - and I'm contemplating framing that letter and hanging it in place of my favorite framed art that we have in the house. He has a lot of training to make it through at first, but after that, we're looking at a more normal schedule (as in like 7am-4pm unless all hell breaks loose and someone decides to rape someone or kill someone..) and the ability to PLAN AHEAD. Someone wants to know if we can grill out in two weeks? Why YES WE CAN! I cannot even imagine a life like that - it's been so many years of living for his job and around his schedule. We'll get to go to things TOGETHER. He'll have the ability to coach a baseball team or pick the kids up from school from time to time. Wow... life changing!!

The third hurdle - the longest we've battled. DEBT. This has been something we've been seriously focused on for a long time. We hit it really hard about two years ago, and super hard over the past year. We made incredible progress - I am still shocked that God gave us the ability to pay off the cards we did and make it to where we are today. SHOCKED. As far as we've made it, it still felt like we'd never get these stupid cards paid off. They're really holding us back from a lot right now. (like building that big house with a lot of bedrooms to fill with kids... you know.. little things..)

Clayton's dad mentioned to us, as he was working on our taxes (he's a CPA... and everyone should be so blessed as to have one so readily available!) that we should look into refinancing our mortgage to wrap in the remaining debt. We had looked into this option a couple of years ago, but we had SO much debt that the mortgage payment would have been so high that we'd have been in no better of a situation. Plus, we really felt like we had spent years getting ourselves into that mess and it seemed right for us to spend a long while digging out of it.

Now, we've worked our booties off, we've learned invaluable lessons from this journey, and we're ready to move on. So, we contacted our current mortgage company (after comparing with our credit union and local banks) to talk about what we could make happen. To our amazing surprise, it looks like we can totally be credit card debt free. And, our mortgage payment will still be laughably low. Holy moly... is this really real? Really? It's like manna from heaven! Not to mention that we might be able to use our tax refund to pay off our van.. or mostly. A girl could get excited here... after dealing with this mess for so many years.. could this really be the end of it?

So, yes. Sometimes you feel like you are never going to get out of the dark place in which you are resting. Sometimes the sadness, the pain, the stress... it feels like it's just going to take you under. But then... it doesn't. And then God stays faithful. He stays true to his word that he won't leave you. He shows you he wants good things for you. Maybe he feels we "learned our lesson" on the financial front. Maybe he knows that with Clayton being home more often we can be a double blessing to our own children and other children that will need it. I don't know his reasons but I am thankful!

It starts with finding the small, hard to spot blessings in our life sometimes for God to be able to take us out of our current attitude and situation and bring us up and out of them. If you're in a dark place today, please know that you are not alone, no matter how alone you feel. Know that there IS a brighter day coming. You can never truly appreciate the sunlight without a lot of dark and gloomy days. I can testify to this today!

River Market: How I Love Thee

One of the most fun places to take the kids that there is no admission fee. The River Market in Little Rock. Now, don't get me wrong... it isn't free. If you walk through the Downtown area you will pass too many yummy treats to make it out of here without forking over some cash. (the ice cream place, the AWESOME pizza place, and the places that get rid of the I'm thirsties.) Worth it entirely, though!

This began many shouts of "Dum Dum, give me gum gum." from the big kids. (from Night at the Museum... hardy har har)

Daddy helping Samuel climb out of the tunnels.

"Made it."

Whew! We all made it... and I'm pretty sure that after we climbed down we noticed that that was 'not' an allowed climbing spot. Oops.

This is after Carter learned how to spit off of the bridge... thanks to his father. Later in the day he learned the importance of not spitting into the wind.

I don't know why but the kids were more excited about this pig than ANYTHING else we saw.. including the submarine. Go figure.

I have others to post but no time today! We did and saw everything we could and walked many miles in the few hours we were there.

We'll actually be going back this weekend - but not for this! Clayton will be running the half-marathon... or attempting to run it. ;) I will try to stick it out long enough to cheer him on from start to finish. Wish him luck!

They're Heeeeerrreeee...

We've all been sitting in wait for warm weather.... almost forgetting what the beautiful spring sunshine brings along with it.

SPRING FASHIONS!

Okay, so I'm sort of a closet fashionista. I REALLY like clothes. I also REALLY don't have too many that I love thanks to a job that requires me to roll around with dogs most days. Mix that with mommy-hood and my daily wardrobe lately has consisted of jeans and long-sleeved tees.

So, with spring right around the corner, my interest in clothes that I actually like to wear has hit its peek. This happens every year at this time. Goodbye sweaters! Goodbye Coats! Hello... oh my..

Hello tank tops and halters that show off my arms that look like.. like I've been wearing sweaters and coats for the past 3 months. Hmm.....

I was on one of my favorite websites - Oldnavy.com - and I was peeking around at the newest stuff for spring. Yes, I do find this thrilling. I get a rush of "Oh! I want that!" I also get a rush of, "Oh.. I need to workout more!"

I saw this super cute simple dress

I got all girly and had visions of this summer when I could throw this on with some cute sandals and a totally rockin' chunky necklace and run out of the door with my kids to go.. wherever. Then I started thinking in realistic terms. Seriously.. my arms are NOT ready for this big of a step.

Crap. Here we go.

Each spring I go through this. Those extra 5ish pounds (10ish.. whatever..) I let myself gain because I can hide behind clothes start to bug me. It's so difficult for me to eat less when it is dark and cold outside. Can't help it. It's nature or something, I swear.

With the sun beginning to shine, and a bit of warmth starting to come through - maybe, just maybe, now's the time to let my portion sizes decrease. Maybe.

I'm also in desperate need of a tan... I even contemplated the tanning bed. Shhh.. don't tell anyone. I'm such a "I don't want to get skin cancer" phobe that I don't know if I can really go through with it. But, it has entered my mind. I'd look a lot better in that cute yellow dress if I wasn't sporting around this ridiculously pastey white skin....