Partying and puking

We had Carter's 3rd birthday party last weekend. I have a lot of cute pics but clayton, as always, has the camera with him so I can't show them off today. The party was a lot of fun and everyone came! :) The only bad part was one of our guests brought the stomach virus to everyone at the party. Sunday night both Madison and Carter woke up throwing up, just a few hours after Leslie had called to tell me Tyler was throwing up, and Monday morning I heard from Suzanne that her kids were also sick. My mother-in-law caught it as well. So the first part of our week was a bit rough... oh.. madison also had pink eye. Thankfully by Tuesday evening everyone in the house was over everything and the rest of our week went by without a hitch.

Wednesday I had my 33 week checkup and found out I had gained 4 pounds in just two weeks... I wasn't surprised. I knew it would be "one of those" visits for me. Oh well.. overall I've gained 16 pounds.. which is nothing... so that's really not something I'm going to complain about. Samuel had hit a major growth spurt too so that made me feel better also. I measured 29cm the last time I was there... two weeks later it jumped to 33cm. So that's quite a bit! His heart rate was 138bpm and everything was great! We'll schedule our csection when I go back in two weeks... wow! Just 6 weeks to go... that's so soon. How on earth has this pg passed by so quickly?

Clayton is gone to the Spring River this weekend with two other Troopers so I'm taking the kids to my mom's (near Little Rock) for a weekend of eating out and shopping! (trying to gain another 4 pounds in the next two weeks lol) My main two things to purchase are a new infant car seat and a new breast pump. Can't find what I want in Monticello or Pine Bluff.. so to Little Rock we go! I can't wait!! I just hope my body will let me enjoy the walking and shopping.

What size?

So.. I quickly realized the other morning when I finished getting dressed that suddenly I am in desperate need of new underwear. (sorry guys.. skip this post) My breasts have exploded overnight, and my belly's ever increasing size means that I finally have to retire my pretty panties for the stretchy cotton kind. (oh how I fight this change each time!) So I figured WalMart would do since the bigger sizes are only temporary. I buy a bra in a size larger assuming it would be a perfect fit. I buy panties in a size or two larger assuming the same. I get home (no.. I never try on anything at the store) and realize the bra JUST fits and is a bit snug... and the panties are too big. I guess i underestimated the size of my chest and overestimated the size of my rear end. So another new bra is in my future probably in the next week.... and I figure that I've got about 6.5 more weeks for my rear to grow so, who knows, those new panties might work out after all. It will be quite a depressing day, and probably a new post, if the day comes those panties DO fit. Oh well, at least they're quite comfy!

My dancer

Madison can be so shy, quiet, and reserved... so imagine how surprising it is to me to see her shine on stage! She had such a great time at her dance recital. She has asked me twice since Saturday if she gets to do another recital this weekend... and is so disappointed when I tell her it's only a once a year ordeal. I wasn't sure we'd do dance again next season, but I'm sure now that we will. It's all she talks about! I'm so glad that she's found something that, for now, she really loves. I have to admit... dressing her up was so much fun for me. We ordered her flowers that we gave to her after the show and she just beamed. Seeing her dance with her hair all up in a cute little bun was just too sweet... her ballet dance brought tears to my eyes. The only bad thing about the recital is that her brand new ballet shoes did not make it back into her dance bag... so I'm really hoping someone picked them up and saw her initials on the bottom of them and is holding on to them for us! I'd hate to buy another new pair when we JUST bought those! Oh well.. they probably wouldn't have fit her for very long anyway.

In other news: I'm 8 months pg today! A whopping 32 weeks. It's flying by! I'm getting fairly massive and though I still feel pretty darn good most of the time.. I'm definitely finding myself tired more often. Samuel has discovered the joy of shoving his bottom and his heels (at the same time it seems) directly under my rib cage... I've heard women talk about being "kicked in the ribs" but honestly I never have felt this with the other two kids... man it's rough! Poor little guy is probably so squished that he's just trying to stretch out.. can't blame him!

I think the reality of this little guy coming is slowly sinking in for Clayton. Twice in the past week he's made remarks like, "Wow, can you believe he's going to be here so soon?" Ummmm... yeah. I can. I guess when you're the one that spends the 9 months puking, worrying, puking, sleeping, not sleeping, hurting, etc... you can REALLY believe that a baby is coming! lol Pregnancy can't be all fun and games or else no one would ever be ready for what it takes to deliver the baby! (especially with another csection in the cards! so scary!) I keep thinking about how incredibly blessed I am to be so many weeks pregnant. Everytime I haer about someone having a premature baby that must stay in the hospital being sick for weeks on end.. I thank God for the hip pain and the leg cramps because it's those things that come at the end. Making it to the end is such a miracle. So, we're on a 7 week countdown until approx. csection date. I guess I should schedule that pretty soon... probably talk to the Doc about it next visit!

Carter's smile...

Here it is.. how it looked up until about two weeks ago. We've had one heck of a week! Carter fell in the bathtub about two weeks ago. (yes, even though I was sitting RIGHT there) He fell and basically caught himself with his mouth on the side of the tub. I was unaware that that much blood could come from a 3 year old's mouth... surprise! I noticed, once the bleeding finally stopped, that one of his front teeth looked like maybe it had shifted a bit but it was really hard to get a good look with him screaming and not opening up and everything still being blood stained. The next day, sure enough.. I could tell it had shifted so into the dentist we went. They did what they could (basically looked at his tooth and his gums) and said "keep an eye on it and if it starts to change color or if his gums start to swell and hurt again, call us." A week went by.. nothing funky happened so I thought that we had escaped serious tooth injury. Nope. Over a week after he fell we noticed that his tooth was turning gray!! I freak out, start bawling, and call Yvonne (whom I go to church with and works at my dentist's office) at her house and explain what was going on. She reassured me that no matter how ugly it looked, it wasn't an emergency, and just to call the pediatric dentist in the morning. (this was sunday) So I did.. we got him an appt, and they took Xrays and such and said not to worry about it. (seriously? His tooth is a different color and this isn't concerning?) They said it was "bruised" and that's why it's discolored and that it could possibly lighten up on its own with time. Worst case scenerio is we take him in in the future for an internal tooth bleaching. The Xrays showed nothing to be broken or dislodged so we just keep an eye out for pain and swelling. Talk about a sigh of relief! So.. my baby boy's mouth now looks different.. and I hate it. It's always hard on me when ANYTHING about their looks change..especially when it changes in a way like this! So.. everyone pray for God to please keep that tooth healthy and as an added bonus to let it whiten back up on its own so I don't have to take my little man for more torture treatments at the dentist! (good news was the rest of his teeth were great.. no cavities or other problems so hoorah!)

Side note: Madison's dance recital is tomorrow and we're all so excited! I've got way cute pics to share but no time tonight! Keep an eye out for another post soon. :)

Rummage sale!

I will be doing my first ever rummage sale tomorrow morning with Leslie H. I'm really excited about it! I hope to get rid of a lot of stuff and make some cash in the process. It was extremely hard on me though to go through all of madison's baby clothes (up to 2t) and put prices on them. I guess once you get rid of those things, you're REALLY admitting that they'll never fit into them again. I kept a few special items, but the majority of it is going. I've already sold several things... and I realized that the hard part is the initial parting with them, and once they're gone that's it! It's fine!

Clayton's birthday is this Sunday. (April 22) He's turning 26... I can't believe that! I've been with him since he was 16... well, he turned 17 a few weeks after we got together, but still. That's a long time! How things have changed in these past years. We've literally grown up together... I think that's rather sweet. :)

Sorry this post is all over the place.. my son is tantruming over the nap he doesn't want to take so I'm off to save the day... again!

Samuel!

Here are two of the 4D pictures we got taken today during our amazing ultrasound! They are a bit distorted (mainly his nose) but still really beautiful if you ask me! (even though scanning them into the puter did make a glare.. sorry) I cannot begin to describe our experience today... it was just incredible. You could make out all of his facial features, his expressions, down to the lines in his fingers and toes and the creases in his cheeks! He sucked his hands THE ENTIRE TIME! (another constant nurser in the making?) At one point he was even trying to get his toes into his mouth! lol He weighs around 3.8pounds now.. I couldn't get over how fat he was already! He has the same lips and nose as Madison and Carter.. it was almost like looking at old baby pics. I can't wait to show some of you the pics that we have b/c they're so much clearer in person.. and the DVD is just unbelievable! I really cannot wait for the next 9 weeks to go by now... I cannot wait to officially meet my little man!

By the way, can you see in the first picture that he's almost crying? Right after she snapped this shot he got his fingers into his mouth, and then grinned... we missed that pic though. :P

ZZzzZZzzZZzz...

Oh man... I feel like I'm being flung back into the first trimester. It's hit me all of a sudden that I am just plain exhausted! No matter how much sleep I get at night, I'm painfully tired the next morning and struggle to peel myself out of bed when the alarm goes off. I even broke down and took a nap today after I got Carter to bed. I am NOT someone that likes to nap... I feel it's such a waste of time and I usually feel stressed if I even try to rest for very long because my "to do" list is running like crazy in my mind.. all of the things I'm NOT doing because I'm being a slug. But, today, I told my head to shove it.. I had to sleep! I felt no better after waking up 40 MINUTES LATER! (that's quite a nap to me!) Thankfully my mood is still really upbeat and happy even though I'm walking around holding my eyelids open. I had a few weeks of plain moodiness a while back.. I was no fun to be around and I didn't even like myself most of the time! lol

To add to my "things I normally don't do but am doing now" list... I think, for the first time ever, I'm going to quit something. We signed Madison up for Tball this year for the sole reason that Clayton was going to sign up to be her assistant coach and we could work it around our schedules so it wouldn't all fall upon my shoulders. Well, they had too many ppl sign up and Clayton and the guy he wanted to coach with weren't needed... we had a meeting yesterday with our team to get a list of rules and a list of things we still had to buy (quite a list!!) and i left nearly in tears. I called Clayton and told him that I am NOT doing Tball this year. I don't care if we already paid for it, I don't care how it looks for me to quit, I cannot handle it. The schedule set up for practises was going to kill me and it completely overlaps with our current dance schedule. (which I could make an entire new post about.. but won't.. let's just say we will not be doing dance next yr!) So I'm going to try to convince Clayton to make the call to the coach to say "we quit" because I can barely stand to admit it.. I am not a quitter. I feel like I should be able to handle this.. but it is supposed to be fun and I can tell already it will be much more stressful than fun! (As Suzanne said to me today when I called to talk to her about all of this 'stuff', "Who is this for? If Madison doesn't even care and you don't want to do it... then why do it?") Such wisdom from a friend! She's so right! So... April 28th is our dance recital and after that my plan is to enjoy family time now before Samuel makes his big debut. I don't need anything additional right now! So there, I admit it... I became a quitter!

Back again

So I've grown a little bored with blogging lately. Clayton is back on the night shift again now though so my interest will probably greatly pick up now that I will have so much time at night to be on the puter!

So, what is this first picture of? Madison and Carter.. what could they possibly be studying so closely? An ant hill. This ant hill literally popped up overnight and those two were completely fascinated with it! So much so that Madison begged me to take several pictures of the ants with our camera... and then with her very own disposable camera that we gave her, she took her own pictures. (I could make an entire new post about what madison took pictures of... 27 pictures, and none of people! Flowers, grass, cats, dogs, etc.. she's 5.. you get the point!) I could have never imagined how interesting watching ants could be... and how they could love watching them so much yet freak out so quickly if they saw a few of them coming towards them.

So, the next pic... yes, two in one night, you are so lucky that I had time! :) This is me.. entering my 29th week of pregnancy. It is shocking to me to see my belly now. When I'm sitting around or even walking around I still feel so comfortable. I don't feel like I have a belly at all unless I have to get on the ground for some reason. So, to see a picture of what I actually look like is a bit crazy! We have several mirrors in our house... none of which are full length, and none of which I can see my belly in b/c they're up too high, which just adds to my occasional surprise when I do catch a glimpse of myself elsewhere. It's like it hits me, "Oh! I really am pregnant!" For the record, I had a dr's appt on Wednesday and all is great! I've finally manged to gain 10 pounds total and I measured 28cm which is perfect for 28 weeks. Samuel's h/b was 135bpm.. it's always so slow... maybe it means he's calm? lol We went to the Parker's after our appt and it was soooo great to visit with them! The kids ran and played and Suzanne let me hold Josiah a ton! He just slept, nursed, pooped, and slept and nursed some more. Such a sweet baby and he is even cuter now than he was at birth. I was a big dummy and didn't get a single pic of him even though I had the camera IN THE HOUSE! ARRGHH! Pg brain.. sorry!

Okay, last thing. My dear husband finally got sick of me nagging him and he got Madison's and the bathroom doors re-framed, and PAINTED. :) Baseboards are now installed in the hallway and the only big thing left to do is hang Carter's door. I actually painted all of the doors today while he painted the trim in our entire house. It looks sooooo good! I keep staring down the hallway in awe... I can't wait to see it completely finished. We have to buy some more door framing things (yeah.. I don't know what they're called) and then he can check this job off of his honey do list. The only other big item is pain the outside of the house. Any color but this horrid blue that's out here now! Okay.. not 'any' color.. something in the light beige would suit me! Oh.. he also bought two new ceiling fans for the living room. We love the fans in here now, but one will only spin on low speed (so now we can REALLY freeze you all out when you visit with the new ones that work correctly! lol) and the other you can no longer pull the chain that turns the light on and off.. so it's stuck on "on" all of the time unless you flip the switch off on the wall. So, new fans will be in soon. we'll have to host a Settlers party once it's all completed so you can all see how hard my man's been working!

Spring Break!

Ahh.... the last day of school before spring break was today. We had a great evening tonight (the kids and me, clayton's working) and I'm really looking forward to a fairly relaxing week at home with the kids. I know Madison is in need of a break... her mouth always starts to get her into trouble when she's stressed and tired. Last night I thought about shoving a sock in her mouth to muffle her so I didn't have to listen to complaints, whining, and backtalking anymore. Erasing one of the 3 most favorite shows of hers on the DVR did the trick... after many warnings she just would not stop the backtalking, and deleting a cartoon was all it took to snap her back into the real world where she is a kid and I am the mommy. Lesson learned... and she's been her usual jovial self since! Now that she's back under control I think I'm going to have to start putting the smack down on Carter. That boy... he's a neverending story! lol He's sleeping like a normal child now, all night long, every single night IN HIS OWN BED. Even napping each day! However, I think all of this new sleep is giving him even more energy than he had before so he's almost double the crazy each day! Super loud, rough, and wanting to go from one thing to the next so quickly that it's making my head spin. So.. now to work on him. I think I said "shhh.. quiet.." a zillion times today. I even brought out the "quiet signal" which he actually liked. (you know.. ask for the 'quiet signal' and teach them to put their finger over their mouth) We'll see if the quiet signal catches on and becomes a successful tool in my parenting box! I'm encouraging him to be loud and insane outside, and more calm and quiet inside. With as much as we're outdoors lately I really don't see how he has the energy to come inside and run a muck! He's like his daddy... the two of them just seem to have endless energy! So, be thinking of me each day... we'll see how long this "phase" with Carter takes to work through. And once we work through this one, I am afraid to see what the next one might be!

Josiah David

Is such a beautiful boy! We had a great visit with the Parkers at the hospital yesterday evening. We were lucky enough to be the only company they had when we were there so we got to just relax with them and they were kind enough to let us snuggle the baby! (I even got to change a diaper! So sweet when they're so tiny.) He has very little hair, which is so typical for the Parker kids at birth. lol I must say his little face was so cute! He is nursing well and so far everyone seems to be in great health. Praise God! Here are two pics that we got.. I'd add more but remember, my dialup makes this ridiculous!

Suzanne called this morning...(edited)

... on their way to the hospital for the induction. (around 7:15am) She said she was already having contractions every 5 minutes, but they weren't very strong. I think that's fantastic! :) I have butterflies in my stomach just waiting for the BIG phone call. She said she'd call later if she could, but would definitely call as soon as she could after Josiah makes his appearance. I'll keep a running update going on here for those of you anxiously awaiting news like I am. My plan is to go for a short visit this evening if they're up for company and post pics for you all. I know they're really excited to share him with their friends! That's all I know for now.. check back throughout the day and I promise to update asap with any new info! Pray pray pray for a healthy mom and baby!

**edited to add** Just got a text message (10:20am) saying she's 6cm and 90% effaced! Won't be long now!

**12:30am** Matt text mess. me again and said "Done! All is well!" I have no details but little Josiah is here already! I'll let you know when they call with more info!! I'm so excited to hear all about him! :)

**1:00pm** 7 pounds, 11ounces; 20 inches long! Suzanne called and sounded overjoyed and very well! Talked for about 15 minutes... she said he's beautiful and healthy. Nearly bald but a few little blonde hairs here and there. I'll post pics as soon as I can tomorrow after we see them this evening.

Update for Suzanne

Sorry I've been absent from blogworld for a while. The great weather we've had lately (minus today) has kept us all outside and there's been no time for indoor entertainment. I wanted to let everyone know that Suzanne will be induced Friday morning (March 16) and hopefully Josiah will arrive that afternoon sometime! I'll take pics and post them with Suzanne and Matt's permission. I am so excited for them! So be praying for a safe delivery for everyone... I cannot wait to meet the newest Parker. :)

6 months!

I am 6 months pg TODAY. :) Yep... a big 24 weeks.. I can't believe it. It's flying by now. Clayton has finally started talking names.. sort of. He still hasn't said that he likes my name (Samuel) or told me a name that he's thinking of, but at least he does keep saying "we need to name this little guy!" To which I keep saying, "I've named him already.. you need to name him.." I go for my checkup tomorrow morning. Should be fairly boring. Boring is great in pregnancy! I had way too much "fun" with Carter by this point. I'm really loving this no stress growing a baby business. My Sciatic Nerve has calmed down a bit this week, thank God! I really thought I was not going to be able to walk if it got any worse last week. Why would your body be designed so that's even POSSIBLE? I don't get it!

Well, on the home front, Madison was sick but is over it... Carter now has what she had as of midnight last night. (yep... no sleep for us!) The only symptom he seems to have is a fever.. possibly a sore throat b/c he doesn't want to eat anything. (but I never want to eat when I'm sick so who can tell) I hope he's over his as quickly as Madison was over hers. I'm sooo tired of being the sick house... seems like everyone in blogland is having or has had the same problem. Go away winter yuckies!!

I haven't read my Bible at all this week... sick kids to blame but that's no excuse! I'll find time... and I'll let you know about it! :)

This is easy...

I will probably eat these words in the next few days, because that's just how 'it' works. But I was just thinking about a brief conversation I had with Brandy F. at small group the other night. I asked her how old Kynlee was.. (9).. and I told her how glad I am to get to be around a child a bit older than Madison. It always seems like such foreign territory dealing with a child any older than my own. I told her how I can remember holding Madison as a newborn and looking at other people's two year olds and thinking "How will I take care of a two year old?!" Being the mom to a 5/6 year old was beyond imagining to me at that time. It just hit me today that I AM the mother of a CHILD now. Not a baby... not a toddler.. a child. And it's pretty easy! It's nothing like what I had imagined it would be. She's such a sweet girl. So empathetic, so smart, and so so so wanting to please. This is just her nature... she was a perfect child to start out parenting! I was worried Carter would be my insane crazy child, but so far he really is not a big deal either! He's definitely more physically active than Madison was, but as far as his behavior, now that he's almost a big 3yr old.. we have almost no problems with him. I don't know the last time he even had to sit in time out! The hitting has almost totally stopped, and other than a few yelling episodes at other kids, he's basically lost his aggressive side. He outgrew it! Hooray! :) I have just been surprised at how 'easy' parenting has been up until this point. Sure, you have days that you want to run away and hide lol. But, as a whole, God has just blessed me with this whole raising kids thing. Once I was willing to work on being patient, he gave me patience! I don't always keep my cool, but MOST of the time I do. That's such a big achievement for me. I'm not a yeller, not a spanker (no offense everyone else in the parenting world lol), not a briber, and not a mom that gives in and caters to my kids every whims. These were the things I feared I would become as a mother.. I actually worried I would no longer like my kids much once they weren't sweet babies anymore. (that sounds awful.. just being truthful though) Imagine my shock when my almost 6yr old can still bring me to tears by saying something sweet. That my soon to be 3yr old still melts me with those sporadic kisses and hugs. I could've never seen this coming! Isn't it wonderful that God gives us children? Seriously... I'm so undeserving of mine... and he's given me three. He's given me three humans that, at least for a short time in their lives, will see me as the most wonderful person in the world. Someone they really can't imagine not having in their lives each and every single day. What a huge gift! Thank you God for the children! For mine especially :)

Sleep is a beautiful thing!

I haven't posted on it but I've talked to several of you in person about my recent 'sleep training' with Carter. We've always been a no crying it out family, a family bed if the baby needs it family, and now, after almost 3 years of letting our boy get what he needed from us in the wee hours of the morning, we've decided it's time to put bedtime into the discipline spotlight. My theory is when it starts to hurt me more than it helps them.. it's time for a change! I can no longer sleep with my tossing, turning, rub all over mommy and daddy all night long, son. So, for the past week and a half each time he's gotten up I've put him back to his bed. I still don't do crying it out, I would, some nights, be in his room comforting him 12 or more times, in faith that eventually the point would be made: "You are not getting into the big bed." For the past two nights he's gone to bed without a fuss, stayed asleep ALL NIGHT LONG, and come to our bed for a cuddle around 6:30am. I woke up this morning feeling sooooo good! Clayton's comment was, "We get one sleeping through the night right before we bring another one home... we better enjoy this while it lasts!" Yeah... I plan to enjoy each and every night of it! I'll update you in a few days to see if he continues to sleep all night or if he has a relapse to 'test' me... I'm determined to 'win' this battle now though. We're all happier now.. a rested mommy is a much more fun mommy!

For a "reading my Bible" update:
Tonight I read Matthew 5:43-48. I'm reading in the Life Application Bible for those wondering. These verses struck me because of how simple they sound, yet how INCREDIBLY hard they are to follow... they almost leave me asking God, "Seriously? Are you really expecting this of me?"

"You have heard it said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more for than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as our heavenly Father is perfect."

The "Are not even the tax collectors doing that?" question really struck me. This is probably a huge reason Christians are looked at as hypocrites. We're supposed to love EVERYONE... treat EVERYONE well. That's a pretty tough rule to follow, at least for me. Not that I can imagine myself ever treating anyone poorly... but to go as far as to say I LOVE certain people just seems so... well... unrealistic. Just yesterday, Clayton read an article in the paper to me about a man that got sentenced to only 2yrs on prison and a fine to pay after killing someone while driving drunk and wreckless. This is the one (of many) fatality wrecks that Clayton has worked that had us both in tears... and to see this guy get off so light for taking a life burned me up. I definitely felt no love for this man... quite the opposite. So my question is this: How do we love those we hate? Is it action rather than feeling? Does God really expect us to FEEL love towards them.. or is it more about forgiveness, letting go of the past, or overlooking things that bother us? What do you think? I'm not sure what I think about this yet... it's something for me to ponder. I'd be interested in what you all have to say though.

Oh the fear

At small group one night Clayton had to rush out to respond to a possible drunk driver. Bonnie nearly had a hear attack and she kept asking how I could stand seeing him put on all of that protective gear and rush out of the room without crying. (been seeing it for a few years now I guess? lol) The truth is I think I finally gave that fear over to God.. I had to! I couldn't sleep at all when he was working nights for almost the entire first year he got on the highway. I worried about EVERYTHING. Now, I have just one thing that strikes huge amounts of fear into me... and it just happened. Clayton is out now working overtime (that's my dedicated man! Working hard for his family!) and as I was sitting here reading everyone's blogs, I heard several sirens coming down the highway towards our house. I stopped reading and forced myself to look out of the window, praying they were not coming to my house. I prayed "Dear God PLEASE let them go past our road.. please let them go past our road.." and thank the Lord they did. There would be nothing worse than seeing police cars pull up at our house... it would mean just one thing and I don't even want to think about it. I actually had a pretty big contraction I was so unnerved by the experience. That's only happened once before in the almost two years we've lived here. I think it scared me a lot more the first time! So, I guess I do still have fear. I guess it's more of knowing the reality.

On a happier, (much happier) note concerning my big man.... He was at headquarters the other day and his Sgt. called him in to read an email from Main HQ in Little Rock... about Clayton! There are a few different overtime 'themes' they can work.. clayton mainly works DWI overtime. He has a passion for making the roads safe... for getting idiots off of them and hopefully changing their lives in the process and saving someone else's as well. Well, it seems they keep a record, in the entire state, of the ratio of DWI hours worked compared to number of drunks gotten.. and clayton is NUMBER ONE IN THE STATE! In the ENTIRE state police.. Clayton got the most drunks in the hours he's worked. I am beyond proud. :) There is this fantastic banquet they put on each year for the top guys... we're invited! Problem is.. it's in June.. our baby boy is due in June! Yikes! I hope it's early in the month! lol So I'm just so so proud of him... I could dedicate an entire post to my husband and what he means to me and how fantastic he is in all areas of life. God really blessed me with him... to say the absolute least. I love that I have a spouce that I absolutely respect, love, look up to, and trust with all of my heart. Even after almost 10 years together he STILL melts me... love is my most favorite thing!

Finally reading

In small group we've been discussing what we do at home as a family to learn more or to praise God. I've been disappointed with myself each week when yet another week goes by and my efforts have been minimal at best. It hit me harder this week than ever. For the first time, in an extremely long time, I felt convicted about my lack of study of my Bible, and I became very aware that I was not only allowing myself to miss out on the closest relationship to God I could have, but I was taking that experience away from my children as well. So, today, I sat down and prayed and asked God to point me to something in the Bible that I would WANT to read. Something that would shake me up a bit.. get me excited about him again. After looking around for a bit I got to the book of Matthew. While I like it it's never been one that grabbed me and made me want to sit and read it, until today. We're all probably very familiar with a lot of Matthew... it's definitely a book I've heard preached from numerous times. I read this today though and plan to read it and discuss it with the kids this evening:

Matthew 5:6 "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled."

I've read this passage a million times in the past, but today it meant something to me. I've felt a distance between God and me for the past few years. The distance grew greater and greater when we had our struggle to become pregnant this time. Rather than drawing closer to God when I needed him most, I became angry and bitter at what he was "allowing" me to go through both physically and mentally. I refused to try to see the good in it... even though looking back, I can see it now. I spent a lot of time wishing I would just be "filled" with God, yet I had no desire to do anything to seek him out. I wanted to be joyful in Christ, but after reading this verse I realize that I just wasn't really "hungry" and "thirsty" for him. If I would've truly been looking to have my hunger and thirst for God satisfied, he would have done that for me. I was content to be heartbroken during that year, when I could have been much more joyful had I reached out to God for strength instead. (Why do I always do things the hard way?) A verse a few verses down also touched me:

Matthew 5:13 - "You are the salt of the earth. But if salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men."

I wonder how much value I was to God during my times of "long suffering." I still made good moral choices in life, I still tried to support those around me, but deep inside I was still lacking that God filled joy... and whether I tried my best to hide that or not, it had to effect many things around me. My goal is not to lose my "saltiness" again. That isn't always easy, but it's a good goal for me! We Christians should stand out, we should have that "flavor" that others lack and they see in us and they want it. If we're low and dull and easy to be defeated, no one will want whatever we have. I'm so thankful that God led me to this small group, that he has used as a tool to spark something in me that's been needing sparked for a long while. I feel so good right now. Just reading my Bible for a few short minutes has made such a difference in everything I'm thinking and feeling tonight. I pray that I can continue with this with determination each day from here on out.

Loving my kids again

The 5th month must be the best month of pregnancy! I am finally feeling like "me" again. I can eat again (as of THIS week!), I can clean the house like I normally do, get laundry done, do Carter's school work with him, and play with the kids... this is the life! I'm not huge yet, but am comfortably pregnant. I finally look like I belong in the maternity clothes I've been wearing and, without being too graphic, my husband is feeling loved again. lol The best thing about all of this is I finally am able to be a really good mom again. I haven't had to drag myself off of the couch to "come look at this" or peel myself off of the bathroom floor to play Candyland in a few weeks. I can tell Madison and Carter are really enjoying having me back to normal. Feeling this good makes me so excited to be adding another child to the family. It's funny how the days that I'm sick and/or exhausted I get really freaked out that this baby is actually coming. I have the "I cannot do this" thought or "what have I done?", which is even worse. Suzanne and I have taken turns reminding each other that once the baby comes, we won't be pregnant anymore.. just tired. lol (which is far easier for me than being pg AND tired) And, there's always the fantasy that "this one might be a good sleeper." (ha ha) Then, on days like today, I am nothing but euphoric about this little boy coming. I have the superwoman complex... "I can do this! I can do anything!" The bad thing about feeling this good is that I'm already forgetting how hard the first 4 months of being pregnant were for me. (and this is my 'easy' pg) It makes me question whether or not I can really say this is the last. (Did I say that?) I know that Clayton is DONE with 3... so I just pray that this baby coming does trigger a "complete" feeling in me. I guess that no matter how many children you have, some women just will always want more. I think it's just hard to see your babies grow up and know that that's it. No more babies.. ever. That's a hard pill for me to swallow. I guess only time will tell how I will feel in the future. I imagine once the reality of HAVING 3 kids gets here, I might very well feel done having children! lol

IT'S A BOY!!

The ultrasound revealed a perfect little boy!! We are SO excited! I cried so much during the ultrasound that I really felt like I missed the entire thing. lol Especially when he started grabbing his face with his hands and turning his head towards them... just totally melted me! He's around 12oz right now, which is right on track. He measured 1 day away from my due date.. perfect! We weren't able to get the 4D done today. There was a misunderstanding at the front desk during scheduling... the ultrasound tech won't do a 4D until 25 weeks, and she only does them on Fridays because it's a 45 minute long ultrasound... had no idea. So we still have that to look forward to in about 5 weeks! :) I was so shocked when I saw boy parts... I had NO feeling either way but I was still stunned! lol I couldn't be happier.. Carter so needs a brother to rough house with.. it will be great for our family! And Suzanne and I have already discussed how cool it is that our baby boys will be the same age and surely the best of friends growing up! I went shopping as soon as I left the office and bought several baby boy outfits. I hung them in Carter's closet when we got home.. I cannot stop looking at them. I am as giddy as I could be! It's so cool to know that he's a boy! Now he just needs a name... I'm stuck on Samuel, but Clayton won't say it's a for sure name yet. He better decide soon.. I hate calling this baby "baby" or "he".. I like calling them by their names! As far as I go, all was well. I only gained 1 more pound.. putting me at 2 pounds above my prepregnancy weight. Doctor said that baby and I look great, definitely not malnourished, so he's not concerned. Glad he's okay with it... it worries me! I figure that eventually I'm going to go for that appt that I gain 8 pounds in 4 weeks and it'll put my fears at ease! lol

Countdown!

Sorry I've been absent from blogland... but we've all had the flu so I've been totally out of comission for the past 6 days. And yes.. we've ALL had it.. every single one of us in the Moss household! I just wanted to post a reminder that this Wednesday is our big ultrasound day! I am so so excited!! I'll post about it as soon as I can... complete with pics if my slow as Christmas dial-up will comply! Hope everyone else is healthy!