Sunday, March 19, 2006

Testing, testing.. 1,2,3

Posted by Mandy at 7:25 AM
So.. I am what, in the world of women that are trying to conceive (TTC) a pee on a stick -a- holic. (POAS-A-HOLIC) Yes, I admit it. The day I think... yeah.. it could possibly show + today, I start testing, and I don't stop until the hag shows. So, last night I made the decision that I would test this morning. I'm 10 days past ovulation now... that could possibly lead to a + test... why not? It's just money I'm wasting! So I take that old familiar Equate pg test.. the one with the +/- and of course... negative. It's a little upsetting to get a neg test... but the upside is it's still really early so I have tons more pg tests to take before I get really truly down in the dumps. I will be so shocked if we do end up having to move on to month 5 of ttc... 5 months?! US?! That just can't happen can it? I mean, I know the reality of the major cysts on my ovaries.. I do recall having surgery in November to remove them in hopes of preserving fertility, and the warning from my doctor that things might be harder this time around... but I Just never really believed it. I never believed we wouldn't get pg the first month. I mean.. never having tried, it seemed that TRYING would result in immediate pregnancy. I've noticed a change in the way people talk to me now. When someone asks how long we've been trying.. I get much different responces than I did in the beginning. In the beginning when I'd say it's been 1 or 2 months I'd get the "oh that's still so early, don't worry about that yet." When I say we're almost on month 5 of trying I get a "oh really? well I hope it happens for you soon..." with an obvious uncomfortableness of the person speaking. One of the teacher's aide's at madison's school that I'm close with (she's my age) even had the gall to say, after finding out we've been trying for 4 months "4 MONTHS?! Omgosh... we get pg really fast!" I bit my tongue and declined to respond to her rude comment... but in my head I was screaming "Ya think moron! Normally we get pg without even trying!!! Thanks for the encouragement!!" this TTC journey might turn me into an evil evil person. I keep wondering what I can learn from this experience.. patience? Empathy? How to spend the most money for the least result at the end of each month? I'm sure once i get pg I'll look back at these crazy months and know it was all for the better, but ya know what? Right now.. not feeling that way at all! Yep, I'm in a bad mood.. my husband is asleep and i'm up alone, as usual, with our kids who are driving me batty b/c it's raining outside and they're cooped up for day 2. If I would've never seen that neg. pg test.. I'm sure my patience with them would be much greater. Lord, help me not kill someone today!


Kristy on Wednesday, 22 March, 2006 said...

Hang in there, gal... I know nothing I can say will make it better so I won't even try. Keep us posted, I love your honesty and your blog. I'm so glad someone else likes writing on here, at least it seems like you do! Keep it up.

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