The joys of Carter

As much stress as my two year old little man can cause me, he also brings me so much joy. I wasn't sure what it would be like raising a little boy. I wasn't sure I was up for that challenge, or that I would even enjoy it. Imagine my surprise when each day this little man keeps me smiling and laughing and enjoying 'most' of my time with him.

Today I was doing laundry, and got to the white clothes. I was sorting socks and couldn't help but laugh at Carter's. Most of his have some sort of dull muddy stain on them, no amount of bleach can remove those stains. Two seperate pairs had those sticky briar things all in them... I spent a good amount of time picking those off. Madison's socks are all bright white and look brand new... but she doesn't enjoy rolling in the mud and going off of the worn path in the woods into the vines and briars like her baby brother does. Everything to Carter is an adventure. If there is a rock, he wants to pick it up and throw it at something, or someone. If there is a hill, he must climb it. If there is a small fallen tree, he must jump over it. It it's a larger fallen tree, he must climb up on it and then jump off of it. There is no greater delight in his life right now than having a nice stick to dig with or hit things with. He even eats like I knew a boy would. (no offense guys!) Madison was always such a slow and clean eater. Even as a baby! Carter does know how to eat with a spoon, but gets frustrated quickly and drops it to dig in with his hands. (as pictured) He has no concern about the mess all about him, or on him. I used to think these things were hard to deal with... but now I've learned to embrace them as part of having Carter. These silly things that I know one day will be in the past and I will miss them. One day he won't want to have an adventure through the woods with Mommy. One day he won't think playing at the park with all of the sticks we find together is fun. I fear the day that he decides sitting in Mommy's lap for a 20 minute cuddle session is "sissy stuff." I know it will come. So here's to enjoying the day! Whatever 'day' you're having... it will end and we'll never ever get this one day back again. A lot of this post comes from the fact that Clayton has had to work 3 fatality wrecks in one week's time. They were alive one minute, dead the next. In the blink of an eye.. their life on earth came to an end, and their friends and families' lives were forever changed. It really is true that old saying... "life's too short.."

First soccer game

We had our first soccer game last night and it was a blast! Madison even scored a goal and blocked another.. I'm so proud! She giggled the entire time she was there.. I definitely think we've found her sport! I just love our team... and the coaches are just wonderful! Honestly I couldn't ask for anything better.

Playgroup this morning was fun, but small! Just Leslie and me.. what's up with the playgroup peeps?! Do we need to change the day or something? I'm missing our get togethers! The good news is, Carter only hit Tyler once, and only threw something at him once... and he shared his drink with him after a while and even sat beside him without pushing him over! What an improvement! lol And, today, he dumped some dry cereal on the floor (our CONSTANT battle right now) and I sighed, knowing that a huge fight was about to take place as i made him pick up the mess. However, to my SHOCK, the first time I asked him to pick them up, HE DID! I hugged and kissed him and kept telling him how great he was.. I hope he will keep it up. It seems we're starting to turn the 'negative phase' corner... into a 'positive phase' soon! Thank goodness because I was about to resort to shock therapy or something. ;)

Madison has another soccer game tonight at 5:30 (anyone that gets bored at home.. come on out lol) and after that I'm supposed to go to curriculum night at the school.. sounds insanely fun. :P I really don't wanna go.. and am curious as to how important of an event it is. Clayton, on a fluke, will be home tonight, I don't want to miss him! We'll see what happens... I keep wondering if anyone would notice if I didn't show up. *shame shame*

Not for the weak..

This parenting stuff is for the strong only. At least the patient and the willing to clean up gross things... several times each day. I have quickly been reminded why it's easier to just change diapers than have a newly potty trained toddler. Carter is doing fantastic on the potty training issue... no accidents at all.. all potty when we're home. (still no luck really when we're outside or somewhere else.. but no biggie) So, what's the problem? Well, the potty seat that fits over the regular toilet lid.. that is the problem. Somehow, when you pick it up, there is always pee everywhere underneath it.. great hu? I have two completely different potty seats, they both do this. It even happened when madison would use them.. what's up with that?! So, I spend many of minutes in the bathroom spraying and cleaning our toilet... oh how it shines now! I also could tell a story of how I had to use our big grill tongs the other day to dig almost an entire roll, of unrolled, toilet paper out of the potty, that an unnamed 2 year old had repeatedly tried to flush down. (after hearing the 3rd flush in a row I knew something was up) Ah yes... adventures in potty training. These are the stories veteran parents share with each other, laughing, and halfway happy, and halfway sad that they're over. Even in the midst of all of it I find it pretty comical. I always wonder "what is he thinking when he does something like this? What thought process came up with this one?" I'm just glad he's been able to make it to the potty each time. I remember Madison would run to the bathroom, and call me, and I'd find a puddle right in front of the toilet... she 'almost' made it. So similar to having a puppy... they chew everything, they pee on everything, they stay under your feet so you're stepping on them all of the time... God knew what he was doing when he made them so darn cute! (both puppies and children)

The wait is over

A few hours after I left the dr's office getting my blood taken, my evil friend showed up.... 3 days early. Such is life I guess! I was pretty upset for a bit yesterday but quickly picked myself up and moved on. At least now I won't be sitting on top of the phone all day anxiously awaiting the phone call from the Dr! :) I don't care if they call at all! lol I don't plan on doing the medicine again this month, even though they worked beautifully last month, just because I want to remain as calm as I am right now for the rest of the month. Give myself a break. I need it! lol Life is good, God is good, and now I won't have to battle morning sickness as Madison's soccer games. ;)

Did anyone go to the parade yesterday? Madison was riding on the dance float.. she loved it! I was so proud. :) It really makes me feel like a real mommy when I see her do things like that.... wave from me from the float yelling "Mommy, Daddy! Hey!! Mommy, Daddy!!"

Let the waiting begin!

So I got my blood taken today.. should know the results sometime tomorrow.. so we wait. I have to say, THANK YOU for all of the wonderful support you all have given to me over the past several months since I've been blogging. I'm sure it gets boring reading so much about this junk, but you guys keep sending prayers and hugs my way anyway. It really does mean a lot! I'm not someone that likes to keep things bottled up and very private, I always feel better when I talk about whatever is troubling me. And speaking of feeling better, I do. It hit me the other day... I have NO IDEA why, but I was driving home and felt an overwhelming joy. I was totally consumed with thoughts of my kids, my husband, our house, our life, my friends.. just everything that is so good in my life. God is taking great care of me and it's like I just noticed it all at once. I decided then and there that no matter what, I was going to be joyful. Sure I'll be sad if the result comes back negative tomorrow.. but I REFUSE to let it steal my joy. Just this morning, at playgroup, I barely thought about being pg at all, even though I left from there and went straight to the Dr's office for the blood draw! I feel like God is finally answering one prayer I keep praying, "If I'm not going to be pregnant, please let me not care!" lol I feel like, at least for right now, I will be fine. There is so much good in life, it's a shame to let one thing keep you dragged down so much. It seemed totally out of my control, the way I felt. But it isn't! It's a choice to be in the mood you're in.. no matter what's going on.

Speaking of playgroup, we had a great time this morning.. okay, I did anyway. It was just Brandy, Leslie, and me and our kids.. but I really enjoyed it. Great company and great kids! If it would've been a bit less wet it would've been even better.. but, ah, who cares. :) Carter found great joy in hitting trees and the ground with a fantastic stick he found.. at one point he found and opening in the fence and was in the woods! I had to go retreive him... that's our fault, we've been tracking through our woods a ton lately! So thanks for the fun time gals!

Who's going to the parade today? Madison is in it! She'll be riding with Kim's Dance Factory... I can't wait! She's sooo excited! :)

Pregnant, or medicine?

That is the question. So, the injection I got (called Profasi) has HCG in it.. the stuff that turns a pregnancy test positive. So, obviously, the medicine will turn a test positive if taken too soon after it's administered. To see how long it would take for it to get out of my system, I started taking home tests at 6 days past the shot. That day I got a light but definite positive result. Obviously the meds were still there. So I waited and retested at 9 days past the shot and got a blotchy, dark, shadowy line in the test window.. I'll stretch it and call it a faint positive. I figured if I waited two more days and retested I'd get a true negative result. That was today. Instead I got a faint positive. It was a darker line, visible but not very, but I was surprised as heck to see it. So, now the question remains.. remaining medicine doing this.. or early pregnancy. I have no way to know right now. I plan to retest Monday.. SURELY if I'm not pg I'll get a true negative result by then... I have a blood test Tuesday. I hate those.. the results are so final! lol Pray for my sanity! This is a bit hard to wrestle with in my mind.

TGIF!

I am so happy it's Friday! And, I'm in a wonderful mood tonight because Madison had a really really good day at school today and the teachers were all super nice at pickup time this afternoon, I didn't feel rushed for once! (i wonder if ppl have been complaining?) I have chocolate chip cookie dough in the fridge just waiting to be baked... and Leslie and Tyler are going to come by and hang out and pig out with us! What could be better?

Have I mentioned our potty training journey lately? It's actually going great! At home, he's 100% trained. (well, not counting nap and bedtime) However, he has to be bare bottomed for this to be true. Even in underwear, he'll pee in them.. and NOT CARE that he's soaking wet. ??? I remember Madison flipping out the first (and almost only) time she wet herself in panties. My little man couldn't care less though! So, I'll take what I can get! I haven't changed a dirty diaper in over a week, and one pack of diapers is lasting a very very long time now. I'm really proud of him. Everyone has told me it takes boys forever to potty train, but so far so good here!

So will anyone be coming to Tuesday playgroup next week? I hope it's a nice cool morning and we can all get together! I really miss our girltalk!

new blog thing

I haven't done one of these in a while and just the title of this one made me laugh for some reason. lol

You May Be a Bit Obsessive Compulsive...

Meticulous and detailed oriented, you have some irrational obsessions. Maybe it's your super neat closet or washing your hands a gazillion times. You probably know it's weird, but you just can't stop thinking about it. In fact, the more you think about your quirks, the more you have to do them.

What Personality Disorder Are You?

Does this bother anyone else?

Okay, first off, this post is NOT to spark a debate.. but I am genuinely interested on how others feel about this. In the handbook I read how corporal punishment can be administered WITHOUT the parents consent and that you will only get a note that day sent home if your child was spanked at school. It is totally up to the principal (and teacher probably) if your child is spanked or not and that the parents will not be contacted for permission. Does this make anyone else REALLY upset? Probably me more than anyone else seeing as how we do not spank our children. (again, no debates please) Now, Madison has never even been given a warning at school so I'm really not worried that they'll snatch her up and spank her one day, but it just very very much bothers me that it's written that it is not up to me what happens to her should a situation like that arise. It makes me think I should write a letter to the school and let them know that under NO circumstances are they allowed to hit my child. Is it only me that thinks this is not okay? I don't know how I'd feel about others spanking my kids (without my knowledge) if I were a spanker... but I do know how this idea makes me feel now.. sick! And since we're on the subject of school vents.. is there ANYTHING we can do about the 15 min lunch time? I'm being very serious.. Madison is starving everyday and each day she says she didn't have time to finish her food. I've taught my kids to eat slowly (as we all should!) and now they basically want them to scarf it all down! Are we powerless over this?

Ah.. the self torture

Do you have anything that you do, that you know is going to probably just upset you, but you can't resist doing it anyway? Maybe it's eating a box of Oreos, when you know you'll feel guilty about it later, having more caffeine than you set your goal amount to be, or buying another outfit, when you vowed to start saving money. I know I'm guilty of doing all of those things from time to time, especially the Oreo example, but tonight I did my latest form of self toture. Looked online at maternity and newborn clothes. Why oh why do I do this? Each month I get hopeful, and start browsing to see what's out there this season.. and it never makes me feel happy when I'm done, so why do I continue to do it? Anyone know the answer? Why do things that don't, in the grand scheme of things, help us emotionally or physically? I remember, after madison turned 1 year old, looking at my flabby body in the mirror and deciding then and there to get into shape. And boy did I. My attitude about junk food from that point on was, "This doesn't taste as good as being thin feels!" I was right! Now, I see me letting my body go a bit again. So I'm trying to focus more on getting back into shape. I'll do well for a week, and then slip for a week. Why is it so hard? I'll have that extra helping of supper, and before I ever get up to refill my plate I'll think, "I don't need to eat anymore.." but it never stops me. Why? Am I a sucker for punishment or what? Any wise people out there know the answer? Am I the only one that does these things to myself?

Doctors Appointment Update

It went great! I am still in shock at how perfect it was! Normally I'm in a ton of pain by this point in my cycle. My ovaries are typically busy growing painful cysts, but this month I've felt almost nothing... I really had thought that the medicine had done nothing. So they did an ultrasound and found one big, mature, beautiful egg on my left ovary!! My doctor was all smiles.. and so were we! (clayton was with me) He also said my uterine lining was PERFECT... everything was too good to be true! I got a shot to release the egg.. so in two weeks I'll go for a blood test and we'll see if we got it! Thank you for all of your prayers. That appt. could not have possibly gone any better! I am still in so surprised that that was my body we were looking at on that screen. I haven't had a good ultrasound since I was pregnant with Carter.. all of the rest have mainly involved head shakes and many, "hmm, that doesn't look good..." so this was a pleasant change.

Chris and Betsy came over yesterday, and of course they brought Bailey. Oh she is sooo cute!! I couldn't hold her b/c I've had a little cold.. and even though I'm mainly over it why risk it right? I did enjoy just looking at her though. Chris happened to have some new video games with him so he and Clayton enjoyed that! I'm sure this will spark a new "I need a new video game" thing with Clayton. lol

Who is coming to small group tonight? As far as i know Clayton and I will be there... unless something insane happens in the meantime!

Potty time!

Carter has only worn one diaper all day. That was at naptime, and the rest of the day he's been allowed to run around naked. He hasn't had a single accident! Same thing yesterday! No diaper at home, and no accidents! He's really potty training! He even pooped in the potty a little bit ago without even telling me! He did bring me toilet paper, which I thought was strange... and then ran to the potty saying "yay!! Big boy!" lol Okay, so maybe only I'm excited about this, but I am so happy he's really potty training! I'm sure it'll be a long time before he's ready to go without a pullup when we're out and about, and that's fine with me, but if he will just keep going on the potty at home.. ahh.. life will be easier!

So the side effects I thought were from the meds I'm on turned out to be that I have a cold! I'm really kind of glad because I told Clayton yesterday that I will NOT take this stuff again with how badly it makes me feel.. so this was our one and only shot at getting pg before I said "enough!". But, now he's feeling sick and Madison has a sore throat.. hooray! It isn't just me, and it isn't the medicine! :)

What is everyone doing for Labor Day? Me? Not a clue.. but Clayton is off of work on Monday so maybe we'll get to do something... we'll see!

Side effect city!

Okay.. I was feeling pretty well the first two days on the Femara. But, starting last night, I just felt like I had a cold.. really tired and achey. Today it's even worse. Ugh... I'm EXHAUSTED! I truely don't know how I'm going to make it through the rest of the day. Just two more days, just two more days, i can make it two more days!

Madison has her first dance class tonight! I'm so excited! She is too! She is going to look so adorable and i hope she knows some of the kids in her class. She dances around so much I thought she might enjoy an actual lesson. We'll see how it goes! It won't hurt my feelings if she hates it and doesn't want to do it after a while lol. Our first soccer practise is next Thursday at 5:30pm. Bad new is dance class is every Thursday at 5:45pm. What am I going to do?! This is EXACTLY why I didn't want her to do both of these things. She cannot be both places at once. Ugh.. I don't know what we'll do about this.

We're entering the land of potty training. I've discovered that Carter is very capable of going on the potty as long as Madison isn't home. When she's here to play with he loses all focus! But hey, gotta start somewhere!

Day 2, so far so good!

I took my second dose of Femara this morning and so far no side effects! I have been a bit tired, but nothing horrible. I hope I continue to feel this good throughout the rest of the month!

I'm so excited that Small group is starting up tonight! Madison also is bumping up from Cubbies to Sparks! ACK! I am so not ready for all of these changes... but she's so excited. I guess the Sparks are the ones that wear the red vests? I dunno, but I'll find out tonight. Clayton won't be with me for Small Group b/c he is going with his Dad to one of the last games at Ray Winder Field. That kind of sucks but I'm glad he's getting to go!

I've been walking every single morning (weekdays anyway) since school started and I've lost one whole pound. :) lol Hey, you've got to start somewhere! I'm also lifting weights again and eating less/better. I feel a heck of a lot better, that's for sure! It's a lot easier to go for a walk now that it's a bit cooler outside! How about the weather today hu?! Wow.. we've been outside almost all day long enjoying it before we end up back in the 90s again.

Tomorrow's the day

So I start taking the fertility drug tomorrow. I am beyond nervous. There are such mixed reviews on this crap. Some ppl say it's great.. other say it's dangerous and shouldn't be taken. I just have to trust God and my doctor... and go forward. Please don't stop praying.. just add my health and the health of any baby that might come from this to that list. I am so scared! ack!

Second week of school.. started out nicely so far. Madison did fine this morning and i actually had a very friendly woman help her out of the car so that was a nice start to the day. I dread pick up time.. but one can hope that maybe it'll get better! (yeah.. right.. )

Who's coming to playgroup tomorrow morning?! (8:30ish right?) I hope to see a few of you ladies there!

MES vent

I'd love to say that I like Madison's teacher... I'd love to say that I like how the room is set up... I'd love to say that I'm satisfied with what goes in inside the school.. but I can't. Why you ask? Because I am basically not allowed into the school, at all! I walked Madison into school the first two days, before she asked me to just drop her off up front. I still thought i had the option to occasionally walk her in if I wanted.. but turns out, I don't! This morning, as I'm dropping Madison off, I see two different mothers, that are walking their children in, stopped and bascially scolded for doing so. I heard, as I was driving away, "We're asking that no one get out of their cars..." WHAT?! So we no longer can walk OUR kids into the school if we want? I totally am supportive of everyone just driving through the pickup line at the end of the day to get their kids... but what is it really hurting if parents park in the parking lot and walk their children in? That is what we were told we could do in the beginning.. but not anymore. So, I have no idea how Madison is doing in school... I never get to go into the school.. I never see her teacher, I never see the principal, I never see anyone! I am just a nameless face that drops her off and picks her up. I am less than satisfied with this. How do they expect parents to be "involved" if we're not allowed to be? I don't want to be a disturbance.. but is a quick hello to her teacher and the aide in the morning really that burdening? Once a week if I walk her in is it that hard for someone to say "she's doing great!" Or "let's work on..." ??? I'm tired of being rushed to drop her off.. I'm tired of being rushed when I pick her up. I got an ugly look and a wave that meant "hurry up and move!" when I simply took 5 seconds to reach back to buckle Madison's seatbelt yesterday. I know ppl are waiting.. I myself waited nearly 15 minutes in the line.. I'm not being rude by securing my child into her booster seat before taking off onto the road full of angry parents. So.. this is my vent. I know I am not alone in these feelings for several other mothers have said the same things. I just hate feeling like a complete outsider that is only in the way each day. That's my little girl! I want to know how she's doing each day!

Okay, sorry for the long rant.. but come on! lol For some good news.. I was really worried how much the fertility meds were going to cost.. and I didn't know what (if any) insurance would cover. I was SO happy when Clayton called me after he had picked it up and said "It only cost us $21!" HOORAY!! Both meds combined.. $21 out of pocket. Thank you God for our awesome insurance! So, God forbid, we have to do this several times... we can afford it! :)

Guess what we're doing tomorrow! Going to the circus! Yep.. Ringling Brothers at Altel.. that's where we'll be! Madison is sooo excited :) I know Carter will love it too.. he just doesn't know it yet. lol

The hag showed

Well, I awoke to my most hated friend this morning. What a way to start the day. If I am not going to be pregnant, is it really too much to ask to at least have a regular cycle once and a while? I called my doctor.. and we are starting fertility treatments this month. I"ll be taking a drug called Femara (similar to clomid) and then going in for an ultrasound midcycle to check the size of any eggs that might have grown and see how my cysts are behaving. If the eggs have grown to the proper size, I'll be given a shot of Profasi to release the egg(s). My body seems to like to ovulate late, when it does ovulate. Meaning the eggs have aged by the time they are released, and unlikely to get fertilized, or be a healthy pregnancy if they do fertilize. I'll start the Femara pills this coming Tuesday.. I am nervous about it, but hopeful. I've just come to the reality that we are not going to get pg on our own. God is taking us down a different path for some reason unknown to me. Clayton is on board 100%... I feel good about it, and my doctor is EXTREMELY optomistic about it. So, I guess everyone that matters in the deal is full steam ahead! I pray that it just takes one month and we're pg! I hope this baby we're trying to get knows how very much he or she is loved and wanted already. I dream about him or her every single day. So, if I act like a crazy person this month PLEASE take into account that hormones are being pumped into my body! lol

Okay, James family... we MUST get together sometime soon! I don't know when lol, but we're missing you guys! :)

I signed madison up for soccer today... she goes back and forth on whether or not she wants to play, but clayton and I think she'll enjoy it! She's talked about wanting to play soccer since she was 2! If nothing else she'll look darn cute in that uniform. :)

I started "school" with Carter this morning. He did so well sitting with me and listening and answering questions. "Questions like "what color is this square?" :) I'm really enjoying our one on one time together!

Okay, that's an insanely long update on the Moss house!! I hope everyone else is having a little less going on than we are. lol

I'm late...

Yes.. I hesitantly said it. I'm one day late. Now, with my irregular cycles this could mean absolutely nothing. Of course, I am on pins and needles though. I don't know when I'll retest. I'm so afraid to see another negative result! I'm sure now that I've blogged about this I'll start in about 5 minutes... but I had to let my pals know what I'm feeling! Sort of excited, sort of hopeful, REALLY afraid that I am really not though!

Madison's first day of school went GREAT!(note picture taken as we walked out of the door yesterday) She loves her teacher, loves her classmates, and in her words, "Kindergarten is WAY better than preschool, Mommy!" :) She was so excited to go back today. She literally ran down the hallway to her class, way ahead of me. I had to catch up to her to just kiss her goodbye. She was already sitting down next to a friend. I think if I wanted to I could drop her at the front door like the other parents do and she would love it. I, however, am just not ready to do that. I like walking her in. How else will I ever see her teacher?! I want to be 'that' mom that's everywhere you turn! lol I just want to know what's going on.. we all know how much information you can get from your kids!

We did have playgroup this morning and it was so great! I felt bad for Carter. He really didn't seem to have much fun. I think he's unsure what to do by himself out there. I'll have to bring trucks and things like that for him next time... that's always a hit! I did have a lot of fun though! I'm sorry we missed you, Brandy!! Next time you'll have to come a bit later so we can all hang out! :)

First Day of School

Well, my baby girl is officially in Kindergarten now. She was so excited. She acted as though she'd gone to that school a hundred times before. I, on the other hand, felt like I stood out like a sore thumb. As if everyone could sense that "new 'big school' mom" feeling I was giving off. Madison sat at her spot at the table and was all smiles when I left. I got back to the van and tried very hard not to cry, but I could not hold back the tears. I am shocked that I am so emotional about this. She's been in preschool since she was 3.. but this is so different. It's REAL school. I am sitting here just wishing I knew what she was doing. I can't wait to go get her and hear all about her day! Carter is missing her a little. He was asking for her when I got back home. But, he's definitely enjoying the one on one time with mommy and daddy!

Are we doing playgroup tomorrow? I'd love to if it isn't raining!! I hope I won't be out there all alone! Once I drop Madison at school I plan to head to the park.. all who want to come hang out, come on!

Oh, I did find a nice big lunch box at WalMart.. it is not cute though. After buying cute ones last year, I've learned my lesson. If I want to actually fit food in there, I'll have to put size over attractiveness! I'm still on the lookout for BIG and CUTE lunchboxes for cheap though.

I'll be anxiously awaiting all of the blogs about the first days of school! I hope everyone has a great first day!

update

I did take a test, it was negative. Not surprised at all. I'm fine as of this moment. Thankfully Leslie and I had plans to go to Pine Bluff today for last bit of school shopping and to eat KID FREE! Ah.. it was so much fun and so nice to get away! Madison is all set now.. I bought her a ton of shoes today. Tennis shoes, two pairs of black shoes, one for school, one for church, and tap shoes. I FINALLY found tap shoes in her size! Payless beside WalMart IN PINEBLUFF has them for any interested! I can't believe she starts school Monday.. I really just cannot believe it. All that I have left to do is go buy her food for her lunch box. How did the summer go by so quickly?