Thursday, August 17, 2006

Ready for school!

Posted by Mandy at 9:22 PM
Clothes bought..check. Backpack bought...check. All supplies bought.. check. We are officially ready for school!! My mom, sister, and I lived it up at Park Plaza and bought Madison's school clothes. (oh how I LOVE Gymboree!) I even found the most adorable dance outfits.. I got ballet shoes at Toys R Us.. but am yet to find tap shoes in her size!! I am going to look in Pine Bluff tomorrow.. and last resort, I'll order them online. I really need to try them on her though! The ballet shoes I got her were a size 1... as in all the way past little girl sizes. All of her other shoes are now a size 11... so that's a huge difference. New tennis shoes are also on my list of 'needed items' but I am pretty sure I can find those. Ahh... a sigh of relief!

Now... a sigh of dread! I am going to go ahead and take a pg test in the morning. Mainly because I think it's always good to start your day with huge disappointment.. it makes everything else happening around you seem like no big deal. Really though, I just want to prepare myself for what's about to happen. My ob/gyn's office called... my nurse to be exact.. and we talked about what should be happening if we didn't get it this month. They highly encouraged me to call them when the hag shows so they can start infertility workup. They said it.. the big "I" word.. infertility. I nearly burst into tears just hearing it.. the reality of that is so scary. I have such mixed feelings on doing any treatments. On one hand I feel like putting this in my doctor's hands is like taking it out of God's and saying "I don't trust you to help me so I'm going here.." On the other hand I feel that if God doesn't intend for me to be pg nothing will get me that way. And... I'm not the type to let one of my children die of a disease b/c I think taking them to the doctor for medical help is telling God I don't trust him... I don't know. It's just such an unknown world to me. I mean.. how many people actually know someone that REALLY needed medical help to get pg? I only know one person first hand. She did end up getting pg but after a long hard journey. Am I willing to go through what she did? Is Clayton? I don't know. I guess we'll just take things one step at a time. Talk to the doctor in depth about everything.. and pray pray pray for guidance and strength. I'm afraid to go for that fist observatory ultrasound and hear what they'll say about the condition of my ovaries. It shouldn't be surprising to me because of my pain level.. but I guess hearing any news 'for certain' can be hard hitting. Am I rambling? I'm sorry. I haven't talked a ton about this. It's hard for me to talk about it outloud. I get too upset and I hate feeling that way. So, be warned that this blog might not be a fun and pleasant place at times throughout the next month or so. I have no idea what will be going on. I do know that I'll get through it though.. and something will be gained.. because I refuse to beleive that God is allowing me to walk through this for no reason at all. I know there is a reason.. and it makes me wish that God would just cut me some slack right about now!

4 comments:

Brandy on Friday, 18 August, 2006 said...

yes, i figured out the pics, but still could use a computer lesson or two if you'd like to come visit. Actually, i know lots of women who used an infertility doctor to get pg. one friend who is dealing with it now, waiting each month just as you have described. you are not alone. and at least you have a chance, tj and i can't have any more children. but we are planning to adopt, and we are VERY excited about that, and i don't think at least he would have considered adoption unless things happened the way they have. I'll bet god has plans to further your family, he'll reveal how and when soon enough! meanwhile, i'm praying for you (and not that empty sentence). . .real, on my knees before my father for you.

K.T. says peace on Friday, 18 August, 2006 said...

I am almost done with the school clothes and stuff-I still have backpacks to buy,but I found when I went shopping that The Children's place was my favorite.I also need to buy Kyla some tennis shoes.
On a different note,I have been praying for you,in the very real way.I am "on the fence" so to speak about all of that also-but do what your heart and your gut agree on....LOL,I will continue to pray for you........

jenny on Friday, 18 August, 2006 said...

YEAH I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH!! I HAD TO HAVE MEDICAL HELP GETTING PREGNANT. AT FIRST I WAS REALLY SCEPTICAL ABOUT THE WHOLE PROCESS. JASON AND I TRIED FOR OVER A YEAR!! MY OB/GYN IN CROSSETT FINALLY DIAGNOSED ME WITH PCOS AND WITHIN 1 1/2 MONTHS I WAS PREGNANT.
IF YOU EVER NEED TO TALK ABOUT ANYTHING I CAN GIVE YOU ADVICE ON WHAT I WENT THROUGH AND MAYBE THAT INFO WILL EASE YOUR MIND.

Lou Arnold on Friday, 18 August, 2006 said...

Glad you have your school clothes shopping done. I have to go for myself next month, when our school load refunds come in.

I am praying for you Mandy. I know you get tired of hearing that.

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