Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Operation Loved and Lost Pants

Posted by Mandy at 8:14 AM
I have no fewer than 5 pairs of jeans, pants, and capris in my closet right now that I cannot fit my behind into. Well, my behind and my belly.

I am trying to prevent this. You're welcome

They fit as few as 8 months ago... and then somehow my dad dying and my work exploding, going through all kinds of crap to become foster parents, and my battle with depression all took a toll, and now.. they don't fit. Humph.

I don't know if any of you have ever battled real depression before... but it totally sucks. Within two weeks of my dad dying, it hit me. The immediate hyperventilating, shock, omgosh what just happened feelings started to go away, and a new, deeper, darker "I'm here to stay and I'm your new best friend" feeling took its place. That feeling is numb. It's almost a complete void of feelings.

For me, this led to a lot of mindless eating, mindless sitting around, and the inability to give a diddly-squat about much of anything. I even, many times, almost closed my business. I didn't want to do anything, and it seemed overwhelming.

Fast forward, because I know this is getting depressing to read in itself, and I'm feeling a lot better! Hallelujah and praise Jesus! *said in my best Mrs. Sister Christian voice*

If you can look at this picture and not laugh - we cannot be friends.

Now I'm left with what I did to myself - when I wasn't caring about diddly-squat.

I finally stepped on the scale about two months ago, for the first time in 8 months. I knew it wasn't gonna be pleasant. I knew my clothes didn't fit. I knew my one chin was really trying to become two... but hey, if you don't see the scale - you can really convince yourself "it's just water weight."

I stepped on.. held my breath and sucked in as much as I could.. you know.. because the air in your lungs offsets the fat in your thighs.... *drum roll please* 140lbs. "O-M-G"

It was only one cupcake..I swear!

Okay, I know the average woman now a days weighs much more than that, but for me, this is A LOT. This is a size or two bigger, and I see FAT FORMING where it's never formed before. "Why did I let this happen?!"

So, I got back to work. On top of running with dogs all day, I got back to my power yoga a few nights a week. Weights have been dusted off and used. I'm drinking water again - instead of living on pure Coke Zero all day. (Kidneys.. I'm sorry for the abuse you've suffered..) I'm hungry.. ugh. And, don't give me the "oh you don't have to be hungry" crap. Yes I do... you just don't know how big my appetite is. If I'm never hungry, I'm not losing. Three smaller meals and one snack a day - this sucks but it's working.

A week or so ago our good friends brought over their Wii Fit (and their super adorable baby boy) and I bravely stepped on, and let it weigh me, in front of everyone. Who cares, right?

**Drum roll please** 135. I had a mix of "Thank God... 5 pounds gone!" and "Seriously? That used to say 125!!"

So, slowly but surely I'm getting back to where I once was. It's hard when you're not officially "overweight" and you, to you, aren't at your goal weight. Everyone wants to convince you to just chill out.. but when you know how good you DID look - and how good you CAN look - you just don't want to settle for anything else. Type A personality.. right here.


Do the tree pose 40 times a day and eat nothing but carrots
 and you too can look like us!

Is anyone else in this boat with me? Trying to just drop those last few "vanity" pounds? Isn't it hard?!

12 comments:

Angie on Wednesday, 11 August, 2010 said...

I am definitely in that same boat. 20lbs to be exact. I lose a few of them and then they come right back. Good for you in noticing and doing something about it right away! Keep up the great work!

deepfriedpicklesandicecream on Wednesday, 11 August, 2010 said...

no vanity pounds here,just regular old fat.LOL.I have dropped 30 lbs,I am backsliding currently,I would say,for me,for the weight I would like to be,I have about 50 more lbs to go...I am lazy.That is my issue in a nutshell.

The Mommy on Wednesday, 11 August, 2010 said...

First, let me say I'm so sorry for your loss.

I am currently also at 135 (give or take a pound or two, depending on time of day/month) and I would feel better closer to 130. I am also considered a "healthy" weight (and after 4 kids, things just aren't where they used to be :) but vanity says a size 6 would be nice again...

You could check out theheirtoblair.com. She hosts a McFatty Monday which I found encouraging because a) she's suffering from post-partum depression and still putting it all out on the 'net and b) It helps me to put things in perspective when I can encourage someone who needs to be healthier by doing so myself. Does that make sense?

Now, for the chocolate thing. I cannot give up my faves. It just ain't happenin'. But, I CAN have 1 Hershey's kiss and call it a day. Try to make sure you're eating enough protein (which can help with the hunger pangs) and that you're pushing yourself during your workouts. Mixing it up works for me. And don't be afraid to weight train. A lot of women think that using the big weights (you know, NOT the pretty pink ones) is somehow going to make them look manly. Not true. I've read research that suggests doing less reps with MORE weight actually tones muscles faster. More muscle = more calories burned = more weight lost = more chocolate you can eat!!

Reagan on Wednesday, 11 August, 2010 said...

I have been trying to lose weight forever! I can never get below 136--apparently it is my natural weight right now. P90X is helping me get down some but I'm building so much muscle (and muscle weighs a lot) that I'm not seeing much scale difference. HOWEVER, I've been measuring myself for a more accurate picture and I'm losing inches (even if the scale doesn't notice).

Good luck and solidarity, sister!

Reagan on Wednesday, 11 August, 2010 said...

P.S. Thanks for putting my button on your page!

Mandy on Wednesday, 11 August, 2010 said...

You're welcome, Reagan! I love your blog and I know everyone else that visits will, too!

I also build muscle quickly b/c I do lift heavy weights - so eventually I'll have to ignore the scale and just go by how my clothes fit. Right now... the scale numbers are just added motivation to say no to junk. So far it's helping a lot!

Liz on Wednesday, 11 August, 2010 said...

good for you! and i bet that 5 lbs was so motivating! i have seen that crazy woman on whichever tv show it was (wife swap?!), and she's nutty!

Brooke on Wednesday, 11 August, 2010 said...

way to flippin' go! 5lbs is amazing!!!! You are a brave woman to write this post!
I also learned more about you...which is always a good thing since you are one of my favorite people that I have never met.
I am so sorry to hear about your father and am so thankful that the depression monster is not hanging around so much anymore. Praise Jesus for sure!!
love,
your friend B

Julie on Wednesday, 11 August, 2010 said...

Before I say anything, I'm sorry about your daddy. I just can't imagine that loss. Thank God you got a handle on your depression and are on the mend. Onward and upwards.
Good luck on your weight loss. I don't know about vanity pounds yet, I just have lots of those fat pounds but 25 lb gone and more to leave this year.
Found you from Angie's WMWW. I'm a following you, looking to your for inspiration. So far so wonderful.
Take care and God Bless!!

Candace said...

I know EXACTLY where you are coming from! I am at 131 and am desperately trying to get somewhere closer to 120ish (I'm only 5'4) and people act like I am crazy. I'm sorry, but I am not okay with my back and booty creeping around to the front whenever I sit down!

Now, as for the chocolate, have you ever tried VitaTops? They are only 100 calories and have a good amount of fiber. Some of the flavors are just "meh" but the chocolate ones are a fantastic fix for a chocolate craving. Good luck!!

Teri on Thursday, 12 August, 2010 said...

140 is the alarm number for me too! Seems with each year it gets harder and harder to keep my weight where I want it.

Aimee on Thursday, 12 August, 2010 said...

hi there!! i saw you on WMWW and am your new follower :) love your blog.
Aimee
http://diaryofausedtobefatty.blogspot.com/

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