This Saturday I will be spending my entire day in a CPR/First Aid training session. It is another necessary step in becoming foster parents. I knew this was required, but I had no idea it would take so long to complete. 8am-4pm! I've got three kids... can't you just give me the general run-down? A quiz to see if I'm okay to go? 8am-4pm?! I guess there is no need in complaining; it must be done.
We are closing in on being done with all of this stuff. This coming Tuesday will be parenting class 7 of 9. We'll be scheduling our first in home visit, and our home study will follow soon after. I am so ready to be done with this section of life and move on to the next.
With the wrap up coming of everything, a sense of "freaking out" keeps coming over me. I want to be very honest about everything as we go through this journey for others that are thinking of it or are going through it. There are nights that I'm so tired from our day and I get the kids into bed to sit down for that "ahh" moment and I think, "if we get an out of control two year old... nights are going to be really hard.. I'm going to be so exhausted." or, "if we get a newborn from the hospital that is going through drug withdrawals... that's going to be so hard.." or, "months from now we might start a long night at this hour by getting a 5 year old that's just been taken from her home.... can I really be a comfort to her?"
It all can be summed up in a general feeling of "Can we really do this?"
Thankfully, my moments of complete, paralyzing fear, all come back around to faith. Can we do this? No. Can God? Yes.
When I ask my friends that are foster parents about different situations and say, "really.. how do you do it?" they all say that they just lean on God. That yes it is hard, but it's WORTH it. When they're at the end of their ropes.. they just hand it over to God. Basically, "You led us here.. YOU handle this!"
Deep breath... "Okay, God is definitely leading us here. He will definitely see us through." This is where I always end up at the final thought during this cycle. It's the only place to find peace and sanity in life. No matter what you're doing!
So often we never experience the life God wants us to because we are afraid. We let the "what-if's" of negativity ruin the "what-if's" of greatness. Instead of asking myself "what if" I can't handle this... I'm training myself to think differently:
What if our family is THE family for the specific children God puts with us?
What if we can be a source of God's amazing healing for many families?
What if God has blessings and messages for our family that we would NEVER receive if we said no? If we were too afraid?
What if the pain of letting a child go in the end, is worth helping that child? Is part of God's plan?
So what if it's hard? So what if everyone thinks we're crazy? So what if it hurts?
What if it's amazing?
What if we are more blessed than we are a blessing?
What if God smiles down on us for being obedient?
What if a child wraps their arms around me, feeling love for the first time EVER.?
If you continue on with what if's... you can convince yourself TO act. Instead of letting those fears stop you. My favorite song in times like these says this:
"... and I will fear no evil
for my God is with me
and if my God is with me
whom then shall I fear?
whom then shall I fear?
Oh no, you never let go
through the calm and through the storm
oh, no, you never let go
In every high and every low
Oh, no, you never let go
Lord, you never let go of me."
Whom, or what, shall we fear if we REALLY believe that our God is with us? What problem is too big for God? What pain is too much for him to comfort? What wound is too deep for his touch to heal?
What "what if's" are holding you back today?