Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Moms' Hell Week

Posted by Mandy at 6:08 AM
I was watching a cool segment on the Today Show this morning about the Navy Seals and their intense training. For some reason, my brain immediately began thinking how helpful it would've been to have such a class before having my first child.

I can see it now:

Instead of a ropes course for agility there would be a long hallway set up with legos, cars, Barbie shoes, and push toys for you to navigate through... in the dark. You would have to learn how to not only magically see these things in the pitch black, but you would have to do it while holding your crying toddler and avoiding cursing when one of those legos finds its way into your heel.

One part of the training for Navy Seals they showed was how they put a hood on their head, then rip it off and the Seal has to immediately began battling whatever scenario they have set before him. It might be a gun to your face, or you might instantly start getting beat down by two huge men. Good luck.

For moms, the hood would come off and we'd have vomit flung at us, 3 children all starving at once, a leaky diaper... in the grocery store, (to be followed 20 minutes later by a 3 year old that has to go potty NOW as you try to check out at the grocery store with an infant and at least one other child with you.) and possibly they could throw in sitting in the doctors office while all of your kids are sick... and you've caught the stomach virus. Now, THAT'S some serious training.

Hell Week... the most dreaded week as a Navy Seals trainee. For moms, it would be hard to pinpoint when exactly hell week would begin or ever stop. I'd have to say hell week for moms would probably begin with labor, followed by delivery either via parts of your body doing things you never wanted them to, or your entire abdomen being sliced open and a living being removed via a grown person's hands. Lovely!

Navy Seals suffer sleep deprivation coupled with intense physical labor as part of Hell Week. Humph... we moms have got that one down! Hell Week for moms would include not just one week, but MONTHS and possibly YEARS of constant sleep deprivation, coupled with all of the daily activities you've always had to do. (do you think any woman on earth would actually have a child if this training was mandatory for you to ever conceive a child?)

I think we moms have a lot in common with these physically and mentally fit men. (I didn't see any women in the video... not sure if there are any?) Motherhood is not for the weak or the half-hearted. It's a job that takes a lot of mental strength, physical strength, and unlike the Seals, we can't simply start throwing throat jabs when the enemy attacks. We have to be sleep deprived, emotionally deprived, and still be PATIENT. I totally missed that class when I was pregnant with my first child. (and second... and third...)

Another thing we have in common is, a lot of us know good and well what we're getting into with bringing life into this world, and we CHOOSE to do it. Just like the Navy Seals, we are willing to accept the torture in order to gain the reward. I have to say that we definitely have one up on the Seals in the fact that our reward comes in hugs and kisses and cuddles and theirs comes from.. what? Not dying?

If we were to try to put this training together for future moms.. what else should it include?


Stacie on Tuesday, 26 January, 2010 said...

Family dinner in a nice resturant. Baby seems a little fussy. Dad picks up baby and immediately has poop ALL over the front of his shirt. Mom (and THANKFULLY Meme) carefully whisks baby to the bathroom while Dad runs out to buy a new shirt. There is so much poop (you mother's know what I mean!) you basically have to clean up as much as you can and then give the baby a quick "wash" in the sink with the mini bottle of baby wash luckily some mother once told you to never leave home without. I wouldn't have known what to do if my mother wouldn't have been there. And no, we didn't physically put the baby IN the sink and yes, we did get some cleaner to clean the sink when we were done, haha! This would be the situation I would add to your training.

Maury on Tuesday, 26 January, 2010 said...

That is too funny...and So true!!

solstice letters on Tuesday, 26 January, 2010 said...

This is a great post. Thanks for the laugh!

Reagan on Tuesday, 26 January, 2010 said...

OMG. I just laughed hysterically at this. I think something that would have to be a part of the training is doing ALL the mom stuff and ALL the woman stuff. Like how to still look good when you're wearing spit up. How to have people over and pretend that the pile of toys near the front door is actually a work of art. How to care for 2 sick kids while having a head cold AND caring for a slightly ill husband who requires more pampering than the children. Oh ya, and make sure that the training has weight limits 'cuz we can't go through all this AND feel good about the size of our bums!

Sun-Kissed Scholars on Wednesday, 27 January, 2010 said...

HAAAA Love it!
There should certainly be "poop bombs" on the list.

Also, wanted to tell you that I just linked back to an older debate of yours.

A New Mom on Thursday, 28 January, 2010 said...

Ugh just had the poop bomb happen to me. I agree with you...where was that class before I gave birth?? Lol

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