In the past week

I've learned to:

*push myself up to sitting all by myself

*say dada, mama, and bye-bye

*say 'mama' while crying to make mommy come even faster

*get cheerios, fruit puffs, and other small finger foods into my mouth, all by myself

*crawl on my hands and knees (but only when highly motivated aka. food, the cat's in the house, my brother or sister just out of reach...)

*pull up and nearly fall out of my crib causing my mattress to be put at the lowest level, which made mommy cry because it now looks like a big baby bed, not a newborn bed.

*pull up and nearly fall out of the cosleeper, which also made mommy cry because now that means I'm sleeping in the pack -n- play by mommy's bed, and not the cosleeper. (and mommy will likely never get to use the cosleeper again)

*babble very loudly and realize it gets me lots of fun attention

All of this in one week's time. Amazing what a talented 7 month old I am. More to come! Just wait and see.

I love being a mom, I love being a mom...

... some days (nights) you just need to repeat that phrase over and over to yourself, don't you? You need to look at all of the cute pics you have of fun times with your kids to make yourself believe it. You know.. times like tonight when the stomach virus makes its way to the third victim in the house... your middle child... who has really never thrown up before and decides to do it on your bed while watching a movie with his big sister. Keep in mind this is only about one hour after supper so it's extra disgusting. Also keep in mind Daddy is out working so I have no one to pawn this awful terrible disaster off on. Don't forget to remember that this is the THIRD of the children to be sick this week... thankfully my girl child somehow got a fever but never threw up... something my male children are more than making up for. So, back to the night. Imagine you finally clean up the boy and strip the top comforter off of the bed, that thankfully was made up so ONLY the top comforter was in the line of fire, and you sit your boy on the couch with a trashcan and instruct him to, "sit here while i finish cleaning up... if you need to throw up again, do it in this trashcan, okay?" "Okay..."

You finish cleaning up the CHUNKS of food off of your comforter and floor, nearly putting more there yourself just from the smell alone. (have you had the chance to smell fresh vomit lately?)You throw the big comforter out the back door b/c you're certainly not dealing with that tonight.. or ever. You check on the boy and realize he's acting normal. You instruct him again to "sit here and throw up here if you need to.. -k-?" "-k-" You go back to cleaning the kitchen, which is what you were doing when the emergency situation arose. You're ALMOST finished when you hear your boy child crying... from your room. *is he in my room? how did he slip back in there without me seeing?* You don't even have to get in there to know what's happened. You grab a towel to take with you... yeah.. you'll need it. Somehow the boy child has managed to throw up even more the second time and he made sure to spread it around this time. On YOUR pillow, YOUR sheets, and YOUR entire side of the bed. Yeah...

So, have fun stripping more puke soaked sheets off of your bed and spending two or more hours doing laundry so that you can finally go to sleep. I mean.. you haven't slept all week.. you should be used to the sleep deprivation. And, what else would you be doing at 11:30pm besides waiting for your comforter to dry? (which you probably destroyed by washing and drying it.)

I love being a mom.. oh yes.. I love being a mom.

Doing the moral thing can really suck

What's the first thing you want to do when your husband hasn't taken a day off in about 3 weeks to work straight overtime... and your paycheck comes in? Is it:
a) go shopping
b) go shopping
-or-
c) send money to the credit card company

Yeah.. 'a' and 'b' are my top two picks too... and i nearly did just that until I forced myself to calm down and do the right thing. One of our big resolutions for this year is to work really hard to pay off, or as much as we can, our credit cards. Oh the money we could have each month in our pockets if it weren't for nearly 6 years of poverty when we first got married... such is life! Now that we're in a much better position, we have been dedicated to paying off our debts. I've tried to not complain on here about how much my dear poor husband has been working lately (some of you have probably heard a whine or two in real life though...) because I am trying to focus on the positives of it. It IS hard, we DO miss him, and being alone with the kids almost 24/7 isn't exactly what I had in mind when I said I wanted to be a stay at home mom when Madison was born... but the good news is God has really blessed us with Clayton's job. Due to Federal grant money he has the ability to go out and work almost as much overtime as he wants. If you know my husband you'll know that working is what he's good at. So, on his days off he's out for about 11/12 hours busting his behind to bring home a nice big paycheck... and when that paycheck comes in all I can think of is all of the places I want to go out to eat, all of the clothes the kids "need", and how long I've been wanting to go out and get some new tennis shoes. Then I try to chill out and remind myself why it is he's working so hard. Why it is I'm getting gray hair at the age of 24 from being a "single mom".... to pay off debt. It's hard to deal with suddenly having a budget at WalMart when we've really not had one in the past 3 or 4 years.. but saving money is a must in order to send any free money straight to the Visa man's hand. This coming paycheck we think we'll be able to totally pay off another card... two down, 4 to go. (and WHY do we have so many stupid credit cards? I say we cut down to TWO after we're done paying them off! sheesh!) So we are at least making progress... slow and steady definitely isn't the way to go when paying "the man." We tried that method all last year. Nope... when half of what you send goes to interest.. it could nearly make you cry. So, we're trying to throw a few hundred dollars to the lowest balanced card each month to see an actual dent in it in a faster fashion. Wish us luck! Clayton's like a rock when it comes to not spending money. I say that's b/c he's at work all of the time. *tee hee* He has no desire to do anything but sit at home when he does decide to take an oh so well deserved day off. Me, on the other hand... whole 'nother story...
So, I'm trying to focus on my morals and doing what I know is the right thing. I keep my focus on the bigger house I want to save up for, throwing even more money into the retirement fund and our mutual funds. That's a better way to use money! Having more money doesn't hurt any ministry opertunities that might come up for us either. Unfortunantely, money really does make the world go round!

Found his niche

Clayton couldn't be happier. His eldest son LOVES baseball. Clayton was a big baseball player and still loves it to this day so you can imagine his pride when he tosses a ball and Carter smacks it out into the yard. Carter is a lot like me. He has no patience. He has just recently learned to ride a bicycle because before he would get upset IMMEDIATELY if he couldn't figure the pedals out. If he was trying to stack blocks and they fell over he'd pout, "I can't do it!" If he loses a game.... oh Lordy... let's not even go there! But, when it comes to baseball, he is the most patient child on the planet. He can miss the ball 10 times in a row and still be totally joyful as he waits for the 11th pitch. When he hits it he squeels with delight! He finds chasing the ball down as much fun as hitting it in the first place. Clayton finds it hard to control his desire to say "right hand on top!" as Carter's holding his bat incorrectly... or "keep your eye on the ball!" before he throws it to him. I probably say, "Don't... he's just 3... let him enjoy it for a while!" a few hundred times each time we go out to play. I can see the stars in his eyes as he thinks of seeing his boy playing Tball, then Little League, one day. He can hardly stand the wait. I have to say I'm so happy that Carter has something that's just for him. Something only he likes, only he is cheered for. It might be his way out of "middle-child-ness" in the future.

What's the impact?

Have you ever had a conversation with a child and you knew you'd probably never see them again, but they just stuck in your head and heart? You just prayed that something you said would stick with them? I had this experience recently. I was waiting at the Dr's office to get one of Samuel's immunizations (do delayed vaxing, so we do one a month) and I had Carter in tow, Madison was at school. A little girl was sitting nearby and she came to me and said, "I'm not sick... can I please talk to your baby?" (such a sweetie!) I said, "Well sure! He loves peek-a-boo if you want to make him laugh." She was probably 10 years old... give or take. Carter was playing with the germy, sure to get you sick if you weren't already, toys offered in the office when he decided he didn't want to share with another child. I warned him of what i wanted him to do, he didn't, so I sat him beside me in "time out." The little girl asked, "So, you do timeouts?"
me:"Yes, sometimes."
Girl: "My mom doesn't do timeouts... she spanks me instead!"
Me: "My mom spanked me too, I don't think I ever got a timeout either."
Girl: "Do you spank your kids?"
Me: "No, I decided not to do that."
Girl: "Wow, really? I thought everyone spanked their kids!"
Me: *laughing* "Well, most people do... but I didn't like it when I was little so I decided to be different when I had my own children."
Girl: "Cool... "

A few moments later Samuel got fussy and she asked what was wrong with him. I told her he was hungry.
Girl: "Do you want me to get his bottle for you?"
Me: "Aw, thanks, but he doesn't have a bottle."
Girl: "Oh, so you breastfeed?" (she sounded like quite the grownup asking these questions)
Me: "Yep!"
Girl: "Really?! I hear about that on TV but I've never actually seen anyone do it before!"
Me: *nursing Sam* "If it makes you uncomfortable you don't have to sit here with me.. you won't hurt my feelings. Promise!"
Girl: "No, I think it's neat! Does it hurt?"
Me: "nope.. not at all"
Girl: "How do you know that he's eating enough like that?"
Me: "See these fat legs? That's pretty much how I can tell."
Girl: ***giggle*** "Did your mom breastfeed you?"
Me: "No, I don't think a lot of women breastfed their babies when I was a baby. It probably never even occurred to her to do it."
Girl: "You do a lot of things differently than your parents did, don't you!"
Me: "Yeah, I guess so! I guess when you know better, you do better, right?"
Girl: "Well, then I guess I can do things differently from my own mom once I have kids then!"

The girls mother (who had been back seeing the dr) then came out and told her to come on in a not so nice voice. The mom seemed angry at the little girl just for being around. My heart broke. We've all seen those kinds of parents... always snapping at their children. Always quick to smack them or scream at them. For NO reason what-so-ever. The girl told me goodbye, and I told her thank you for helping me with my baby. I also said, "I can already tell you're going to be a very loving mommy when you grow up."

For some reason this little girl popped into my head this morning. I kept wondering if our conversation would stick with her like it had with me. Would she be able to follow any of the quick examples I had set for her when she had her own child? Would the thoughts of breaking the cycle, being different from what she was raised to be help her be a better mother than her mother might have been to her? I pray to God that yes, it will. I pray that he put us together that morning, for those few short moments, to change both of our lives. Children like that put the thought of adoption closer and closer to my heart. The things I feel we could offer... the things I feel we're not doing God's ultimate will if we don't offer. I have prayed that she would seek out alternative parenting methods as she grows older and these things pertain to her. That maybe a Dr. Sears baby book would be handed to her to teach her all about attachment parenting... cosleeping, babywearing, nursing, and just basic loving and warm ways to care for your infant and your child. Gentle ways to discipline that really work. Oh the things I wish for this child that I do not know. May God bless her!

When is the quiver full?

I believe there are women in the world that, no matter how many children they have, they will ALWAYS want another. I believe I may be one of those women. Trying to figure out if you want another child, or another baby, can be tricky. Is it purely the desire to have the excitement and wonder of pregnancy? Anxiously awaiting the new arrival? The joyous moment of seeing your baby for the first time? Holding that sweet small bundle to your breast for the first time? Or, is it something more? How do you know? I worry I'll be torn on this issue for years and years to come. You see, Clayton and I agreed that Samuel would be our last child. We agreed that for many very logical and very sound reasons. Reason number one, and the most important reason of all, is because Clayton is really ready to be done with the pregnancy and baby phase of our marriage. He can't wait to load us all up and fly to Hawaii or something like that! (and that's not something I'd like to do with anyone under the age of 3.. maybe more like 4.) He also knows that there's not a snowball's chance in "you know where" that I'm leaving any of my young toddlers, much less an infant, to go off on a trip with him alone. Sorry.. can't do it! He was pretty ready to be done with two children, if we're being brutally honest. He was nice enough to try to make my life as fulfilled as possible by agreeing to have "just one more." Our compromise was basically, we'd have one more because he knew how much it meant to me, and I'd agree to have no more because I know how much that means to him. So, why is it, that I only have a 6 month old and my heart is already aching with the knowledge that this is it. My last. I keep reminding myself of all of the reasons I myself felt Samuel should be our last child. For one, I've already had 3 csections... do I REALLY want to do that to my body again? Would that even be safe? Our lives are just going to get busier as Carter enters school, and then Samuel. After school activities, sports, dance, and church will keep us on the move.... that won't be easy or probably enjoyable if I'm pregnant and then with a newborn. Kids cost a lot.... I refuse to work while I have my kids preschool age or younger... and that's a lot of pressure on Clayton to provide a comfortable lifestyle for all of us. So, see, I AM logical. These are just a few of the reasons I know we're done. It makes sense. The not logical, totally emotional, totally ruled by that motherly instinct, cries over this. One comfort I've found is in the knowledge that if God intends for us to ever have more children... we will. That I know for sure. And, I have to believe that if that is not his intent for our lives, that he will comfort me and mostly take this desire from me. I'm praying it already! I keep thinking that as Samuel gets older, and we get more freedom as a family to go and do things, I'll be happy we're done with the whole baby phase too. One can hope!

My Progress Report

After one week of busting my behind working out EVERY SINGLE DAY and trying to eat better I weighed in.. I lost 1/2 a pound! My waist is also 1/2 an inch smaller than when I last measured a little over 2 weeks ago. I am so happy! Now if I can really get a bit stricter on my eating, I can maybe do the same next week. It's so hard for me, this eating less/better thing. *sigh* I am at least exercising like I should be. 30 minutes to an hour a day. Weights and cardio. (weights every other day) I did have a slip up when I caved and took the kids to eat at Mazzio's the other day. I did however just order cheese pizza and I only had two peices. Let's not add in the cinnamon stick with chocolate frosting I had too....

Shameless brag post

Okay, this may make some of you gag, but I have to brag on my girl child. Report cards came in today and i just could not be more proud!!

Reading: 98

Math: 99

Spelling: 100

Writing: 93

Music/art: S

PE: 100

Conduct: 100/S

Seriously... I just couldn't squeeze her enough over this!! I told her an ice cream trip is in her future for working so incredibly hard all Semester. I was even happier when I read a print out attached to her report card. Highlighted in yellow it says: "This student's Grade Equivalent score is 2.5. His or her reading skills are therefore comparable to those of an average second grader after the fifth month of the school year. Madison also achieved a national Percentile Rank of 91. This score is in the above-average range and means that Madison scored greater than 91% of students nationally in the same grade."

I warned you... shameless brag post. I really AM just so proud! Thankfully I'm a seasoned enough mother to realize this has nothing to do with me, or the great mother that I am. lol I'm sure one or both of my boys will be in a totally other percentile when they get to first grade, and that's fine. :) But, for today, I'm basking in her glory!

So ready for summer

I know, I know... it's not even close to summer yet. But man oh man I am so excited just imagining it! The past two days of warm (yet really yucky and humid) weather have me itching to do outdoorsy things again. I can't wait to get Sam in the baby pool, to take Madison and Carter to swimming lessons, to use our new HUGE blow up water slide, to go to Magic Springs a million times, and to just hang out, not worry about getting up for school, letting the kids pick which pair of flip flops they want to wear outside to play... I could go on and on! I LOVE summer! Last summer I didn't love so much. But, being 8 and 9 months pregnant will do that to you. I was just HOT. Hot no matter what. Hot in the house, hot outside, hot getting dressed, hot taking a shower, hot trying to eat... you get the idea. It got so bad that I kept jackets pulled out for my girlfriends when they'd all come over to visit. Everyone insisted it was freezing in the house, but I just couldn't believe that to be true when sweat was rolling down my face. This summer, however, I won't be pregnant (not in my plans anyway!) and I won't have a newborn. That means FUN ALL AROUND! I get to pull out my favorite outfits of jeans, tank tops, and all ranges of sandals. I get to buy popsicles for the kids to eat outside and laugh at the messy faces they have. We can have friends over anytime we want because a lot of our friends are teachers, or homeschoolers, so they're free too. Perfect! I'm like a child waiting for Christmas. I keep telling myself, "It's already January. In 3 months it'll be April, and that's when the warm weather usually hits!" I CAN'T WAIT! It's going to be so great. :)

I'm going to do it!

So, the holidays are over, spring is just 3 months away, and in a few more months the "I just had a baby" excuse is going to sound quite silly. Yep, I'm doing it. I'm back in action! Sickness, no sleep, and holiday goodies had me down and defeated for a while, but I'm back up and rearing to go! I'm GOING to lose these last 10 pounds. I've pulled out ALL of my exercise videos. From kickboxing to Pilates, from step aerobics to yoga. I've been doing one a night for the past 3 nights and will do the same here on out, just like I did pre trying to get pregnant and pre having the miracle baby. Time to get back to me again. I feel SO good already. Just taking 30 minutes to an hour a day to exercise.. all for ME! Every mom should do it. It's amazing what an attitude change it gives me and how energized I am. I literally drag myself to the dvd player to pop something in... dreading each workout. "I'm sooo.... tired." "I only got 3 hours of sleep, total, last night." "It's just going to make me more hungry...." But, low and behold, as soon as I finish I feel FAB-U-LOUS! It's hard finding the time, I won't lie to ya. Clayton's back on working as much overtime as possible (paying off credit cards is our top priority right now... we're really doing great too!) so I'm here alone with the kids A LOT. But, once I get Sam down for a nap I banish the kids from my workout area and threaten them with their lives if they wake the baby or fight with each other or otherwise interrupt me during MY 30 minutes. Ahh... bliss. I've thrown away almost all of the junk food in the house. I just have a few plain M&M's on hand for emergencies. (which come up at least once a day... but a handful does the trick!) Adding more protein to my diet, and back to organic and natural foods. White stuff is being phased out again. (much to my husband's dismay) Tonight I made tacos and was thrilled to discover that Wally World now carries a whole wheat tortilla wrap and it's delicious!! I could eat them plain to be honest. I'll slowly replace most beef with turkey. Apple slices with peanut butter will replace crackers with cheese. So, if you see me in the produce section, look out! I'm on a mission. I get serious around grapes, cucumbers, apples, and celery! And, if you notice that I'm slowly shrinking down to my old self, don't hesitate to give me a pat on the back. Seriously... it's HARD to get into a healthy lifestyle again and anyone that succeeds at it deserves a hug or something. I'll make sure to give you one if you follow my lead and do the same! Come on... I'll do it with you! I'm full of good healthy living advice, even if I don't always follow it myself. lol

I'm No Fun..

... at theme parks. Unless you need a sitter for your kids, then you'll LOVE taking me along. I realized that i never posted about our weekend trip we took to Hot Springs back in October and our visit to Magic Springs. (which was SO awesome... our first time going!) Here's Clayton, all alone on this ride that shoots you into the air and back down over and over again. Forget that! No way am I getting on something like that! Thankfully he couldn't try to beg or force me to since it was just the two of us and the three kids. Someone had to stay below with the children and I gladly accepted that challenge! I could barely take this picture of him I was so nervous. Yes, even watching him do the rides made me nearly throw up. I kept asking, "Are you sure you want to do this ride? Really? Why?!" He did everything.. all of the fast ones, big ones, loopty-loop ones, back and forth, here-there-and-everywhere ones... all of 'em. I watched in horror at them all. He even got Madison on a pretty scary ride that she was just big enough for. She got off saying how much she hated it and she was "never doing that again!" She is quite the daredevil though.. she did a lot of stuff I thought she'd be afraid on, with Daddy right by her side. Carter is more like me... he kept saying things were "too high" and "too fast" and "too scary." Yes my son, they are. I'm sure we'll go a few times this coming summer... we've yet to see the water park and all of the thrills and chills it holds. I'll be in the wading pool with my two boys in their life jackets while Clayton and Madison go down all of the slides and rides. Amazing how they scream with joy the entire way down, while I'd be screaming my head off just KNOWING I was falling to my demise. Maybe one day I'll understand how feeling your stomach in your throat and having no control over your own body falling and sliding is fun. Until that day comes... you can find me in the lazy river or with my hands over my face peeking through my fingers at the bottom of whatever ride my husband is climbing onto.

Divorce: Thumbs Down

I'll preface this post by saying that I mean no judgement of any of you that have gotten divorced... this is just from the life of someone who grew up with parents divorced and is STILL dealing with life after it. Of all the reasons not to get divorced... as of this week my number one would be b/c it makes your ADULT children's lives INSANE. Instead of Clayton and I having two sets of parents to visit between us.. we have four. FOUR. Add to that that both of our siblings spouse's' parents are also divorced, and you're looking at a virtually impossible feat to get together with "your" family for any holiday all at the same time. We'll be having our fourth round of Christmas tomorrow here at our house with my Dad and stepmother and my sister and brother-in-law and nephews. I am DONE celebrating. I am DONE cooking and cleaning. I am DONE finding places to put the presents that everyone is so thoughtful to buy. I keep worrying that I'm forgetting some part of the family that we still have to find time to go visit or have over that's going to come out of the woodwork any minute now. Don't get me wrong.. I love my family. I love entertaining them and going to visit them. What I don't love is that all of that overshadows the joy that SHOULD be the holiday season. (any holiday season) Thankfully this year we put our foot (feet) down and had Clayton's mom and her family come here to see us and also my dad and his family. This is the first year we've refused to drive to see each of them individually. Thankfully they're very understanding and just want to do what's easiest for us... no big deal for them to drive to us this year. (new tradition in the making!) So, if you decide you just can't stand your spouse anymore... that you would rather stick hot pokers under your fingernails than hear them breathe... just think of all of the gas money you're saving your children in the future by sticking it out!

Merry Christmas!

Finally sat the kids down for some quick Christmas pics. They did really well! I was so happy to get some good ones.

This picture, Clayton and I decided, is so fitting for the three of them. There's Carter, the never-ending goofball. Then Princess Madison perfectly posed and smiling. Last, but not least, little Samuel, the cute and sweet baby. It will be interesting to see if these three posers change their poses as the years go by. Hope you all have a wonderful Christmas!!

Happy Post

I couldn't think of anything to blog about, but wanted to blog, so here's just a happy post. Some things that have made me happy lately.... because I know you all are dying to know what floats my boat!

* Samuel's 6 month checkup went well today. One shot (I delay vaccinations a bit), a clean bill of health, and confirmation that I'm not crazy, he really is that big. (90% still... no wonder he's outgrowing EVERYTHING.)

*Carter loves to read finally. He brings me books constantly. I was worried he'd never like to read!

* Christmas is right around the corner! We start celebrating this weekend with my mom and sister and family... yippie!

* I lost another pound... WOOT!

* My husband is back home!

* He did dishes, swept the kitchen, did laundry, and put away random things in our room while I was with Samuel at the doctor's this morning. Told ya he's the best!

* I have Parent Group tonight. It's like free therapy. My kids and husband have no idea how happy they should be that I've attended this all of these years.

* I got to see "silly me" and her kids for the first time in FOREVER last week. Makes me miss them more... got to get back there soon.

* Football season will be over soon... Praise the Lord I won't have to watch NFL anymore SOON!

* I met two other moms with three small children at the dr's office this morning and they seemed to love and enjoy their children.

* I feel like, for the first time in a long time, I might actually be almost to the place God wants me to be. I say "almost" b/c we can never really be "there"... but I'm trying and feeling good about life and myself again. I found the Joy again!

* Madison's Christmas party at school is this Thursday and she's so thrilled that I'm coming. Her friends all know me and seem to think we're all just neat. (some of the kids are always freaked out by Clayton.. if he shows up to eat lunch with her in uniform some of the kids look like they want to hide under the table) I love being able to go to all of her school stuff. Makes me feel so "mom-ish."

* I got to see a picture of Maury and her family hanging on 'silly me's' fridge while visiting and it was funny b/c it made me really realize that she's a real person... not just a name on the internet. (beautiful family those Drapers' are!)

* I'm letting go of all of my baby clothes. Okay, so I'm not necessarily happy about this, it down right breaks my heart, but i'm TRYING to get happy about it so here it is on the happy post!

*I gave a ton of Madison's clothes to a good friend and it made me happy to see how happy it made her. (and her kids! dress up time!)

* You people read my blog even though I don't know why. I don't think I'm interesting at all so thanks for always showing up to see what random rambling post I've put up. Your comments make my day. (and I don't know why that is either... lol)

More free advertising

Here is Sam in the Ergo... now almost stable enough to ride on my back. He definitely likes being facing me tummy to tummy better (closer to the groceries) but I can see that this back hold is going to be great in the future! The one disadvantage to the back hold with an infant is they have total access to your hair... even if you pull it up those little hands grab it! This is something we'll work out when toddlerhood is here. All of you Ergo users, what age did you start using the back hold more than the front hold? And, does anyone like the hip hold? Samuel isn't quite big enough for that yet, but I tried it anyway and it wasn't all that comfortable.. maybe when he's bigger?

Look at me!

My little Samuel is 6 months old today. He's starting to sit up with some help from the beloved Boppy and his favorite past time is eating. Eating ANYTHING.. milk, baby food, bits of my food... whatever he's allowed to put into his mouth basically. Amazingly he's just getting longer right now, not fatter. I think he's growing faster than his weight can keep up with! He's closing in on a size 9-12 month, which I don't own in winter clothes so that's what he's getting for Christmas. You really shouldn't have to buy new baby clothes your third time around!

He's such a talented baby... he says scooting forwards is for the birds.. he's all about pushing himself backwards, and then screaming at the toy that he's trying to get to, but keeps getting farther away from. Poor thing. Being a baby must be so stressful. No teeth yet... but with a ton of drool, biting, and crying here and there I'm guessing any day now he'll pop one or two out.

He's still content and happy most of the time. He's the most social of all of my babies... loves anyone that will hold him, usually. He laughs, and laughs, and laughs all day long. Just saying the words "Peek-a-boo!" to him gets a laugh. No hiding required. Madison is sure to spoil him rotten as he grows up. She says to me more and more, "Samuel is such a cute baby! I don't want him to get any bigger!" *sigh* Yes, I know.. me either. I thought that about each of the kids. Good thing they've gotten to be so much fun in their older ages to make up for the other stuff that comes along with having an older child.

So here's the littlest Moss... half a year old already. Time goes too quickly.

Ain't No Other Man

For more reasons than I'll bore you with today, I just wanted to say how proud I am of my husband. He's always being recognized at his job for being outstanding, always being picked for "special assignments", and it seems like everyone he works with, and even arrests, just really respect him and think he's such a nice guy. (which he is) He's going to be gone on a special assignment this week.. and though I'm really going to miss him, I'm so excited for this oppertunity for him and so proud that he got chosen to do it. How did I get so lucky? How did I get to be the woman God chose to be with him? To have three beautiful children with him? I tell him all of the time that he needs to ask his parents what they did to raise him to be who he is today, and DO THAT with our boys! It seems all too rare to find boys and men today that are respectful, have good manners, hold their tongues, and actually enjoy being with their families. His little girl looks at him like he's the sun and the moon. He looks at her with fear of what's to come... a daddy's love can hardly handle knowing what the future might hold! Our boys look up to him and are hopefully learning how you can be both tough and loving. I look to him as my rock, my always consistent stability. If he says things are okay, I'm like a child believing that they really are. So, enough of the mushiness I guess... I'm just thinking of these things knowing I'm about to be without him for a while and knowing I'm going to miss him like crazy. Pray for my peace while he's away!

by the way, for you unhip folks, the title of my post comes from a newer Christina Aguilara (sp?) song with that title that I've labled "my song" for Clayton.

So grown up

When did my baby girl turn into a big girl? When did running and giggling with her girlfriends become more fun than running and giggling with me? When did the little boys in her class start to think she was just as beautiful as I do? More importantly, where did she learn to say "Not until I'm a teenager" when a boy tried to kiss her in school? (that's my girl!) She skips around totally unaware of what a stunningly beautiful child she is. She has no idea that she's one of the smartest kids on earth. She doesn't realize that when I see her with many of her friends from school, I just notice "something" amazingly different about her. She's still too young to understand why she gets in trouble for pouting in public, but she's old enough now to think it odd when she sees other children do the same. I get sad as I watch her grow, her sweet innocence slowly fading away. One day she'll understand things about boys, war, friends, and life that I never wanted to her understand. But, for now, I'm so happy to have my little girl just be little. I'm holding on to bedtime stories, drawing books together, having to tell her to put clothes on because she still lacks modesty most of the time, picking out her clothes, pulling up her hair, laughing at "that part" in her favorite kid movie, and her thinking that I am the best person on the planet. She still misses me when she's at school during the day, she still gets excited every single day when she sees me pulling up to get her. One day she'll drive herself and probably won't want to come home until she must... her friends will be the only thing on her mind. Her outfit that SHE picked out will be ruling her thoughts. She'll go through phases of thinking she hates me because I won't let her go "here" or wear "that".... but she'll grow up and realize, like we all do from time to time, that I was right. (one can hope) So, here's to my little girl.. that's slowly slipping into a realm of big girlness that I'm not sure I'm ready for. I'm just clinging to this phase of life with her as long as I can.

*Madison and two friends at her 6th bday party... madison on the left

Yes, I am... still

Doesn't it always happen right around the 6 month mark? The oh so dreaded, "Are you still nursing him?" Okay people... this isn't directed to ANYONE that reads my blog, so don't feel attacked lol.. but I'm getting this more and more from some family and even STRANGERS! Sheesh! Mind ya biz-nez! I just don't get it... the AAP says babies should be breastfed for one year... The WHO (World Health Organization) says TWO years is the minimum to shoot for... so what's up America?! And what am I supposed to do... wean him from the breast to buy formula for the next 6 and 1/2 months? Seriously? Why? (yes, this is what people think you are SUPPOSED to do.. weird) I found a shirt online that says in big bold print "Yes, I'm still nursing" for babies.. I'm so gonna buy it in the next few months! lol Just a heads up you all... don't be shocked if I'm still nursing a while from now. I shoot for about two years... yeah, I'm in serious "pervert" "weirdo" "sicko" land there aren't I? I figure it goes well with my cosleeping, organic buying, no spanking, baby wearing, no crying it out self... might as well throw as much 'weird' stuff together in my parenting bag as i can, right? I think my new responce to anyone who thinks it's strange that I'm still breastfeeding now is going to be, "wow, if you think it's weird now, you're really going to be freaked out to see this when he's 5!"

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

Yesterday (november 25) was our 7 year anniversary. :) Clayton's grandmother called to wish us a happy one and asked "Did you celebrate?" Clayton's answer, "Yeah, we got each other cards and wished each other a Happy Anniversary." lol Oh yeah... we're SO romantic! We did have a really good day together just being home and relaxing. If we'd have been able to plan our perfect wedding, I'd have never done it right now... doing it right in the middle of the major holiday season makes the celebrating funds kinda low and you're so worn out from just doing Thanksgiving, and knowing Christmas is right around the corner, there's just no drive to go and do much. lol

This picture I posted is actually one of the few I have of us together! Usually he's in them or I am.. someone has to take them! This was literally the DAY before Samuel was born... so be forgiving when you look at it. lol I'd post an old one of us but I'd have to find one and scan it in and all of that... another day, another post!

So, 7 years married! (almost 10 together) Amazing how time flies! He's still the complete love of my life. I honestly wouldn't be me without him. He's such a fantastic man... I always feel so lucky to be married to him. I'm always proud to be on his arm and to walk into a room with him. And he still makes me feel like the most gorgeous woman in the world... he still looks at me like he did when we first met... somehow. lol (after 3 kids that's a sure sign of true love!) So, here's to my sweetie! The best guy in the world!

Thank you!

Thank you Hyland's Teething Tablets for making my baby boy smile again! Wow, these things are like a miracle sent directly to Earth from God's hand. I could hear the angels singing as my all day screaming baby drifted peacefully to sleep last night with no tears. My baby that as been biting me every single time I've nursed him for days on end, nursed with zero bites after the two itty bitty tablets. The baby boy that's only slept for about 45 minutes at a time, day and night, only woke twice between the hours of 9pm and 6am to eat and then go right back to sleep. Yes... a miracle indeed!! I will forever sing the praises of Hyland's Teething Tablets! Expect it in any baby shower gift bag I put together from now on.

It's in the air!

No, not MRSA... CHRISTMAS! This is a picture of the kids and I at Clayton's mom's house last year during Christmas. I was a few months pregnant with Samuel and the kids were 5 and 2... my how the family has changed in a year!

This morning was so wonderful. We walked outside to find frost covering everything! Carter burst out of the front door shouting "It snowed! It snowed!" and Madison giggled and corrected him. It was so cold when we first went outside that we laughed about that.... until Carter started nearly crying about it. Mommy didn't think to warm the van up before we got into it this morning so we froze for a few minutes! Everything was so beautiful all glistening with frost that it just really put me in the Christmas spirit. I know, it's not even Thanksgiving yet.. but almost! We heard our first Christmas song on K-Love this morning (Rockin` around the Christmas Tree) and it got me so excited that I looked through my cd's and pulled out our own Christmas mix. We listened to "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" first and then followed it with a Nutcracker mix... Madison LOVES that music since it was what their Christmas program in Kindergarten was about. (it was so cute!) I know I'll amazingly be sick of Christmas music by the time the day actually comes and goes, but for now it's so much fun to get in the mood for Christmas songs, trees, decorations, lights, hot chocolate, pumpkin and banana bread, and more turkey in the next two months than I can even think about right now. I've even just started buying gifts, which is early for me.. I do everything so last minute! I can't wait to see presents all wrapped and pretty under the tree. And, last year clayton surprised me with a bigger pre-lit tree (on major sale at WalMart!) and I can't wait to get that sucker up! Hooray! It's almost Christmas!

Parenting tips from the Bible

It's amazing to me how I can hear/read a verse in the Bible that has nothing to do with parenting but at the same time I can so relate it to raising children.

The Journey Gals are doing a Beth Moore Bible study right now called Stepping Up. We're only on week two and all I can say is WOW! Sunday night we were watching the dvd of Beth M. and she was reading from Hosea and this verse struck me. In context it's about how Israel turned away from God and started worshipping pagan gods and believing that those gods had given them their vineyards and orchards and basically all that was good for them. So, of course God was displeased.... but this is what he says...

Hosea 2:14 - "Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her."

Now, God had already reprimanded them, but here he is, being merciful and even tender to the people that had basically forgotten him. After all of the sin and wrong they had done, he still was tender with them. What a lesson for me! I do try to be tender with my children... but how hard is that when they've REALLY got you peeved? When the back talking is getting to be more than you can handle, when you feel like you've said "no" a million times that day and are talking to yourself, when you're just having one of those days? If God can speak "tenderly" to Israel when they've basically completely turned away from him, then surely I can speak tenderly to my children in the midst of a bad day. I caught myself a few times yesterday wanting to raise my voice and be more of a dictator to my 3 year old (he is SO 3 right now!) and instead, I stopped, took a few deep breaths, and spoke to him in a soft and tender way. I still held the consequences that I put into place with him for rules broken... but it seemed so much more effective since I was still having mercy on his little heart. This goes hand in hand with what we've been talking about in Parenting Group. Using "I" statements instead of "You" statements. (I feel *** when you *** because ***) instead of (You don't ***!!) It's a hard thing to do in the heat of the moment.. but it's my goal! I think I need to write this verse down and hang it all over my house!

What's with the attitude?

I was walking through WalMart, boys in tow, yesterday morning after dropping off Madison at school. We were having a really great time! We went to the "Christmas Shop" section and literally looked at every single thing in there. Isn't that the best?! We finished up there and headed to grab diapers... passing the women's clothing section to get there. They had several shirts hanging up with frowny or mad or frustrated looking faces on them. One said, "I think it's cute that you think I'm listening" and another said, "When I said I liked you I was lion." (a lion pictures on the front.. ha ha) Does anyone else ever get really tired of seeing this stuff? I mean, seriously.. if you're attitude is SO negative that you feel the need to display it across your chest perhaps you should seek counseling or a more positive way to get those feelings out! It's like people are just totally accepting and satisfied with having a chip on their shoulder and have no problem telling everyone around them to "watch out." What's the message you're trying to get across? "Don't approach me." "I hate people" "I'm mean" "I'm in a bad mood.. permanently"?? If you just like the shirts with sayings and pictures on them.. why not pick the ones with the big yellow smiley faces on them that say "SMILE" on them? One with a picture of the cross and an uplifting Bible verse on it? Or the infamous "Peace" shirts with the oh so groovy peace signs across them? I just wish we as a society would think more about what we put out there for the public to see. No wonder Americans can be so depressing and rude and unhappy! Sometimes I wonder if people think that smiling at a stranger is just something old fashioned or "fake" people do. So, my good people, let's all try to think about what kind of person we're presenting to the world when we walk outside of the four walls we're in right now. And, trust me, I'm aware that I can sometimes have an attitude.. but I do genuinely TRY to be humorous about it. Laughing about things is my way of trying to get over it, or lessen my negative feelings about it. That's why I tend to call my friend "Silly Me" (sorry, I don't know how to link you!) when I'm frazzled over something... she tends to do the same thing. I called her just yesterday to vent a bit about my wonderful hubby and we ended up laughing quite a bit about our men in general... THAT'S what we all need. A friend that helps pull you out of your slump instead of joining in the gripe fest with you, telling you how RIGHT you are, how awful your husband is. That, to me, is a sign of a good christian friend. One with a good attitude, that you know you can call to vent about your husband to and you KNOW they know you still love and adore your man and they think nothing less of him and can help you laugh yourself over it. That's what we all need, a good laugh. Every single day. At least a real smile everyday. lol So, as you step out into this big grand world, double check what message you have, literally and figuratively, written across your chest and what impact it might make on the people around you. And ask yourself what impact it is you're on this earth to make. Thank you and goodnight. ;)

Belated Halloween

So I'm a bit behind but still wanted to share a bit of our Halloween with you all. Here's a picture that just makes me laugh! It's so "us' right now. Carter loved digging the "seaweed" (yeah, that's what he called it) out of the pumpkin and then playing with it in the garbage bowl. Notice his almost evil laugh going on? Samuel is licking and biting my arm because he thinks that if it's Mommy's skin.. there's a chance milk just might seep out. And I'm acting like I'm not getting slobbered on and I'm not quite afraid that pumpkin "seaweed" is about to be flung all over me. I think I pulled it off okay. Madison was dying to carve pumpkins and then got really bored with it really fast... hence why she's not pictured here. Clayton did ALL of the work yet was nice enough to snap this picture like I had anything to do with it. (well, I did hold the baby)

Here are the kids in their costumes. Madison was a fairy (she didn't have her wings on here though.. phewy!) and Carter was Bobba Fett from Star Wars. He didn't like the helmet so it's also not pictured. Samuel didn't wear a costume... he wore a "Baby's First Halloween" shirt that was covered up by the Ergo the entire night. (so I'm glad I didn't spend any money on another costume!) He's the first Moss baby to not have a costume.. I just knew I'd be carrying him all night and wanted us both to be comfy.

Pardon this pic of Samuel.. I was a busy mommy and didn't take one of him before we got home from trick or treating and he'd smeared carrots all over his outfit and face. You get the idea though. He's cute enough to pull off the messy look. I love my boys!

Sleeping In

Since Clayton is still on nights I've been taking full advantage of him being home in the mornings. This morning he got up with all of the kids around 7:30am and I got to "sleep in" until around 9am. (yeah.. seriously!) My question is.. is it really "sleeping in" if you're up every hour from 4am until 9am and you finally decide to just get up at 9am rather than try to sleep? And, you didn't go to bed until around midnight that night? (Samuel was SO much fun last night... ) Just wondering... because when I crawled into the living room this morning, Clayton asked if it felt good to "sleep in" this morning... and I wasn't sure if I wanted to laugh or cry. It's amazing how even being in bed for that long... you can still sleep so little! Thankfully we've had a GREAT day today. Samuel and Carter spent around 5 minutes straight just laughing hysterically back and forth at each other... it was so sweet!! That's the first time that's happened... there's that "brotherly love" I guess! Sam's not been napping well today... so I'm praying he's saving it up to sleep many many hours tonight... wish me luck!

Brotherly Love

This is a picture of Carter and Samuel when Sam was about 3 weeks old. I was just talking to Leeann the other day about how when I was pregnant I was SO worried about how Carter would do with no longer being the baby of the family... that he'd hate the baby, or be angry with me, or just sad that he was "pushed aside" for this new little bundle. What a shock that he's stepped right into the big brother role with flying colors! He LOVES his baby... that's what he calls Sam.. "his" baby. Just lately he calls him his "brudder" which melts me. It has occured to me that I really don't know what to expect out of two brothers. I had two step brothers that I grew to love over the years, but I know it's very different from the way I felt/feel about my biological sister that I can't remember my life without. I know what sisterly love is like... but brotherly love? What does that look like? What will they be like together in the future? I can just imagine them wrestling and giggling together in the living room, playing dump trucks in the dirt outside, playing swords and guns, riding bikes, jumping in mud puddles, and of course, pestering their sister. I know that my sister and I still hug each other and give kisses on the cheek.. and always have. Will my boys be this way together? Will they show affection the way we did or will two brothers' love for each other be much different? I can't wait to find out! I'm so excited to see them grow up together. Siblings are such a blessing... even though they can sometimes seem like such the opposite.

Sammy Sam at 4 months

My big man is 4 months old now. He had his checkup today and it went great. He's 14 pounds, 13oz (50%) and I can't remember how long he was in inches but he was in the 90% for height. He's in the midst of a growth spurt right now too... all he's done for 48 hours is eat, sleep, and fuss... so I'll be curious to see what his weight is a week or two from now. He got two shots... he was due for 3 but I've got a two at a time rule so I'll take him back in a few weeks to get that other one. He's doing fine after his shots.. much better than last time when I let them talk me into getting all four of them! He's just been happy as he can be! He's doing everything a 4 month old should be doing and is in perfect health. I couldn't be happier! He's started rolling over now! He can roll from his back to his stomach on purpose.. and has twice accidentally kicked himself over from his tummy to his back. He almost looked scared when that happened. lol He is just so playful right now... he's such a joy! Now, if he'll start sleeping for me again after this growth spurt I'll be truly satisfied!

Race for the Cure

This isn't the best quality picture (it's a scan of one my mom printed out for me) but this is my sister, samuel, and me after we had finished Race for the Cure standing in front of the infamous big pink ribbon. It's such a bitter sweet experience each year. Seeing all of the "in celebration of" tags on every one's shirts is a great feeling... but it always makes me cry at least once to read the hundreds and probably thousands of "in memory of" tags others are wearing. Seeing young children walking with their fathers in memory of their mothers... that is just almost too heartbreaking to witness. But, besides that... it really is always a good time. Sam was nice and slept comfortably in the Ergo the entire time.. and I was so thankful for the hood it has on it since it was quite chilly while we were out there! He was nice and toasty up against me! My legs were really burning by the time we finished! That boy got quite heavy after the first mile.. and the second bridge. My sister kept asking if I wanted her to hold Samuel for a while but I was afraid if I woke him up taking him out I'd have to find a spot on the interstate somewhere amongst 45,000 women and try to feed him... so I opted to just endure it and consider it my exercise for the entire weekend. I love all of the free stuff we get each year too. We were a little late so we didn't get the great Ford scarfs that we always seek out... and they were so cute this year... but we did get free ice cream that was super yummy, free drinks, bracelets, necklaces, etc. And... the show the firemen always put on towards the middle of the race is always worth going to see. The entire crowd just came to a dead stop in front of the fire truck they were dancing on top of! I was pushing past trying to keep moving.. if I stopped in that crowd of screaming women I knew my lil` guy was going to stir! So... we did finish the race and enjoyed it! I look forward to it every year. I looked for the Journey girls but didn't see a one of 'em. I tried my best to get on tv.. did anyone see me? ;) My mom said I should have stopped in front of the cameras to breastfeed and then say something like, "I'm reducing my chance of breast cancer every time I feed my baby!" ... probably would've worked...

Joyful things

We all know the big things in life that give us joy. Things like our kids, our health, our family and friends... this silly face Carter always makes... But what about the smaller, seemingly insignificant things in our lives that make us happy? I always wonder what everyday things bring joy to others... here are some that bring joy to me:

* When there is a sink full of dirty dishes, and I open the dishwasher to find that it's empty or it's already partially loaded with other dirty dishes.... what joy to not have to empty the dishwasher first!

* A car pulls out of a close parking spot right as I pull up... "Thank you Lord for giving me this parking space!"

* Clayton tells me I look nice, and I know he really means it and isn't just saying it b/c he isn't sure if he's told me recently.

* Someone notices something I've done to the house... even just "wow, your sink sure is clean!" (by the way, Leeann is the BEST at this.. she notices everything and is so quick to dish out compliments!)

* Samuel doesn't spit up after nursing

* Someone doesn't look at me weird because I'm breastfeeding

* Someone says, "Oh, my kid does that same thing.." right when I'm needing to hear it.

* I'm able to give someone advice and they really take it to heart... and it helps them.

* I tell my kids that it's clean up time and they hop right to it

* Clayton takes his shoes off before walking on our light colored carpet

* The teachers don't tell Madison to "hurry up" as soon as she steps into the van when I pick her up after school.. instead they tell her they hoped she had a great day and they can't wait to see her tomorrow.

* I cook and everyone eats without complaint

* Clayton's home to help with bedtime

* The kitchen floor isn't sticky

* I take the booster seat off of the kitchen chair and there isn't random and old food underneath it

* The sippy cup I found under the couch had water or juice in it... not milk

* Clayton washes clothes and doesn't ruin my "dry clean only" clothes

* Madison wears her "dry clean only " clothes and doesn't ruin them

* The hangers don't get hung up together when I'm trying to get them out of the closet. (THAT can make me yell...)

Okay, so this is a simple, ordinary list. But.. if these things don't happen, it can really sometimes change my day! So, what's your ordinary list look like?

Pumpkin Patch

We took the kids to Grady to Hardin Farm's pumpkin patch Saturday and had so much fun! None of us have ever been to that one before.. wow, GO if you haven't! There was almost too much to do! The kids just loved it, and so did Clayton and I. We did the hay maze, looked at all of the Native American exhibits, played on the playground, climbed the big hay "mountains", went through the hay tunnels, went down the huge slide, looked at the livestock, etc... it was a big big time for all. I even ran into an old friend that I haven't seen since high school and her two kids... now that was neat! (I didn't even know she was married and had children!) Of course the hayride to the pumpkin patch was lots of fun.. the kids really enjoyed that. (I liked it minus the dirt the tractor pulling us was kicking up and the hay pieces that were flying around...) After an intense search, the kids both found their own perfect pumpkin. We've yet to make jack-o-lanterns out of them... but we don't want them to rot before Halloween so we're trying to wait a few more days. We even bought a cool strobe light that's made to sit inside pumpkins... easier than candles! I can't wait to see how that looks at night... hopefully the neighbors will appreciate it.

Birth Order

In our parenting group we've been watching one of Kevin Leeman's video series. Last night the topic was birth order... how interesting! I've heard plenty about it over the years but he really layed it out well and talked about how it impacts you as a parent (YOUR birth order) and how knowing about it can help you with your children. So, I thought I'd share some info with you all since I found it so enlightening. Today I'll talk about first borns. I'm considered a first born since my older sister is 6yrs older than I am and we were raised in different homes. I could literally check each of these traits off of this list of typical first born traits. I can also really see all of them in my first born... Miss Priss Madison. Here's the list for you all:

STRENGTHS

Take Charge, know what to do;Command respect; others want to follow their unflinching leadership;Cooperative, easy to work with, good team player; Always do things right and leave no stone unturned to do a thorough job; Have everything under control; always on top of things; tend to be on time and on schedule;Ambitious, enterprising, energetic, willing to sacrifice to be a success; Set goals and reach them; tend to get more done in a day than others, planning the day is a must;Known as straight thinkers;can be counted on not to be compulsive or to go off half-

cocked; Tend to be voracious readers and accumulators of information and facts; good problem solvers who think things through.

WEAKNESSES

May undermine the initiative of those who lean on them too much or may come off as too overbearing or aggressive; Can run roughshod over others; may be insensitive and tend to be selfish; too focused on the goal and not enough on the feelings of others; Can be taken advantage of, bullies, bluffed; Tend to criticize themselves and/or others too much; never satisfied; may procrastinate because they fear they cannot do a "good enough job"; May worry too much about order, process, and rules and not be flexible when it's needed; may show real impatience with anyone who is "disorganized" or not as meticulous; can be upset by surprises; Put themeslves or those they work with u nder too much stress and pressure; May become boxed in, too busy with the to-do list to see the big picture and what needs to be done right now; May believe they're always right and fail to pay attention to the more intuitive opinions of others; May spend too much time gathering facts when there are other things that need to be done; may be so serious they fail to see the humor in situations when humor is desperately needed

So, you first borns out there... did you see yourself here? Of course not all of it will fit everyone, but in general it usually does. If you're not a first born.. does this describe your first born child? Your spouce that's as first born? Knowing things like this can really help you relate to that first born person in your life better. I think the reason I can handle Madison often times better than Clayton is b/c I share in her personality... Clayton's the relaxed la-ti-da middle child.. which I'll get to in a few days. He can't understand the things she and I do... like why does it matter if we're a few minutes late? Why does the floor NEED to be vacuumed every single day? Why does it matter if there's one book out of place on the shelf? Can't I just relax about things? I do think being married to a middle child has helped me relax IMMENSLY... but I still am much more uptight about a lot of things compared to him. Madison is the same way... I'm trying to help her chill out a bit too... we'll see if I can do that successfully as the years go by!

Sick house

Oh man... we've been so sick the past week! First we battled Strep... conquered it after many days on antibiotics. Now Samuel and I are sick with something totally different. I'm guessing just a cold or something but I feel horrible! Fever, body aches.. you know the drill. I don't know how little man feels but all of his screaming today tells me that he's not doing so hot either. So we've been eating Tylenol like crazy and getting some relief right before it wears off, yet we have another hour or so to go before we can have another dose. (don't you love how that always works out?) Ya know, we spend a lot of time on our blogs talking about how much we love our kids, how much fun they are, yada yada yada... well I'm going to be totally honest and say that I don't think my children have EVER been on my nerves as much as they've been today. Even hearing them giggle has me on edge. Clayton's working so I have zero help.. and I know that's why I'm so short tonight. If I could hire a nanny, just for one night, tonight would be it. Even nursing has me frustrated. Sam acts like he wants to nurse, but then screams at me for about 5 minutes before he'll actually eat. In that 5 minutes I'm frantically trying to make 'it' better. "Want to lay in Carter's bed and nurse?"
"WAHHHHH!!!"
"How about Mommy's bed?"
"WAHHHHHHH AHHH AHHHHH!"
"Sitting on the couch?"
"hmmm... hmm... WAHHHHH!" (man.. almost had it that time...) Nursing with full body aches is fun enough on its own.. much less getting fussed at the entire time. So, there ya go. My serious gripe fest for this Saturday night. And, to make matters even more crummy, if we're still sick tomorrow it'll be the third Sunday in a row we haven't made it to church b/c of sickness. We finally find a church we love and we can't make it 3 weeks straight! sheesh!

My boys

Can I have your attention please?

I finally weighed myself today and I have lost, drum roll please.....
4 POUNDS! Hip, hip, HOORAY! Hip, hip, HOORAY! Four down, 12ish to go. I've been working out, and boy do I feel like this guy! I don't know how I managed to get this weak, but I know I'll never do this to myself again! I've been trying to jog a little... HA! I'm not sure if 20 seconds of jogging per every 2 minutes of walking actually can be called "going jogging" but that's where I'm starting. (can your lungs actually burst?) I've pulled out some of my old favorite workout videos and dvd's. The first one I did I loved... oldie and goodie. The second one, I got a little too self confident when I decided to tackle it. The first 10 minutes were pretty tough on me, and I got a shock when the instructor said, "great warm-up!" Warm-up? Seriously? Yeah... the first real cardio segment almost killed me and the first weight section left me so sore the next day that my armpits even hurt. Yeah... seriously... didn't even know you had muscles in your armpits but apparently you do. Notice I only mentioned the first two segments of that workout.. because that's all I could manage. I did try it again the other day and made it about 5 minutes farther.. baby steps. So, I'm working really hard at just trying to workout. At least my efforts are paying off. I'm allowing myself one or two times a week to really 'cheat' on my healthier eating. Typically Wednesday nights (small group.. always lots of good food!) and Saturday. I have to have some fun here! (at least until my weight loss stalls.. then I'll have to get more strict. Not now though!) Am I the only one that is realizing how much they totally suck fitness wise right now? I feel like I've got such a long way to go before I get to where I want to be. I'm glad I started when I did... it sure wasn't going to get any better on its own!

The Pick Up Artist

Has anyone, besides me, seen this new show on VH1? I watched it the first time planning to just sit, laugh, and make fun of how silly it was. Well, it was kind of silly, but I got hooked! The basic idea of the show is they took some guys that were really really horrible at picking up women and put them in a house together where they got "lessons" from this completely odd looking guy that calls himself 'Mystery' about how to be the ultimate pick up artist. Now, "Mystery" doesn't look like a guy (to me) that would pick up ANYONE... so it was amazing to hear him talk and his 'lessons' and watch them work! Clayton asked me at one point, "would that work on you?" and was shocked when I said, "yeah, probably!" (well, not now that I'm married of course!) This whole show got me thinking though... are we women REALLY that difficult to figure out? I mean, come on! If you act like a human and have basic manners and at least some confidence... it shouldn't be 'that' difficult to find someone. These guys were just horrible! They put them in clubs so there were plenty of women to torture.. I mean... talk to... and it was just amazing how truly bad they were at talking to the opposite sex! There's the guy that doesn't take the "I'm not into you" cues so he appears stalker-ish b/c he won't stop following the women, there's the guy that totally lacks confidence and spends the entire conversation trying to ask questions to see if the girl is into him at all from the first 5 seconds on, there's the guy that swears he's straight but seriously acts gay (no lady wants to date a gay man... FYI); you get the idea. I guess being a woman I just found it laughable that some men just don't get it... AT ALL!
Here's some pointers!
* Don't be weird! Don't say weird things... don't talk about super heroes, video games, electronics, race cars, or anything else 'weird' or too guy-ish. We don't care about those things... we will pretend to care IF we decide we like you and you can feel free to talk A LITTLE about these things later on... but not when we first meet you.
*On the flip side don't try to talk about too much girly stuff either... if I find out you get your nails done and you go to the tanning bed... I'll find you prissy and possibly think you're gay... and I already touched on the not acting gay part so I'll stop there.
*Shut up! If all you do is talk and never listen... you'll seem either really nervous or really full of yourself... neither is a turn on.
* Be confident. There's nothing that makes women run away from a man faster than a man that slumps his shoulders, looks down at the ground, won't make eye contact, and seems at the bottom of his social status pole. If you act like you're important... we'll probably think you are. Like it or not, status is a big deal. Not money status necessarily, but how you are in a group. If others flock to you, we'll figure they're all right about you and flock to you as well.
* Get over your own physical appearance. Sure, it can immediately attract a woman, but in the first few minutes of conversation, what comes out of your mouth and how you carry yourself goes a lot farther than muscles. I, personally, always go for a witty and funny guy... if he can make me laugh he can keep my company. (so clayton better stay funny....)
* I don't want to hear about your mother or sister on a first date. Unless I ask.. don't bring them up. Immediate competition and you might seem like a serious mamma's boy.. which some women may like... but I can only speak for myself.. I hate that! (a 'sissy' mamma's boy I mean... as in mom still irons my clothes and bakes me cookies when I go cry to her about bad day... twice a week..)
* Don't bad mouth other women. Nothing is a redder red flag to me than how a man talks about his past girlfriends, or in general, women in his life. (moms and sisters included in this category too... love them, but don't be obsessed with them)
*Think before you open your mouth... seriously.. this can go a long way
*If I seem annoyed, or am making excuses to leave or stop talking to you, PAHLEEZE take the hint. Don't follow women around like a puppy... it's creepy and it makes us have to be rude to you to make you stop. Sucky all around.
*play hard to get! Yes... if you start a conversation, get us interested, and then have to jet off before we can decide we don't like you.. we'll probably chase you. It's true... I don't care what ANYONE says.. playing hard to get WORKS if there's an initial attraction.

So, there ya go. Other ladies can weigh in on what would work for them.. but this is my general list of guidelines. Please, pass this, and any other lists that follow in the comments, to your single friends that you know need some help. It could change their life... or at least help the women around them be less annoyed...

Alright.. I finally did it

I always hold out to change anything! I FINALLY upgraded my blog like most of you did many moons ago. When it said "many of your recent changes to your blog will not be saved" I just avoided doing it. I like blogging but I'm not one of these folks that ENJOYS working on my blog's features and colors and headings and so on. It aggrivates me. I was pleasantly surprised to see how easy the new setup is and I'm kicking myself for holding out for so long. I plan to add pics and stuff... eventually. You know.. slow to change...

Now, if any of you that aren't linked, and wanna be, would do me a favor, I'd appreciate it! Just leave me your URL in a comment so I don't have to search you all out! If I come to your blog, or you come to mine, please.. leave me an address so I can link you. I just don't have the drive to run all around blog world looking for you all... and some of you are hard to find b/c you don't have your profiles public or "shared" so I can't get your addresses when you comment here. So, there ya go. Here's your chance to be featured on my blog. Don't you feel so special?

frustrated

Madison is doing great in school. She's 4 levels higher in reading than the average 1st grader, and above average on everything else as well. So, imagine my shock when we get her nine weeks progress report and find that she has 99's in everything.... except writing. In writing she has an 85B. It's an okay grade, but I know she's above average in writing.. so why the lower grade? SHE'S BORED!! She's rushing through her worksheets and getting points taken off b/c the letters aren't formed perfectly. When I ask her about it she says, "Why do I have to do a letter B worksheet? That's BABY work!" *sigh* Yes.. to her that's "baby work" and she's frustrated with having to do it. (I'd be frustrated about having to write the letter 'b' 20 times when I already knew how to do it as well) So... what's a mom to do?! I am understanding more and more why people homeschool. I like that she's in school.... but I don't like several things about school. Like that it's too long, there's not enough "free play" or creative time, and their ability to work with students at THEIR level is just extremely limited. Why can't we have a Montisorri (sp?) School here?! That is my dream... I think we need to move to Little Rock.. I 'think' there's one there. Ugh... I just feel like there isn't an option that really suits us. Clayton would never let me homeschool... but I'm feeling less and less satisfied with the public school system. We can't afford to send 3 kids to private school.. and the one here only goes to 6th grade anyway. (why is that?) This must be why people get together to form Charter Schools... Sorry for the rant.. just really frustrated right now!

My 3 month old

How has it been 3 months already?! Samuel is growing like crazy, eating like crazy, and his sleep patterns have also turned crazy lately. I'm hoping that's just b/c he's in period of such rapid growth and that it'll settle soon. *yawn* He wants to stand up in our laps or be held so he can sit up most of the time now. He's still super cuddly too, though. (ask LeeAnn... for some reason she always has the knack for getting that boy to sleep! What a life savor when your arms are exhausted!) He laughs every single day now... and the laughs are growing bigger and louder! I LOVE the baby laughs... I have been waiting and waiting for him to finally give me one. When he laughs, EVERYONE in the house laughs. Madison and Carter think his giggle is just hilarious. Madison was literally crying from laughing at his laugh last night.... that's what life's supposed to be like, isn't it? A happy home full of laughing kids. Too bad the kids don't know that... why didn't someone send them a copy of the fairy tail we parents have in our heads when we decide we want them? Laughing and playing sweet - part of the story; fighting, whining, hitting, biting, screaming - not part of the story. Ah well, you take the good with the not so good. I'm sure we as parents far too often also don't know the stories they have in their little heads of how parents are supposed to be. (cookies before bed, always time to play, never angry, never tired... HA!) I must say that I feel so good about life right now. I feel good about my marriage, my kids, our friends.... just everything! Everyone is healthy and happy... there's really nothing else I need than that. (though extra shopping cash is always a nice bonus!)

Thanks for making me cry!

Church at Journey left at least half of the congregation in tears. Jeff preached from Samuel all about Hannah and her longing for a child and her vow to God if he'd give her a son. He did give her a son, she named him Samuel. (the extremely short version of the story) Of course, all I could think of is our struggle to get pregnant, my many talks with God (pleading, begging, screaming, apologizing, loving, hating... lots of things going on with me and God that year) and how he answered my prayer with a son, and how we named him Samuel. I was holding my little guy as he slept during the sermon which made it all the more emotional. I couldn't look at him without crying. Even later that day when I started thinking about all that was said again, I'd tear up. I thought about how extremely blessed I am. Three great healthy kids! When we found out I was pregnant with Madison it was such a crazy time. I was only 17, Clayton 19. Even then I knew she was God's precious gift to us and I also knew I did not deserve her. We were pleasantly surprised years later with Carter. Again, I felt so undeserving. I wasn't even asking for children, yet God provided two perfect babies to me (us). Clayton and I often talked about the shock of finding out Madison was coming... and how we wondered if God gave her to us so young because maybe something in the future would mess up our having children. Boy, was that ever the case! At the ripe old age of 23 I was unable to become pregnant. Surgery, meds, prayers... I never would have thought I'd have a fertility struggle.. much less at such a young age. My ovaries went Ka-Put.. just like my Mom's had done her when she was young. (she had my sister when she was 17 and me when she was 23) It made me so thankful when God did finally allow a baby to come into our lives again. I had started to give up. Then it happened. I will NEVER forget how I felt when those two lines finally appeared on my once dreaded pregnancy test. I was shaking, my heart was pounding, and I literally almost threw up. I cried so much that I could barely call to tell Clayton the news. (he was away for training.. of course lol) Now I look at our fab family. Three little ones... all healthy, all created for our family. My God is so great... his love is so overwhelming... and his power is something we should always have both fear and joy about. Why he's blessed me so I'll never know. My goal is to keep those blessings counted daily. He gives, and he takes away... we should be thankful for whatever we have today, every single day. Especially those we love.

Repeat after me...

"This doesn't taste as good as being thin feels."
"This doesn't taste as good as being thin feels."
"This doesn't taste as good...."

Dear Body,
I hate to do this to you. I hate to make you go to bed hungry for the third night in a row. I hate that all you can think about it how good it would feel to inhale a bagel slathered in butter right now. I hate that I am so motivated that I am forced to deny you things of this nature. I promise, in a week when you're another pound lighter, and feeling healthier, you will thank me. You might even jump on the bandwagon and stop sabotaging my efforts with your cravings and constant desire to eat. You might even feel like exercising instead of making me make you do it... again. Body, you may not think so right now, but I'm doing this because I love you. This is hard for me too... it's not comfortable to say no to the things I want... but I'm doing it for you.. for us! For some reason you think you should hold onto these extra pounds, but I promise you don't need them. I promise there won't be a famine that you'll need the extra in storage. And if there is.. you can say "I told you so!" and I won't be angry. But, from now on you're just going to have to realize this is how things are going to be. Like they used to be before I let you take over. I'm the rational one, and I'm going to be making the decisions from now on.. I hope we can live together in harmony like we used to. I promise, things will get easier.
Love,
Brain

My big boy

This really isn't even a great picture of Carter, but it always makes me laugh because it's just SO "him." He's so goofy! I had to make a complete brag post about him today. Last night he went to Cubbies (Awanas) for the first time and he did wonderfully! He sat and did everything the teacher asked, minded his manners (like a 3yr old can mind their manners anyway...), did his little worksheet, and participated in all of the fun activities! I wasn't sure how he'd handle structure like that, but he did fantastic! He's talked all about it since.. I'm so happy for him. I've been doing "school" at home with him for the past week and he's doing awesome. This week we're just starting from the beginning.. letter 'A', a nursery rhyme, and we're working on counting to 14. He can "count" to about 30 but he gets 13-19 pretty scrambled lol. I know a lot of ppl wouldn't worry about letters and such at just 3yrs old, but what can I say, I'm a stickler I guess. I was the same with madison and she's sailed through school, so I'm hoping it will give him a good head start as well so he won't be frustrated when he gets there. He's really enjoying the one on one time with me, that's for sure! He's even working really hard now to stay in the lines when he colors! I'm just so proud of him and all of his progress in the past few months. He'll always be my silly, and probably slightly wild, child.... I'd never want to change that about him... but now I'm feeling a bit more at ease that he WILL be able to make it in the real world as well. lol

Thanks Journey!

The kids and I visited Journey for the first time this Sunday. Everyone was SO welcoming and friendly... it was truly wonderful! I enjoyed everything about it to be honest. The people were great, the service was laid back (as the entire day in general!), there were kids bouncing around everywhere (which is my kind of atmosphere!), and everyone seemed genuinely excited that we were there. I didn't realize how many ppl I knew that went there! wow! Madison knew many of the children already, and Carter was so happy that Ashton was there. (and that's all he's talked about since lol) Samuel got passed around and loved on by everyone, something he's always happy to participate in. :) The sermon was so powerful to me that it actually left me feeling exhausted. I haven't been touched like that in a very long time.



So now the hard part starts. Our search for a new church home. We loved Pauline, and we loved Journey. Hmm... decisions decisions. One of the big things that might lead us to Journey is they don't have the same rules and regulations as many other churches. Since we've gone to the Presbyterian church, we'd all have to be baptised AGAIN just to become members of Pauline... and as a wise friend of mine said recentely (you may give yourself credit lol) "Baptism wasn't meant to be a membership fee..." That's exactly my feelings on the topic as well. I also don't agree with "closed communion" and see it as the complete opposite as the way Jesus would want it. Could I join a church that had these rules and upheld them? I'm thinking no... in the long term I know I'd be unhappy with all of the disagreements. But, I'm trying to keep my heart and head open to where God leads us. (he seems to be doing a great job of leading us already)



So, thank you Journey folks! You made a fantastic first impression. :)