The Pick Up Artist

Has anyone, besides me, seen this new show on VH1? I watched it the first time planning to just sit, laugh, and make fun of how silly it was. Well, it was kind of silly, but I got hooked! The basic idea of the show is they took some guys that were really really horrible at picking up women and put them in a house together where they got "lessons" from this completely odd looking guy that calls himself 'Mystery' about how to be the ultimate pick up artist. Now, "Mystery" doesn't look like a guy (to me) that would pick up ANYONE... so it was amazing to hear him talk and his 'lessons' and watch them work! Clayton asked me at one point, "would that work on you?" and was shocked when I said, "yeah, probably!" (well, not now that I'm married of course!) This whole show got me thinking though... are we women REALLY that difficult to figure out? I mean, come on! If you act like a human and have basic manners and at least some confidence... it shouldn't be 'that' difficult to find someone. These guys were just horrible! They put them in clubs so there were plenty of women to torture.. I mean... talk to... and it was just amazing how truly bad they were at talking to the opposite sex! There's the guy that doesn't take the "I'm not into you" cues so he appears stalker-ish b/c he won't stop following the women, there's the guy that totally lacks confidence and spends the entire conversation trying to ask questions to see if the girl is into him at all from the first 5 seconds on, there's the guy that swears he's straight but seriously acts gay (no lady wants to date a gay man... FYI); you get the idea. I guess being a woman I just found it laughable that some men just don't get it... AT ALL!
Here's some pointers!
* Don't be weird! Don't say weird things... don't talk about super heroes, video games, electronics, race cars, or anything else 'weird' or too guy-ish. We don't care about those things... we will pretend to care IF we decide we like you and you can feel free to talk A LITTLE about these things later on... but not when we first meet you.
*On the flip side don't try to talk about too much girly stuff either... if I find out you get your nails done and you go to the tanning bed... I'll find you prissy and possibly think you're gay... and I already touched on the not acting gay part so I'll stop there.
*Shut up! If all you do is talk and never listen... you'll seem either really nervous or really full of yourself... neither is a turn on.
* Be confident. There's nothing that makes women run away from a man faster than a man that slumps his shoulders, looks down at the ground, won't make eye contact, and seems at the bottom of his social status pole. If you act like you're important... we'll probably think you are. Like it or not, status is a big deal. Not money status necessarily, but how you are in a group. If others flock to you, we'll figure they're all right about you and flock to you as well.
* Get over your own physical appearance. Sure, it can immediately attract a woman, but in the first few minutes of conversation, what comes out of your mouth and how you carry yourself goes a lot farther than muscles. I, personally, always go for a witty and funny guy... if he can make me laugh he can keep my company. (so clayton better stay funny....)
* I don't want to hear about your mother or sister on a first date. Unless I ask.. don't bring them up. Immediate competition and you might seem like a serious mamma's boy.. which some women may like... but I can only speak for myself.. I hate that! (a 'sissy' mamma's boy I mean... as in mom still irons my clothes and bakes me cookies when I go cry to her about bad day... twice a week..)
* Don't bad mouth other women. Nothing is a redder red flag to me than how a man talks about his past girlfriends, or in general, women in his life. (moms and sisters included in this category too... love them, but don't be obsessed with them)
*Think before you open your mouth... seriously.. this can go a long way
*If I seem annoyed, or am making excuses to leave or stop talking to you, PAHLEEZE take the hint. Don't follow women around like a puppy... it's creepy and it makes us have to be rude to you to make you stop. Sucky all around.
*play hard to get! Yes... if you start a conversation, get us interested, and then have to jet off before we can decide we don't like you.. we'll probably chase you. It's true... I don't care what ANYONE says.. playing hard to get WORKS if there's an initial attraction.

So, there ya go. Other ladies can weigh in on what would work for them.. but this is my general list of guidelines. Please, pass this, and any other lists that follow in the comments, to your single friends that you know need some help. It could change their life... or at least help the women around them be less annoyed...