Thanks for making me cry!

Church at Journey left at least half of the congregation in tears. Jeff preached from Samuel all about Hannah and her longing for a child and her vow to God if he'd give her a son. He did give her a son, she named him Samuel. (the extremely short version of the story) Of course, all I could think of is our struggle to get pregnant, my many talks with God (pleading, begging, screaming, apologizing, loving, hating... lots of things going on with me and God that year) and how he answered my prayer with a son, and how we named him Samuel. I was holding my little guy as he slept during the sermon which made it all the more emotional. I couldn't look at him without crying. Even later that day when I started thinking about all that was said again, I'd tear up. I thought about how extremely blessed I am. Three great healthy kids! When we found out I was pregnant with Madison it was such a crazy time. I was only 17, Clayton 19. Even then I knew she was God's precious gift to us and I also knew I did not deserve her. We were pleasantly surprised years later with Carter. Again, I felt so undeserving. I wasn't even asking for children, yet God provided two perfect babies to me (us). Clayton and I often talked about the shock of finding out Madison was coming... and how we wondered if God gave her to us so young because maybe something in the future would mess up our having children. Boy, was that ever the case! At the ripe old age of 23 I was unable to become pregnant. Surgery, meds, prayers... I never would have thought I'd have a fertility struggle.. much less at such a young age. My ovaries went Ka-Put.. just like my Mom's had done her when she was young. (she had my sister when she was 17 and me when she was 23) It made me so thankful when God did finally allow a baby to come into our lives again. I had started to give up. Then it happened. I will NEVER forget how I felt when those two lines finally appeared on my once dreaded pregnancy test. I was shaking, my heart was pounding, and I literally almost threw up. I cried so much that I could barely call to tell Clayton the news. (he was away for training.. of course lol) Now I look at our fab family. Three little ones... all healthy, all created for our family. My God is so great... his love is so overwhelming... and his power is something we should always have both fear and joy about. Why he's blessed me so I'll never know. My goal is to keep those blessings counted daily. He gives, and he takes away... we should be thankful for whatever we have today, every single day. Especially those we love.