School to Moms: No more PJ's!

A school in England is telling moms to stop dressing down when bringing kids to school. No PJ's! You can read a bit about that here.

Basically, after witnessing 50 mothers bring their children to school "not properly dressed" the school's principal felt compelled to send a letter home to instruct parents to wear proper attire when dropping kids off in the mornings. He said,

“People don’t go to see a lawyer, bank manager or doctor dressed in pajamas, so why do they think it’s okay to drop their children off at school dressed like that?”

 My question is, "How does he know how I dress to go to the doctor or to the bank?"

Now, I see his point. I do try to put on a pair of jeans and at least a decent shirt to drop my kids off at school each  morning. Seeing that I'm one of the fortunate few that doesn't have to be "at work" first thing in the morning, I take full advantage of that. My hair will be in a ponytail and if I find time to throw on some powder and mascara; consider yourself lucky. Perhaps as my youngest child gets older, I'll find more time to get ready needlessly each morning to simply drop my kids off and come home and work on the computer or train dogs all day. Let's not forget the proper clothing required to mop juice off of the floor and clean bathtubs...

I could see this argument if parents were sending their kids to school inappropriately dressed. I do think that getting up and putting on 'real' clothes can set a better pace for the day.. for me it signals "okay, lazy time is over - time to get to work!" However, if I choose to look like a slob when I drop my kids off at school... what's it to ya? Maybe my everyday clothes just LOOK like PJs? I know my dog walking clothes can certainly resemble clothes I might wear to lounge around the house. A long-sleeved tee, yoga pants, and tennis shoes. (and of course, the ponytail.) For what I'm doing after dropping kids off, that IS appropriate.

What do you think? Should a school be able to dictate how PARENTS look when dropping kids off at school?

Toddlers and Colors

Our youngest is Samuel, and he'll be turning three years old in just about 4 months. He has been learing so much over the past few months, it is incredible! One thing that we've struggled with: learning colors.

This is actually something I've worried at least a little bit with with all of my children. I don't know why but I have this paranoid idea that they'll be color-blind. (as if that's the worst thing ever?) So, when they hit about two years old and we start really pointing out colors and teaching them, I sit nervously to see if they get it. If they can SEE colors.

It doesn't help my fear that they've all been a bit later than I'd expect at getting them.

So, with Samuel I have been telling myself NOT to worry. That he'd get them. He'd eventually learn that an orange is actually orange and he would not be the only kid in his 4 year old preschool class that doesn't know that the sky is blue.

So, all of my pep-talking didn't work. As the months passed by, I got a bit nervous at his lack of understanding ANY colors.

"Samuel, what color is your monster truck?"
"White."
"Your monster truck is red. Can you say red?"
"Red!" (giggles, smiles, and then tells me 3 minutes later that his monster truck is white.)

White was his word of choice when it came to the Name that Color game. No matter what I associated learning colors with, he just could not grasp it. Then, the thought.

"Does he REALLY think everything is white?! Can he SEE the colors?!"

This morning, a miracle occured.

As I assembled his orange race track, as I do several times each day, he said,

"Mommy, have you seen my orange water gun? It's orange like this orange car." (as he shuffles through his 50 Hot Wheels to find the orange one.) "And it's orange like my race car track. Where is it?"

My jaw dropped and I grabbed him up, so excited!!

"Sam! You knew that was all orange!! That's great!! Good job!"

Sam, not impressed with himself as I was,

"Mommy... where is my water gun?" (it was under the cars... and yes, it is orange.)

He then promptly grabbed a green car and put it on the top of the track.

"Mommy, yook at my fast green car!" (that's not a typo.. he doesn't say "l's" very well yet.)

It was green, and I was giddy!

This is exactly as it happened with the other two. Just when I realized that EVERYONE else's two year olds knew their colors, and mine didn't, and I started freaking out, they started spitting out the info I'd been trying to fill them with since birth.

If nothing else, he'll know orange and green when he goes to Pre-K...

The Agenda

This Week I Will:

• House-break and train a Boxer puppy for a new client.
• Get myself and husband TB tested.
• Get paperwork notorized.
• Get the ball rolling on background checks.
• Wait for husband's transfer letter to arrive in the mail. (please oh please!)
• Say nothing negative to my spouse, do something unexpectedly nice for him, buy him something that lets him know I was thinking of him, call him randomly to see if I can lighten his load, ask him if I do anything that drives him batty without attacking him for his answers, and make a list of any wrong motivations I might have in our  marriage. (we're doing the Love Dare...)
• Enjoy the nicer weather with my family
• Continue trying to teach colors to my 2yr old... ugh.. (ongoing process..)
• Continue potty training with the same 2yr old... double ugh
• Play race-cars and play-doh and monster trucks with 2yr old - smile! :)
• Pray for a special little girl that has already become a part of our family.. if only by love.
• Get paid for a week of training a Boxer puppy - huge smile :)
• Hope that the week's end will have a special little girl back "home" with us again. If only for the day.

I assume I don't have to list given things like cleaning the toilet 6 times a day b/c of potty training 2 year old or sweep and mop as necessary each day, right? You know the drill...

In Dreams

I hesitated to post this because I'm not sure of what the reaction will be. Let's start by saying I'm not a psychic, I don't "see dead people," or anything of that nature. I've simply always found that my dreams are powerful. I've always joked that my brain is so hyper-active during my waking hours that God knows his only shot of reaching me is when I'm held hostage at night.

Not quite 3 months ago my dad passed away. The day he died, before I knew what was going on, I had a knot in my stomach the entire morning. I had an overwhelming feeling of anxiousness, of being trapped, of being uneasy. It became worse as the hours passed so I had to escape my house. I loaded the kids up and we went to Walmart just to go somewhere. After Walmart I still had this horrible nagging feeling, so we went to a flooring store here in town to price check some things I had been wondering about.

On the drive home I was nearly in tears. "Is this PMS or what?!" No... couldn't be.

No sooner had I gotten home, unloaded the kids from the van, and sat a few sacks on the kitchen table when I got the first phone call from my sister.

"The ambulance is at Dad's house and they're trying to revive him...." I could barely understand her through her crying and breathlessness, but I knew right away he was gone. I had no glimmer of hope that they would save him. I had no idea what had happened to his body, but I knew that his spirit was not in it. It's like everything came full circle.. I think I even told her within the first few minutes, "I should have known this was coming."

I had this very same occurance the day my Aunt died, who was so much more than an aunt to me. She was my other mom.

It was like God was trying to prepare me for what was to come. Like he knew me so well that he knew I couldn't handle having a fabulous day only to have it come to such a life-changing end. I don't deal well with sudden change...

When we got home from the hospital and from dad's house on the night he died, where I saw his face for one of the last precious times and touched his lifeless hands to try to hold on to what I had left, I hit my knees and begged God to let me see him again. I knew Dad was in heaven, I know I'll be there one day, but the wait from now until then is overwhelming. I screamed at God that I could NOT not see my dad again while I'm on earth. "PLEASE let him come to me when I'm asleep. PLEASE let me hug him. PLEASE let me speak to him... PLEASE!!"

Fast forward two months later. I had felt so upset that in the entire two months since Dad's passing that I'd not had one single dream of him. Not a dream that replayed a scene from our life together, not a dream where I felt that he was trying to see me in present day.. nothing. It seemed others around me were dreaming of him.. why not me? I continued to beg God for that experience. I told him I didn't just want a random dream about my dad.. I wanted him to let my dad actually come to see me. And I prayed I'd remember the dream vividly.

Finally, it happened.

My first dream was so real, and so odd. Clayton, the kids, and I were walking into my grandfather's house in DeWitt. I had a dish of some kind in my hands and my Aunt met us at the door. She had a sympathetic look on her face b/c this was the first time we'd been together since the funeral. I saw my stepmom at the table, her sons, and all of the family. Then, as I walked closer, beside my stepmom was my dad! I nearly dropped my dish! I ran over to him, grabbed his neck, smelled his scent, and said,

"Dad!! You're here! You came! You're really here!!!" I rambled off many "I love you's" and "I miss you so much"... it was as if no one else could see what was happening but he and I. I remember feeling his bearded face against my cheek and saying, "Oh, you're so warm!" Dad simply grabbed my shoulders, pushed me back so he could see me eye to eye and said, in responce to my "You're really here!"

"I am really here."

With that I woke up. I immediately prayed and thanked God for letting my dad come see me. I cried, and I sobbed. I still felt his embrace, I still smelled his scent, I still heard his voice.

Fast forward a few weeks later to last night. My second dream.

We were sitting in a car of some kind. I, again, was so happy to see him that I just wanted to crawl into his lap and never let go. However, this time it was like I was really awake and in control of the conversation. I asked questions, and he answered. It was an amazing experience.

me: "Is heaven really amazing?"

Dad: "Oh... yes.." (with a sincere nod)

me: "Do you miss anything about being alive?"

Dad: "No."

me: "NOTHING?!" (almost angry with him)

Dad: "No, nothing."

me: "You don't even miss ME?!!!" (hurt and angry)

Dad: "I don't miss you because I AM with you."

me: "Well, I miss you..."

Dad: "That's because you can't see that I'm still with you..."

me: "How's Beth doing right now?"  (my stepmom)

Dad: (chuckles) "I don't know.. I'm here with you right now!" (grins that grin...)

me: (rolls my eyes and smiles)

After that we just sat together. Then I woke up.

I can't describe the peace it gives me to see my dad in dreams. I can't tell you how many times I thanked God this morning for allowing it.

I know dreams aren't powerful for everyone, and this is why I hesitantly post this today. I honestly can't handle anyone saying "it's just a dream" because, well, I know it wasn't. In fact, both times I told Clayton, "Dad came to see me last night.." because that was just the truth.

I believe my constant prayers, crying out to God to have mercy on me and let me see my Dad while I'm still here, were answered. I pray they will continue to be answered.

I find it a bit funny that if I could have designed a dream it would probably be my dad grabbing and hugging me and telling me how much he misses me. Yet, in these dreams he's trying to make sure I KNOW he doesn't really. He's happy, he's around, and things are great. When you're with Jesus... why would you long for ANYTHING or ANYONE that you left on earth? I wonder if Dad's annoyed that I keep begging for him to come back to visit... I mean, I wouldn't want to leave paradise for even a moment. I'm thankful that it was arranged, though. And, for my own selfish reasons, I will continue to pray for more moments with my Dad... because even though our moments on earth were many, they were too few. There's never enough time with the ones we love. And any time I can grasp onto, I will.

Let's Get This Ball Rollin`!

I was thrilled when we got a packet in the mail from the Baptist Children's Home yesterday. Now the work begins! I've spent the morning filling out more paperwork and will hopefully get to schedule our TB tests with the Health Department next week to get that out of the way. Once our references (you know who you are.. get to filling stuff out!) ;) get their stuff turned in, I suppose we'll have our background checks and home check done, then that's it? Our home will officially be open for a child or children that are able to have a family friend! I'm so excited - and nervous.

I don't know why this makes me nervous. I guess bringing a child into your life is a big deal and worthy of having some nerves over. I think my feelings are really based more on this being totally unknown. I don't know what kid(s) will be put with us, I don't know exactly how old they'll be (though we did request ages 6-10, we also agreed to take someone other than what we requested), and I don't have a clue what background they'll have. We're in for a wild ride!

As the time draws near that we're close to being approved, I'm even thinking of what we need to do as far as sleeping arrangements. I did say that I felt a girl would be most appropriate for our family right now, so I'm wondering if bunk beds are in our future for Madison's room. If this child is going to be spending two weekends a month, at least, with us... seems as though we should be prepared!

It's a really strange feeling knowing that your family is basically under investigation as soon as you turn in all of your paperwork. I keep looking out of my window for some guy in a trench coat, smoking a pipe, looking at my van with a magnifying glass to appear. So far, no go.

I hope this can all be completed fairly quickly. I'm really ready to get this going! From what I hear it could take 1-2 YEARS to be a licensed foster home through DHS in our area.. so getting this done now will at least allow us to do something along those lines while we wait for God to open those doors. He's done a FINE job leading us here, so we'll just keep following and see where he takes us.

He did send me an amazing amount of business for this weekend and next week, so he is definitely helping us get closer to our house-building-goal. I wonder how many bedrooms he'll lead us to include in those plans...

Biggest Pet Peeve

Thankfully I'm not someone that has a ton of pet peeves. The few I do have, however, REALLY annoy me. Which brings me to my morning..

For the past few days my Carter Man has been sickly. High fever, sluggish, and super still and cuddly. (which I love.. too bad he has to be contagious to want mommy to hold him now a days.) This morning he started complaining of a sore throat, so I used my wonderful nurse skills and shined a flashlight into his mouth. I discovered lots of grossness - big tonsils covered in red streaks and puss pockets. Gag. This, of course, warrants a doctor's appointment.

I call and agree to see a doctor I've only seen once because my first and second favorites are booked up. (apparently grossness is going around..) I was pleased to "only" wait one hour before getting in, and decently okay with the check up. Didn't accomplish all I wanted, but we hit the high points and were on our way to the pharmacy to get meds for both Carter and me. We both have some type of throat infection, be it strep or something else. (Carter's swab was unsuccessful and they didn't seem interested in doing one on me.)

We get to the pharmacy where we wait another hour. By this point we're tired, sicker, hungry, and a touch grumpy. (I had the boys with me.) I kill as much time as I can by walking around the store, pointing out anything boys  might like.

"Look at this huge rake!"
"Oh! A chainsaw!"

We approach the line at the pharmacy and wait. And wait. And wait. Finally we get to the ONE lady checking out the 15 standing around to give her our last name. Her response, "They're still working on both of them.. it'll probably be another 15 or 20 minutes."

I said, "Okay" as politely as I could and took my cranky boys and their cranky mother off to the food place just to kill more time. I helped them finish off their big soft pretzel in total annoyance.

We go back, wait in line for what seemed like an eternity, and finally got back to the ONE lady checking people out. Finally, our meds were ready!

I grab my checkbook ready to pay for these miracle drugs that would have my household back in working order only to hear the lady say,

"You do know these are pretty expensive?"

"Hu? What do you mean by expensive?"

"It's $120."

"WHAT?!! For two rounds of antibiotics?! What is it?!"

She rattled off the name of the mystery pills and I replied,

"I don't want that... obviously! I just wanted a Z-Pack or something NORMAL that isn't $60 a pack!"

I stopped myself and apologized to the lady, telling her I knew it wasn't their fault, but I was just super annoyed. She smiled and said she understood and explained that they'd call the doctor and try to get something else.

This could mean we won't have any meds until tomorrow... when the snow and ice are supposed to hit. Lovely.

So, my biggest pet peeve ever? WASTING TIME! I spend an entire MORNING at the doctors and at the pharmacy for what? NOTHING. I have NOTHING. I am beyond peeved. My big man is sick, I'm sick. He's getting sicker... as am I. But all I can do is sit here and wait. Is there seriously not a better system we could get? Is it not common sense for doctors that we OBVIOUSLY don't want the most expensive mystery antibiotics when we could get meds for so much cheaper?

So, if you see me in Walmart, and I look annoyed, and sick, it might be best to wave from a distance. I'm probably feverish, and spreading germs to everyone. If these germs make it to you, make sure to ask your doctor to call in a normal medication before you leave the office.

Exercise = Hunger

We finally broke down and bought a new elliptical machine. I've been without mine for around a year now I suppose... oh what a hard year! I was a faithful elliptical-a-holic for a glorious 7 years before I finally snapped a resistance band and it went kaput. My nightly routine of getting the kids into bed, slipping on my shoes, and working up a sweat to my favorite show on DVR was over. I had to trade it in for jogging and doing workout dvds.

Fast forward to this week - IT'S BACK! Okay, not the same one, but a new one. And I'm thrilled!

The first night hubby spent his whole night assembling it for me. Even though it was already 9:30pm when he was finished I hopped on for my first 30 minute workout. I thought I'd have a heart-attack by the time I was done, but in a weird way that felt so good!

The next day I did a great 40 minute workout while Sam napped (yes.. instead of cleaning pee off of bathroom floor like I should have been doing..) and followed that with a whole hour of sweating that evening while I watched The Biggest Loser. (if they can do it.. I can do it! Great motivation!)

Enter this morning. I wake up to a sick child at 5am and after settling him down, I crawl back into my comfy bed only to hear my stomach growling. Well, more like roaring. I was STARVING.

I finally dozed off right as the alarm started to go off - that'll make you feel good.

I am typically  not a breakfast eater, at least not until a bit later in the morning. This morning, however, I felt as though I'd be sick if I didn't find food immediately. Thank God instant oatmeal only takes a minute and a half to cook in the microwave. Usually that fills me up and I'm good 'til lunch. But not today!

I let myself get too hungry by lunch time and I scarfed down an embarrassing amount of cheese sticks. (Hey, the sick 5 year old requested them for lunch.. what kind of mom doesn't fill a sick child food request?) Of course this made me feel like crap and now I'm ready to hop back on the elliptical to work off these calories.. and work up another huge appetite.

I forgot how much more I feel the need to eat when I exercise this hard. I've also forgotten how I used to cope with this back in the day when I was a size smaller and 5-10 pounds lighter. What was it I used to eat? What did I do?!

How do you handle the viscious exercise/hunger cycle? More carbs? More protein? Suffer in hunger?

A Life Changing Saturday

I mentioned last week that we would be spending the afternoon with a child that is currently not able to live with her parents. Actually, her parents' rights were just terminated - and the future of she and her siblings is being decided.

Knowing that she had just gotten the news, literally days before our playdate, that she would not be seeing her mom and dad again until she turned 18 created a lot of anxiety for me about how to handle any topics or emotions that might come up.

Our day started by Madison and I picking her up from the girls' cottage at the children's home. The girls were all outside with their house parents getting ready to go do "something." I knew several of them, and had a lump in my throat the entire time talking with them. I had no idea they lived there. Two came up and hugged me, "Remember me?! You came and talked to our class! Remember?" Yes.. I did. They all wanted to know where we were going, what we were doing, and when we'd be back. The one girl we were there to get jumped up and down with excitement - she had no idea what the plans were but she knew she was ready to get to them.

We left and let little girl "A" pick where we'd go for lunch. "I've never been to Mazzio's! Or Larry's Pizza! Can we go there?" Larry's Pizza it was.

Lunch was filled with laughter, jokes, giggles, and of course we had to end the meal by letting the girls hit up the arcade. "This is the best time EVER!" *from "A's" mouth repeatedly*

After lunch she was excited to come over and play. My goodness... that child is just a true gem. With all she's going through, she was still just a happy kid. According to her house parents, she 'really' is just that way. She lets life roll off of her and it's allowing her to handle the circumstances so much better than her other siblings. What I can learn from her!

Hours and hours of playing, talking, drawing, and freezing outside so they could "clean" the playhouse ended with supper around the kitchen table. She has the best manners I've ever seen. She was grateful for everything, and when I asked who'd like to bless the food she and Madison took turns thanking God for each other, for family, and "A" ended hers with, "God thank you so much for the food here and for us all having a roof over our heads. We love you so much! Amen." How many children can really appreciate having a roof over their head?

With a heavy heart we loaded up to take her back to the children's home at the end of our evening. She's not approved to have a "family friend" so even once all of our paper work and background checks and such are completed, she still won't be able to ever stay the night with us.

We all walked her in and she seemed sad to leave our house, yet happy to be back "home." She was eager to show us her BEAUTIFUL room and the framed photo of her mom and dad. After a few minutes visiting with everyone we were ready to head back home. She asked, "Do you think i could come over again really soon?" With her current situation I don't know how often we can have her over, so I simply said, "I really hope so!"

Madison has asked every day since why she can't stay with us, why we can't adopt her, why she can't come over EVERY day. Can she come this Saturday? Can she come to church Sunday? Her heart is so beautiful. God is working in her constantly.

Circumstances being as they are, it seems that "A" will likely never be a child that can be with our family. However, I see that God used "A" to launch us forward. There are so many children taken from their homes and the fortunate few end up in awesome foster homes or a fantastic place like our Baptist Home. What about the rest? What happens to them?

We hope to be an approved "family friend" family through the  Baptist Home sooner than later - depending upon how long all of the stuff takes to complete. After that, I am in prayer that we will continue moving forward. That we won't stop there.

Sex Sells

We had a few friends over to watch the Super  Bowl last night, and thankfully as we watched the Saints win, our children were busy playing with their friends and not paying a lick of attention.

I remember watching this ball game every year with my dad, stepmom, and brothers. I don't recall  my dad ever having to mute the TV or quickly change the channel because of inappropriate content. Welcome to the future!

I was really appauled at some of the sexual content of a lot of the commercials. Especially the infamous ones presented by Go Daddy. It seems that the days of families gathering around the TV to cheer on their teams might become a thing of the past. I would have certainly been highly upset if my children would have seen any that.

Is there really no such thing as good family entertainment anymore? I know that sex sells, and that as adults we have the right to watch what we want - I'm cool with that. However, I'd have to assume that most people would find it highly offensive for Nick Jr. to run ads like the ones mentioned because you KNOW children are watching. Should not the same be assumed for sports? Am I off my rocker here?

The Start of Something New

I keep telling myself that she's just a "normal" girl... but,  I have major butterflies in my stomach. I feel an immense amount of pressure to be super normal, and perfect. With what she's been through in life, how can I be anything but amazing for her? With her sad idea of what a normal family is like, what if mine also proves to be disappointing?

This weekend Madison and I will have our first play date with a child that's "in the system." A child that was taken from her home, a child that I have heard is an amazingly sweet and loving kid.

I keep reassuring myself that a lunch date at the place of her choice isn't that big of a deal. That if she chooses to come over to play afterwards - that I'll just supervise everything and we'll act like everything's normal. Just like if it was a typical friend from school. My heart's ache for her and her situation is the difference.

I don't want her to feel that I look at her with sadness or with feelings of "you poor thing." I just want her, if only for a few hours, to feel normal. Is that possible? Please be in prayer with me that tomorrow, a little girl so deserving of an amazing life, will simply feel normal.

House Hunting Horrors

Has anyone ever gone through the process of trying to find a new home? Did anyone else want to SCREAM the entire time?

We bought our first home back in July of 2005. We gutted it, remodeled  the entire thing, and now I'm ready to sell it to a new lucky owner and get the heck out of Dodge. So, we're on step 1: Finding a new home.

This step always seems fun and exciting on those HGTV shows that I watch. Apparently when you have A LOT of money, house hunting is a blast! When you're trying to fit a house that's more than you can afford into a house that's within your budget - well that's hard work.

This job becomes even harder when you're not really on the same page with your spouse about what exactly you should buy. Let the good times roll!

We're pretty much giving up on our dream of buying land and building. It is just way too much work, too much money, and too much time. We're ready to move. We're ready to sell our house, pay off debt, and start saving for our future dream home on our future dream land. So, where do we go while we wait for that dream home to be built? WE HAVE NO IDEA!

I've been looking at houses online and in the paper for several months. Probably closer to a year at this point. There just isn't anything out there that's right, or that's perfect I should say. I'm finally getting accustomed to the idea of buying a house in a neighborhood simply to get more house, in town, and out of here. That would be a hard adjustment for us because we really like country living. But, I could get used to the grocery store only being 5 minutes away as opposed to 20.

I've found a few that I could really see me moving my couch and TV into, but hubby isn't having it. *sigh* Doesn't he know that his job is to agree with me? (don't tell him I said that..)

I keep waiting to drive by a billboard somewhere and it to read:

"Mandy! Your perfect home is at *this address* and it's waiting for you!" Love, God

So far, not happening. The first time around it took us right at a year to find our first home. We're getting close to that timeline again!

If you've gone through this, how long did it take you to find the right home for you?

Moms' Hell Week

I was watching a cool segment on the Today Show this morning about the Navy Seals and their intense training. For some reason, my brain immediately began thinking how helpful it would've been to have such a class before having my first child.

I can see it now:

Instead of a ropes course for agility there would be a long hallway set up with legos, cars, Barbie shoes, and push toys for you to navigate through... in the dark. You would have to learn how to not only magically see these things in the pitch black, but you would have to do it while holding your crying toddler and avoiding cursing when one of those legos finds its way into your heel.

One part of the training for Navy Seals they showed was how they put a hood on their head, then rip it off and the Seal has to immediately began battling whatever scenario they have set before him. It might be a gun to your face, or you might instantly start getting beat down by two huge men. Good luck.

For moms, the hood would come off and we'd have vomit flung at us, 3 children all starving at once, a leaky diaper... in the grocery store, (to be followed 20 minutes later by a 3 year old that has to go potty NOW as you try to check out at the grocery store with an infant and at least one other child with you.) and possibly they could throw in sitting in the doctors office while all of your kids are sick... and you've caught the stomach virus. Now, THAT'S some serious training.

Hell Week... the most dreaded week as a Navy Seals trainee. For moms, it would be hard to pinpoint when exactly hell week would begin or ever stop. I'd have to say hell week for moms would probably begin with labor, followed by delivery either via parts of your body doing things you never wanted them to, or your entire abdomen being sliced open and a living being removed via a grown person's hands. Lovely!

Navy Seals suffer sleep deprivation coupled with intense physical labor as part of Hell Week. Humph... we moms have got that one down! Hell Week for moms would include not just one week, but MONTHS and possibly YEARS of constant sleep deprivation, coupled with all of the daily activities you've always had to do. (do you think any woman on earth would actually have a child if this training was mandatory for you to ever conceive a child?)

I think we moms have a lot in common with these physically and mentally fit men. (I didn't see any women in the video... not sure if there are any?) Motherhood is not for the weak or the half-hearted. It's a job that takes a lot of mental strength, physical strength, and unlike the Seals, we can't simply start throwing throat jabs when the enemy attacks. We have to be sleep deprived, emotionally deprived, and still be PATIENT. I totally missed that class when I was pregnant with my first child. (and second... and third...)

Another thing we have in common is, a lot of us know good and well what we're getting into with bringing life into this world, and we CHOOSE to do it. Just like the Navy Seals, we are willing to accept the torture in order to gain the reward. I have to say that we definitely have one up on the Seals in the fact that our reward comes in hugs and kisses and cuddles and theirs comes from.. what? Not dying?

If we were to try to put this training together for future moms.. what else should it include?

A Shout-Out For My Girls

How often do we neglect to tell our friends just how amazing we think they are? I think TOO often.

Recent crazy events in my life have allowed me to really sit back and reflect on my friends. I can only come to one conclusion - they are simply the best. Really. I'm sorry if my friends aren't your friends, and once you find out who they are, please seek them out and force them to befriend you. Your life will immediately improve after simply being in their company!

So, here's a list for my girls - at least a few of you. I don't have all night!

Lee Ann - She may never read this, but if anyone deserves some public applause, it's my BFF Lee Ann. Trying to pinpoint what 'exactly' makes her so awesome is tough b/c she's really such a well-rounded gal. Super calm, easy-going, always armed and ready to come to my rescue, and a great person in which to lay your heart right out there. She is such an inspiration to me.. as are all of my friends. She makes me want to be better every time I'm with her. She has wisdom well beyond her years and is going to make the most amazing mom ever with her little boy that's due this coming May. If everyone was so blessed to have awesome parents like little Caleb is, the world would have zero problems.

Leslie - Though she's far-far away now, Leslie is still one of my best girlfriends. She's never more than a phone call or an email away. She reminds me a lot of myself... so it's amazing to me our friendship has lasted! ;) She is the one to call if you need some back-up. Her love if FIERCE and she's a lot like me in the fact that if someone hurts one of her friends, she is hurt as well, and wants to seek out justice. She makes me laugh... she makes me think. If something really tragic or crazy happens she's typically the first person I'm speed-dialing. Even if she's never "been there" she has a way of making me feel like she totally gets where I am and understands what I'm feeling.

Melanie - I know.. she's my sister. But, she's also been one of my best friends throughout the duration of my life. She knows me like no one else - she's been there through every minute of my being. Being 6 years older than I am, our relationship began as more of a "second mom" type, but morphed into a best buddies relationship as I hit my teenage years. She helped me learn to tie my shoes, how to drive a car, and how to have a blast! It's so amazing that now we can pick up the phone to talk about raising our kids, strengthening our marriages, and growing in Christ. When Dad died, she was the only person on this entire earth that felt what I felt, just the way I felt it. Having a sibling is an amazing gift and one I am so thankful for!

Kim - I'm almost positive that my friend Kim won't read this. She's not much into internet stuff - especially blogs. But, I must sing her praises! Kim and I got to go through our pregnancies together with our last babies and they were born just 2 weeks apart. Her God-given gifts are absolutely mercy and generosity. Her grace is unbelievable. Her understanding of others baffles me. I often joke that you can never say in passing that you'd like to have something or "need" something around her because she will give it to you if she has it, or find it for you somehow! Low-Key is an understatement with Kim. I've never heard her yell.. NEVER. She has 4 kids... all 2yrs apart. (wonderful kids.... I am so blessed that my kids get to be her kids' friends!) She cracks me up, and sets the bar very high for how a person should live. Somehow, she does this without ever coming across as "too good" for anyone or without ever so much as raising an eyebrow at someone.

Lauren - My first friend in Monticello! Her mom set us up on a "date" at the park and she and I, and our girls, have been friends since! Her gift is also definitely generosity. Her heart is so loving... she's just amazing. When I've shared hurts of mine with her, she's hurt with me. When I've shared something upsetting with her, she's upset on my behalf. Her wittiness draws me in! I love hearing what she has to say, and if I ever need a pick-me-up, she is definitely the one to seek out. I love how she loves her kids... you can just feel it. I also love that she really enjoys laughing like I do! I mean, this world is nuts.. you MUST laugh about it!

Stephanie - Stephanie is a fairly new friend, which is strange because of how very close I feel to her. We've only known each other for about 2 years, but wow, what a 2 years! She is my rock. Even when she doesn't feel like it. When I need a shoulder to lean on, someone to talk me through ANYTHING, she is absolutely there. Yes, she happens to be a Clinical Psychologist (Dr. Fearer!) :) but God has blessed her with this gift of helping others with her words. You cannot be taught this in school if God doesn't give it to you. She has tons of wisdom... and she knows how to share it without making you feel like an idiot. That takes real talent! In all honesty, I probably only really like her because she has 4 darn cute kids, two of which are 5 month old twins, and she lets me cuddle them whenever I want. I mean... everyone needs a friend like that! ;) I also laugh an awful lot with this gal.

Brandy - I've known Brandy for many years now, but feel that our friendship has grown stronger over the past couple of them. Watching Brandy is a must for anyone. I know.. I'm embarrassing her if she reads this. She never wants the attention she deserves for simply being an amazing woman, Christian, mother, wife, and friend. You don't even need to see her.. just watch her girls. All six of them. You'll see very soon that these kids are being handled with care and love. Brandy cracks me up... I love her ability to turn ridiculous daily happenings into hilarious stories. She is a GREAT advice-giver, and is so wonderful at always saying, "just seek out God and he will answer you." She is really, really good at saying what others are afraid to. Speaking the truth in a gentle but firm way because she KNOWS that it's what people need. Watching her family begin fostering children and adopt put a burden upon my own heart.  Good all around... I couldn't think of a single negative...

 Jennifer - I met Jennifer through Leslie, and we also share Stephanie as a common friend. We're getting to hang out more now that we're all done having babies and I just really like this woman! Even if she might get upset, she really isn't. :) If you could bottle whatever she has it would be the best selling "chill pill" on the market! I really like that she's pretty much an open book. You don't have to work to get to know her - you just do know her. She's hilarious and super smart. She just seems happy.. and I like that!

Maury - Okay, I've only met Maury ONCE in real life, but we've vowed to make this friendship more than an internet thing. Maury is so genuine. Her soul just seems sweet... and good. Another that has opened my eyes to the need of fostering children - and amazingly someone I feel I can email at the drop of a hat and say "please pray for me." I know she will. She also seems like an open book - and I look forward to getting to know her much better as the days go on. I have so much to learn from her.. I am excited about all she might be willing to teach me!

Mom - I am happy to say that my mom is one of my best girlfriends. I have to call her at least a few times a week just to say hello, or to spill my guts about the latest junk going on. When something's going on, I often find myself searching for a free minute to tell her. We laugh together, we've cried together, and she's always been there to come to the rescue if I needed it. Having one of your biological parents die makes you even more grateful for any time you have with the other. Your parents are such a part of you... and I pray that everyone reading this will see that before they suffer a loss.
Lou - Lou is one of the most ambitious women I know. She has a super witty mind, and if I sit and talk with her for any amount of time she will absolutely have me laughing! Her mind isn't only funny, but it's like a steel trap. The information she has stored is nothing short of ridiculous. I can ask her anything from computer/techy stuff, to kid/teacher stuff, to life/advice stuff. Life seems to roll off of her... and I think I'll start writing down all of her great come-backs. I have no idea how she thinks them up so fast!

High School Friends - If I posted on each of you it would not only make me cry but it would be so crazy long. Keitha, Ashlee, Casey, Jackie, Jerrilynn, and ALL THE REST OF YA! Some of you I've kept in touch with for years and years - others I'm just now reconnecting with. Seeing so many of you show up at my Dad's visitation and funeral... it was overwhelming. The love, it just stays doesn't it? No matter how much time has passed since we talked, or even emailed... we grew up together in a little bitty town and we'll always be connected. When I talk to you girls, you know me. You've known the many versions of me. You can appreciate where I am today and you can laugh about the past with me like no one else can. Our memories will always be precious and the new ones we're making as PARENTS is just crazy. How did we all go and grow up? I tell ya!

If your name wasn't specifically mentioned, please know that I love you equally as much. I'm typing with a whiney 2-year old in my lap... and my mind is fading. I am already thinking of so many people in our "cop family" that I could create an entirely different post about. Makes me think that calling so many people "friends" just doesn't do them justice at this point.

Friends are so precious... I am so thankful. I look at how wonderful all of mine are and wonder why on earth they want to hang around me! I think that's just really awesome for me. :) (sorry for you girls... but thanks for hanging in there with me through all of the years..)

I went through many years feeling all alone. I had no one. Now, it's just amazing. God is so good even when we don't deserve it. The next time you feel down, take a true count of how many people you have in your life that love you. If you're unhappy with a low number, pray. God is always there and when I only had my family and my husband and daughter as friends, God filled in every void space. Then, he realized I finally had room for more people and he sent in the cavalry! ! Thankful, thankful, thankful.

Saying Goodbye to the Paci

This is Samuel.. he's 2.5 years old. He'll be three way too old this coming June. Our dirty little secret...

HE STILL HAS A PACIFIER.

Yep. Really.

I don't have a recent picture of him displaying his prized possession - but trust me - we see it all of the time 'round here.

My method of weaning from the pacifier with all three kids is to pretty much be a lazy bum about it until they're so old I'm embarrassed they still have it. So, we're almost there.

I wanted to get past the holidays, and then let the shock of my dad dying pass a little before even beginning this process. For the past 2 days, we've been on it! Currently my form of getting rid of it is to go slow. When he's awake - he can keep it on the kitchen table. When it's naptime or bedtime, he can put it back into his mouth. So far so good! He's not thrown a fit yet about wanting it during the day, which is great compared to how his two older siblings did with this step. I just keep him REALLY busy and he's totally fine.

We'll probably sticking with this step for a good long while. To be honest, as I mentioned above, I'm just too lazy to go cold turkey. I don't want to lose sleep, or him lose naps over a paci. Sleep is wonderful - why screw up a good thing? My plan is more of a 6-month plan to being pacifier free. 3 is the magic age in this house. At age 3, it's gone. Also at age 3, my kids usually stop napping. Hence why age 2.5 is NOT the magic "goodbye pacifier" age.

Has anyone else ever waited this late to begin weaning from a pacifier? Any tips or pointers in case things start to go south?

Take Care of Your Own First?

I was reading a short article about the orphaned Haitian children being brought to the USA for care and possibly being adopted by American families when I became shockingly aware of the controversy surrounding this ordeal.

I was completely floored when reading the comments to the article. Many apparently feel that Americans need to only take care of American orphans. "Take care of your own" as one lovely commenter put it. Our own? What does this mean? Does that mean as a white family my family should only ever foster or adopt white children? Does it mean we should only take in children from Arkansas? From our city? "Our own.." something about this just makes me ill. We are all God's children and therefore we are all responcible for each other.

One thing that people don't often realize is there is a huge difference in the way orphans are treated here in the states verses third world countries. (not that things are perfect here.. perfect would be no such thing as an orphan b/c so many families are trying to help them.) Much less when that country is rocked to shambles and there is no food, water, or shelter. Bring those babies here!

I do understand the general idea of what they are saying, though. I've heard many people wonder why people choose to adopt internationally when there are so many children here in need of homes. My best answer, though never having walked in those shoes, would be b/c of what I mentioned above. They probably learn about the horrid conditions of the orphanages in other places and feel God telling them to act. To help.

I just find it a little bit appalling  that anyone would have a problem with children being helped by Americans. This may be a great way to spread God's word to children that possibly would not have heard it otherwise. This could start a great movement of love. Who knows what God is using this for, and using America for in this eve of such destruction.

Am I blinded by ideology? Should we only be focused on the children without homes in America?

Kids Update

I can't remember the last time I did a post about the kids, and since progress reports were sent home yesterday, I figured today was a good time to whip one up. Thankfully I am very pleased with my two big kids and how they're doing in school.

Madison, Miss Big 3rd Grader is keeping true to her same grades and behavior in elementary school. Her report showed:

Reading - 98

Literacy - 99

Math     - 95

Writing  - 98

All S's in PE, Music, Art, and Handwriting.

So go Madison! I am so proud of her! She is a very hard worker and has been given the ROC award by her teacher. (Really Outstanding Citizen) According to her teacher Madison minds very well, is quiet and well-mannered, and is always ready to help another student. She must get this from her father...

Then there's our Carter Man. He is working on his second semester of Kindergarten and honestly, I am blown away by how well he is doing. Everything anyone ever told me about boys and school he has proven FALSE. This is how his report card looks for 1st Sem.:

Reading - 99

Math     - 99

Writing  - 98

All S's in PE, Music, and Conduct

Wow!! Carter, though definitely my most silly, hard to control, and emotional child, has shown that school is just what he needed. He not only loves it but is just thriving! He often says that "everyone is my friend" and there isn't a single subject or activity that he doesn't enjoy. His teacher says that she truly cannot imagine him ever getting into trouble at home. (I suppose he saves it up for me... which is fine!)

Carter has been described by his teachers as a very intense and diligent worker, perfectionist, eager to please, super friendly and sweet, and a wonderful listener that is excited to do ANYTHING the teacher says is coming up next. He just likes to stay busy! (he is so much like his mommy... if I get bored, LOOK OUT!)

So, that's our two school-aged children. Now the 'baby.' Okay, I really can't claim him as a baby anymore now that he's 2.5, but I'm eeking out as much babyhood as I can from MY baby.

Samuel is just awesome.  He is usually very laid-back, though he has quite the temper. I actually think that once he grows into his emotions he'll be really really calm and go-with-the-flow. Or, he'll remain this way and will be super happy as long as everyone is doing what he wants, when he wants. He is the baby, after all.

Right now we're doing some mini-school sessions at home that consist of playing with Playdough to help build hand strength (since Carter struggled with that in school for a year.) and to learn colors and shapes. Not to mention it's his favorite thing to do and lots of fun!

We're working on all of those classic two-year-old things like counting, learning the alphabet, colors, shapes, sorting, etc. He's also doing really well with his manners (yes sir, please, thank you, cleaning up his messes when asked, etc.) His favorite daily activities are reading, coloring, playing with Play-Dough, GOING OUTSIDE FOR AS LONG AS MOM CAN STAND THE COLD, and watching a few of his favorite shows. These would be Dora the Explorer, Max and Ruby, and Go Diego Go.

So, everyone is doing really well. We had a few tough weeks with everyone's emotions and behavior following my dad's death, which is to be expected. It seems that we've talked, prayed, and finally began working these issues out and our household is becoming calm and orderly again. I am so very thankful for that!

Congo Women - Most Brutilized Victims of War

Picture this scenario:

You're sitting in your home, making lunch, chatting with your children, and going on with daily life as you know it. Suddenly you hear a commotion outside and your front door slams open. Six men armed with guns, machetes, and knives storm into your home. Your children scream and cry. They grab you. They hold you down, and all six of them take turns brutally raping you as your family watches. When they finish they try to force your own little brother to also rape you and stab him to death when he refuses. He is only six years old. When they leave you are kidnapped and raped every day for 8 months by them, you become pregnant with one of their children, and you have no idea if your own children are dead or alive. Finally you get away, return home and find your children are alive, but are shunned because you have been violated. Your family, friends, and your entire city avoid you like the plague because of what happened to you. Now what?

Is this tough to read? Imagine living it.

Every single day women in the Congo are raped, kidnapped, and murdered as the country sits back and watches. Rape is the weapon of choice used by the angry and power-hungry men in the area as they try to gain control of everyone in every village. The rape is so brutal that many women lose control of bodily functions afterwards (due to permanent damage that only surgery can correct), or they die from subsequent infections.

When they are known to have been raped the woman's family often casts her away and it is not uncommon for these same women to starve to death due to having no one to turn to, and no where to go. Women in the Congo are said to be more likely to be raped than to learn how to read. Can you imagine living this hell?

It isn't just women that suffer this fate. Children as young as 3 are enduring the same horrific life. Rape is now spreading to men to force the fear even farther into the society. Now that it's happening to men... maybe something will be done to stop it.

These issues are real. These issues are happening TODAY. The more I read about it, see about it, and learn about it, the more I think, "We must do SOMETHING."

America can get a really bad rep from other countries, but there is no other nation in the world that gives as much as we do. Not we as in our government, but we as individuals that ban together for a cause. Americans are by nature humanitarians. We love people and we cannot bear to see suffering occur.

Sometimes this lack of being able to handle how sad and upset knowing about other's suffering makes us, we turn away. We bury our heads. We say "that's so horrible.. I can't read anymore of it!" This is NOT how problems get solved. This is NOT how women with no hope find help. This is NOT what you would want others to do if you were that African woman, victimized, brutalized, starving to death, and likely now infected with HIV.

With everything I've been reading on this topic, one group keeps showing up again and again. Women for Women. They help these women that have no hope and they teach them skills to help them make money. They teach them to read. They make life possible for them. If possible, I highly encourage everyone to support their cause with donations. If you're unable to provide monetary support, please provide PRAYER support. God loves these people and I personally know the power of prayer to be truly amazing. Dedicate time each day to have focused prayer time for not just the women, but the people in the Congo and in Africa as a whole. That their hearts will change, that women will be seen as equals to men, that children will have the same rights as everyone else.

Last but not least, EDUCATE YOURSELF. Your own home, your own family, your own church, and your own friends are not what make this world go round. God created us to worship him and to love each other. Though they are not near us in geography, according to God's word they ARE our neighbors. They are our brothers and sisters in Christ. Will you at least read this story (by Anderson Cooper and CBS News) and see if God tugs on your heart to do something? Maybe he will, maybe he won't. But, don't hide... it is there and it is happening whether we ignore it or not.

Ridiculously Easy Steps to Help You Lose Weight

It's a brand new year, and I have no doubt that roughly 90% of people I know have vowed that THIS is the year. The year they will get fit, get healthy, and shed any extra pounds. I know that I am definitely in this mix of folks - so I thought I'd post a few very simple steps that anyone can do each day to help reach these goals.

Easy Step #1 - Drink More Water

Did you know that drinking water is one of the most important things to do in order to lose weight? How easy is that? When you drink proper amounts of water each day, it not only cleanses your body, getting rid of old, nasty water that your body has stored in fear of drought (which is pretty much the #1 reason people get bloated - dehydration), and helps carry toxins out as well - but it actually changes the way you metabolise fat. Without enough water in your body each day, you CANNOT get rid of stored fat. Is anyone else running to the faucet right now? For a quick and great read on this topic, click here.

Easy Step #2 - Cut Out One Unnecessary Snack

If anyone out there is like me, you reach for snacks for many reasons other than your body needs more calories. My snack-attacks usually occur when a favorite show is on, one of my kids is whining and I need IMMEDIATE relief, I'm tired, I'm happy, friends are over, I'm lonely... the list goes on!

Cutting out even just one of your usual snack binges can equal MAJOR body changes. Depending on your current weight, even just cutting out a minor 300 calories a day can equal some pretty cool weight loss each week. (couple this with the increased water intake.. you're a fat burning machine!)

Be careful when you snack.. don't kid yourself with the 100 calorie snack packs. 100 calories of white flour and sugar is still 100 calories that immediately convert to fat. These snacks often satisfy your immediate craving, but only leave you hungry and craving more and more. Instead, satisfy your sweet tooth with a half of a banana topped with some sugar-free Cool-Whip. (or a fruit of your choice.) This is our favorite dessert around here... almost no calories, fat, or refined sugar. Your body will be so thankful that your thighs will shrink.

Easy Step #3 - Write it Down

Keeping a food journal has been proven time and again to help most people choose more healthy foods. For me, writing down what I eat from time to time helps me evaluate the TRUTH about my daily choices. At the end of the day I can often find that I ate a ton of carbohydrates and almost no protein. Some days I see that I only ate 2 servings of fruits and veggies... no wonder I was craving that Snickers Bar...

Even if you don't keep count of calories, fat, and all that jazz... just seeing food choices on paper will often help you face the truth about what you're putting into your body. Most Americans know what they need, and most of us know what to eat. What we typically do is manage to trick ourselves into believing we're doing "a pretty good job" of keeping our insides healthy when we're probably lacking a ton of vitamins and minerals each day.

Easy Step #4 - MOVE YOUR BODY

Do you know what burns fat? Muscle. Do you know how to get muscle? MOVE.

Exercise is a dirty word for a lot of folks, and boy have I been in that club! Some days I still have to make myself get up and get active. On the worst of days, when I really just cannot make myself do any cardio, I simply pull out my hand weights and do a few sets of different exercises while I watch my favorite shows. I can do pretty much anything as long as the TV is entertaining me. You can always start small and only committ to lifting during commercial breaks. I mean, you're probably only channel surfing during those anyway.

Here is an amazing site I stumbled upon the other day. I plan to search through it each day to find new moves to incorporate to my regular routine. Boredom is the #1 reason I give up on exercise so I have quite the collection of dvd's and outdoor activities to choose from.

Easy Step #5 - DON'T GIVE UP

You know at least four insanely easy steps now. You know what you can do. You know that if you do these things you'll feel so much better in a week. In a month you might just be amazed at how your body is changing, and how you actually feel proud of yourself.

Stop looking at diets. Stop trying to lose 7 pounds in a week. Do it RIGHT this time so this will be the last time. Small steps that are manageable and don't overwhelm you are the perfect way to begin. Adding these steps to your on-going routine can just give you the extra boost you're looking for.

Find a friend to do it with you, comment here if you're looking for someone to support you and help hold you accountable. It's a new year, and maybe it's time for a new you. A you that is caring about you.

New Year's Resolutions

I feel the need to start this post by saying, "How on earth is it 2010?!"

Now that I've gotten that out of my system... it seems obvious that most bloggers will want to share their New Year's resolutions. I'd guess that many of them are things like lose weight, quite smoking, and get out of debt.

My resolutions are a bit different. I haven't given them a ton of thought, but the best I can figure, I have very few.

1. Move

In 2010 I plan to have my house sold and my family moved into a different house on a larger piece of land, closer to town. We're soo close to getting there. If the perfect place would show up, that would really help us get this show on the road! Alas, small town living provides very little in the way of real estate.

2. Expand My Business

I can't believe how things have blown up in the past 6 months or so with Canine Corrections. I hope to keep this trend going in a big way this year. This is a big reason for resolution #1. More land that's closer to town will likely equal more business. We'll see if it's in the cards!

3. Don't Get Lazy on Health

Being busier than ever makes it harder than ever to eat right and exercise. Thankfully my job is centered around mucho walking and jogging.. but the eating? Not exactly. I took about a month off of even thinking about what I was eating with Dad passing away and the holiday season.. so now I've got to refocus myself and start planning out healthy meals again. The fact that Clayton is signing up to run a half marathon in the spring helps me do this! (he asked if I wanted to do it with him.. HA!)

I think that's about it! I feel pretty good about everything right now, so that's a different way to start a new year for me. I suppose I stuck to my last year's resoultions.. whatever those were, to get here.

Last year was full of amazing times along with some of the most stressful, difficult, painful, and exhausting times of my life. Isn't it odd how that tends to happen? The good with the bad as they say.

Is anyone brave enough to share their resolutions? Beware.. I might hold you to them!

Can't Get it Together

My blogging absence has been due to a lot of things. Mainly lack of time and lack of focus. The holidays means a lot of work for me (hooray!) and it keeps me incredibly busy. The reason people turn to me to board their dogs is because of my commitment  to fulfilling their needs. This means I spend a lot of time in my running shoes!

My lack of focus is from the grief I am still struggling with. In all honesty, I feel like it's fresh and new all over again all of a sudden. I've felt it creeping in over the past couple of days as we begin our Christmas visits. This morning it hit me really hard. I really won't be seeing my dad for Christmas. Can I handle this? Right now I feel like I can't. My heart literally hurts. My head feels foggy, my eyes are constantly watering from the tears I'm fighting. I don't mind having a good cry once the day is over or when I'm alone - but not in front of others and I really don't like my kids seeing me so sad. They just want to make Mommy feel better and they are so helpless. I also feel so very, very helpless.

Christmas shopping has always been such a fun time for me, but this year it's full of sadness. Looking in the men's department for our other family members nearly brought me to my knees last week. I couldn't breathe and I had to run away, back to the safety of the kids' clothing. Seeing all of the things that we ALWAYS got Dad because he loved them (Jelly Belly Jellybeans, Coca~Cola collectables, nice button down shirts...) was just too much for me. Maybe because it's been but one month.. or maybe it will always feel this way. I guess I'll find that out as the years pass.

Here it is nearly Christmas Day and I've not even finished shopping for MY kids. I just cannot get it together. I don't even know what I am going to get them. I want to fill their day with joy but it feels like I'm totally incapable of such a task. I am so behind on everything. Housework, laundry, thank-you cards, ... everything. There is so much to do that it overwhelms me. It overwhelms me so much that sometimes I just give up. I sit down with mindless TV, or I go outside to jog, or I play with the kids to just ignore it. maybe it'll go away if I pretend it isn't there...

I suppose the denial part of this journey is going away. It's hard to be in denial this time of the year.  You know that you'd normally already be planning to spend Christmas with your loved one or you would've already seen them - you can't escape that reality. You can't ignore the fact that there is no gift under your tree that says "to Paw-Paw/ love: the kids" and there will be no gift "from: PawPaw" or "from: Dad" being given. I loved being in denial. I could get through my day without crying in denial. I could make supper in denial. I could do laundry in denial. Now that the denial is leaving, I hate to admit it, but some anger is coming through.

I suppose anger is easier to feel than sadness. I don't even know what I'm angry about or who I'm angry with. When I see other people with their dad's.. I am so jealous. When I see pictures of people with their entire families.. I can't help but ask God why he couldn't give me one more Christmas? Why couldn't I have had some warning? Instead of being so thankful that my dad died so fast, so suddenly, with no suffering, I feel that I deserved some idea that this was coming. I want to know why he died so young. I want to know why I didn't get more time with him. I want to DEMAND that God rewinds life and brings my dad back to me. I want to wake up tomorrow and this be a terrible nightmare. I want to know why a 51yr old man with a fantastic life drops dead with no signs beforehand. Because there are no answers, I'm just left with anger. I don't want to be mad.. I want to just say "God, your will is perfect and I accept it." But, I don't. I want my dad back. I want my life back to the way it was. I don't want to miss him. I don't want to be sad each year at a time that's supposed to be so joyful. I suppose if it were up to us, no one would ever die... but I guess to my small human mind, the natural order of life is you get OLD, then you die. I know this is not the case.. I know so many that have lost children.. that have lost parents much younger.

I don't know why I'm posting this.. I should be posting about the great two Christmas visits we've already had with family. I should be posting how blessed we are to have so much family left. I should be able to just get over myself and move on... but here I sit. Sobbing at my keyboard.

Tonight I will pray, I will read scripture, I will beg God to hold me through this. I will pray for my family, my sister, my stepmom and my brothers. I know they are in pain as well... my stepmom more than any of us. I will pray for comfort and acceptance. I will pray for all of the people that I know that are feeling this exact same way as the holidays are here. I know many of you by name, and my heart aches for you, too. I know three people off of the top of my head that are missing their father's for the first Christmas just like I am this year. I will pray for God's joy to enter all of us. That we will all enjoy Christmas and not feel sadness. That we will know that because of Christmas we can celebrate that we will eternally be with our loved ones as long as we know Christ. There is great comfort in that...

Getting Out of Debt: Part 3

Back in the summer I posted about our journey to get out of debt. (here and here) We have stuck (pretty much) to our plan and have been consistently paying off credit cards. I am quite proud of the self control we've had! Sure, we could have done a bit better, but compared to where we were, we're rock stars!

We're still debt snowballing Dave-Ramsey-Style and we are seeing changes. Some days I feel really pumped up about where we've gotten, and others I feel so defeated at how far we still have to go. Right now we've pretty much reached the peek of that roller coaster. We just need a little shove to get up and over and we'll be smooth sailing! Amazingly, being so close to having another card paid off is more frustrating to me than exciting. I just wish I could pay it off TODAY. I don't want to make more payments. I don't want to wait. I'm tired of focusing on this darn card... be gone already! (and, for those thinking "umm.. hmm.. that's why WE don't have credit cards!" as you look down your noses... let's evaluate the car you can't afford to drive, the house you can't afford to live in, the other loans you can't pay back... most of us Americans are in this boat together - the boat of DEBT.)  Those of you that are rocking the debt-free (or mostly so) life.. you deserve a medal for your awesome choices!! Share your knowledge with the rest of us and keep us encouraged!

Once this card is paid off... we'll be able to whittle away at the next one a lot easier. It will just be a big weight off of our shoulders and we're so ready to get there. I'm working my booty off, as is Clayton. I keep telling God to keep doing what he's doing to help us out because we know that any money we are able to not only earn, but use towards "our" plan, is totally by his doing. He gives and takes away.. that is a hard lesson to learn sometimes. (at least for me!)

We are talking a lot more now about seriously looking for a house or land. I even went to get a survey of a piece of land we've been eyeing... things are starting to feel more real. Goals feel more reachable. Expanding my business on several acres seems possible. We're so close... so close it almost hurts!

One major setback is that Christmas is here. We've pretty much decided that Christmas will be fun but minimal this year. We refuse to ruin our long-term goals for one day of way too many presents under the tree. It just isn't worth it.

Another set back I see coming is medical bills. After some extensive testing I had done recently.. I'm dreading writing those checks! (that we'll have to pay out.. ugh.. taking away from the money we usually put towards paying off credit cards. Anyone else living this story?!)

So, we're still trucking along. We are determined. We have huge dreams that we know we can accomplish - and that keeps us motivated to just keep doing this. I can't believe it's been 6 months ago when we started this plan.. it seems like it was just a few weeks back. Time flies so fast.. whether you're making wise choices financially or not.

What choices will you make as the New Year approaches? Will you be where you are now 6 months from now or working on moving forward - refusing to let finances hold you back any longer? I'm praying that we'll be somewhere much different. Having a house that we've been able to sell, debt totally paid off, and a house on a perfect amount of acres. God is leading us... and his timing feels painfully slow. I do know that in the end, wherever he's put us will be perfect and I'll be so amazed at how he reveals his timing to us. That's how he works. I think he does it just to drive me crazy...

Expanding my Business - Because I'm Insane

Have I mentioned lately how much I LOVE my job? Really... LOVE it. Have I said how amazed I am that God's letting this crazy idea of mine actually work? That I'm my own boss and it's actually profitable? Well, if I haven't - then there ya go.

With training sessions going really well, and client's keeping my book fairly full, I've decided to go out on *another* limb. I'm starting Doggie Daycare. I can't help but see this huge need for it in our area. With no dog parks, no where great to walk dogs, and seeing the hectic lives most of my client's live.. I just figured it makes sense to expand my services to include daycare.

One of the biggest problems with most dogs' behavior that I show up to train is extreme frustration and hyper-activity. This typically comes from not enough exercise. It isn't that their owners don't try, it isn't that they don't really WANT their dogs to run and play to their heart's desire - but where will they get the time?! Enter my crazy idea.

I've had one person already approach me about this before I even made it public knowledge that I was going to start it. Great! We'll see how it goes. I'm guessing slow at first and then hopefully it will build with time.

I used to offer dog walking to try to solve this problem, but it was simply too difficult to travel all around town walking so many dogs. At one point in the summer I was walking about 8 miles a day! I ended up with a painful tendon injury from over doing it. So, this is a great alternative. I can take all of the dogs on the same walks together, play with them in between, train them while I've got them, and then return them to their owners calm and tired. Perfecto! (or so is the theory...)

I never imagined I'd actually succeed in this, but here we go. Taking off! We're seriously looking into our moving options right now to expand the business even more. To make it easier on clients and on myself. Who knows what God has in store for Canine Corrections!

If you'd like any information about Canine Corrections boarding, training, or daycare - visit our website. Also included is a complete price list.

Feeling like a really good friend? Share this website and information with all of your K-9 loving (and owning) friends! :)

Man Killed by Exploding Gum (yes, really..)

I assumed I had read the title of this news story wrong, but sure enough, this really happened.

A 25-year old Ukrainian man was found with the bottom part of his face blown off after his relatives heard a loud "pop" come from his room. Apparently this guy had a weird habit of dipping chewing gum in citric acid before chewing it (why??) and must have confused that packet with another "unidentified" substance in a different packet. Obviously, the other packet contained explosive material. Man.. tough mistake!

They're calling in experts to go examine the mystery substance to see what exactly it is. They were afraid to transport it because, well, for obvious reasons.

I'm curious to see what this turns out to be and why on earth he had it sitting in his room in the first place. You would think explosive material would be labeled or packaged so you could know what it is.. and not be able to mistake it for citric acid.

Makes you think twice about opening that pack of gum!

Merry Chris.... umm.. Happy Holidays!

Another wonderful Christmas day is approaching, and stores are full of lights, ornaments, decorations, ribbon, trees, and cheer. One thing you might find missing more and more is the actual word "Christmas." Apparently, we are simply celebrating the "holidays"... which are apparently code for "we don't want to offend anyone by saying Christmas..shhh.."

News story after news story, both online and on TV, I keep reading all kinds of insanity about Christmas bans. Bans on "Christmas" parties at school. Bans on "Christmas" music at "holiday concerts." Bans on nativity scenes, baby Jesus, or posters of pregnant virgins. (okay.. you know the one I'm talking about)

Has the world gone mad? What is all the commotion about?

This story talks all about a school district banning any religious Christmas music from being sang at a Christmas concert. Umm.. yes... a Christmas concert. If Christmas music offends you or your kid... DON'T GO. Much simpler solution than putting an actual BAN on "Silent Night." Like it or not, December 25th is a celebration of the birth of Jesus by the 80ish percent of Americans that say they are Christian. That's most of us.. meaning most of us enjoy singing "O Holy Night."

How about this story where one woman is causing chaos by demanding all religious symbols be taken down from the town square during Christmas. What's even crappier than the war she's waging, is that cities across the great USA are so afraid of being sued by these rare fruit-cakes that they're taking things down WITHOUT A FIGHT! So, everyone but one or two people in your town WANT religious Christmas symbols.. and you cater to the two? I know that in certain times, the law is there to PROTECT the minorities... but what exactly do they need protection from in this instance? How does seeing a nativity scene damage someone? How do the words "Merry  Christmas" actually offend a person? I see less outrage over rap music - which typically offends EVERYONE! Let's get with the program folks.. pick your battles!

 If "we" try to force you to have a Christmas Tree with a shiny star on top and make your child learn about the birth of Christ in public school.. fine.. have a tantrum over that. Not the case. So chill a bit. You don't see me trying to sue our schools b/c they talk about Santa - though we choose NOT to do Santa at our home. I mean.. he's for sure not real! Don't try to convince my kid that Santa is a God-like being that sees him constantly and rewards his good behavior with gifts and treasures and scolds bad behavior with no goodies at all, but lumps of coal instead. Still, I'm NOT offended by Santa.. I just choose to do as I please at my home.

I'm a Christian but wouldn't be offended by someone saying "Happy Hanukah" to me. I mean.. if that's their religious view of choice, then great! I'm honored they want to include me - though it isn't something I celebrate. Thanks for the holiday cheer, Jewish Friend! :) You want to put up a menorah? Fine by me!

There is a friend to those that enjoy Christmas - the Wish Me A Merry Christmas Campaign is a really cool thing going on. On the site I linked you can see tons of news stories that deal with both victories for  Christians in this insane war we're fighting, and some issues that are ongoing.

Like it or not, Christmas is a FEDERAL holiday. Our kids get out of school in honor of it, you get off of work because of it. That alone should make you celebrate and have Christmas cheer! Let's stand up for what we believe in and not let the government or a few loony toons take the lights off of our streets or the nativity scenes from our town squares. Don't believe that your love of Christ and the one day a year we have a major public celebration in his honor is offensive, wrong, or intolerant. The few that try to ban us from this celebration are the intolerant ones. They are the offensive ones. The law isn't there to protect us FROM religion.. but to protect religion FROM government. Let's keep this straight America!

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

This Cannot Be Real

I've never said a phrase more in my life than in the past few days. I bet I've said, "This cannot be real," at least 10 times a day since my dad died. My gosh... even typing the words "dad died" doesn't seem real. How can this be? He was just here... he was fine.. he was happy.. he was amazing.. he was the best.. and now he's gone. Not gone as in not in existence, but gone as in not here with me.

Where was my warning? Where was my time to say goodbye? Where was my last hug? My last time to hear his voice and know it was the last? The last time for my kids to make him laugh and me know it was the last time to hear his wonderfully contagious laugh?

How do I go on the rest of my time here on earth (which God willing will be many many years) and never smell his scent again? My daddy always smelled amazing. How do I go on for so long knowing I'll never feel his big bear hugs again? He gave the best hugs... and he meant them. Both arms totally wrapped around you, squeezing you until you almost couldn't breathe, and he'd have to do that straining groan for exaggeration, too. He'd always end it with a phrase like, "Oh I love you so much, Mandy Beth!" or "I am so proud of you sweetheart!" He never 'just' loved you or was 'just' proud of you... he was SO proud, he loved you SO much.

I keep trying to remember his voice, his scent, his arms around me, his laugh, his smile, his jokes, his tricks, the way he'd raise his eyebrow whenever he was disagreeing politely, or about to pull some kind of hilarious antics. The more I try to grasp onto memories the more I become horrified that I might forget. I prayed for what seemed like hours last night for God to bring memories back to me. All of them. To burn them into my brain. He did. It was too much to sort through. I could remember him teaching me to ride a bike without training wheels, I had a flash of a memory of playing with a balloon with him when I had to be all of 4, I remembered working in the wood shop with him, I remembered cleaning my bicycle as he washed the cars, I remembered watching him eat sardines and holding my nose, I remembered how he never went one single night without hugging and kissing me goodnight, never. He never let a morning pass that he didn't poke his head into my room on his way to work to say goodbye and have a great day. I remembered crying on his shoulder over my first heartbreak, and him crying over my pain. I remembered him taking me fishing, out to shoot guns, and I vividly remember a deer hunting trip that a deer finally showed up and I bawled my eyes out, begging him not to kill it. And.. he let it go. From then on out he'd take me "deer watching" instead of hunting. He was just that kind of dad. I remembered family reunions with him, 4-wheeler riding, decorating Christmas trees, birthday parties, Father's Days, births of my children, and so many more memories that I felt my head would explode. I guess I should've prayed for them to come in a very organized manner.

I wanted to go through pictures to post with this but right now it is just too hard. I hate that seeing my father in pictures sends me into hysterical crying. I hate that thinking of him brings me sadness. I hate that I had to write my dad's obituary. I hate that I didn't get to say goodbye. I hate that God took him. I hate the pain my family is in.

The one thing that is keeping us going is faith. I don't know that I've ever in my life felt so much relief as knowing my dad was a Christian. I KNOW he is with Jesus. I KNOW he is okay. I KNOW he isn't sad and that the only ones in pain is those of us left behind. I KNOW I will see him again. And, as a great friend of mine, Ashlee, said to me as I cried to her over the phone,

"Just remember, your time without him is so much shorter than the time you'll spend with him."

No greater words have ever been spoken. She said she didn't know if they would be comforting or not, well, they were. They are.

When I speak of one friend, I feel the need to list all of you. I have never, ever felt so loved. I have never felt God's hand on me like I have this week. Seeing my friends from high school show up at my dad's visitation and funeral... it was so comforting. Having Stephanie and Jennifer drive from Monticello and surprise me with hugs... amazing. Michael McDaniel coming to the funeral - what a blessing. Seeing my cousin Sarah, that I grew up with my entire life walk through the door of my dad's house... my goodness. I don't know if I've ever flung myself into someone's arms so quickly.. I couldn't stop saying, "Oh my gosh I'm so glad you're here! I'm so glad you're here!" as I soaked her shoulder with tears. Seeing my cousins that I've shared my life with cry over the loss of their uncle, and cry with me, my sister, my brothers, and my stepmother over our pain was like God sending angels in our time of need.

My sister-in-law Abby was an amazing gem. I could devote an entire post to her. To the fact that she did everything she could along with my stepmom, brothers, and their Uncle to save my dad's life until the ambulance arrived... that she literally held her hands in his mouth desperately fighting a losing battle with God himself. She was our rock, our clear thinker, our planner, our comforter, and our consistent person during all of this. My dad loved her dearly.. and she him. I pray that everyone involved the day of his death will be able to forget those last moments they spent with him. That God will take those horrible images from their minds and replace them with beautiful memories.

My family, my I love them. Their love, hugs, words, prayers, and just being near them. I am sooo thankful that my dad has a twin brother. I told my uncle that whenever I miss my dad, I'm so glad that I can look at him and still see his face. No, it isn't the same, but it's a lot more than most people get.

I'm so thankful that God gave me 26 years with my dad. I know so many that would have given anything for that kind of time with their parents. I am so thankful that God blessed us with a great relationship so that there are no regrets. Nothing was left unsaid. I know he loves me, and he knows I love him. I am thankful that God's word is true and one day, we'll be together FOREVER singing praises to our real Father. One day there will be no more tears, pain, sorrow, or despair. In all honesty, dying doesn't seem as scary when you know you have two amazing Fathers waiting to greet you with open arms.

For today, I will try to put up my  Christmas tree with my family. I will turn on Christmas music and hide the tears as each song brings back memories of my dad. I will smile. I will love. I will praise God for his many blessings and each day he gives me on earth with the ones that I love. I will thank him for taking care of my dad, and I will beg him to keep his hands on all of us as we go through the hardest time of our lives. I will hold my children tighter, my husband closer, and I will continue to live a life that makes both my Heavenly and Earthly father proud. I will close my eyes, feel my daddy's arms squeezing me, and I will remember his smell, and I will hear his voice still saying,

 "MMMMM... mmm... I love you SO much, Mandy Beth."