Chess anyone?

I finally added a picture! It took my slow dial-up connection approx. 20 minutes.. but I got it on here. Now I think "why did I pick this picture?" I don't know.. but here we are! This was a little over a month ago when we took the kids to Mid America Museum. It was so much fun!

Madison is on a board game kick, so we've played Candy Land and Chutes and Ladders a zillion times this week. She saw the Chess board and asked if I would teach her to play... I laughed a little and said, "No, but maybe Daddy will teach you!" Clayton taught me to play chess a long time ago. I think it was when I was pregnant with Madison. I hated the game from moment 1! It's too involved, takes forever, and I could never beat him. (I beat him ONCE) Maybe I'm a sore loser, but it just wasn't my game! Now, he's on the Chess kick too. "Let's play Chess today! Come on, please?!" *sigh* So it seems that when he's off of work again, I'll be learning Chess all over again. Maybe the second time around I'll like it better. For Clayton's sake I sure hope so! Any of your husbands know how to play Chess? Clayton would love it if someone that is GOOD would sit and play with him!

I had a thought the other night after everyone left. We were having a great time playing our games.. and I got to thinking that we should let the kids play their own board games while we play ours. Start their own game night too! We'd need to take some time to make sure the big kids know the rules of whatever game... and then leave them to it and maybe they'd have fun and we could play our games easier without interruptions. I don't know.. they might just fight the entire time! lol

Tomorrow my two favorite events happen! Playgroup in the morning.. and Parent Group tomorrow night. :) I can't wait!! We're still doing playgroup at Western Pines right? At the insane hour of 8:30am? ;)

Friday night rocked!

Okay, big thanks to everyone who came out to eat and hang out with us Friday night. Clayton and I talked all day today about how much fun we had, and how we hoped everyone else enjoyed it too. We seldom get to have company like that with his insane work schedule, so thanks for helping us have such a good night! For the next several months I'm pretty sure his days off will only be weekdays.. but if anyone is up for a quick supper and hang out session on a Tuesday night, we're your peeps!

Today was SO hot. So what did we decide to do? Meet the Parkers at the park for fun and sun and sweat! Ahh... the things that sound like a good idea until you do them! No, really, it was a great time. Suzanne didn't puke from the heat and my kids got worn out. Unfortunantely, Carter didn't take a nap today, and was sound asleep by 6pm.. so I'm sure he'll be up all night, or at minimum up for the day around 5am or before. NOOOOO!! At least we have church tomorrow.. I can finally say that we all love church now! Both of the kids are loving it, and Clayton and I are too. It's such a releif to enjoy it. :) I'm excited to see what message we'll get in the morning.

I'm officially on "baby watch." Betsy is going to have that baby girl any day now.. or any week now at most. I can't wait to get a phone call! I told her as they left last night that if they wanted to call me and start the chain reaction of phone calls, I'm all for it! We'll probably 'have' to drive to Crossett to see them after Bailey is born.. I'm so excited! Oh, Suzanne, Betsy is seeing a midwife that delivers at the hospital in Crossett if you're interested! I forgot to tell you that!

Okay, I promised Madison a game of Candy Land, so I'm off to get beaten by my 5 year old at a game that is all about luck.. the kind of games I don't like! ;)

ohh... my aching muscles

The short yoga session I had with Madison yesterday must have worked me much harder than I realized. I woke up this morning with aching muscles all over my body! So, of course, I made sure to catch the workout on tv again this morning! Madison did it with me, for the most part. She was a bit distracting because she'd get into a pose and then ask, "Look Mommy, is this right?" So while I got a great workout again, I spent a lot of my time reassuring madison she was doing a fine job. I'm sure by tomorrow morning I won't even be able to walk. Ah, the things we do for beauty!

So, Clayton had a blast yesterday driving the car of his dreams. Supposedly he should have his in a week or two. He's so excited! He was telling me about all of the great features and how it drove and such, and I smiled and nodded and said, "wow that sounds great!" Meanwhile I, for the most part, haven't a clue what most of the stuff he's telling me means.. but I know it makes him happy for me to be interested! So, you guys out there, make sure to ask him about his cool car so he can talk to someone that REALLY knows what he means about it!

Have any of you heard the new Nickleback song "Far Away"? OH MY GOSH! It is gorgeous! I know.. LeeAnn is "not that into them" as she told me the other night (shame on you!) but I just love this song! I think I'm going to have to break down and just buy the entire cd. So far I've loved all of those songs.

Clayton is gone to buy food for the house... I told him specifically, "Buy MEAL food, not SNACK food!" So we'll see what he comes home with. I wish I'd have gotten in the shower before him this morning... to him, if he's ready first, he's going! lol So wish us luck on having food to actually nourish our bodies this week!

"Breathe in... breathe out.."

This is what Madison and I did together this afternoon. I decided to pick up Yoga again. I haven't done it since I was pregnant with Carter. (yes, I worked out my entire pg, and LOVED yoga!) I saw that we are getting to preview a channel called "Lime" on Dish and Yoga Zone was on.. so I clicked on it and caught it from the very beginning! Madison giggled and did it with me.. it was so cute! I forgot how incredibly hard that stuff is! No wonder I looked so good back in those days! Sheesh! So, we'll see how long my new Yoga kick lasts. It's a heck of a lot more fun to do it with Madison. It's even MORE fun to get Clayton to do it with me. He used to make fun of me when I'd do it so I'd make him do it with me. However, it's incredibly hard to hold a pose when you're laughing at your husband!

I feel like Suzanne today because I'm loving the cloudy day. I've had more sun than even I can handle lately so this is a nice change. It just seems quieter when it's dark outside like this. Carter even went down for a nap earlier! It's magic!

Clayton is out making every man he knows jealous. He just got his new Impala state car last year, but because he's such a good worker, he's now getting one of the first Arkansas State Trooper Dodge Chargers! He had to go to Petit Jean today to do a driving course with the car... meaning he'll be going 100mph or more, pitting out other cars, and just having a grand ole time! Nothing I'd ever want to do but he was so excited about it! I'm so happy for him that he's got a job he loves so much. :)(even though I'm often less than happy about the job that he loves so much!) One cool thing is, because he had to go do this today (which was supposed to be his off day) he's off TOMORROW! Woo hoo! Off on a Friday while working the night shift! That never happens! So, here's to THAT!

My favorite night of the week!

It's Wednesday... so that means it's Small Group night! I LOVE our small group. I've grown so much as a christian since going to it, and now that it's switched to a women's group, I'm growing even more. It's also really nice that I've made new friendship! I think we'll all get and stay really close, at least that's my hope.

The baby shower was fantastic! The best I think I've ever been to, including my own! A ton of people showed up and Betsy got everything she could possibly need/want that I could tell. She was so obviously overwhelmed by everyone's generosity. It's not often that you can touch someone like that. I know that she felt so loved and cared for by all of us, and she should, because she IS! I wonder is she's thought about how loved that baby is going to be. Just look at how many people our group's children have to love them! It's a rare thing to find an entire group of friends that love children, and can accept different parenting sytles. I love that I have so many good christian people around me to help raise my children. I pray all of our children will grow up to be good kids/teens and support each other in doing what's right, rather than following the crowd. Lord knows I followed the crowd way too much in school. I just don't want my children to have the same regrets that i have. Then again, I turned out okay, and i learned from the many mistakes that I made. You live and learn I guess!

I had a neighbor (that I just met recently) from down the road bring her 2yr old daughter over to play today! They're so much fun to hang out with.. and they've invited us to come swimming at their house Friday. :) THey also have horses, goats, etc and she said they have OLD horses that they use to train new/young riders that we can come ride anytime we want... how sweet are they?! Madison will love riding a horse. She got to ride a pony a few months ago and she had such a good time.

Oh, to make all of you other mommies jealous, guess what time we all got out of bed this morning... anyone? 9:40am!! Can you believe that?!!! Wow! I was shocked when I looked at the clock! We haven't slept past 8am in years! I could so get used to this.. just in time for school to start up again!

Speaking of school, the teacher list is supposed to be posted THIS WEEK so if anyone sees it up, let me know! I'd hate to drive out there and it not be there.. but i'm getting ansy waiting. Time to go school clothes/supplies shopping!

Playgroup today

We had such a great playgroup today! K.T. came and so did someone that Suzanne met from a friend... I am so bad but I cannot remember her name! (Mari?) Leslie and Brian came too and everyone seemed to have a great time. (and for once no wasp stings! BONUS!) K.T. it was so great to finally meet you! I hope you keep coming to play and hang out on Tuesdays! Madison has talked NONSTOP about how much fun she had with Kyla! She usually doesn't have a girl her age there to hang out with, so I know it was so good for her. :)

I am SOOOO excited for Betsy's baby shower tonight! I went by WalMart and got a gift bag and packed all of the cutesy stuff up.. I just can't wait! Oh, by the way, why doesn't Wally World carry cute baby gift bags?! grr.. I don't think I saw ONE cute baby girl gift bag!! I love WalMart but ours is so bad about not having a good selection so much of the time!

So, Carter is officially a nudist! That boy! He still has no desire to actually use the potty, though he does sit on it a lot more now, but he rips his clothes off constantly! Ask Michael... last night (I picked Ashton up from daycare and kept him until Michael could come get him after work) while they were here Carter had taken off the ONESIE I had put on him (in hopes of keeping the diaper on) and ripped off his diaper. I put the diaper on backwards, he still got it off. I even tried putting some of Madison's panties on him hoping that maybe he'd like it if I bought him underwear.. he cried and took them off too. Oh well.. maybe he'll potty train soon! One can hope!!

BABY STUFF!! **squeel!!**

Ah yes... any man that was walking by me in Kohl's today was rolling his eyes as I squeeled with delight at all of the pink baby girl clothes, blankies, shoes, bibs, and toys. I was shopping for Betsy's baby shower (tuesday) and oh wow.. it was so much fun! I had a ton of stuff carrying it around because I just could not pick! My mom had to help me! lol I won't disclose what exactly I got her because someone could sneak her the info before her big day.. and I'm not one to ruin a surprise! I'm off to Wally World tomorrow to pick up the rest of the stuff I'm getting her... and I cannot wait to see what everyone else got for her! I must give God some praise right now. I'll fully admit that last week, before I knew that I wasn't pregnant, I told Suzanne, "I'm not sure how I'll shop for baby clothes and make it to this baby shower if I'm not pg.. I think it will break me." But then I quickly said, "No.. I REFUSE to be 'that' woman!" (as LeeAnn said, "I WILL NOT BE SHAKEN!") After beginning REALLY reading my Bible and just trying really hard to have a better outlook on life, I had the best time today and I cannot wait until the baby shower! It's going to be so great! I feel full of joy today. Life is good, God is good. The fact that it's only 95 degrees today, instead of the 111 it was last week is good. I got to talk to Suzanne on the phone for like an hour today and that was good. She mentioned LeeAnn is coming over tomorrow around 4pm and I should bring my baby gifts then too... I was so excited, and that's good. I should really get Clayton to tear apart the console in the van to find Madison's lost Bible School Song cd b/c I could sing over and over again the song that once grated on my every last nerve: "I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart. Where? Down in my heart. Where?..." Yeah, you know it probably! Ah, it feels good to be HAPPY! I was so down all last week and lemme tell ya, that just plain stinks. So, my promise is to be a heck of a lot more fun to hang out with now! :) No moaning and complaining, and the only crying I plan on doing is crying from the great emotions I can't keep in!

quick update

I know a lot of people have been waiting to hear the news for sure, the hag found me this morning.. so we're officially on to month 9. Thanks for all of your prayers and kind words. I feel okay about it. God showed me the verses last night for a reason, I suppose he knew I'd need them!

Smacked upside the head by The Word

So, have you ever sat down and decided to read your Bible, nothing out of the ordinary, but then you find verse after verse that make you look around and ask, "Are you watching me?" I had that experience tonight. God knew I needed it. I started out just searching around, not sure what I wanted to read. I looked up all kinds of words in the back to see if something would grab my attention.. and then I found it. "God's timing" Ugh.. I did not want to read that. To be honest I'm SICK TO DEATH of hearing about God's timing as if knowing that his timing is perfect should really make me feel better in a moment of intense greif. I guess it was in God's timing that these verses were brought before me, when I was ready and WILLING to read them and listen to the word of the Lord. So, I found several verses that I wrote down. (yes, I wrote them down! all of them that 'spoke' to me got written on index cards and I plan to read them daily! I'm memorizing my favorite one as "homework" for small group like I promised I would!) Here are a few that REALLY gave me chills. Sorry, i am aware that to most of you they will be like reading the back of a cereal box... which is exactly how I'd have felt a month ago reading the same ones. But, for God's glory I'll post them anyway!

Psalm 75:2 You say, "I choose the appointed time; it is I who judge uprightly."

John 11:6 Yet when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed where he was two more days. I read that and thought, hu? What's with that? Go rescue him Jesus!! Then the rest of the story unfolded...

John 11:14-15 So then he told them plainly, "Lazarus is dead, and for your sake I am glad I was not there, so that you may believe. But let us go to him."
So there was my "ah-ha" moment. If he'd have just made a sick man well, that would've been nice, but to bring a dead man back to life.. that is a miracle! The last verse that I wrote on this story is the one that gave me chills... truly.. chills. It was as if God held me as I read it.

John 11:40 Then Jesus said, "Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?"

This is the verse I'm going to memorize for small group. It just hit me really really hard. I know my faith is rocky right now, that I have a hard time believing God is really with me when things don't go the way I think they should. I just need to believe... it's hard.. but I'm on my way!

The good and the bad

The Good: I got to meet Brittany and Shaun today! What a great time! Her pg belly is so cute and I am anxiously awaiting the next baby update since I know they were getting an ultrasound today. :)

The Bad: I broke down and took a pg test today. I had a temp rise and other things that I let get the better of me. It was of course negative. Ugh.... so I guess in the next few days we'll be moving onto month #9.

Was group for me?

Wow, our small group was great for me last night. Our focus was joy and what things in life keep us away from joy, and what things bring us joy. I was lacking joy for the most part yesterday. It isn't a constant feeling of crappiness, but it's off and on when I think of how low my temps are and just waiting for the hag to appear. Suzanne asked what our "chronic" joy stealer is lately... mine started as 'greif'.. each month I'd be so depressed that I wasn't pg that I'd be overwhelmed with sadness. I still have some of that, but I realized last night that now it's more the 'wearniess' that's getting to me. I know I've said to at least Leslie and Suzanne that I am just so tired. Emotionally I am exhausted. I feel a thousand times better than I felt a month ago, due to me reading my Bible and praying regularly again, but still, I feel just tired of wanting this. I just want it to happen so I don't have to think about it anymore. I told Clayton that he'll probably get his wish and this will be our last child because I just cannot imagine ever putting myself through this again. I know the end result will be worth it, but in THIS moment, TODAY, I am just drained. I always feel a lot better once we start a new month. I start each month with a lot of optomism and just KNOW that THIS month will be it. It's the end of the month that is hard... waiting and waiting to find out, then being so disappointed over and over again. But I did realize that last night, I am so blessed that that is the only joy stealer I could really come up with. My life is so wonderful. That feeling was validated when we got the most horrible phone call I can remember ever getting. Our friends (that used to be our neighbors here) have a son that has Spina Bifida. (sp?) He is prone to seizures and they are frequently rushing to the ER due to that. The doctors told them when Remington was born that if he made it to age 5 it would be a miracle. He had his 7th bday this year. Two days ago the father called to tell Clayton that Remington had had a seizure and had stopped breathing for 18 minutes. 18 minutes... 18 minutes that two parents watched their lifeless child turn blue, 18 minutes that they saw their whole world fall apart, 18 minutes that they knew nothing would ever be the same. He was rushed to Children's Hospital by medflight.. they stabalized him... and last night when we were all hanging out after small group the father called Clayton, barely able to speak to say, "Remington didn't make it, we're on our way home, and would you please be a paul bearer at the funeral." I was wondering why clayton was in such a hurry to go home last night, and when we got into the van he told me that and we just prayed for them and cried the entire way home. My sadness is not over Remington's death for I feel he was released from a life of pain. My sadness is for his parents, for as a parent I know that my worst fear is losing one of my children. How would you ever go on? How would you ever sleep again? And what I hurt the most for them over was, How will they walk into their home and see his things there, and know he'll never be there again. Oh Lord please be with them. Please be with all of us. I've never been to a child's funeral before... neither has Clayton. A child's death is tragic and I'm sure all that are there will be in disbelief that this has even happened. I also realized last night that my longing for a child is nothing compared to theirs.

So discouraged

I mentioned yesterday that my temp had gone down a lot... well it went down even more this morning. That probably means I am not pregnant. I have basically lost hope for this cycle and won't be testing. Please pray for me. I feel very lonely and depressed this morning.

Playgroup Explosion

So this morning the kids and I head to the park for our usual Tuesday playgroup. I expect to drive up and find Suzanne, Leslie, maybe Kristy, and maybe Lou. Well, I pull into the parking lot and look around at ALL of the vehicles and think, "surely all of these ppl are not here for OUR playgroup.." THEY WERE! Wow we had a ton of kids and moms, and a dad. :) It was great fun to get a new 'group' to talk with! Once the wasps attacked poor Noah (get well soon Noah!) we all packed up and left. Suzanne let us come hang at her house and that was a nice resting place. We had a great time and Madison did NOT want to leave when I told her it was time to go. She's always ready to go home! She's a home-body like her daddy. I hope we have that kind of turnout next week!

Tonight is my beloved Parents' Group at church. I've been going for over a year now and love it. We haven't been able to meet in about a month so this will be a great time! The kids go to the nursery and I get to eat a meal and sit and talk with other moms and dads about WHATEVER issue comes up. It seems we've started goofing off more than anything. :)

Well I was disappointed when I woke up this morning. I explained a bit about charting in a past post, and today my temp went down quite a bit. :P (high temps tend to mean you're pg, when they drop, it usually signals the hag is on the way) I am praying it was just a fluke and tomorrow it will rise again. I'm not sure if God is aware of how much I need this to happen this month... even though I keep telling him...EVERYDAY! lol I've had a few people ask me lately when I'll go to the doctor... I have no idea. If I go I'm basically telling him to do something medical to help me get pg and I'm just not ready for that at this point. I'm still trying to put all of my faith in God and trust his timing. It is getting harder and harder to hang in there though! (especially if I keep hurting like I did this cycle!!) I need wisdom!!

My son has started really fighting me on naptime. I started trying to put him down at 1pm.. he didn't stay in bed and go to sleep until after 2pm!!! This makes me so frustrated!! He is so tired by 1:00... he won't go to sleep at all before that, and he fights me a lot even then. Clayton said we should just put a baby gate up in his doorway so he'll be forced to stay in his room.. I just don't know how I feel about it. I know Madison started sporadically skipping naps around this age, but if he skips a nap he's passed out in some random place in the house by 5pm.. so he obviously still needs it. I guess I'll just keep fighting with him for a few more months!! Then maybe he can skip a day or two of naps at a time... fine by me!

Oh LeeeeAnnnnn!!!!

So.. LeeAnn hasn't blogged in a few days, so I'm asking, after you read this blog, go do some blogging of your own! :)

Many thanks to Suzanne for letting me and my children come sit around this afternoon. My bad mood from last night carried over. I have been SO on edge.. I pray it's pg hormones making me go insane. :) The kids played and we just sat!! I feel refreshed and ready to take on the battles of home again after a few moments of girl talk!

So, I've finally gotten into exercising again. I remember before I had Carter I LOVED to exercise. Now that I've gotten out of it it's so hard to make myself do it. I always feel great once I do... so I decided to just do it! Feel like it or not. So far so good! At this point I don't expect to lose any weight, nor do I even care, but I just do not like feeling out of shape. I'm TRYING to take care of my temple... we'll see how I do.

Does anyone else have a husband that moves your stuff around?! If there is anything I can gripe about.. that is it! I have a calendar that I keep next to the puter and at least a few times a week I have to go searching piles of papers that Clayton has made (his way of organizing... ) to try to find it. It makes me crazy! How many times can I say, "PLEASE do not move my calendar!!!"? I just realized how lucky I am that that is my BIGGEST gripe about my man! :)

I'm really excited that it'll be Wednesday night again soon! I can't wait for small group! I even get to go to Parent Group at my church tomorrow night which I also love! Hooray for a great start to the week!

One of those nights

Whew! I am so happy my kids are in bed! I don't know what my deal was.. but AS SOON as we started brushing teeth, reading books, etc I got so stressed. In my defense the kids were being unusually insane. Madison would NOT stop talking... anyone with a 4/5 year old (possibly older?) can probably understand what nonstop talking... over many many hours, can do to your nerves! They got into bed and quiet right before I wanted to start screaming at them... I hate that feeling! I always feel so out of control at the end of the month... I have to remind myself that it is not the kids fault that I'm going through this and I have to be careful not to take my stress out on them. Clayton working nonstop hasn't helped.. I told him that he CANNOT work any overtime tonight.. NONE. :) He agreed... so I'm sure some R&R with my hubby will help calm me down. It usually does!

Had another fantastic Sunday! Still loving the preacher and our church has grown EACH Sunday over the past 3 he's been with us. I've been meeting new ppl each week.. it is amazing to see God working in our church now. Our babies - young kids population has doubled or tripled as well! I'm so excited! I'm trying to get close with some of the young couples in our church now. I exchanged numbers with the couple I spoke of in a past blog that have the sweet newborn little boy.. I hope we'll really get together soon.

Okay, I 'think' I'll test on Thursday. I'll be pretty far at that point.. if I were pg it 'should' turn up... but who knows. I might get to Thursday and just not want to face a negative test. I'm torn on it right now. I used to not be able to wait to test.. at this point it's just depressing! Who needs to see a negative pg test AND see the hag show? Pahleeze!! That's unnecessary torture if you ask me! ;) I swear, I wish I could find a book that a real life woman wrote about her trying to conceive journey... I'd thrive on something like that right now. I know, I'm so sorry my blogs lately are so pg obsessed.. but let's face it, when I'm down to the one week to wait time, I AM obsessed and it's all I can think about! (which is probably why I wanted to bite the kids' heads off tonight) So, if this month isn't it... please pray I won't turn into some raging psycho woman. I'm crazy enough as it is ;)

Great birthday!

First off, I didn't get to say an in person THANK YOU to LeeAnn for the way cute bag and beach towel for my bday... THANK YOU!! Wow it is so gorgeous and I am so thrilled that the phrase "hot mamma" on the front of them made you think of me! *grin* Suzanne also brought over a left over pg test... I can't help but wonder; If a pg woman gives you a left over pg test, does that increase the chances of it being positive when you take it? Leslie came over too and got me a REALLY cute purse, which I am thrilled about b/c the one I just bought I HATE. It is really not functional! I'll be sporting it around.. you'll all get to see it! (and my new bag.. it's my new diaper bag!)

I'm excited that tomorrow is Sunday... I love looking forward to church! :) I wish Clayton were able to come with me... with him not getting home until 4am and then having to start work at 2pm tomorrow.. there's just probably NO WAY he's going with me. I totally understand.. but man.. it sucks always having to go without him. I do enjoy the kids both going to the nursery though, it's like my peace of quiet time.

Okay, not the best thing I've ever written, but I vowed to get into bed before 11pm tonight. I am horrible about staying awake until 1am or so when Clayton is out working. I'm exhausted all of the time... so tonight I'm making an effort to at least LAY DOWN before 11pm. Wish me luck! I'm about as good of a sleeper as Carter is.. ;)

If good things come in 3's...

... then I pray I'm good thing #2! Suzanne found out that Parker #4 is on the way (she already blogged about it so I'm not spilling the beans! lol) and I hope that I'll find out that I'm right behind her in about a week. Everyone be praying for a healthy baby and mamma!! Suzanne, please don't get bad morning sickness b/c that would really suck for my summer fun. ;)

I feel like the next several days are going to pass incredibly slowly. I've felt about as horrible as i possibly could this month and I'm praying all of the pain wasn't for nothing! If it was, eventually I'll have to call my doctor back and go in for another ultrasound to see what the heck is going on in my body. My body seems to be screaming "I HATE YOU" for the last two weeks of every month! Little does my body know that I am none to happy with it either for it's misbehavior!

Today is my birthday! I almost forgot, again! I'm a whopping 23 years old. ;) I wonder if my Mom and Dad are sad today that I'm this old... I cannot imagine my children being my age. I guess once they officially get out of the house each birthday is just another birthday? I'm already grown up... so I wonder if it hits my parents as hard as my kids' birthdays hit me?

So, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME and if I can get a beautiful + pg test in a week, I'll consider it the best belated birthday present EVER!

All about me

Lou tagged me! LeeAnn and Rosy, you're tagged next! BWAHAHAHAHAHA! (evil laugh lol)
You have to write 100 things about yourselves!

1. Born in Little Rock, AR
2. Spent first 5 years of life in Pine Bluff
3. Parents divorced when I was 5
4. Sister and I moved with Dad to DeWitt
5. Have a fairly large family. My Dad has 3 siblings, and my mom has 6 siblings!
6. Twins run in our family. My Dad is a twin, my Gma's brother was a twin, and it skips a generation as far back as they can count. Yep.. it's MY generation.. yikes!
7. One of my biggest fears is ever having twins!
8. I'm afraid of heights and spiders more than anything
9. I'm also afraid of 'paranormal' stuff.. have had several experiences I could've gone my entire life not experiencing
10. Met Clayton when i was 14, he was 16, we've been together since
11. Found out I was pg with Madison October 10, 2000 when I was 17
12. We were married November 25, 2000 and I was suffering with such horrid morning sickness that i was afraid I'd throw up walking down the aisle
13. We went to Hot Springs for our honeymoon
14. I practice "attatchment parenting" which involves no spanking, no cying it out, lots of baby wearing and holding, nursing on demand and in general self weaning, and cosleeping. (though carter now only sleeps with us in the mornings... which is nice)
15. I am prolife, but not an extremist. I'd never want to tell a woman she could not have an abortion if her LIFE were at risk or other extreme circumstances. In general though, I'm very anti abortion
16. I'm in Independant. I don't like the moral views of many Demoncrats, Don't like the slack environmental issues of the Republicans. If I were forced to pick one side, I'd be Republican
17. I try really hard to be a 'submissive' wife and don't feel like a doormat because of it
18. My husband is the best you could ever have
19. I worry a lot about our health (my family's) and try really hard to make healthy meals and have lots of physical actiivity each day.
20. I would love to have 4 children, but 3 will probably be it
21. I cannot imagine ever going to work... I have no desire to do anything but what i'm doing right now.
22. In accordance with my attatchment parenting policy, I think spanking should be illegal and seen just as a husband hitting his wife is. It wasn't long ago that a woman was her husband's property and subject to his hand when he was displeased
23. I always wanted curly hair, until this year
24. I'm 'type A' personality and drive myself insane reaching for a perfection that could never be acheived
25. I try not to expect my children to be perfect, but in reality I still do probably expect far too much from both of them
26. I don't like being wrong and often don't think I am wrong, big fault!!
27. I have one biological sister that is 6yrs older than I am, and 2 stepbrothers. One is my age and one is 2yrs older
28. I hated being home my entire life. I was never comfortable at home until I had my own
29. My first car was a 92 Sunbird... not the greatest but I really loved it!
30. It drives me crazy when hangers get stuck together in the closet
31. My biggest attraction to friends are if they can make me laugh and understand my dry wit
32. I like to talk.. a lot
33. I try to be a good listener when I can make myself shut up long enough
34. Due to health reasons when pg with madison I never graduated high school.
35. I was a straight A'd student my entire time I was in school
36. I have a horrible body image.. I finally have realized I'll never like my body so I might as well enjoy a cookie and shut up about it
37. I love being pregnant
38. I'm the sickest person I know when I am pregnant, and I still love it anyway
39. I get attatched to people really quickly
40. My logical side sometimes gets in the way of my spiritual side
41. I want an explantation for EVERYTHING
42. One of my biggest fears is that clayton will die
43. I worry about how i will die. I don't want to suffer, duh
44. If I weren't a mom, I'd probably be a child psychologist
45. I love my inlaws
46. I have 3 nephews and 1 neice
47. I really hope our next child is a girl... shhhh...
48. I like name brands
49. I want Madison to be the best dressed kid in Kindergarten, and yes, I realize how vain that is
50. I love to sing and dance.. when the kids aren't with me I'm JAMMING!
51. I, in secret, still listen to a Britney Spears CD that I loved in high school.. you know... Oops I did it again..
52. I only have one friend that I talk to from school
53. I still think my husband is hot after being with him for 9 years
54. I feel better about myself in this point of life than I ever have
55. I have dreams of fostering animals one day until they get adopted
56. I dream of adopting a child in the future
57. I've never flown in an airplane
58. I love chocolate!!
59. My dream vacation spot would be any gorgeous beach that isn't crowded
60. I have green eyes
61. I am the only green eyed person in my family, Clayton and the kids have blue eyes
62. I have a soft heart for teen girls... I know their struggles all too well
63. I don't like 'absolutes' in life. I always like to think things can change for the better
64. I dream of selling our house and moving closer to town into a bigger house... shame on me!
65. I'm addicted to Coca-Cola.. I no longer keep it in the house at all.. but the parkers are sweet enough to typically have one or two for me!
66. I actually do think I'm a good mom and wife, most of the time
67. I could be a better mom, wife, and friend if I had more grace for people
68. I hate how even country music videos now all have naked women dancing around
69. I hate all rap videos... could they be more generic?!
70. I have many thoughts of what I'd do to someone if they ever hurt my children or my husband.. Mamma Bear Syndrom I guess
71. Say something negative about my man and Them's fighten words!
72. I think people who don't like cops are typically the ones spending their time in jail
73. I think smoking around children should be considered child abuse
74. I wonder how anyone can like the taste of beer
75. or whiskey
76. or vodka
77. I'm a night owl... i'd rather stay up late and sleep in.. not that I ever get to sleep in but I do stay up late
78. I do not think Superman is attractive.. any of them
79. I like my hair to be long but always cut it because I think I'll like it shorter
80. I'm controlling
81. I think I'm fairly fun to be around.. I'm pretty laid back about most things
82. My biggest anxiety comes from my house being messy.
83. I wish we had a girls night out once a week!
84. I like the 'classic' look.. nothing to 'out there'.. and modern yet comfy
85. I find it easier to talk to men than women a lot of the time
86. I've been accused of having a male brain, except I can be a cryer at times
87. I truly do not care what most people think of me
88. I wish my husband had a different job, mainly due to the hours he works
89. I stay hot most of the time... give me air please!
90. I always wish that women today had the option to dress in big fancy dresses just to run to town like they used to and not be looked at weird
91. I love to dress up!!
92. I have to force myself to brush my teeth twice a day.. it's such a draining task for me for some reason lol
93. I can handle most gross things, but if I hear someone throwing up, I'm likely to puke too
94. I don't like any kinds of seafood
95. I love eating at The Outback!
96. I know just enough about computers to not be an idiot but not enough to do anything of importance on one
97. I can be jealous... if a girl is looking at Clayton it makes my blood boil!!
98. I actually like it that clayton is semi jealous!
99. I hate PDA!!!
100. I'd love to live around Hot Springs

WHEW!! If you read even half of those.. you deserve a certificate of loyalty to my blogg or something! Have fun LeeAnn and Rosy!

"If I have a girl, know what I'll name her?"

This question came from Madison after watching one of those baby shows on tv that I love so much right now. I ask her what she would name her baby girl and she says, "Allie." ISN'T THAT CUTE?! You have to keep in mind that typically when she names her stuffed animals it's not very original... her pony will be named "pony" and her idea of a really pretty name would be something like "Sparkle Pony" or something.. so for her to come up with a REAL name was so neat to me! I asked her what she'd name a boy.. and she couldn't come up with a name.. she is anti baby boy! She also remembered something i had told her when Carter was just SIX months old!! She had asked me (when carter was a baby) when we could have another baby, because she wanted a baby sister. She'd ask me this almost daily! I told her, "Well, we already have a baby right now, so maybe when Carter is big, we can have another baby if God gives us one." So yesterday she says to me, "Mommy, Carter is a big boy now isn't he?" "Yes, he is a big boy!" "Well then when are we having another baby?!" How on earth did she remember that?! Has she just been sitting on that all of this time waiting for me to say that, yes, Carter is a big boy? lol Kids' minds are amazing.. when Clayton calls me last minute to ask me to pick up something from the store that isn't on my list, I have to tell Madison to remember that item for me, and she does! 5 year olds sure do come in handy!

Madison also had her dentist appointment yesterday. The only traumatic part was taking her first set of dental xrays. Poor thing... you know the plastic things you have to bite on? They were gagging her and she was just a crying..but she still did it! Her teeth looked great.. no problems at all! The tooth they had put a watch on was fine so that is great. No loose teeth yet.. but she said to be on the lookot because kids typically lose their first tooth at age 5. WHAT?! I am really not ready for this next step towards her being a big girl. Her baby teeth will be gone?! WHY?! Ugh... time flies! Madison can't wait to lose a tooth... she's seen some friends with gaps in their smiles and she wants to be just like them!

Clayton and I had our first 'tiff' last night in a very long time. I KNOW it's because of two reasons. Reason 1: My progress in faith and with Christ. Satan is NOT happy that I've stopped listening to his lies that God isn't with me and that God doesn't care what happens to me. Reason 2: In small group we've been talking a lot about being a good wife and things related to that... holding your tongue, not beign easily offended, etc. All things IN GENERAL I don't struggle with. Satan is waging war with me though. I was upset with Clayton ALL DAY yesterday. I did have reason.. but not much of one. And even with all of his really great efforts to smooth things over I still sat on my anger and hurt and refused to let him off the hook. So we spent his ONE night off in a heated discussion with me crying and him looking at me asking "What do you want me to do? I don't know what else I can do!" I had no idea... I even had talked to Suzanne TWICE that day about how I knew that my feelings were related to my growing faith, but still, I didn't resist enough. I let myself dwell on those feelings and basically ruined what should have been a really great day/night. At least I'm blaming who's responcible.. Satan. There was a great spiritual battle being fought in my soul and I let myself lose with my emotions. He knows my weak point. So please be praying for my strength to not let him win this battle.. I know there will be many more tests of faith to come.. as there always are when you start to progress. I refuse to go back to where I was even two weeks ago... this battle I am on God's side!

God did hear me

Don't get too excited.. it's way too early to know if I'm pg this month or not. Let me give you a quick explanation of how to know if you're ovulating (well, if you're a woman lol) Basically you take your temp at the same time every morning and put the info on a chart. (I do mine online, it does the rest for me) Before you ovulate, your temp is low, once you ovulate you release the hormone Progesterone (which sustains a pregnancy if one occurs) and that hormone raises your body temp. so your post-ovulation temps automatically shoot up and stay up until the hag shows. So, when I had all physical signs of ovulation, I had no temp change.. a 'flat' chart as it is called. I was so discouraged. Every other month that I've had that happen I really had not ovulated.. so I felt very defeated. Then I remembered that post Lou made.. it had nothing to do with this, but that simple sentence of "nothing is impossible with God" came to mind, so I posted what I did yesterday. When I woke this morning my temperature went sky high!! God heard me.. he responded, and he did make what seemed impossible to me this month possible. For the FIST time in the 8 months we've been trying to conceive, I felt God was with me. I mean.. REALLY with me. I have tears running down my face as I type this. There's no scientific reason for this to happen.. it really is basically impossible.. I know it was God. Even if he still doesn't intend for me to be pregnant this month, at least I feel him with me now. The verse of the song "Praise you in this Storm" by Casting Crowns always made me cry because it was so true for me...

"My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find you?"

Now I feel I've "found" him. Now I can carry on. Thank you God!

Is God up to something?

Of course.. God is ALWAYS up to something... but I guess in the spirit of optimism I am hoping he's up to something big for us this month. So, without getting into a long and drawn out version of it, all of the 'ways' you can FOR SURE know you've ovulated have basically failed me this month, meaning it looks as though I did not ovulate at all. However, I'm feeling like I normally feel once I do ovulate... so this is beyond confusing. I had a thought though. I remember a great conversation Suzanne and I had a while back when they were still living with her parents. She was saying how Jeff had preached (or just had a talk with a group?) about praying SPECIFICALLY for things so that when those things came to pass you could give all of the glory to God. I'm sure Suzanne said it much better than I wrote it, but you get the idea. So my thought is, what if God is making it look like it is impossible for me to have gotten pregnant this month, so that WHEN I find out I am in a few weeks, all the glory is on him? Wishful thinking or maybe I'm onto something... I pray I'm onto something! So God.. if you make this happen this month.. you will have made the impossible possible!

Playgroup today ROCKED!! It was just Suzanne, Leslie, and me with our kids.. but the kids were great, the chit chat was fun, and we all went to Suzanne's after for pizza and more hanging out. Lou and Michael joined us there with Ashtan.. who I think will quickly become Carter's favorite boy if he can beat Noah out of the number 1 position. ;)

Does anyone else watch that show on FX "Rescue Me"? It is my favorite! I got into it in 2004 when Clayton was away at Troop School and I'd be up late begging God to let my wide awake baby boy fall asleep. It became my Tuesday night show and still is! If you ever catch it on watch it!

Our awesome preacher had a sermon that was based around our vision for our futures.. that no matter how young or old you are you should still have a vision of what you want in your life. So I was curious what everyone's short term "visions" are? Mine? Hmm.. of course to get another baby on the way! Also to make reading the Bible a regular part of my life, and a part of our family life. (Suzanne's recent blogg helped me realize I really need to get back into this!) What's yours?

He has to sleep soon, right?

My little man... his sleep saga continues. He's been doing SO WELL since Clayton was on the day shift last month and was home when he'd go to bed at night. For the past 3 nights in a row he's been up several times a night again, insisting on being in our bed, and refusing to stay in his bed no matter how many times I put him back. I cut his nap short this afternoon in hopes that he'll be extra tired and sleep more soundly tonight. Yeah right! I need sleep!!! If he was 2 months I'd be understanding of it.. but 2 YEARS? Not so much.

Whew! Did it get super hot outside today or what?! It's a perfect day for cold watermelon.. good thing we happened to have one. :) I love this time of year because of all of the fresh produce. There's not another time of the year that you can get such great fruit! I love it! (and most veggies too!)

I noticed at WalMart the other day that they've got the school supplies lined up! I'm guessing the school supply lists will be posted at the front door soon.. I can't wait to take Madison and pick out her stuff for Kindergarten! I have no idea what she'll need.. but I'm still excited about getting it! And of course there's school clothes shopping.. that's the best! This year I'll learn from my mistake last year and go ahead and buy some fall clothes too! I didn't think it through that it would be cool off and on fairly quickly after she started school... this time I'm aware!

Can I tell you how excited I am for our first Women's Small Group Wednesday night?!! I just know it's going to be awesome!! Suzanne... get me a list of stuff to bring why don't ya! I'm willing and ready to serve others. ;)

For Suzanne

I saw this on blogthings.com and laughed my head off when I got my results.. for some reason I just knew you'd find this funny too!

You Are Thong Panties

Woman, you are one hell of a ride! You're a total wild child - and you live for crazy times. Men are attracted to you like flies to honey, even though they know they should stay away. You need a expert cowboy who can keep in tune with your free spirit!

What Kind of Panties Are You?

Any why should boys stay away from me? I'm offended! ;)

yumm.. smores!

The Parkers hosted a camp fire last night and we all roasted hot dogs and marshmallows for smores. I am the only person on the planet that does not like hotdogs so i just settled for Smores for supper. (fine with me!) I won't disclose exactly how many I inhaled just while we were outside... but let's just say that in the dark of night, you feel you're hidden while stuffing yourself!

Another fantastic day at church! I am so happy with preacher now, FOR SURE. There were more people at church today than i've seen in a long time, so God is building us up again... thank goodness! A couple that sits across from me has a 5 week old little boy... as if having a new preacher isn't enough excitement for me! I could go just stare at the baby for an hour every Sunday!

Be praying for Madison. Her 6 month cleaning at the dentist is coming up this Thursday. Even though she's had this done routinely since she was 2.5, she still gets a bit scared. I can't blame her.. I do too. I hate having to go to the dentist! Even just a cleaning always hurts me. They put a "watch" on one of her top teeth at her last visit so I'm praying that it hasn't gotten any worse. If it did, they'll fill it... ugh.. poor baby. It's amazing how you can do all of the "right" things, and their teeth look totally fine, but you go to the dentist and they find a cavity! What's up with that?! What more could i possibly do to keep this girl's mouth cavity free than what I'm doing? Anyway... be thinking of us! Pray for strong teeth!

Nights again

Well, this is the first weekend that we start the night shift again. Hooray hooray... I've been busying myself trying to rearrange Maddy's room with the new GORGEOUS bookshelf we got for her. It's working. I cannot decide where I want that darn thing! For now I'm okay with the placement of everything, but tomorrow I think I might look at it and decide to crazy myself by moving everything around again. At least her bed has rollers on it! :) (that's more than I can say for the bookshelf...)

I'm so proud of my little man. He is getting so good at his colors! Some days he acts like he doesn't know any of them, and then today he went over them with me over and over again and got them everytime! What a smartie pants.

Okay, am I the only one that wants to call LeeAnn and tell her to get her booty home?! Poor Tay must be beside himself. I forget that not everyone is used to not seeing their spouce like I am.. but heck, even I still get really lonely when Clayton has to go off for weeks at a time. (or even days!) It's hard to cope without your other half. (I didn't say "better" half.. because that would be me)

Madison has now informed me that if I want to play 'centers' in her room, I must bring my name tag and put it on the wall next to the center I am in. (just like at school) So we had to make name tags for everyone in the family. She's putting the finishing touches on them now. When did she become so complicated?

So, what do you do when your 2 year old decided he 1)doesn't want to wear a diaper anymore and 2)doesn't want to potty train? So far my answers have been a) agree to the no diaper in hopes he'll go to the potty and clean up pee off of the carpet or b)force a diaper on him. Option B has been my option of choice lately. Toddlers are so similar to puppies aren't they? They put everything in their mouths, they bite, they run away when you call them, and they pee on everything. Good thing they're both SO cute!

Cars

Well, we took the kids to see Cars this afternoon and it was so cute! Carter sat through the entire movie! He fell asleep towards the end, and Madison laughed through a lot of it, so it was a big hit. Clayton and I enjoyed it too, I'm sure we'll be buying that when it comes out! After hearing everyone talk about what a great movie it was, we HAD to take the kids.

I was so excited yesterday. Rosie was at Suzanne's and I got to leave the kids at home with Clayton and go hang out! It was great to see her... I'm just sad I didn't get more hang out time! I hope they'll both come back and stay sooner than later. I'm looking forward to all of the Josh pics I know LeeAnn will have when they get back from keeping him!

Group was really great last night. I LOVE that we made the switch to split into mens' and womens' groups... I am really excited to see where God will take us in the weeks to come! Clayton said he really enjoyed the guy talk as well... so it seems everyone is happy with the arrangement! Perfect! I can't wait until next week to see what comes up for us to discuss! One of our main topics Wednesday was being a submissive wife.. and just being a BETTER wife. It was great to talk openly about what each of us struggles with in dealing with your husbands. I'm sure that now that we've shared those things, God will help us change OURSELVES. (not that I need to change... pahleeze.. I couldn't be more perfect!) HA HA HA!!!

Emotional

This will be an incredibly self absorbed, whiney, emotional post... so for those who seek something more upbeat... go elsewhere for today. I have no idea why I'm feeling like this. I'm not really sad, I'm definitely not mad, I'm just feeling weird. Okay, I know what it is.. it's what it always is when i feel like this. I'm thinking a lot about wanting another baby and every now and then it gets to me.. I mean it REALLY gets to me. I guess right now I'm just praying I'll ovulate soon, and that we'll be done trying to have a baby after this month, and it's a bit overwhelming to me at times. My life is so great.... almost perfect really... yet I feel this huge hole in my heart. Is there ANYTHING more overtaking than the wanting of a child?! It is so consuming!! I never would have imagined I'd feel this way even after having two children. I feel guilty sometimes, like why don't the two I have totally fullfill me? So many couples would give anything to just have ONE child and here I am upset that I can't have 3. For me, the two I have make me want another child even more. I just love loving them and I love how they love me, and I love that they are ours... we made them! That is truly amazing! (well, God made them.. you know what I mean!) I've found myself eyeing those tiny newborn clothes when I go shopping... I even broke down and checked out an old time favorite maternity store online the other night when Clayton was working and imagined being able to buy those clothes in the next few months. Why? Why must I torture myself?! I know this post totally sucks and is probably no fun for anyone to read.. I guess I just needed the therapy of writing tonight. I know that God is going to work this all out, but that just doesn't help me with how I'm feeling in this moment. I keep holding onto the thought that when I do get that + test.... all of the heartache of the months past will immediately melt away and none of these feelings will matter anymore! It will all be made right! Sorry again for the total bummer of a post!!

New Preacher Update

HE WAS FANTASTIC!!! PRAISE GOD! Oh my gosh... Sunday was the best time at church I've had in many months, possibly in the past two years since we've gone to our church. Our new preacher, I swear, was sent just for me. :) His preaching style is upbeat and you WANT to listen to what he'll say next, he's funny, he's serious, he makes sense, and he hits you with point after point after point. I am so pleased with the blessing God has sent First Presbyterian Church! Thanks be to God!

So what's everyone doing for the 4th? So far our plans are going to visit family and have a big cookout thing. I'm not looking forward to the long drive... Clayton has to work so it'll be just the kids and me, but all in all I'm sure it will be a great time. I'm not sure if we'll see fireworks this year. Clayton always does those and I'm pretty sure I won't be up to going to the lake once we get back to town.. we'll see though! If nothing else we can always buy fireworks the day after for really cheap and shoot them on the 5th. :)

So, our puppy Major is really growing up! He's just the best dog! (well, don't ask our cat for his opinion.. he hates the dog!) So far he's been a very well behaved puppy... minus a few times he's chased and attacked the kids. ;) (puppies play really rough!) He's learned "sit" and I'm not sure there's much else i think he needs to know! Might as well work on some other tricks just for fun.. stimulate his brain! (and mine...)

My baby boy is talking up a storm! He went from barely saying anything to now speaking in simple sentences. He asks me all of the time now, "Is that hot?" if I'm feeding him something... or if he sees something, for instance like this morning he say a turtle on tv.. he said, "Is that a turtle?" He just asks about everything! He's even learned to say "sorry Mommy (or daddy)" if he hurts us... typically when he's trying to cuddle with us but will not sit still and he elbows us in the ribs! (Suzanne.. does this remind you of a certain middle child of yours?) :)

Well, everyone have a great 4th of July! I'm guessing I'll see many of you Wednesday night at the Parkers! (at the parkers?)

Can't wait to go to church!

We get our brand new preacher tomorrow for the first Sunday... I am so excited! I am praying he'll bring new life into our church! (and help me get back into the 'groove' so to speak) I'll let you all know how it goes! Pray for our church!

We had such a great time Friday night! The Parkers and the James's all came over and we just ate and hung out all night. It was a really nice way to end our "good" month that Clayton had a day shift. Starting Monday he's back on nights... so it'll be another 4/5 months before we see a day shift again. :P Ah well, he does have Wednesday nights off this month, so we can at least still go to small group together! I'm sure I'll adjust to going to bed alone after a few nights of it... if not I"ll just be very tired!

My favorite show is having a marathon tonight! Law & Order SVU.. man I love this show! I really shouldn't be watching it since Clayton's working overtime tonight and won't be home until way late, but I just can't resist. Even the ones I've seen several times before, I still sit and watch!

I thought of something kind of neat the other day. If I get pg this month, within our family our birthdays will be:
baby - March
Clayton - April
Carter - May
Madison - June
Me- July

Isn't that so cool?! Maybe that's what the hold up has been.. God just had this cute scheme all planned out. I'LL TAKE IT! :) Be praying for us... within a week or so I will know if I'm going to ovulate on my own again or not... I'm a little nervous about it but, also feeling a little less stressed over it than usual. I think I'm fianlly learning, a little, to give it over to God and let HIM deal with it. That is SO hard to do... but I really am trying! I have to say that having great friends that help remind me to do this has helped a lot. I can't imagine going through this without you guys to keep me lifted and to pray with and for me!