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I have been patting myself on the back over the past couple of months that I've not let anger and judgement grip me when it comes to my foster children's parents.. well... at least where one case is concerned.
Yesterday that changed - quickly and drastically.
I wish I could vent on here about what happened, but I can't. I wish I could teleport to a location far away and strangle reality into a parent's head right now, but I can't. I wish I could understand how your children could ever not be the MOST important thing in your life, but I can't. I wish I could take pain away from a child that's hurting, scared, and uncertain of what's to come because of "big people's" bad choices, but I can't. I wish I could make this all better... all go away... but I can't.
I found myself in a puddle of tears on my bedroom floor this morning.. just crying out to God. "Why?!!" Begging for him to open the eyes of those that need it. Anger has a hold of me towards bio-parents and their recent decisions... we're working SO HARD on our end to heal and help these kids, to support their family reuniting, and I feel as though the other parties involved are not. And it makes me mad. It makes me hurt for the children. It makes me scared about the future and what will happen.
I am beyond rooting for the parents right now. I can't lift myself up to that place in this moment. I just want THEM to have to see their children cry for them. I want THEM to have to answer these awful questions. I want THEM to take ownership for the mess they've created.
Today I will pray, and I will know that many of you and my real-life friends have been in this place more times than you can count. How can people be so blind to the truth? I just cannot understand...
Monday, February 07, 2011
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6 comments:
Fight the good fight! Righteous anger, my friend!
Praying for you and this situation, Mandy. Thank you for being so open about this whole process.
I've been through this from the perspective of an aunt whose niece and nephew were the ones being run through the wringer because of my sister's behavior. Even being family, there was nothing I could do. We prayed hard for the foster parents who were in and out of the lives of those two children, and were so thankful for all they were willing to go through for the kids. They are both now adopted into good families, and I am so thankful. So, as one who had to watch while two sweet children were passed from here to there, THANK YOU for what you're doing. I'm praying for your stamina, strength, and peace as you provide stability for these two sweet boys while they wait.
Bang! Bang! Bang your head...and then cry a river. I get the whys of it now, but my heart will never understand the how - how could they be so blind.
We've watched similar happenings within our extended family AND with my daughter's dearest friend. It sucks to watch children hurt because of poor choices by the adults who are supposed to be loving them with their lives. I'll certainly be praying for your family and all of the precious children in your home.
So sorry! I think that is the hardest thing for me...watching "my" kids suffer because of their "parent's" decisions. It is so frustrating.
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