Operation Loved and Lost Pants

I have no fewer than 5 pairs of jeans, pants, and capris in my closet right now that I cannot fit my behind into. Well, my behind and my belly.

I am trying to prevent this. You're welcome

They fit as few as 8 months ago... and then somehow my dad dying and my work exploding, going through all kinds of crap to become foster parents, and my battle with depression all took a toll, and now.. they don't fit. Humph.

I don't know if any of you have ever battled real depression before... but it totally sucks. Within two weeks of my dad dying, it hit me. The immediate hyperventilating, shock, omgosh what just happened feelings started to go away, and a new, deeper, darker "I'm here to stay and I'm your new best friend" feeling took its place. That feeling is numb. It's almost a complete void of feelings.

For me, this led to a lot of mindless eating, mindless sitting around, and the inability to give a diddly-squat about much of anything. I even, many times, almost closed my business. I didn't want to do anything, and it seemed overwhelming.

Fast forward, because I know this is getting depressing to read in itself, and I'm feeling a lot better! Hallelujah and praise Jesus! *said in my best Mrs. Sister Christian voice*

If you can look at this picture and not laugh - we cannot be friends.

Now I'm left with what I did to myself - when I wasn't caring about diddly-squat.

I finally stepped on the scale about two months ago, for the first time in 8 months. I knew it wasn't gonna be pleasant. I knew my clothes didn't fit. I knew my one chin was really trying to become two... but hey, if you don't see the scale - you can really convince yourself "it's just water weight."

I stepped on.. held my breath and sucked in as much as I could.. you know.. because the air in your lungs offsets the fat in your thighs.... *drum roll please* 140lbs. "O-M-G"

It was only one cupcake..I swear!

Okay, I know the average woman now a days weighs much more than that, but for me, this is A LOT. This is a size or two bigger, and I see FAT FORMING where it's never formed before. "Why did I let this happen?!"

So, I got back to work. On top of running with dogs all day, I got back to my power yoga a few nights a week. Weights have been dusted off and used. I'm drinking water again - instead of living on pure Coke Zero all day. (Kidneys.. I'm sorry for the abuse you've suffered..) I'm hungry.. ugh. And, don't give me the "oh you don't have to be hungry" crap. Yes I do... you just don't know how big my appetite is. If I'm never hungry, I'm not losing. Three smaller meals and one snack a day - this sucks but it's working.

A week or so ago our good friends brought over their Wii Fit (and their super adorable baby boy) and I bravely stepped on, and let it weigh me, in front of everyone. Who cares, right?

**Drum roll please** 135. I had a mix of "Thank God... 5 pounds gone!" and "Seriously? That used to say 125!!"

So, slowly but surely I'm getting back to where I once was. It's hard when you're not officially "overweight" and you, to you, aren't at your goal weight. Everyone wants to convince you to just chill out.. but when you know how good you DID look - and how good you CAN look - you just don't want to settle for anything else. Type A personality.. right here.

Do the tree pose 40 times a day and eat nothing but carrots

 and you too can look like us!

Is anyone else in this boat with me? Trying to just drop those last few "vanity" pounds? Isn't it hard?!