In Heaven

Some of my favorite conversations that I will ever have with Madison must be occuring now, at age 5. Her topic of interest lately has been Heaven and God. I've finally gotten her over the fear she had at age 4 of dying, and HAVING to go be in Heaven without us, and being terrified of God. (long story.. another day lol) Now she is so excited about God and all that goes with him. Today, on our way to dance/tumbling class, we were listening to one of our million kid's cds and it happened to be one about dinosaurs. Before one of the songs the singers asks, "What do you think happened to the dinosaurs?" Madison's responce, which I thought was oh so smart (of course) was, "Mommy, I think the TRex ate ALL of the other dinosaurs.. and then he died because he was all out of food." So matter of factly she states this to me... and I tell her, "Maybe, no one really knows."
Madison: "God knows, he knows everything."

Me: "Yes, God knows."

Madison: "Maybe when we get to heaven we can ask him and he'll tell us."

Me: "Sure, I bet we can ask him!"

Madison: "Will there be roads in heaven? How will we get to God?"

Me: "The Bible says there are streets of gold in heaven... cool hu?"

Madison: "Woah, yeah! Can we drive our van on them?"

Me: "Umm.. I have no idea if there are cars in heaven. We might just have to walk..or maybe ride a horse."

Madison: "Or maybe a donkey..."

Me: "Why a donkey?" (almost laughing.. thinking this is random!)

Madison: "Well, Mary rode on a donkey when she and Joseph went to have Jesus.. so I bet God likes donkeys."

SMART GIRL :)

Bump, thump, roll, kick

I'm finally feeling this baby!! I've been feeling light flutters for several weeks.. but they were very sporadic and so light that I often wasn't sure if it was the baby or not. Well last night I was laying in bed and felt a BIG kick.. I even felt it with my hand! I couldn't stop smiling! I wanted to call someone and tell them but it was too late and I knew Clayton was busy at work.. so I just thanked God for allowing me to have that huge blessing before I went to sleep. It just puts so many fears to rest for me. Then as I was just sitting here reading other people's blogs I felt several little kicks.. and I had to post about it! I cannot tell you how THRILLED I am to finally have some sort of 'relationship' with this child. It's almost like a little game when you can lay down and poke your belly and they start poking you back. (probably scaring the poor thing to death doing that! lol) I'm just getting insanely excited about this baby now. Really.. it's almost overwhelming to me how intense my excitement is at times. My ultrasound is in 2 weeks.. so close, yet so far away! I've had two dreams now that this baby is a boy.. so we'll see if that holds true if the babe cooperates! I think I might go crazy once we know if it's a boy or a girl. I already have started eyeing baby clothes when I'm shopping.. it's going to be really hard to resist not buying EVERYTHING I see once I know if I should get pink or blue! Lord help my brain be calm for the next few months! It's starting to go insane already!

"I want to be JUST like you!"

Yes, this is my little BOY. The little boy who loves and adores and admires his big sister and all that she does. You can see that by this picture. She often wears those pink gloves and the pink hat to school when it's really cold out, and so he loves getting them from her as soon as she gets into the van and putting them on. He then says, "Look Madison! Look at my hat! I'm pretty too!" He wants nothing more than to be like her and impress her. She just giggles, tells me, "Mom! Look at Carter!" and then quickly loses interest in his cuteness. I can remember growing up and feeling the same way Carter feels about Madison about my sister. She is 6 years older than I am, and often times she played the part of my mother after my parents divorced. I thought she made the earth spin. Sometimes she would play with me and light up my day, but often times I was a pest to her and she would rather be on the phone, going out with friends, or having friends over and NOT wanting me around. How heartbreaking it can be for the younger siblings when the older ones grow up and "leave" you behind. It's almost like you're forced to find a new idol. Other than God, I've had several people I've looked up to in life. Some of them were people I wish I'd have known better than to want to immulate... but you live and you learn! Thinking about myself now, I really cannot think of anyone that I totally look up to, that i think I can learn great deals about life from. Maybe it's because I've finally grown sure of myself and my own abilities. I don't need others to tell me that I'm a good mother, a good wife, or a good person in general. I think it about myself, and I know my husband and kids think it of me, so what more do I need? It's so freeing to FINALLY not care what "someone" thinks of every decision I make in life. I'm sure the fact that I have a few very close friends now make all of the difference. Friends that, though we don't always agree, they always support me and if they feel I need to be knocked down a peg or two, they know how to do it without stirring me all up. Now i look at my daughter and I wonder if she looks at me the way that I always looked at my sister. If she has those "I want to be JUST like you" feelings. Scary thought that our children often do grow up to make the same mistakes and choices in life that we did. The saying "Do as I say and not as I do" just doesn't work does it? It makes me parent differently than I EVER imagined I would, it makes me treat other people much better than I might have in the past (not that i ever think I've been a mean person.. I just think a lot more about what my kids see me do now), and even the things I EAT have changed. IF my children want to want to grow up to be just like me, I pray that God helps me be a good role model for them. That is a huge responcibility! I have to say that Madison did tell me the other day, and it nearly made me cry, (pg hormones at play I'm sure) "Mommy, when I grow up and I'm a mommy, I want to be a mommy like you are and read and play and do playdough with my babies..." Maybe it wasn't, but I felt it was a great compliment. :)

The Religious Type

So.... I don't mean this post to offend or be mean... but after a phone conversation with a friend this afternoon.. I just had to say this. She typically drives me batty, yet I love her dearly as she honestly is the ONLY friend I still speak to from high school. Actually we've been friends since Kindergarten. Having said that, she constantly leaves me rolling my eyes. (and no, she'll never read this.. unless someone snitches on me) She and I have had several "religious" debates. She, I would classify, as a 'religious type.' Someone that takes the Bible to be completely literal even if it makes no sense that way... and someone that believes anything and everything her preacher says b/c.. well.. he's the preacher. He MUST know. Many of the interpretations she's told me of certain Bible passages leave me scratching my head, reading the Word, calling my reliable Christian buds, and asking them if I've been misled all of my life or if she really is insane. (she's insane...) Today she told me about this book. Her exact words, "Oh my gosh, Mandy, you have GOT to read this book... it is incredible.. and it REALLY happened!" (I, immediately, start the eye rolling) I say, "Cool, what is it?" Her: "It's called 90 Minutes in Heaven, written by 'someone's name I cannot remember' and it's about this guy that got killed in a car accident, like 4 ppl checked his pulse and he was DEAD, but he came back to life after 90 minutes and tells the story about going to heaven and what it was like! You HAVE GOT to read it!" Ummm.. no thanks. Now, before those who might have read it jump the gun... seriously... this story is far fetched to me. I don't know this fantastic so called Christian author that wrote it... and she doesn't either.. he could be a big fat liar! Maybe I lack faith... but I don't believe many books like that. I believe that God absolutely has the ability to make something like that happen.. I mean.. come on.. he's God! But I just can't bring myself to trust ppl I don't even know that tell stories like these. And, to be honest, people that do believe these kinds of books I typically see as gullible. As grasping for a real life sign of God's awesomeness because just being alive each day isn't proof enough of what he can do. Why do you always want that BIG story about a HUGE miracle? I find the fact that I'm an American a miracle.. thanks be to God! That i have 2.. and hopefully 3, perfect and healthy children... that the sun is there every single day, and the moon there each and every night.. and that gravity actually works and we, as a planet, stay in orbit like we're supposed to. What great works are those, right?! This post might make no sense... I apologize if so. I suffer from pregnancy induced insomnia each time i'm pg... I'm on week 2 of no sleep. But these things can get to me. I hate to see 'religious' people get a bad rep because we fall for anything that says it is written by a Christian or it's based on the Bible. I'm a Christian.. but I sure don't think I should become an author, write religious words, and try to lead others in the way of the Lord just because I own a Bible. Hopefully many writers that are out there truly are led by God.. I know several that I stay true to because I've never seen them go "astray"... but so many people out there are bad! We, as Christians, can't be made fools of! We have to keep things in perspective... and use that brain God gave us.

Presenting... "the bump"

Here I am... 15 weeks pg. Yes.. not the best of pictures. Realize I'm often here alone and had to take this myself.. and since I could not figure out how to turn the flash off (if you even can) I had to hold my finger over it like a moron so it wouldn't glare. But, anywho... for those who don't get to see me, this is me and the babe thus far! I'm happy to mostly be into my maternity clothes now.. that's for sure. A few pants still don't fit.. and a lot of my shirts look way too big, but who cares, right? A girl's gotta be comfortable! Going bra shopping would make me much more comfortable at this point.. but I figure I might as well tough it out for another month.. they're just gonna get bigger and who wants to buy 5 different sized bras for one pregnancy? Even if they are walmart cheapies... seems like a waste of $10 to me. I'm pretty sure I'm about to gain about 5 pounds this month... or more. My appetite is slowly picking up. I still can't eat very much in the morning... but I can eat semi okay at lunch.. and from there on out I'm starving! I keep asking myself if I should eat EVERYTIME I'm hungry or if my brain is totally warped with pg hormones and has no idea what's good for it anymore. As I said.. a girl's gotta be comfortable... eating everytime I'm hungry it is!

Dr's appt update

I went to the doctor yesterday for another checkup. (15 weeks) All was great! My blood pressure was perfect, I've finally gained 1 pound, putting me back to my prepregnancy weight, and baby's heartrate was 138bpm. (baby was snoozing it seemed) For some really exciting news: we get to find out if we have a boy or a girl on February 7!! Omgosh I cannot wait! And, I think we're going to spring for the 4D ultrasound. When will I ever get this oppertunity again, right? I can't wait to see the baby... just to see fingers and toes, and hopefully a great face shot. At this point I'm less concerned about the sex of the baby.. I just want to lay eyes on him or her! So next month I'll hopefully have some gorgeous baby pics to share with you all.

On the subject of babies... I finally found a sling that I want. I've been searching for them online and talking to other women about them forever.. and it's a pouch style sling from Slinglings and it's got RAVE reviews. The price is fantastic at right around $35 (much cheaper than a maya wrap and other styles that are similar to the pouch system that I like) so I could even buy one now and one later! My only dilima is whether or not to spring for the padded kind, that is good for leg support of older babies/toddlers in the hip hold. Might as well I guess.. I'll probably regret not getting it if I don't later on. I think it's like $10 extra. Considering I plan to be using it for 2+ years.. that's probably a small price to pay! I don't know if any other mommies are into babywearing/slinging but the sling I'm looking into I found at slinglings.com and you can read other types of carrier/sling reviews from thousands of other "earthy" mommies at thebabywearer.com