While doing research for an article I'm contemplating writing, I accidentally stumbled upon a blog written by and for child-free people. Not infertile people, mind you, but people that actively choose not to have kids. I did not spend too much time there,but left with my head spinning!
Much of what I read indicated that they believed all reasons for having children are purely selfish, and that women are constantly nagging and bothering men to have more babies to fill voids in themselves. They claim that MOST women would lie about using birth control or even cheat on their husbands in order to have more children. (yikes!)
In the thread that I happened upon, there was a lot of women bashing other women for wanting children - or wanting more children.
"It's so selfish! They don't even care if the men don't want more!"
"What if the man wanted more and the woman didn't? It would be considered outrageous for him to pressure her to have more so why isn't the reverse true?"
I am not sure how to feel about all of what I read.
I assume it is no surprise that I'm "one of those women" that would probably keep having kids until I physically couldn't. (having 3 csections already, my physical ability to have more kids is already in jeopardy - my husband is so happy about that!) However, does this make me a crazy, selfish person? According to this blog, YES!
I will say that I do think having kids is selfish. Sure, you typically give up a lot in order to have children, especially infants, but in the long run, I like having kids. I'm having them for how they make me feel, the experience in life I want, and to have the controlled chaos I need to thrive. I didn't have kids for what I wanted to give to them.. if I did, I'd have been happy to stop at one. I could give Madison 100% of me if she was the only child. Nope.. I like having babies, I like raising kids, I like the noise, the fun, and never being able to go through the "20 items or less" checkout line at Wal Mart. Print me out a "SELFISH" label and I'll stick it to my forehead.
My next question is, "So what?" So what if I want 10 kids? So what if I only want 3? Is one number more selfish than the next? Where does the REALLY selfish line become officially crossed?
Right now, with our 3, I feel like life is pretty darn easy most of the time. We're financially comfortable, emotionally secure, and our kids get a heck of a lot of face time with Mom and Dad. I can totally see things being very much the same if we added another kid to this bunch... so does that make me selfish? Does wanting more children when things are so good make you a crazy, selfish woman?
Does wanting more kids when things are already at peak insanity make you selfish? This was always my personal opinion.. having more kids when you cannot handle the ones you already have. (financially, emotionally, quality time, etc) Not that it's still anyone's business - unless it's a really abusive or neglectful situation of course.
The final question - "What's wrong with women?" Seriously... why does any woman care what another woman chooses to do? I have friends with no kids, with lots of kids, with adopted kids, with foster kids... lots of variety in my bunch and I LOVE IT. I have childless friends that are that way by choice - I let them do my partying for me. My friends with more kids than me - I call them for advice! Can't we all just get along? Do we really need blogs started just so we can bash women who want children? Do we need to bash those who remain childless by choice? Is there anything else on earth that brings up as much emotion as the topic of having kids?
Madison pictured with friend Gracie as they were waiting for their turn to practise during dance dress rehearsal - the one who started my addiction to having children.